The Care I Give: The Care I Need.

Opinion

We are human. Let’s face it. We find that when lonely, we want to be in company. Not just with anyone, but someone we perceive values and needs the attention. Somehow, combating someone else’s loneliness caters for ours. “You’re such a great listener! I enjoy our conversations!” Our ear drums beat excitedly to the rhythm…

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We are human.

Let’s face it.

We find that when lonely, we want to be in company. Not just with anyone, but someone we perceive values and needs the attention.

Somehow, combating someone else’s loneliness caters for ours.

“You’re such a great listener! I enjoy our conversations!”

Our ear drums beat excitedly to the rhythm of this compliment as an “achievement bulb” lights up in our heads.

DING!!!

We forget that it is genuine interest that fuels the art of true listening. Interest either in the topic or the person. Interest, sometimes, however, in been listened to ourselves. Not necessarily toward a “profitable” end; not because we want to motivate or inspire. Neither for fact sharing nor experience detailing – we just want to speak and be heard.

We crack jokes…

…Drop bars, “whine” and grant sarcastic responses to questions we feel are below our intellectual high-ground.

Like Simi, we pay no attention to jamb questions.

We make hilarious facial expressions and concoct worthy captions for them whilst basking in the adulation of RTs and likes.

No doubt, we, individually, possess some level of humor. We’re not Jenifa or Helen Paul (Tatafo) . Neither are we EmmaOhMyGod nor Ebiye but at least bae giggles heartily to our poorly put-together banter and our siblings laugh at our misconstrued attempts at dancing.

Sometimes, however, it’s not a need to make people laugh that sparks our jokes, it’s because we find them funny. The realization of the mutual feeling just heightens the joy of the experience. Hence, the phrase “share a laugh”.

So much is said about doing things for others.

There’s a school of thought that magnifies the satisfaction of others needs at the expense of one’s personal comfort.

Sacrifice

That’s what it’s called.

While neither downplaying the importance and necessity of such a character trait nor advocating for more self-centeredness in relationships, certain boggling questions come to mind.

Will “others” be truly happy:

• if what is done is done with absence of mind/interest?,

• If you “made them laugh” whilst spotting a straight face, some inner sadness & probably no idea of what was funny?

• If your listening was mechanical? “Oh let’s do it and get it over with. So they don’t say we don’t care”

• If the company they enjoyed was with someone not truly present?

My assertion is that we shouldn’t just initiate experiences out of a need to feel accepted.

The magic in the moment is the shared experience.

The shared experience is the foundation for the fulfillment found in the moment.

Share in the experience. Share in the moment. Enjoy what you give.

Too many relationships end just because one party is having all the fun. Let’s reduce the “I didn’t like it, I just did it” in our relationships.

True love asks what it wants from someone in terms of behavior, then takes initiative to treat them likewise.

This way, we not only achieve a semblance of perfection, we grow closer to something divine.

Responses

  1. Exclusive
    This is good. My favourite paragraph has to be asking what you want from someone, and then taking the initiative to treat them the same way.

    There’s a saying; something like you can’t be half of a person in a relationship. You have to be comfortable enough being you so that you can more extend that to another person.

    Sacrifice is good, and I think at some stage in our lives, we all confront questions regarding exactly how far we can go for love/friendship/family.

    Go as far as you think you can, but in doing that, love yourself too.

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