This is the last instalment in the series, so you could say F is for Final. Or fucking, since that’s the theme of these lessons. However, I had to end on the most important note, which many men seem to overlook either out of ignorance or selfishness. F is for Foreplay.
Case study: Jupiter
I met him when I was a little girl. He was one of my uncle’s friends who helped babysit me from time to time.
Fast forward to twenty years. He wants me to move in because that’s how great the sex is.
Big Dipper could have been a more than apt name because that’s exactly what he got bulging out of his Armani briefs. But we’ll go with Jupiter for now.
We used to work in the same office building. One day I was signing out of the building and I bumped into him. He didn’t recognize me until I mentioned my uncle’s family name after which he screamed. He couldn’t believe his eyes; he did that played out thing where people who haven’t seen you in a while comment on how grown you are.
I’m like yeah, “I’m all grown, I’ve got boobs and all now.” He got my number and I went home, not giving him a second thought.
He sent me messages from time to time to check on how I was faring at the company. I probably didn’t reply half of them, not because I suck at responding to messages, but I paid him that little mind.
Several months later, I bumped into him in the elevator and for whatever reason, I saw him in a different light maybe because I was ovulating. I noticed he was really tall, I’m talking 6’4, dark skin, dimples and all of a sudden I was like “oh hey there.” I looked at him with evident lust in my eyes and he returned the look. He looked at me like I was candy and his eyes were a tongue.
We started texting again, I wasn’t overly friendly or flirtatious but he was, I kept telling myself that he wasn’t flirting with me but he was and he refused to back down, so I begun to flirt back and it was hella interesting. I hadn’t had such a great time flirting with men in a while.
This one time I wasn’t feeling too well so I had to be absent from work for a few days. He came to pay me a visit. We had a conversation that was mostly whispers and a while after he kissed me. It was way too much tongue for the first kiss but I got past it the minute his tongue flicked my nipple. The thing about Jupiter is he is a pleaser. Or maybe he just likes to be in control all the time. He took his freaking time on my body that day, the foreplay was phenomenal, he was in no rush to be blessed with my screaming orgasms (apparently that’s the name of a cocktail). I didn’t even realize it was possible to be turned on by being kissed at the back of my knees. After kissing my whole body, he proceeded to suck my toes. It was so difficult for me because I was torn between enjoying the hell out of it and laughing out loud because I kept remembering the stuff I had read on Twitter about toe sucking.
It was finally dick time, he took off his tie, his shirt, loosened his belt and I got antsy because I could see the bulge struggling to be let free, I was basically screaming FUCK ME NOW! This nigga really just released his dick to collect fresh air, he wasn’t even ready yet, and he obviously wanted my mind to have multiple orgasms before my body actually got its share. He went down on me and I locked his head with my thighs never wanting his lips and tongue to leave my happy lady regions.
Scratch what I said about Lala Land’s dick, Jupiter has the biggest dick I’ve ever encountered. I was actually so shook when he was putting on the condom. In fact I panicked a little; I said to him “there is no hole in my body wide enough to house what you’re packing” and he chuckled. I’m here to testify to the goodness of a well-moistened vagina because my baby ate that shit up like it was nothing! Slowly and steadily my body accepted ALL OF HIM and my cervix was delighted for the gift.
Jupiter alternated between slow strokes, fast strokes and giving me head. All my neighbors had to have known that some next level sexy time was going on, he didn’t even try to muffle my moans and screams. What killed me some more was how he kept calling me baby while he was pleasing my body and soul. It was a galactic fuck, he is shit at kissing, but the fucking is some out-of-body experience. I was so blessed. After what felt like hours, he got up to shower the smell of a good fucking off him and there were bloodstains on my blue sheets: I had clawed that deeply into his back, his arms and his thighs.
For the next couple of weeks, we would get together at either his house or mine and enjoy a thorough fuckin session. Trying to suck his dick was such a chore. I can’t unhinge my jaws, I’m not a fuckin cobra, my kitty might be able to take him but my mouth; not so much. Frankly I wasn’t too happy about that because I am all for sucking dick but he’s okay with it.
One time I was working late and so was he, on another floor, so he text me saying I should come upstairs to his floor for a quickie. I was wowed by the idea and even more wowed by the thrill of having my first in-office sexual encounter. That night as he was dropping me off at home, he asked me to move in with him. I quickly cut him off. I said to him “Jupiter I’m not trying to be in like a lovey-dovey thing where we live together”. Clearly disappointed, he said we could just live together and fuck fuck fuck and I was okay with that.
I know what you’re thinking, how did it all go south and what caused me to dump him and bounce to the next dick? Sorry to disappoint, I’m still living with Jupiter in his beautiful loft, fucking everywhere, anyhow and anywhere we choose.
Take that as a lesson, guys. F is for Foreplay. If you’re lacking in this department, F is also for Fix up. And if you don’t plan to improve, F is for Fuck off. 🙂 Now, back to my Jupiter and his grade.
Grade: 8/10. So the dick is phenomenal but his kissing isn’t so great and he’s on the quiet side, which isn’t my preference, but you can’t have it all, can you? Most importantly, the man knows the importance of foreplay and has my mind doing cartwheels long before he gets anywhere near my lady bits. Like I said, foreplay is bae.