I am hallucinating this blue Monday, thinking about all the evil I have done in this world. I could not help but think of an awkward situation where I had gone to a funeral and my boyfriend wanted to go with me since he knew the friend I was supporting. We embarked on this journey together, it was fun. When we got to my friend’s home, we went our different ways since I had to help with chores and whatever they needed done on site.
We met up in the morning in the graveyard and planned to leave immediately after. On our way out, he was greeted by someone I did not pay attention to as I was also chatting on the side but when he said “I heard you came here with our sister-in-law.” I lifted my head, lo and behold. At that time, my boyfriend was smiling and looked me in the eye to greet. I smiled back and greeted “this stranger I have not seen before” and giggled. He introduced him “this is my cousin…” and gave me the family history that I could not even memorize as my mind was somewhere under the car seat or cubbyhole. We said nothing more to each other than just greet and pretend it was “nice” seeing each other.
On our journey back, I did not ask any further questions and I avoided the topic at all cost. I could not bring myself to say “actually I know your cousin very well, he is my ex.” Just imagine his shock, anger, him wanting some space or even questioning me. You know how some confessions go. He either thinks nothing of it or it becomes an issue. He will try to get information on why we broke up, how and if I had feelings for the cousin. There was really no way I was telling.
On the other hand, they say it is better to divulge all the information at the start rather than have your partner discover from other people. Well, I do not talk about my exes because it is none of his business. Him being cousins with my ex still does not change the fact that I do not discuss my past. Can he just remain buried in my past and not resurface now? I imagine cases where we happen to bump into each other at family functions and talk, what will go on in his mind? He might be thinking we are catching up and talking about old days.
While still on that thought, I cannot help wondering what will happen if the news slips out? How is he going to take me? Will he think I did it purposely and not even want to hear my justification?
Is it worth a confession or a confession will ruin it?