Marriage is such a lovely thing. And different tribes have their respective processes towards completing marriage. In the Southeastern part of Nigeria, basically the marriage starts from when a guy proposes to a woman. After she accepts the proposal, he then goes for the ‘Door Knocking’ (Iku Aka or Iju Ese), which is basically going to the girl’s place to officially inform her parents and the umunna that he wants to marry their daughter.
So below are some things any brother who has gone down this lane can relate to. Enjoy:
1. When you get tired of living the Bachelor life and want to settle downI cannot go on like this…amoshine from now onwards.
2. Then you buy ring and propose to one of your numerous FINE Igbo Gea-friendsMy Sweety Peperempe, My Tomato Jos, Udala Mmicha mu…wee you marry me?
3. Afterwards, you tell your parents that you have found your missing rib out of many
Praise Master Jesus!
4. Then you start getting marriage advice here and there, from different people that you didn’t even know before
Aunty, that one is not compulsory na.
5. And you also start taking lessons on your culture and traditions, and how to comport yourself on the ‘Iku Aka’ Day
Because the ancestors will not want to be embarrassed.
6. Your squad and your Umunna arriving at your fiancee’s house like…Oge adiro nwanne…No time at all!
7. When you eventually sight her parents, her own Umunna and virtually the whole village at the ObiHow will it now be on the main Igba Nkwu day?
8. When you walk into the Obi without genuflecting and greeting the elders properly
Put some respek on our traditions, boy!
9. Presenting the ‘small kola’ you brought for her people
Schnapp for the Umunna, Hollandais for the Umuada!
10. When the elders find out that you cannot break kola properly
Ordinary kola, you cannot break…you are finished!
11. Then her father starts interrogating you like a State CID detectiveWawu…all these questions for ordinary introduction!
12. The question they ask you and you know it is obvious they don’t want you to marry their daughter
Hayy God o, see Jamb Question!
13. When her father finally asks you the much dreaded question
So tell us, which church do you attend?
Sah, I am in the congregation of the Most High Lord!
14. When you tell your prospective father-in-law that you don’t attend the same church as they do
Ezz all ova!
15. When he tells you that they will consult with their Daddy GO before they give you their final answer
So this is how it all ends?
16. Your home boys, siblings and relatives consoling you like…
Nwanne, cam dan…women plenty for everywhere, you hear!
17. You, engaging in 21 days fasting and prayers, so that their Daddy GO will give a favorable response on your behalf*soaks chaplet in water*
18. Waiting endlessly for when you will be summoned again for the final verdict
Is this how all my treasure and apiriko will end?
19. When they finally tell you that they saw a vision that you are the right man for their daughterShiboriborobo…Turn Up Sneh…Oya Dab. #IgbaNkwuLoading
20. They will now give you the Bride price list for the upcoming Igba Nkwu
Na wa o…na woman I wan marry abi na land I wan buy.
21. But you are lucky that your prospective father-in-law is an educated Christian, so they reduce bill for you
Thank you very much Sah…I promise to be a loyal son-in-law, Sah.