5 Years From Now Would You Be Truly Happy With Everything Except Love?

I asked someone special the other day if she would be happy if in 5 years time she had it all: the dream job, financial stability, good health and what not, but no one to share it all with (in other words being single) would she still be happy? She smiled ever so softly and…

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I asked someone special the other day if she would be happy if in 5 years time she had it all: the dream job, financial stability, good health and what not, but no one to share it all with (in other words being single) would she still be happy? She smiled ever so softly and I could see some of the glint and joy leave her eyes as she confirmed to me in the most certain of terms “No, I wouldn’t be”.

I think it’s strange the idea of happiness most of us have. We view our happiness as being incomplete without a significant other, without someone to call ‘love” or someone to wake us up with a kiss. I won’t deny that a point in my life I viewed my happiness in the same light, as a construct that would be eternally incomplete without the input of someone tall, intelligent, fair, kind, generous, loving and with a sense of humour that appreciated South Park and all the follies of Eric Cartman. But life, in little ways and large ones, changes each and every one of us and in the last 5 years leading up to now so has my construct of personal happiness.

I no longer view ultimate personal happiness as finally finding someone to exchange seemingly never to be broken vows with, or finding someone that will give their life up for me without a moment’s hesitation. I like to think in family (and some true friends), and most especially God, we already have that side covered. I now view ultimate personal happiness as finally being at peace with yourself, accepting that it’s still a beautiful life even without being involved in a romantic relationship. I feel this way you never feel like time is against you or you’re in a rat race in which the only true validation of happiness comes in the form of a relationship that progresses into a ring and if you’re “lucky” enough a Bella Naija wedding.

It’s important to note that this is not a call to isolate yourself, for whatever flaws romantic relationships may have they still remain incredibly beautiful experiences and to be honest every relationship (between just friends, or siblings or your parents) is steeped with the same. This though is a call to find ultimate happiness in yourself, in your struggles, in your hopes, in your dreams and most especially in your reality. What this means is that if you do eventually meet someone worth sharing a day, or a month, or a year, or a decade, or a lifetime with, you go in as a complete person, with boundless happiness seeking no validation, and offering yourself truly for who you are and never settling for less.

Let romantic relationships be an extension of your happiness and not your happiness. That way when you listen to Alessia Cara’s Stone with or without someone it still resonates with you. In this uncertain world, you can be your own stone.

Please use the comment box to share what your thoughts on ultimate personal happiness are.

Responses

  1. Lipglossmaffia
    Oh wow.
    Would I be happy? As long as i have my family, my friends, my interests, I think i would be pretty happy. Making people happy makes me pretty content, so if i am able to put some smiles on my loved ones’ faces, I’d be good.
  2. Femme
    I like this.Find happiness within yourself. I think i try……

    However, i will go at it a diff way. It seems some people say stuff like ‘I dont need someone to make me happy ‘ to justify and deny the pain of being alone/lonely at some points in their life. If you find genuine inner happiness, good for you but dont be that selfish, arrogant, burning fingers as they chase that dream,arrogant person who ends up lonely then go….’i don’t need anyone to make me happy’ i just go…… ‘bitch pls, no one wants you either’.

    Anyway, naturally, regardless of whether you do or do not have a partner should not stop you from going after your dreams, staying cool, respectful, discipline and all that good stuff….some partner will find you but most importantly, happiness will be you.

    not by filling the void with other things in life that is

  3. A
    “You like to think in family “.. Your words. Ever wondered how family came about? Starts with the significant other!
    I agree happiness is relative but I also believe we are wired this way to need another…and I agree finding / searching for that romantic feeling with another , should not be ones ultimate personal happiness!
    3years back.. I probably had love, but without the financial and physical comforts…I never felt happy, but I was always aware it helped with the emotional side of things; fast forward to today, I have the financial and physical comfort , but I lost out on “love”(the emotional side ) .today, I come home and have no one to laugh with. I think happiness comes when we balance all aspects of our lives and realize it can’t be perfect and it’s okay to be happy in whatever you find yourself.
      1. A
        Same thing with the writer? Well he did not explain the balance quite well and he sounded contradicting when he said he believes in family ( for happiness) but doesn’t see the need for a man-woman relationship ( for happiness ) . I pointed out that the family starts with a man and a significant other . But alright!
        1. Nelo
          Parents, brothers ,sisters , cousins constitute family without the significant other. You extend the family tree when you marry. When you don’t, you are still part of family.
          1. A
            My point…you in a happy place created by someone else (father n mother), ho about you create you own happy?…
        2. the_word
          What the writer said: “It’s important to note that this is not a call to isolate yourself, for whatever flaws romantic relationships may have they still remain incredibly beautiful experiences and to be honest every relationship (between just friends, or siblings or your parents) is steeped with the same. This though is a call to find ultimate happiness in yourself, in your struggles, in your hopes, in your dreams and most especially in your reality”

          That’s “balance” right there, mate.

  4. Nikky
    For me, the ultimate personal happiness is owning my own successful firm. I believe the happiest people in the world are those that wake up every morning and can’t wait to get to work. It’s a thing of joy to do the thing you love and get paid for it.
    Having a person(people) you can get “romantical” with for me is not the ultimate. Love comes and goes, however; being rewarded for “the work of your hand” is bae.
  5. Uche
    I think trying to find happiness in any human being (including family and friends) is setting yourself up for disappointment. The end.

    You and only you can only make yourself happy.

    1. the_word
      If you’re a serial killer, sure. If you’re a normal person, why on earth wouldn’t you find happiness in other people? The whole point of the article is, find happiness in yourself FIRST before anything else.
  6. anon
    Funny, i’m actually listening to Alessia Cara’s Stone right now. A big mile cut across my lips when I saw you mention the song.

    If I had everything and i’m still single I will be very happy but I won’t feel complete if I don’t yet have a child. I don’t care for relationships or marriage

  7. Hephie Brown
    You listen to Alessia Cara and You watch southpark.. We are def kindred spirits, eXcept the love part. Of course I would not. There is a large extent you will be involved with a friend and romance will even develop and before you know it, it consumes you. Adam had everything a man could have back then didn’t he? He even had God to come down and gist with him. A whole God. God had his time too, he was the only human specie! But He still created an “other half” because the richest man on earth was still lonely without a wife. God said a man would LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER(family) and be with his woman. and become 1. and create a new family that belongs to him. Because no matter the love your friends and family share with you, they are not yours to monopolise. I totally want to have my own person! He will wake up one day and I swear he will find my name Branded on his chest. He’s MINE! ALL MINE. im sorry if it sounds like im raving..but eez like you dont have lots of married friends. You know, ure all single and you still hang out together and you can crash on their couch when you want to. When friend A and famil goes to holiday in bahamas, Friend B in Kenya, Friend C is Zanzibar, and you are alone, I wonder if you would ponder on this article and realise, yes, it is an integral part of happiness. INTEGRAL.
    1. Segun Agbaje Post author
      Lol.. I’m glad we can agree on Alessia Cara and South Park. I think a lot of people are reading this as an “I’m not interested in getting married or having relationships at all” article. That isn’t so. I’m only stating i’m not going to let my happiness be DEFINED by another person (NOT THAT I WONT SHARE MY HAPPINESS WITH ANOTHER PERSON). Think about it this way, if you hoped to be married in 5 years time, but you aren’t, you still owe it to yourself to be happy. You owe it to yourself to count your blessings, you owe it to your self to keep hoping POSITIVELY that everything good you desire will come in the end. I’ve lived long enough to know that Marriage IN ITSELF won’t bring you happiness. It is not the last bridge into eternal bliss no matter how much society wants to paint it for a lot of people. What I am proposing though is you allowing it to be a source for further happiness. I’ll leave this quote I found a while back that has influenced me over the years (and hopefully one I captured in the penultimate paragraph of the article):

      “Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”
      ― Elizabeth Gilbert

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts regardless 🙂

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