5 Signs You’re A Victim Of “Ghosting” And How To Escape!

I was reading the early morning articles on different blogs and online newspapers while “labouring” in the loo. Boy, I had me a lot of chicken wings and fufu the day before. It was a neighbour’s thanksgiving party to celebrate her surviving an accident that almost cost her her life. Well, I didn’t put my ‘self-control’…


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I was reading the early morning articles on different blogs and online newspapers while “labouring” in the loo. Boy, I had me a lot of chicken wings and fufu the day before. It was a neighbour’s thanksgiving party to celebrate her surviving an accident that almost cost her her life. Well, I didn’t put my ‘self-control’ cloak on, so I munched and ate and swallowed and drank. Damn!

As I was suffering and sweating in the loo, Olamide’s Ghost Mode was playing on my phone and Phyno was rapping wickedly on the track…ndi ara, ndi ara, lee lee, lekwa haa, haa cho i ri mu, and I quickly thought about the few ladies I’ve ghosted in the recent past.

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Ghosting is not a new ‘evil’ practice in the dating world. It has been there for a long while. Our grand daddies did it, our parents ghosted other kids’ parents when they were sprung on the dating game, and our generation won’t be different.

The Ghost Zone is worse than the Friend Zone, albeit similar. In the Friend Zone, the ghoster simply tells the ghostee that there is no freaking interest in getting the groove together. OK? That’s it! But in the Ghost Zone Palaver, the ghoster suddenly/abruptly stops all forms of communication hoping that the ghostee will get a clue and leave the ghoster alone. Heartless. Tragic.

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When you are relegated to the Friend Zone, that shit is just like having a freaking epiphany; like a brother hitting up on a dose of Quaalude for the first time. You don’t know what to expect and then… BAM! POW!! BANG!!! Your ass is dumped in the Friend Zone. But in the Ghost Zone aka Heartbreak Boulevard aka Cry Me A River Avenue… Boy, that shit hurt real bad. I mean, that shit is disrespectful and mean!

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I mean, for Pete’s sakes, you are better than that – getting dumped by a spineless toad. We don’t want you to go through this horrible phase in the dating game. Naa, Naa, Naa! Our Lord and Saviour didn’t die on the cross so you will be ghosted, OK?

So in a bid to save you from having unnecessary midnight sobs (and eventually sowing seeds of faith at various temples to get your man back), here is a list of signs that indicate you’ve been ghosted for way too long (and should leave that nigga’s sorry ass ‘cos he ain’t up to no good). So read and stay blessed:

The Midnight Train to Alaba: At this stage, the proper ghosting hasn’t started yet. This is still the primordial era. He will rarely bring you around his friends and family. You only escort him to places where his home boiz and family members won’t show up. Places like the market, akara joint, indomie place, suya spot, choir practice, and such other venues. He encourages you to only visit him clandestinely during dark hours. According to him, the rate of kidnapping has increased in his area so he doesn’t want you to become the latest victim. Liar, Liar, Liar! Evil Liar! My sister, ask him when he started attending the meeting of kidnappers. Is he one of them? Has he joined them? If he doesn’t come up with any reasonable reply, just throw up the middle finger, dust your butt and leave his sorry ass sharp sharp.

Teacher Don’t Teach Me Nonsense: At this stage, the proper ghosting hasn’t also started but the ground work is being laid with deceitful gravel and cunning stones. He never addresses you as a girlfriend/lover/bae/partner. No, he never mentions that. According to him, it is a HEAVY sin in God’s eyes to address someone that is not his wife as his lover. God frowns at such acts, he says. No wahala! But that same God will not frown when he rushes over to your side, unlocking that jean button, kissing and munching on your lips, squeezing breast and ‘comoting’ pant. Okwaya? At this stage, you don’t even need your inner gut feeling to tell you it is all over. Teacher no suppose teach you nonsense jor! Just leave his room and bang the door so hard that his landlord will ask for money as a form of ‘tenancy charge’ to repair the cracked wall. And don’t forget to take your pant with you while leaving before he takes it to a shrine and holds your destiny!

All Hail King Casper: I call this The Casper Era! The stage of Initial Intermittent Ghosting (IIG)! The era of calls, then no calls for a long while, then all of sudden, you get a well composed and thoughtful message filled with an ocean of apologies. And then, the vicious cycle repeats itself again. At this stage, you are in denial and you give a thousand reasons why he hasn’t called. My sister, you don’t need Creflo Dollar to minister to you before you bail out. Run for your dear life, Sissy! Because if you don’t bail out and he succeeds in plastering your heart with potholes of heartbreak, there ain’t no coming back from that.

It Goes Down In the DM: And just like CeeLo Green said to Yo Gotti’s home boy at his wedding: “The DM is the Devil’s Sign”. And may the whole congregation shout a loud AMEN! Alright, shall we proceed? At this stage, the shameless p*ssy n*gga has grown enormous, massive and gigantic balls to post some tasty and ratchet-ass DMs on some other babe’s platform. I mean, deeez nuuutz have made him so bold and fearless to take the disrespect to a whole’noda’level. That Brother don’t got no chill no more, Sis! My sister, at this stage in the Ghosting milieu, you simply have to ditch all the prayers, fasting and soaking of chaplet inside holy water, because your man ain’t coming back to you anymore. He is gone with the wind! Now instead of suffering the humiliation of finally getting the ghost nail on your romantic coffin, you should seize the initiative and dump him first. Let him feel the pain of the shame before you do. Don’t worry Sis… You’ll be alright afterwards!

Can You Really Take D*** Or Nah: And just as our Lord said on the cross: It Is Finished! Once you see this sign, flee and run as fast as your legs can carry you. Because at this stage, the man is an angry and fierce fellow. He ain’t none to phuck with. His No-Chill threshold at this stage is at an all time high. The thirst is real at this stage. At this point, he doesn’t take any subliminal subs or shots anymore. He goes HAM like Tom Brady getting a touchdown at the Superbowl. Obviously, he hasn’t told you it is all over but it would’ve been better if he had said it than for the Ghosting to reach this stage. He flirts openly with the ladies even when he knows you will find out. And it is not even classy ladies that he flirts with. You know the type 2Chainz used in his video shoot for Lapdance In The Trap House! Yeah, right… ladies of the ratchet variety! At this stage, the pain in your chest is real. The hurt is unthinkable. But you just gotta let it go! Move on with your life. Because one bad experience doesn’t translate to a hundred more. Everything good will come!

Word to Mutha: Dear members of our congregation, we have come to the end of our sermon on the mount. And we do believe that we have left you with essential tips on how to decipher when you are being ghosted by that slimy brother. And once you discover this, just ask yourself these questions below:

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If those are the answers you get after asking yourself these questions, then put on your Run DMC Adidas shoes and Kangol hats. And Flee As Fast As You Can!

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So, oya raise your hand if you have ghosted a poor brother or sister, or have been a victim of ghosting yourself. If you were the ghoster, were these the tactics you used? Why didn’t you just tell the sorry soul that you were not doing again? If you were the ghostee, how far along the stages were you before you saw there was no road? Yep, let’s hear it in the comments.

Image via MTL Blog


  1. Anonabella
    I was a victim a couple of years ago and it wasn’t funny. We were not official but we spent a lot of time together. The most we did was kiss. We didn’t fight or anything, i just woke up one day and he was gone. Phone lines were not going through, no replies to my skype, etc. I didn’t know any of his friends so I couldn’t look for him anywhere else. At a point, i concluded that he was dead because i couldn’t believe he could ditch me like that.After 2 years, the devil sends me a *happy new year* msg via skype. Telling me he had some issues he had to deal with. Let me just end here. I learnt the hard way that some guys just take delight in playing around so we ladies have to wise-up.
    1. Ally
      I was a victim of ghosting and I didn’t even realise it (so slow and so in ‘love’). LOL. I kept making excuses for why he didn’t call, then I realised that he was no good and I started looking for the guy to break up with him o!
      He just showed up out of the blues and broke up with me.
      I didn’t even feel a thing. Dude calls me a few days later and was forming we are cool. I was just like gerrarahere.
      It’s really mean.

      Posted from TNC Mobile

  2. I'm eclectic
    Was a victim when I was new in the dating game. We was good until he just ghosted. I tried for weeks to reach him he never picked or returned my calls, and then one day i realised he somehow got to charge his phone so he’s alive and active. I knew his friends but i didn’t reach out to any of them. Fast forward to 4yrs he sends a friend request and I accept and we get chatting and even flirting. He apologised and blamed youth for his attitude. He came claiming to be serious and wanting to get married and all. I gave him 5months of good loving and no sex because I’m celibate. Long story short, I’m ghosting it’s only been a month of ghosting now. I’m vindictive sometimes ????

    Posted from TNC Mobile

  3. Seyon
    Spot on!!!
    Recently I met a dude I was liking and all of that. The alarms in my head started ringing when we had an argument and he felt because I liked him, we had to be joined at the hips.
    Fast forward to 2 weeks after the first argument, he brought up a flimsy excuse to fight and I ignored, later called and he was forming attitude. Mtschew, there are 9 billion people in the world.
    That’s how he entered ghost mode and unfollowed me on IG, I gladly returned the gesture and deleted his digits.
    1. Dr. Baruu
      Na so…
      Do me I do you…man no go vex!
      Ghost me, I ghost you back…end of story!
      You no suppose carry last jare!
  4. mo
    I’ve been ghosted once and it can pain no be small. All the unanswered questions…thoughts of what went wrong…

    Posted from TNC Mobile

  5. Cavey
    All these ghosted and no ghosts??? You people should come out na!
    I never played the ghoul but I remember this girl ????
    ????She wouldn’t lemme alone, always calling my phoonnneeee….FILÉ! She no gree ????
    Me I was forming “break it to her subtly, she’d catch on”. When babe no gree understand yellow card, red card gats follow! na block, unfollow, blacklist, delete I gats do! ????❌⛔️
    1. Dr. Baruu
      Aah…Oga Cavey…Mr Lover Lover Shaba?
      So you sef don be ghost one time in the past??
      I bow before you Baba!
      You even drop yellow card plus red card join! Howard Webb Style!
    1. Priscilla Joy
      lolll, mine too and worst part is it was someone I thought was my friend before the relationship started. mtchew
          1. Ufuomaee

            The most painful thing about being “ghosted” is that you can’t “ghost” the ghoster back!!! They are not around for your to ignore them…or get mad at them… and if you seek them out just to get even…well, they’ll just ghost you more! It’s like you’re at the end of s skunk…you just got to run, cos sticking around won’t help the situation, won’t affect them and will probably kill you!

  6. OaD
    In this situation atm. Guy was my colleague n best friend ooo bf we decided to start sometin on a low key. Changed branch and he became busier than even the MD. He never had credit to call me and he cldnt pick whenever i call bcos of work issues but the credit would only miraculously appear when my help and money is needed. Data would finish/ network problems when it’s my turn but for our colleagues and friends, he got a way.
    I am getting over it but walahi, it hurts plenty. I still feel he was/is a coward- just say you are not interested again, not this way.
  7. Ufuomaee
    I have been ghosted twice, by two completely different guys… The first one, I didn’t even know it until it had finished, and I’d chopped plenty insult… you know, when he disses you right in your face and you look at him and think “I can’t believe you just said that???”. That was was mean… I bumped into him months after he disappeared, and he pretended like we were still cool, but oh… That was a very painful one.

    The second one was also painful, but I saw the signs early and it didn’t get to that horrible stage. It still hurt like hell!

    1. Dr. Baruu
      My sister, in all honesty…it is best to move on once the person (ghostee) sees the signs!
      Hanging on and hoping things will get better might bring temporary solace!
      The hardest part of letting go is saying goodbye.
      One bad experience doesn’t translate to a hundred more. Everything good will come!
      1. Ufuomaee
        You’re so right about that. I learnt my lessons the hard way…being a hopeless romantic and all. After my second encounter, I had to help out other ladies… I wrote my first blog post ever called “He’s not psychopathic, he just doesn’t love you!”. It’s so easy to comfort yourself with false ideas about them, but it’s better to fade as soon as they show the signs…

        In case you’d like to check it out: https://ufuomaee.com/2012/07/04/hes-not-pyschopathic-he-just-doesnt-love-you/

  8. Ghost
    I come here to confess!

    Yes, I am an unrepentant “Ghoster”. Why do I ghost? I really don’t know, but I think it has its roots in the fact that my spine seems to disappear when it is time to call it quits; then again, I don’t really get into so many relationships and it’s kind of hard for me to break things off totally.

    I sat down one day and did some soul searching; I only “ghost” when somehow she stops meeting my expectations of what an ideal woman should be, I am ugly and want hot babes, when the makeup comes off and I realise: “This is not the standard oh” I “ghost”

    I need help, it’s a vicious cycle!

    1. Sha
      Ghost..abeg go and grow a spine.

      If you dont want to do again, learn to say so.

      But how can u be ugly and setting standards?

      Look at you!

  9. Abiks
    I was the ghostee,then I learnt on time. told him I loved the sex and all but ain’t hanging around like he wanted. nigger couldn’t make up his own damn mind. I moved on sharp sharp! even told him I am seeing someone already. I wasn’t hurt at all. don’t know how he feels then I don’t care.
  10. Dino
    na wa o…thank God nobody has a gun here…I yaf ghosted countlessly o…chai!
    So na that horrible thing get this nice name??
  11. Sha
    From comments so far sha, one thing is clear- Guys seem to be the Ghosters.
    Its like they are ghost wired…lol.

    I mean…ghosting to end a relationship is one thing. The worse part is when it is done by someone you thought was a friend or that you had a good enough relationship with.

    I have been ghosted once o. It was weird because the guy was a rebound and just convenient at that point. So naturally, no major expectations. We were Not having sex sef…just chilling..gist..make-out. Fwb living.

    After a while, I had to relocate. The moment I told him..he said..so you are just going to leave? I said off course. I don’t know if he was catching feelings or something weird.

    Next thing I left and this guy ghosted. The worse part was just not understanding the need to dissappear. I mean….it really was not that deep. It was meant to be all fun and games.

    After years sha, we reconnected and I asked him what happened. He said people react differently to people leaving.

    Hmm..see me see wahala!
    Well! Lesson learnt.

    Some GUYS are WEIRD…lol.

    1. Mide
      Lol! Aunty, this is not entirely a ghost and ghostee situation. He obviously was catching feelings and you were about to relocate, so what else would you expect from him?
        1. Mide
          see enh, I won’t even lie that I haven’t ghosted before. Once. And I feel terribly bad about it. In my case, it was an old flame, 2 years I think, that unexpectedly rekindled by just a phone call. Unfortunately, we were both on opposite sides of mama earth plus she attended one of them glorified secondary schools, you know, no phone and all kind of university, and that did take a toll. So not entirely the ghosts fault, but still…hehe.

          Anyways, back to the matter. Some people are just terrible at breaking up with people. There’s no one easy/best way and I’d like to think that’s his own easy/best way.

          1. Sha
            I get how it may have been the easy for him.
            But we were not dating..so really..not necessary.

            Me sef, I have been a ghoster. I just remembered. Lol.

            I won’t ghost someone I was in actual relationship with because I owe the person more than that.

            Whenever I reach tje point of exit…I do the breakup. It may be mean..but then its clean. If he wants to keep trying after that, then thats on him. I absolve myself from any consequences.

            Let us just agree that we can do better with these things.

  12. meena
    Certified ghoster right here. When these guys don’t take the hint sometimes, you have no choice but to *ghost*. I will start by giving you signs that I don’t want to do, if puff puff has blocked our ear and you don’t hear, I graduate to picking one call out of 5, then I stop picking altogether. As for BBM, WhatsApp, Facebook…I will just leave your message unread until Kingdom come or reply with one word. Nothing like *ghosting* to rid you of unwanteds. Hehe. And no I’m not wicked, sweetest person you ever met really 🙂
  13. ghost
    Was ghosted once. Met this girl in camp, hit it off, made out and all. All of a sudden, outside camp, ‘I’m busy can I call you back?’ Story.

    ‘Heeyyy. Missed your calls. I’ll call when I get home?’ 3 calls per day for the last 7 days?.
    I sha gave myself brain

  14. igee
    Lmao Ghost ‘u sha gave urselff brain’. I can’t rily say if i’ve bin ghosted but deres dis guy I met,rily friendly,long convos nothing extra den all of a sudden dude stops calling. Wen I call he doesn’t ansa, I used another fone and he answered and said he’ll call me ba. I didn’t bother trying again just wanted to make sure he wasn’t sick or sth. Since den he hasn’t called is dat ghosting too? d professional ghosters
  15. Uche
    Is it ghosting if you anticipate it? Like you know that you guys are having fun on borrowed time? And he’s going to leave? I called him my butterfly, when he disappeared I was ready.
  16. Jaybaby
    I honestly didn’t know this act has a name! My story is cray cray but i will share, its TNC after all.

    I knew this guy for a long time, he kept asking me out but at each time i was in a relationship, so naturally he shops calling or asking.. I should have known he is a Ghoster with a capital G. Last year, he came back again,I wasnt seeing anyone and unlike other times, I was in a good place and not under pressure.

    We were magic together that i sometimes ask myself why it took me so long. This happened for about two months and one day he just stopped picking my calls. I was worried and scared if he was even alive. I sent lovey-dovey text messages and thank you was the response, like seriously wtf! Then i got myself together and realised i have been dumped. 8 months later he started calling again, telling me he was bewitched by a girl! Don’t know if he thought that story was meant to make me take him back, but it just gave me more reasons to run away. He ghosted again and resurfaced with bang last month.

    I’m ignoring him like he did to me and sending him thank you as reply to his well composed messages. I’m honestly too busy to ghost him back else i would have done just that.

  17. Vocalcords
    You can’t be too busy to ghost him naa..Abi isn’t that the whole idea behind ghosting? Forming ”too busy”.

    I have done this way too many times, I think I have lost count. I usually give the guys a hint before the ghost mode starts but they never take the cue.

    Do I feel bad? I think I do a bit cause from the comments, it sure hurts.

  18. Vocalcords
    Yes, I have been ghosted really bad once by a prospective boo who later became boo and then an ex, thanks to my new found ghosting skills.

    I guess that’s how I was damaged & became #queenghoster

  19. kaykay
    sigh… still recovering from being ghosted, bae been dropping hints since January, fast forward to April, bae has not bn answering my calls. lemme call her one more time.
  20. Keisha Colding
    Ok so in September I was talking to this guy on instagram. He said he was attracted to me and gave me his number and I gave him mine I immediately got a text from him and we had been communicating back forth and finally met in person a month I did a lot. I spent money on him and everything paid for Uber rides all that He never denied anything I did and never rejected seeing me so I’m thinking everything is good. He was at my house 2 weeks ago and everything was cool he didn’t seem like anything was bothering him and he text me Friday that just past but Saturday He cut off contact and I have no idea why! I’m hurt about the situation. I tried to reach out but I gave up on it. I’m totally lost as to why I was cut off. I’m literally heartbroken.

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