Bad B*tches of The Bible (Part Two)

Opinion

On the first installation of Bad Bitches of the Bible, I showed us some remarkable women in biblical history. They were what I would describe as “real G’s who move in silence like lasagna’. This next episode shows another set of equally intriguing women. Unlike Eve, Bathsheba, Esther and Deborah, there is nothing low-key about the following…

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On the first installation of Bad Bitches of the Bible, I showed us some remarkable women in biblical history. They were what I would describe as “real G’s who move in silence like lasagna’. This next episode shows another set of equally intriguing women.

Unlike Eve, Bathsheba, Esther and Deborah, there is nothing low-key about the following women. They got down and dirty, snatching out weaves and taking bulls by their freakin’ horns!

Herodias: This queen was a bad bitch proper! She divorced her husband and married his brother Antipas; who must have been lusting after her prior to their union. Due to her desire to stay queen, she leveraged on Antipas’ interest in her to maintain her position. A prophet at that time, John the Baptist was killing her vibe as he boldly spoke against her marriage and she wasn’t about to let him f*ck shit up for her. During a royal feast, Herodias’s daughter Salome danced beautifully and Antipas promised to give her anything she wanted. Herodias used this opportunity to get rid of an already imprisoned John and his haranguing of the sanctity of her marriage, she asked for his head on a gold plate, her wish was granted and she remained queen!

Delilah: I must say, personally, I am not fond of the negativity attached to this woman. She did what she had to do and did it well. She successfully used her womanly charms to bring one of , if not, the ‘most powerful man’ ever, to his knees. Please, please no one can tell me nothing about women being inferior to men. Delilah was a renowned prostitute in her time and caught the eye of the long-haired Israelite called Samson. The Philistines who had been recurrently defeated by Samson decided that they had had enough and engaged in a business transaction with Delilah. Contrary to belief, she didn’t betray the man she loved for thousands of silver, it was simply business. Samson was smitten by her but it doesn’t say in the bible that the feelings were mutual. She got the secret of his strength, delivered to the Philistines and went on her way, simple!

Jezebel: She is the prima bitcherina of the above mentioned. She is the ‘boss ass bitch’ Nicki Minaj rapped about. Jezzy was a wealthy, beautiful evil genius who left her mark on history. The brilliant and influential Jezzy has been denounced over the years for her actions but she was to me an admirable woman. I feel like Claire Underwood from House of Cards is her reincarnation, CAN I GET AN AMEN! First off, Jezzy cared for her husband King Ahab and was willing to do anything to make him happy including killing off Naboth who refused to give the king the vineyard he so desired. Also, she was dedicated to her cause till death, which was the proliferation of her anti-Jewish religion, the worship of her god Baal.

Jezebel was no ordinary woman.

Hi my name is S and having gone through a list of some of bad b*tches of the bible, I’d now like to spend some time to present my hypothesis and deconstruct the hatefulness that has been piled upon Jezebel for the last couple of millennia so if you are interested in stuff like that, please read on.

As far as I’m concerned, Jezebel is the baddest bitch in biblical history whose name has been synonymous to wickedness for way too long. As it was customary for most of history, Jezebel was married off to King Ahab of Israel by her father without her having a say in it. Forget the picture painted that made it seem like Ahab married a foreigner who made him try a new religion and then died for even daring to do so, there is more to her than that.

Jezebel was a strong willed woman of her time, ambitious, relentless and if you will, a bloody savage as well. She is depicted as a woman who turned the Israelites away from their god, Yahweh and made them start to worship her own god Baal. She was so influential that she turned her own national god into the new god that the Israelites worshipped. Discontent with only having two temples to her gods in her husband’s country, she takes a step further, importing priests into Israel and killing all priests of Yahweh. Jezebel was significant as the first religious fanatic in biblical history, a woman who came from another country to practically rule the mighty Israel.

For some reason, she keeps being referred to as a prostitute but I beg to disagree. I believe that over the years ‘men’ have chosen to call her this because of the power she possessed. She was in no part of biblical accounts said to have cheated on her husband by sleeping with other men; she was in fact loyal to Ahab, so the claim in unsubstantiated. I feel like if she was, it would have been explicitly mentioned because other prostitutes in the Bible such as Hosea’s wife, Rahab were described clearly.

She was a proud woman who refused to go down without a fight. Towards the end of her life, she heard that the new ‘king’ Jehu had murdered her son and was coming for her so what did she do? She remained in her castle, refusing to flee for her life. She is said to have gone to her chambers to have worn make-up, gotten her hair done, dressed up in her royal garbs and prepared to meet Jehu. She knew he was coming to take her life but she determined how she was going to go down, she went down like a queen that she was, on her own terms and with dignity I must add.

The entire tone against Jezebel is somewhat spiteful and I believe it’s because she was a woman. She refused to adhere to the religious customs of this foreign land she found herself in and as a result was labelled with a huge red X-sign. Jezebel came off as a woman whose demeanor was the total opposite of other women in the bible who subjected to the Israelites god without question, for instance, Ruth. If anything, Jezebel should be recognized for steadfastly remaining true and loyal to her own god and beliefs.

I really truly believe that Jezebel (who is so influential that a World War II missile was named after her) was a man, she won’t have been depicted this way.

As recorded in biblical history (especially the old testament), women were usually seen and not heard. They had very little to say in their affairs and probably never dared to question the male power figures but Jezebel wasn’t a mute woman, she spoke her mind with confidence and this is probably one of the reasons why she was despised.

Notice how the accounts keep blaming Jezebel for the man Ahab became as well as his life choices, that doesn’t seem right. He was not only a king but also a grown ass man who should have taken responsibility for his own actions but it’s always easier to blame the woman right.

In conclusion, I believe Jezebel was indeed one of the most influential women in biblical history. A bad ass bitch! Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Responses

  1. K.
    Tbh, I cringed at the title of this. I hadn’t seen the first post but I just read both. I love your writing and we hardly, if ever, disagree. But the title, ????. Anyways, I think a really great woman in Esther’s story is overlooked. She got the ball rolling and was the way maker for Esther. But she also stood up to being treated badly like a lot of us would now. Queen Vashti. The king wasn’t just sick of his wife as you said. He was a drunk king who sent servants for her with the royal crown on her head so she could be paraded about like a shiny toy or trophy. She refused and he became angry because, ego. The nobles were afraid other women would begin to stand up to their men and “despise their husbands”. So they made an example of her. She was banished. A decree was published proclaiming that every man should be the ruler of his own home and should say whatever he pleases to secure wives’ respect for their husbands and keep the men safe. She was better off in my opinion. When the king’s anger subsided, he began thinking about her. The search for beautiful young virgins was just a distraction. I think Esther is great. She was able to use wisdom, feminine charm and whatever allure she was gifted with. But Vashti stood up to being treated like just a beautiful toy for the king’s pleasure.

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  2. Olayinka
    You know, I think every woman can learn a thing or two from Jezebel truly. Her devotion to Ahab her husband was of note. She cared for him greatly going to great length to get him whatever he wanted, even taking a life in the process. If all wives could be so supportive and devoted to their husbands. You mentioned Carrie Underwood. I love that character. She wanted power. She married a man who wanted the presidency so badly and she didn’t hesitate to do just about anything to help him achieve that thereby helping herself rise to power too. Sometimes, people are too carried away with morality, religion and culture and bind themselves to limitations that these factors embody thereby, missing out on the life they truly want and could have.
    One other woman I see in this light (though the same) is Hilary Clinton. Is she ambitious or what? And despite the cheating scandals of her husband as President of the USA, which another average American woman would have walked away from her marriage for (forgive the generalization), she knew that would be a dastardly move and stayed. She knew she needed her husband’s influence to make her dream of becoming President come true. A lot of American women haven’t forgiven her for not leaving Bill but who’s laughing now?
    Anyway, S you know I’m mad at you ba? weldone o. Wonderful post.
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    1. Snow
      Moral, Religion and Cultural.
      You claim they are limitations.
      What you may not realize is that these “factors” are the very foundational elements that every legal framework in countries all over the world is derived from.
      So suggesting we do away with these factors can be akin to saying our legal framework should be erased (i could be interpreting this wrongly though).
      There are some unsavory and distasteful aspects of these factors that we can change or do without, but saying we should free ourselves from the totality of these factors, i dont think it’s something we would want.

      Also something majority of us fail to recognize is that, with the exception of culture (i remove this because i havent really mused over the concept), in the truest and simplest definitions of the term “morals” & “religion”, every human in this world is bound to some form of both terms.
      Even atheism in itself can be said to be a religion.

      Claire & Frank (who i like) are still bound by some form of moral, religion or cultural framework.

      Just because it isn’t defined or clearcut does not negate its existence.

      These factors are an intrinsic part of our very existence and lives

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      1. Olayinka
        You are right to say you mis-interpreted my point. I did not in any way suggest we do away with these things, well except religion sha. Lol. But are you saying culture, religion and morals are not limiting at all? Of course the society is sane to an extent thanks to the presence of these factors but like I said, a lot of women bind themselves with them. Since there’s hardly any commonly uniting moral, culture or religion, I guess it is safe to define your life by the practices that you think best suit your ambitions. My opinion though.
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  3. Aisha
    Have you read bad women of the Bible by Liz Curtis Higgs? brilliant book. This reminds me of it (that’s a compliment)

    I think Jezebel was damn influential.while she did not use her talents positively (killing people and sturvs), I think it’s commendable that she could wield so much influence, especially at that time. Very few women in this age can boast of doing anything close!

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  4. snow
    I find it amusing how the current age believes that mankind is truly enlightened, to the point of thinking today’s cultural values have any benefit when interpreting ancient text. Just as there are those that venerate fictional characters such as Dracula, the blood sucking muderer who was cursed by the church,

    “The entire tone against Jezebel is somewhat spiteful and I believe it’s because she was a woman”

    The tone is spiteful not because she setup a vineyard owner, with her husband’s name, and wrongly accused him of what is essentially treason.

    The tone is spiteful not because of her actions, she was cursed to have her bones and blood licked by dogs,

    Her and Ahab’s entire lineage was wiped out because of her actions agains Naboth.

    But No!!!! She was despised because she is a woman.

    Understanding that you are interpreting the Bible as just literature, it is a bit surprising that the moral of the story is missed.

    So i’ll try and explain; The Lord our God is a Jealous God, explains the idea that Israel belongs to Yahweh. He went through the trouble of blessing Abraham, blessing Jacob, removing them from egypt (seriously devastating Egypt in the process), leading them through the wilderness for 40 years while treating their fuckups, leading to victories against nation he designated foes, and after patiently waiting for his people to obey Him, sends His prophet so His Will can be made manifest. As violent and horrendous the end was for her and her prophets, it showed how Yahweh felt about Baal worship.

    But No, let us all decide she was despised because she was a human.

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  5. Dickson
    While I think it’s commendable that you looked at this supposed “villains” from the lens of heroine, I must correct something.
    Jezebel didn’t go down gloriously like you depicted. She was thrown down from a building and dogs licked her remains…that was an ignoble death.
    Nice piece though
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  6. Od
    Delilah was never said to be a prostitute in the Bible. She was just Samson’s girlfriend. That too kind of casts your argument about her not betraying a man she loved in doubt. Perhaps she never really loved him but he did love her and she betrayed that love.

    I don’t really think I need to add anything to what Snow said about Jezebel. I think you tried too hard there. Lol.

    Ok, I think I should add this: your post shows that you wrote more from anecdotes and supposition than from any critical reading of the Bible. Very presumptuous things you’ve said here, not least among them the idea that Jezebel had no say in who she would marry or that she died nobly and with dignity.

    Needless to say, the feminist spin on the whole thing is actually hilarious, more of a joke than anything else. Do you really not know how powerful Jezebel was and how she almost completely extinguished the worship of Yah’Weh in Israel that you say she was marked for being a woman? Do you really not know how vindictive and murderous she was? Do you really believe that her husband Ahab fared any better in reputation despite being a man? Smh.

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