I asked someone special the other day if she would be happy if in 5 years time she had it all: the dream job, financial stability, good health and what not, but no one to share it all with (in other words being single) would she still be happy? She smiled ever so softly and I could see some of the glint and joy leave her eyes as she confirmed to me in the most certain of terms “No, I wouldn’t be”.
I think it’s strange the idea of happiness most of us have. We view our happiness as being incomplete without a significant other, without someone to call ‘love” or someone to wake us up with a kiss. I won’t deny that a point in my life I viewed my happiness in the same light, as a construct that would be eternally incomplete without the input of someone tall, intelligent, fair, kind, generous, loving and with a sense of humour that appreciated South Park and all the follies of Eric Cartman. But life, in little ways and large ones, changes each and every one of us and in the last 5 years leading up to now so has my construct of personal happiness.
I no longer view ultimate personal happiness as finally finding someone to exchange seemingly never to be broken vows with, or finding someone that will give their life up for me without a moment’s hesitation. I like to think in family (and some true friends), and most especially God, we already have that side covered. I now view ultimate personal happiness as finally being at peace with yourself, accepting that it’s still a beautiful life even without being involved in a romantic relationship. I feel this way you never feel like time is against you or you’re in a rat race in which the only true validation of happiness comes in the form of a relationship that progresses into a ring and if you’re “lucky” enough a Bella Naija wedding.
It’s important to note that this is not a call to isolate yourself, for whatever flaws romantic relationships may have they still remain incredibly beautiful experiences and to be honest every relationship (between just friends, or siblings or your parents) is steeped with the same. This though is a call to find ultimate happiness in yourself, in your struggles, in your hopes, in your dreams and most especially in your reality. What this means is that if you do eventually meet someone worth sharing a day, or a month, or a year, or a decade, or a lifetime with, you go in as a complete person, with boundless happiness seeking no validation, and offering yourself truly for who you are and never settling for less.
Let romantic relationships be an extension of your happiness and not your happiness. That way when you listen to Alessia Cara’s Stone with or without someone it still resonates with you. In this uncertain world, you can be your own stone.
Please use the comment box to share what your thoughts on ultimate personal happiness are.