This thing called love, eh? It works in mysterious ways and can make you do all sorts of things you wouldn’t normally think of. Here are six things you might find a man doing when Cupid’s arrow strikes him.

1. HE’LL CALL.

Sounds simple enough, but in an age where we text, slide into DMs, tweet and do everything but pick up a phone and call, a man making an effort to reach out to talk to a woman speaks volumes. I’m a notorious multi-tasker that falls victim to the ease of electronic communication but it lacks the personal nuances of direct communication.

It’s one thing to have someone call me and I hold a conversation, but if I find myself thinking of a female and longing to hear her voice, chances are I’m feeling her in some way. Drunk dials and booty calls don’t count, only conversations where the man is expressing genuine interest in getting to know a woman.

2. HE’LL LISTEN.

A lot of people don’t realize it, but listening is an art form. Half of the time when people are talking we’re not listening to the other person we’re only waiting to interject with our own response. Men are the guiltiest of this because a lot of women are long-winded and tend to ramble. Hey, that’s probably sexist but for argument’s sake let’s just say that it’s true.

I’ve found myself caught up in plenty of one-sided conversations with women where I could give a rat’s ass about what she was talking about. Whenever I catch myself spacing out and having no interest in her story or what she finds important, I take that as a sign that this woman isn’t the one for me. Yeah, she might be cute and I could be attracted to her; but if she can’t hold my interest in conversation then what’s the point?

On the flipside, when I’m paying attention and communication is flowing both ways there might be hope. In fact, it’s usually when I’m listening and actually interested that I remember important things like a woman’s birthday, favorite flower, movie or color, how many siblings she has and what she said 10 minutes ago. Conversations about sex don’t count, again, only ones where a man is genuinely interested in getting to know a woman.

3. HE’LL GO SHOPPING WITH YOU.

Ever since I was little boy I hated going shopping with my mother because it was long, tedious and ultra boring. As an adult, I’ve had pretty much the same experience during shopping sprees with the fairer sex. Women stop at every store and section, fawning over the cutest dress/skirt/sweater/blouse/top/jacket, weighing the options of ever accessory and trying on every pair of shoes on sale—no matter if they already have something in the exact same color.

Any man that gets dragged along for the experience is usually bored out of his mind. He’s stuck standing outside the dressing room waiting for her to make a selection out of the several items she’s decided to try on, only to repeat the process as she discovers something that she’s missed while en route to the register. If given the option, most men will pass on the tag along shopping experience.

However, when a man’s feeling a woman he might not only grin and bear it, but actually participate. A straight man that appreciates how his woman looks might willingly chime in on her outfit and enjoy the mini-modeling show of having her try on different outfits for his approval. Trips to Victoria’s Secret don’t count because what man wouldn’t appreciate a potential lingerie peep show.

4. HE’LL WATCH/DO SOMETHING HE WOULDN’T NORMALLY.

Men are very particular about certain things, especially movies and TV shows. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard men say how they’ve never seen Brokeback Mountain based off the fact it’s a homosexual love story. But if a woman they were really feeling was dying to see that film or something comparable and equally woman-friendly (i.e. Sex & the City and any one of Tyler Perry’s movies) there’s a strong possibility he might bend.

I for one have been roped into watching something I never thought I would because of a woman I was feeling or in love with. My college/live-in girlfriend had a thing for Golden Girls and every night she would watch it, while I’d much rather check out Star Trek: The Next Generation, but because she was my boo I bit the bullet and suffered through Blanche, Dorothy Rose and Sophia’s antics night after night. I now cringe anytime I come across that show.

I’ve also been subjected to watching shows like Bridezilla, Bad Girls Club and the Food Network, as well as sappy chick flicks, for the sake of a woman that had my heart. Sometimes, as with Bad Girls Club, which features scantily clad women cat fighting, I secretly learned to like the shows, but I’d be damned if I admitted that to any of my boys. (Technically, I just did though—Doh!). But a man that gives up control of the remote (and movie tickets) to a woman is a sign he’s feeling you in my book.

5. HE’LL CRY.

For the most part, men are not emotional creatures so crying is the ultimate form of opening up. Now, it’s not like guys are running around shedding tears at every opportunity but in the rare instances where one does it should be noted. Crying is a major display of vulnerability and if a man breaks down in front of a woman because of a death in the family or a similarly tragic experience it displays a considerable amount of trust in her.

Speaking from experience, I’ve shed a tear or two in the past during an intense heart to heart with the then-woman in my life about the death of my grandfather or some painful experience. Being able to express myself in that way was extremely difficult but showed a level of emotional intimacy that a man wouldn’t just share with anyone.

The flipside of the crying scenario is a man shedding tears at the end of a relationship. If a man had no feelings for the woman at all it would be no problem, but a man breaking down over a breakup shows that he truly cared about her. The fake sobs of a man busted for cheating don’t count, though.

6. HE’LL SAY “I LOVE YOU”… AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT.

Anyone can say “I love you,” but actually meaning it is a whole other ball game. The hard part is discerning when a man is being genuine and not just running game. If the L-word gets uttered during the throes of passion, then it should be taken with a grain of salt, as good sex will make people say and do almost anything. The true test of a man’s feelings comes from his actions.

I’m the type of individual that only says what I mean, so if “I love you” spews out of my mouth there should be an understanding that I mean it. However, not everyone is as honorable. There are individuals that will claim they love you until they’re blue in the face, yet these are the ones who are continually cheating and lying. As I’ve said before, words have no real value without meaning.

A man in love with a woman will not only say it but he will show it. He’ll call you when he misses you. He’ll listen to you when you’re talking. He’ll make sacrifices to make you happy. He’ll be emotionally available and willing to express himself with you. He’ll mean what he says and do whatever it takes to make you feel like the most important woman in the world.

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Do you appreciate someone that’s interested in you actually calling as opposed to texting? How important is voice-to-voice communication in determining whether or not you like someone? Do you agree that listening is an art form? Does good conversation enhance your attraction for someone? Do you appreciate someone that’s willing to sacrifice their time to do something you’re interested in? Do you see crying as a very intimate experience between two people? Would you lose or gain respect for someone that was able to cry in front of you? Have you ever said “I love you” and not meant it? Why? What signs do you use to tell if someone is genuinely in love with you? Have your say.

Responses

  1. Tee
    Do you appreciate someone that’s interested in you actually calling as opposed to texting? —>> YES! i prefer calls to BBMs and all that.. i have even lied that i dont have a BB just to see if some guys wud call.. Some did n some dint bother..

    How important is voice-to-voice communication in determining whether or not you like someone? Well, not everyone likes voice calls.. maybe coz its easier to decipher the truth that way and prefer to hide under the shadow of calls and IMs.. you get me.. but voice-to-voice communication is Very important… i cant even stress why it is sef.. but it sha is

    Does good conversation enhance your attraction for someone? Not everyone is blessed with the art of having a good conversation with pple.. I (not to brag here) but i easily hold a good convo with anyone.. boring or interesting pple.. but sometimes i find that even after having a good convo with someone, it creates some level of attraction but later on it dies especially wen the oda sex just wants to talk about sexually related stuff… that in no way is a good convo as it shows signs that ur a booty call.. i dont know if i am making sense sha.. but i know what im trying to say though.. lol… A good conversation should hold everytime.. not just once and end there.. so i wud agree with u here that a good convo enhances attraction BUT as long as it is constant

    Do you appreciate someone that’s willing to sacrifice their time to do something you’re interested in? Who doesnt na!

    Do you see crying as a very intimate experience between two people? Would you lose or gain respect for someone that was able to cry in front of you? Yes to the first part and as for the second part, No way would i lose respect for someone who cries… its a bold thing to cry in front of someone else than ur mirror or alone in ur room.. it shows that u hold such person in high esteem and trust them to actually see you cry

    Have you ever said “I love you” and not meant it? Why? Cant answer this one… LOL.. But i have never said the L word without meaning it.. it takes a lot to just say that…. unlike the Guys that say it to get into a babes pata… (I See You)

    What signs do you use to tell if someone is genuinely in love with you? This is hard.. You really cant know if someone loves you.. its more of an action thing but still.. it may not even be love.. it may just be endurance to get what you want and go ( especially with dudes.. yes m a gal )
    but things like wanting to share every moment with u, calling u at odd times just coz he's thinking about u (well, it cud be that he just wants to have sex tho.. but its still a cute thing to call when u just think of someone)..
    also things like planning .. eg.. he/she asking u what ur doing for the weekend just to tailor their schedule to be with you or spend some time with you is also a sign.. But all in All, We cant see the Human heart or read the mind.. Just go with the flow and follow your heart and one can only pray that the Love is reciprocated…

    5+
    1. thetoolsman
      Wow…Interesting analysis. Love the fact that you not only read through but also gave it a thought. I pretty much agree with all you've said. Quoting you "… You really cant know if someone loves you… its more of an action thing ". I think that right there sums it all up. Don't we all wish we could see through all the crying and going an extra mile to do stuff you like… Imagine a world where we could all read each others minds (idea for another post)…you'd think – no heartbreaks, right? Well, knowing us humans Im sure we would find a way around it. Anyways, thanks for the comment…keep 'em coming.
      3+
  2. Emypee
    Do you appreciate someone that’s interested in you actually calling as opposed to texting? Yasss, there is indeed something about hearing that person’s voice at the end of a day, long or not.

    How important is voice-to-voice communication in determining whether or not you like someone?
    In this age where we are almost mandated to text alot, calling can be seen as an effort especially if the said person is consistent.

    Do you agree that listening is an art form? Does good conversation enhance your attraction for someone?
    I’m a bit of a sapiosexual. You might end up being the most pretty thing in the room. sure, you’d attract me alright but if you’s all beauty and no brain, I can get turned off as quickly.
    Actually alot of people dont listen, ask them about something you probably mentioned and they wouldnt know.

    Do you appreciate someone that’s willing to sacrifice their time to do something you’re interested in?
    I’d be foolish not to, not lots of genuine interest out there.

    Do you see crying as a very intimate experience between two people?
    yasssss, with icecreams and chocolates and stuff, otherwise it ain’t real.

    Would you lose or gain respect for someone that was able to cry in front of you?
    no way, I infact encourage people to let it all out…cry, it helps.

    Have you ever said “I love you” and not meant it? Why?
    Cant remember ever not meaning it when i said it. But most times you shouldn’t take words for it, actions scream a long deal.

    Why? What signs do you use to tell if someone is genuinely in love with you?
    It shouldn’t feel forced. The moment it does, run for the hills or try and find out what’s happening. We often know the truth deep down. They would be ‘there’ somehow, they always find a way.

    But does love exist?

    Posted from TNC Mobile

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  3. Oyindamola
    I agree with all points raised especially the listen part. Guys don’t know how great we girls find being listened to.. Lol a guy that goes shopping with a girl is practically heads over heels. But the say he loves you and mean it part, i don’t know about that. Some men will swear on their mothers and yet still look you in the eyes and lie.
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  4. Bkd
    I was shocked to see my friend watch zee world for/with a girl. That was when I knew my guy was in love. lo and behold, it turned out it was all in an effort to get some.
    Trust me, guys will do all of the above just so they can get the cookies, and not one bit for love’s sake.
    You have no idea how well of an actor a guy can be when he want something to get some. The players know all these stuff so they do them to make an impression on the girl and her friends. The music changes as soon as they get some.
    All I’m saying is that there are no rules to these things. A guy can be in love and still fall short of these expectations, while a good player can do all of them.
    13+
  5. Andronicus
    If you want me to do number 3, feed me before we go out and pack snacks for me and a drink so that I can munch while you shop. A hungry me is a horrible shopping companion as my ex and lady friends will tell you.
    At Stratford, London we have an association of male shopping companions. Our ID card is the shopping bags we carry, ultra bored expression and a can of beer or coffee. Our meeting room is the sitting areas of the shops in the mall or at the railings in front of the shops. We may be reading newspapers, sipping our drinks…or the horror…being forced to approve every garment her ladyship tries out!
    4+
  6. Feyishayo
    I have repeatedly told my friend that I find it difficult to flow with guys she Set me up with if I haven’t had a face to face convo with them or talked to them on the phone for a while. I don’the know why but I just don’the feel the conversation online if we haven’t talked offline
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  7. Feyishayo
    I have repeatedly told my friend that I find it difficult to flow with guys she Set me up with if I haven’t had a face to face convo with them or talked to them on the phone for a while. I don’the know why but I just don’the feel the conversation online if we haven’t talked offline
    First comment ever on TNC btw
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  8. Nosa
    Lol. Funny thing, i used to do all these thungs for different people at different points in my life (the crying part was one time)

    I dont know what happened, i just kinda fell off.

    Now the only thing i do is listen and that’s because it comes naturally for me. Calls? This is tricky as i detest when i call and then i catch you at a bad time (you’re busy at work or on the road), it just creates this subtle awkwardness. And worse is when you dont pick and then there is no later notification that my earlier missed call is acknowledged. That annoys the hell out of me.

    As for the rest, it will take a miracle (I mean it) for me to cry in front of another person, or go shopping with anybody that isn’t me or even do shit i dont normally like/enjoy just so you can feel all mush and good inside. Neither will you hear me say those three words.

    I guess there is something wrong with me

    Posted from TNC Mobile

    4+
  9. James
    Bridezilla, Bad girls club, food Network.. haha, add all the Real housewives shows. This one had me rolling, guilty as charged. This is so true, totally agree with d post.
    When u are into someone, most things they do seem to be cute. Reverse is d case when one is not
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  10. Max
    Nice post. True on all counts too.
    I’m not sure I would watch zee world for love sake, lol.
    Yea would gladly go shopping with her, help me score points.
    I believe if there is little or no voice communication (calls) then it’s not real. cos you can get more out of a voice than a smiley.
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  11. Ibiela
    I could’ve sworn my ex loved me. He did 5 out of the 6 things on the list and seemed like he genuinely cared, but then he would get really angry and hit me. He punched me one day and the supposed love didn’t matter anymore. Now I’m done with love.
    1+
  12. Oiyk
    i think i did almost all of the mentioned very well but i never had to do the crying part at no point. But now that i have read this post, i feel i owe the crying to someone that i should have cried to a long time ago cus i received her share of cry. I have always masked my face when it came to the crying part but i think the next time i see her, i’ll just lay it all bare and allow the crying to flow but it can’t change all the hurt that has been caused and done though….
    Damn! makes me feel like i was heartless.
    in btw, i can’t watch telemundo at all at all. Am cool with Zee world and i can manage African Magic but doing the former is total suicide for me. i’ll rather play with a palasa phone.
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  13. Buzz
    Err… I call irrespective of love or not. I’d rather we had a voice conversation tho texting I’m great at too but I call anyone who is in my life irrespective of love or not.
    Listening…hmm if you bore me I’ll zone out… love doesn’t play a part in this.
    Shopping… err okay guilty of that at charged. Tho I always tell myself never again I can resist going… get to Sorbs quality time going other things at least that’s my consolatory excuse
    I wouldn’t be caught dead watching a shitty show for anyone… I don’t expect you to watch football or cheer me when I’m whipping my friend’s asses on FIFA so that’s a meh
    Only cried in front of two people.. one broke my heart and one tied back the pieces…
    I’ve said I love you without meaning it. Tho I ended up falling in love with her but we’ve been together for two years and she dropped the L word a couple of times… really liked her and thought waist the hell she’ll never know the difference. Ended up spending 7 wonderful and heartbreaking years with her.
    Dunno if falling in love with her justified lying about how I felt earlier
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  14. Buzz
    guilty as charged*
    can’t resist going*
    get to spend*
    doing other things*
    thought what the hell*

    bloody Google swipe keyboard😤😤

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  15. zelda
    Hmmmmmm i really dont know with men again o….what of those that dont even know how to show their feelings? i tiya to try to understand men. Nice write up….
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