Does Your Hymen Have A Certificate?

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A few weeks ago, news got to Nigerian Twitter of a young woman who, on her wedding day, presented a certificate of her ‘purity’ to her father who is a pastor. First off, I just want to call all manners and shapes and sizes of BULLSHIT. Complete and total. It’s so ridiculously funny; I don’t…

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A few weeks ago, news got to Nigerian Twitter of a young woman who, on her wedding day, presented a certificate of her ‘purity’ to her father who is a pastor.

First off, I just want to call all manners and shapes and sizes of BULLSHIT. Complete and total. It’s so ridiculously funny; I don’t even know where to begin to explain this certificate of said ‘purity’. What even struck me was the smile on the girl and her father’s face, like “OMG! This is such a memorable moment in our lives”, I wish I could tell them that it really isn’t.

Secondly, why on this dear ozone layer depleting earth is a twenty two year old giving her father a certificate of ‘purity’? Like, to prove what exactly? Let’s be real for a bit.

She obviously must have made some promise to her dad that she was going to stay away from sex until she got married, possibly because her dad is a pastor. So if she really wanted to prove that she can abstain from sex, why marry at twenty two? Why not wait to marry at 30 to really ‘prove’ her point about ‘purity’? I mean, 8 years of additional ‘pressure’ is something right? Ok, maybe that just sounds mean, let’s look at another point.

Why did she present the certificate to her father? Why not her HUSBAND? Why not her mother? The only reason that MAY explain this is, perhaps her mother is late. If the idea wasn’t so completely ridiculous, I’d think that such a silly certificate be presented to the girl’s mother instead. It just seems a bit off thinking that a father is enforcing the sexual freedom/lack of, of his daughter. If I ever decide to have a kid and it’s a girl, personally, I do not think it’s her father’s place to talk to her about sex-related stuff simply because no one understands the female body more than a woman does. Only excuse for this is if for some reason, the mother is not around. I can’t even picture my dad broaching me with this subject, LOL. Like I am very interested in how the conversation between herself and her dad went. Did they sit down in her room and she promised him at age 12 that she won’t open her legs to any man until she was married?

Because she hasn’t had vaginal sex (since this is the warped definition of being pure) there is ZERO guarantee that she didn’t engage in any other sexual activities – from the basic kissing, to touching, all the many things you can do with boos, oral sex and of course, the back door aka anal sex – so fuck that! baby girl could have been having a shit load of penetrative sex from her ass and still be crowned ‘pure’ by the doctor who ‘checked’ her.

Now that she has presented the certificate, she might as well save a copy for herself and add it to her file of accomplishments, perhaps even present it at a job interview since it’s such a big deal. I enjoy a great sexy time, I really do, the average person does because we are wired to but then being sexually inactive to prove a point doesn’t make you a better person. By my standards (and quite a number of people out there – thanks to TNC polls), virgins are not better than sexually active people and vice versa. Her being ‘pure’ isn’t going to make her a better wife or daughter or mother. He cannot say that if she had become sexually active before her wedding he would love her less, so…. basically, bullshit.

 

Obviously, this has been a rant which I’m going to end now but in conclusion, I also just wonder how the doctor conducted this ‘virginity’ test. For those who don’t know, there is no “standard medical test” for virginity – so could it be that the doctor verified by err… you know, I don’t even want to imagine that so I’ll leave that for you to tell me in the comment section.

Hi, my name is S and I call bullshit.

Image via Democratic Underground

Responses

  1. Deehvahrzz
    The major reason I didn’t go to covenant uni. I remember back then I heard we had to go through a virginity test to get in. Still don’t know how true that was but I did my moon walk as fast as I could. It’s annoying enough that they tell you to save it for ur husband so he can be proud of u, presenting it to ur dad is a huge NO…. Whether you are a virgin by choice or lack of opportunity, the world doesn’t need to hear about it. A major reason I am so not getting married in the church… Too much poke nosing into ur private affairs. My sis had to fill a form whether she was a virgin, secondary virgin or if she was sexually active. ND if you are, you won’t be joined.. I call total crop to that….
    4+
    1. Nosa
      Wait!!!! What???!!
      Secondary virgin?? For real??? What the fuck does that even mean, abeg??
      This term “virgin” is seriously causing too many unnecessary crap. It’s just a hymen!!!!! A fucking hymen!!!! Virgins do anal!!!! Virgins give blowjobs!!!! They receive head!!!! They kiss!!!!!!
      JUST. HYMEN. One prick and it’s gone
      5+
        1. Wallace Smith
          Yes, a lot of Christian girls portray themselves as “secondary virgins” after becoming born-again.
          However, many don’t stop having sex.
          They love the feelings and sensations of their men thrusting their penises deep into their “innocent” & good-girl Christian p*ssies, which they so easily give those godless, nonChristian men.

          I’ve always wondered what goes through their minds as they lay-back & give their sexy p*ssies to the men they see.

          Do they think of God, their faith or moral convictions as they take-in their men’s powerful & carnal thrusts?

          During those critical moments when they feel them fill their Christian womanhoods with their spermy nonChristian cum, do they feel any guilt or regret?

          Or do they wrap their arms around their men even tighter & kiss them even more passionately as they enjoy the feeling of their men drilling them even deeper?

          http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L-0VKg0UbQQ/TdIuga8_DdI/AAAAAAAABVU/r1BuLnQCw7M/s1600/15.jpg

          0
      1. Dondd
        Yes, one push & the innocent Christian girl loses her virginity.
        The naive woman engages in all sorts of sexual activity with this nonChristian boy she’s dating– including heavy mutual oral (she loves to swallow him & craves his tongue in her p*ssy).
        They’ve even engaged in “simulated sex” where he acts like he’s mounting her & rubs his penis up against her p*ssy lips, giving her all these new sensations she’s long denied herself.
        One night, it gets to be too much for both of them.
        During their “everything…but” sexual activity, she is in no condition to try to stop him (& to be honest, doesn’t want to stop him), as he begins to slowly slide his penis into her.

        He knows she’s Christian but she doesn’t mind that he’s not a believer like her.
        She takes-in all the feelings he gives her as she feels his penis slowly slide into her & burst her holy hymen. This is something she’s long craved, despite her “virginity pledge.”

        She doesn’t think of God, Jesus, her faith or her convictions as he pushes in & out of her & thrusts deep into her, particularly during those critical moments when she feels him conquer her with his godless, nonChrsitian spermy cum, which she craves in her…

        0
  2. Tiki
    Lol S, calm down. I agree though, that certificate business is just pure driven, especially for a 22 year old who probably has not come face-to-face with real sexual temptation. Either way, she’s got her priorities super messed up. Virginity is not an achievement, especially if it’s not total and complete.

    Plus, her poor husband. If he ever wondered who his woman had a higher opinion of, he knows now.

    2+
    1. SeryxMe
      I just laugh at these comments, like REALLY?!!! Is there a even just a tiny consideration that the husband even supported this wholeheartedly? That he understands the father-daughter relationship and he respects it because maybe he knows who she really is and knows he’ll get his due respect from her? You people should ease up on the conclusion jumping abeg.
      10+
  • KELS
    “Being sexually inactive to prove a point doesn’t make you a better person”

    That line is the summary of the entire post.
    P.S: Did her husband present any certificate at all?

    13+
  • Nosa
    So S sounds pained.
    This is the second post by you that you call bullshit, (the first being bleaching) and i’m gonna repeat myself here also.

    What happened to being open minded? What happened to allowing people have their choices whether you understand them or not? All you did was call bullshit throughout the entire post and try to undermine her and her father’s choice. Eh, why na?

    That being said; i’m not gonna question her priorities or choice because on this earth, not everybody wearing a suit and tie is sane, some of these people carrying briefcases and talking smoothly are actually crazy and have no one to tell them. Once you realize that, you stop calling bullshit and start feeling pity for them.

    That said, it’s the husband that should be flogged. Your bride present a certificate of hymen proof should tell you she isn’t normal.

    But what do i know? I may be the crazy one here.

    28+
    1. Princewill
      LMAO……”That said, it’s the husband that should be flogged. Your bride present a certificate of hymen proof should tell you she isn’t normal.”

      Two insane folks got married, only God knows what they’ll give birth to……… Hymen Certificate? i no gri; she should provide a certificate or an attestation that it is only sh*t that has passed through her A** too…….

      1+
  • Leonora
    S for president!!!

    Like S said this is a rant and she like everyone else is entitled to rant. She isn’t forcing her opinions down anyone’s throat. If it isn’t your cup of tea, swerve and do not judge.

    I also call BULLCRAP by the way.

    Certificate oshi. Why go to such great lengths to prove your chastity? Does the dad have trust issues? I hope she also promised him she’d graduate with a first class and will make heaven. Because of what use is a certificate of virginity if you don’t have the others yea?

    7+
  • Larz
    Where can I get a certificate to give my dad to let him know I have NEVER killed anyone. Afterall, it is one of the commandments and it took a lot of willpower to not succumb to the pressure.
    24+
  • Vivian
    I remember being with some girls and we were just gisting, then somehow the conversation moved to sex related topics, then a girl said “I’m a virgin”, I said “good for you” but another girl just attacked her like, “please keep it to yourself, so you’re now better than me cos you’re a virgin?” I got confused! If you have a right to discuss your sexual adventures freely, then she too has a right to say she’s a virgin.

    I know what it feels like being a virgin in the midst of non virgins, so please let’s give the girl a break. If she’s a daddy’s girl like me, then I understand. Its not a pleasant world for virgins today, you can’t freely say “I’m a virgin” without being called a pretender or liar. Whether she did other non-penetrative sexual activities is on her!

    Let the virgins breathe easy please!!! #IStandWithVirgins ??

    36+
  • Olayinka
    I did a post on this issue on my facebook wall also calling out the crap on this certificate thing and boy, my friends went all ballistic on me o. From “Yinka you have changed” to “Don’t you know you are a role model Yinka and this post is misleading to the younger generation looking up to you on morality”. I was so baffled at how many of my male friends who I very well know their sexual history came for me. They praised the young girl for honouring her father and husband with her virginity and even suggested that the purity certificate awarding programme should be emulated by Nigerian girls. I just held my held and gave up on everything sensible I held dear.
    S, like Nosa stated above, I think we should pity the girl, her father and husband. And to think her husband didn’t also bring his own certificate of purity forward o. Or he’s not under obligation to also prove his purity? I wonder how any balance will be struck if the pure bride is given to an impure groom. Are we sure the father even required a certificate? I think the girl was just too over zealous to prove she is a different breed from her peers who mostly lose their virginity as soon as they hit puberty. All the best to her sha.
    5+
  • Ade
    Not sure there’s a point to this post; S is probably Nigerian blogosphere’s biggest championess of self expression. Or does said expression only matter when it concerns having multiple sexual partners?

    Classic straw man argument here, ma’am.

    Just so I’m sure I understand; no one can say a thing about you being “impure”, but you go on a massive rant over an adult’s decision to not have vaginal sex till 22?

    That about right?

    Whole post sounds (read: Reads) like you bashing said lady for having the audacity to be a virgin. Yes she deserves no award — it’s no accomplishment — but guess what, neither do you for being sexually active.

    Hypocrite much?

    43+
    1. Olayinka

      Lol..
      “Yes she deserves no award — it’s no accomplishment — but guess what, neither do you for being sexually active.”
      See this part of your submission? That’s what the rant is all about. And guess what too? S is not alone and I’m sure she’s not asking for an award for not being a virgin sir. Who said she should not be a virgin? You will be surprised that contrary to what everyone has come to believe, there are many women today who make that decision to stay away from sex till marriage; my younger sister being one. It is indeed very brave to stay off sex for so long even as your body naturally craves for it so much. But a certificate? Come on! I am proud of my sister’s perseverance so far and I tell her that everyday. But does she go around screaming that fact to the entire world? That would be completely sanctimonious of her. And that would have been the hypocritical part.
      17+
      1. Don Flowers
        I disagree that this post is uncalled for. I think S and other like minded people here are Haters who lost their virginity a long time ago (maybe too long to remember). Bobos and babies be humping left right and centre and the mere mention of someone who has code a no humping code which she’s proud of threatens their very existence and identity.

        We live in a society where everyone believes they are right and everyone else is wrong, we forget that we can all be right depending on our perspectives. Tolerance is the key.

        If you can talk about how much you love humping, the positions you like it in, the weird little things you do while humping etc, I see no reason why she can’t present a certificate of no prior humping to her popsie.

        Yes, at first thought it sounds extreme. But it is only because we are not accustomed to it and not because it is necessarily wrong. She did her thing, she did not call anyone out, if your mind is judging you are hearing “slut, ashawo, man whore, etc etc everywhere you turn after hearing the news, biko change or hump some more to drive away the voice.

        Whatever you do, it’s your choice, you are entitled to it as she’s entitled to hers.

        13+
    2. thetoolsman
      Oh wow? I’m just here like is this what you really took out of the post? Sad I came late to this party but Like I already said below, S played into your hands with the rant approach to this but does not mean she did not raise valid points worthy of discussion. Look beyond the girl in question, this was not an attack.. We should be discussing the logic behind this ACTION that can quickly catch on in our society. Like what would you do if your parents suddenly come to you and demand you get a virginity test?
      2+
    3. DEE
      Thank you so much Ade. She decided to give her father a certificate of purity, so what? Daddy collected said certificate with a proud smile on his face,so what? The husband did not give his own certificate, so what?
      Y’all bashing the husband are forgetting that he must have been in support before the controversial certificate was presented. The vaginal virgin girl also knew about the purity status of her husband to be and she still met him at the altar. So what is the problem now brothers and sisters?
      They have married, daddy dearest has probably framed the certificate and has it on his wall as we speak, virgin girl has gifted her husband (of unknown purity status) with her hymen and is no longer a virgin (might be carrying belle sef), in fact they may be doing monkey style as I type and you guys stay drinking panadol on top someones none headache.
      Live and let live abeg.
      11+
  • Olushola
    And my pipo shall be deceiving demsef with hypocrisy and counter-hypocrisy. *spits* certificate of gini? Thank heavens we sha had pry 6 o. As much as remaining a Virginia is commendable, conjuring a certificate to prove it is just “holier than thou”. Who is she making the statement to?
    Life it to short to live yours impressing others. Want to prove your chastity, ask God and yourself.
    3+
  • serical
    when I read about it I thought it was ridiculous and creepy… why should she present a certicate of purity to her FATHER of all people? but oh well.. to each his own…

    the concept of Virginity is different to most people…. but to me personally it’s not the be all and end all of all things… having a job, and being happy in life are the most important…..

    I can’t see how presenting such a certificate anywhere would pay my rent, phone bills and all.

    2+
  • Toye_jnr
    Dear S,

    I just read your article, and while you raised a few, in my opinion, valid points, I feel that your “rant” was one sided.

    You focused solely on the certificate of purity, and its’ ‘bullshited-ness’ without being open minded. If the lady decided to remain a Virginia till marriage, that’s her prerogative. Your write up pandered to the populist opinion, what if said lady is a Christian, or decided to remain a Virginia due to her religious beliefs?

    However, you have some good points, it does seem hypocritical that she publicly presented a certificate to her dad, proving that she was a Virginia. But, calling her out and saying that she should have waited until she was 30 to show that she could abstain from sex was a very low blow, and to your fellow woman, no doubt.

    You could have approached the write up from a different point of view; by celebrating her choice to remain a Virginia first and then giving your opinion after(I feel like that’d have read better) but I get it, you had to call BS on the whole thing first.

    I’m not advocating for this to become a standard or a practice just that you should be more objective in your critique of other peoples motives/actions; since you weren’t there or know why they did what they did. Don’t pander to populist opinion, she’s your fellow woman, celebrate the good in what she did before criticising her.

    My 2 cents.

    26+
    1. thetoolsman
      Sigh.. The rant really got people misunderstanding the point of this post. I dont think S is here to attack the chick who has already made her choice like you said.. It’s the general principle and logic behind giving your dad this certificate she’s questioning.
      2+
      1. Miz B
        But that’s what the post screams; ATTACK.
        Dear Toolsman, it is not right that you expect people to read a post of many words and many points yet expect everyone to react to only one part of it…well, except your method of writing is one that leads everyone to that particular destination, which this obviously hasn’t.
        3+
  • M..
    I totally disagree with S! She probably promised her dad and she’s just proving to him that she kept the promise. Keeping your virginity isn’t always about the husband, that’s not what the bible says! It doesn’t make her a better wife but I didn’t see anywhere where she said it would. Your whole rant makes no sense IMO
    5+
      1. SisiCuse
        Read 1 Cor 6: 18-20 and Deut 5:18

        People misunderstand the concept of virginity. Anyone can be a virgin physically but are the supposed virgins “virgins” according to the scriptures ? That is abstaining from sex with a pure heart because you know that’s the will of God and not because you are trying to please the world.

        2+
        1. Uche
          1. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. I admire your discipline.
          It however becomes a problem when you throw it in everyone’s faces and when you’re making it look like you’re a virgin just to prove a point. This is what I feel every time I think of the certificate ish. Are you doing it to satisfy your daddy? Your husband? Or God? If it’s not for God then please just start having sex. Thank you.
          6+
          1. Tinuke
            “If it’s not for God then please just start having sex.” Looool come on thats not fair. I dont think the only reason for staying a virgin should be for the sake of God. yes it should probably be a major part, but Sometimes people just take that decision for themselves, they want peace, no stress or worries, pregnancy scares, std’s or anything else that comes with it, some probably feel they won’t even like sex so whats the point, some are not curious enough to try and some wait just because they damn right can!

            And if i decide to stay a virgin, i am not doing it for any guy. It is my body and my hymen! That idea of staying a virgin because of your so called future husband is just f***** ridiculous.

            Yes the babe presenting a certificate is super cheeeesy!

            Is being a virgin a big deal? Nope! especially if we’re speaking in terms of religion. I am not even going towards religion and its still not a big deal. Its a personal decision i want to be a virgin and i’m gonna do just that which is fine. I want to have sex before marriage. Good for you too. The post did come off hitting all the wrong buttons tho but the only thing i agree with is that the certificate thing was highly unnecessary. Your daddy shouldnt need a certificate to trust that you’d keep your word….if you gave it in the first place

            2+
    1. SeryxMe
      I disagree with S in this post and on many other posts of hers, however, this is the first time I’ve read her this aggressive (which admittedly distracted from the main issues in the article), but that S is never objective is taking it a little too far. She has her opinion on different issues like everyone else and we are all here to express ours without castigation or subtle forms of ‘character assassination’. As weird as it sounds, her position on many issues is why I respect her so much, despite being in the opposition very often. S is one of the realest people I know and have met. Let’s just share our thoughts on the message without trying to kill the messenger. Thank you.
      9+
      1. Nosa
        *sigh* you’ve met S.
        What am i doing in abuja? *cries in hieroglyphics*

        That said; Damon said; the most effective way to send a message is by killing the messenger #justsaying

        1+
  • BOMA
    1. Giving your dad a “certificate of virginity” is very very (insert as many verys as you like) Norman bates.
    2. You’re a virgin, it’s commendable congratu-fucking-lations but come on a certificate, really? Really?
    3. S is ranting, it’s her opinion(which I share) She’s not asking for the girl’s head
    10+
  • Leonora
    I think if we look beyond all the ‘vex’ in S’s rant, there’s a point. There’s after all a method to madness abi. The certificate thing just seems extreme. End of.
    2+
  • june
    from the first four lines i knew it was S, when i saw this earlier on social media i was like what the fvck, all i can say is this most people who are clapping and telling you to emulate this babe are STUPID HYPOCRITES, because they themselves do not live the ‘NO SEX’ life but they can teach another how to live the life.
    Truly i know very much that there is nothing like virginity test so how exactly did the doctor know she is a virgin, you can only tell if someone has not had sex for a long time, not if one has never had sex.
    Last last say you marry virgin no mean say your marriage go sweet, or say your husband no go cheat, or say any other trash would not happen. #sigh#
    0
  • SeryxMe
    I actually do love S, even if there’s very little we can ever agree on (I think there was that one post, though). This is one of those ‘I disagree’ moments and I think Ade said what I had in mind.

    I won’t be here shouting “emulate this girl for morality sake” because that’s just not the point. We all have our ways of doing things and the truth is, the way we do stuff sometimes will appear crazy, stupid and senseless to some other folk elsewhere. That’s how it is. If you understand this, you’ll learn to respect people’s choices.

    Many of the ideologies S represents or presents here are often bordering on a lot of BS stuff to some of us too. The point I’m making is, a young lady decided to present a certificate of virginity to her father before getting married, so what?! If that’s how she chooses to lay out her proof, who are you, or anyone else for that matter, to say she’s crazy and deserves pity?

    I mean, you guys shouting hypocrisy come on here and talk about Bruce’s sex change like it’s nothing, ‘as long as it makes him (or her) happy’ but a girl presents a certificate of chastity and y’all are up in arms over this? What happened to ‘as long as it makes her happy’? Or that’s only reserved for those who find new ways of doing weird stuff?

    Come on, you guys, it’s just a freaking certificate! If it makes you feel better, it won’t become some national identity stuff so just calm down. Ahan! If you’re championing issues because there’s the ‘consent of two adults and they’re harming no one’ then I don’t see why you’re not here championing this.

    S, is entitled to her rant, and putting it up in a public place as this means she’s open to being criticized. I just hope she now understands how other people feel when she talks about some issues that people are getting mad about as if it’s nothing.

    21+
    1. Nosa
      “What happened to ‘as long as it makes her happy’? Or that’s only reserved for those who find new ways of doing weird stuff?”

      This!!!!!! Is what i’m actually trying to point out. Whatever happened to being openminded? Eh?

      S writes a post, DejiDope calls BS, y’all say he isn’t openminded or he fears what he can’t understand.
      Now S is calling BS & …………nvm

      All i’m saying is, being openminded has a finite number of acceptable perspectives,
      So before y’all call BS, undermine her priorities and such, please be reminded that she is an adult and has harmed no one in the process and is happy, then i can safely say someone somewhere agrees with her.

      That said; i can only keep laughing at it all, it’s just a piece of paper, anybody can forge one. Even university certificates. But her father and husband believes. I can bet she is the type to buy orange and ask for receipt.

      15+
    2. E
      Lolx… Mr.Dejidope where have u been hiding?

      Mr.SERYXME go to d nearest bar or wine store and take a bottle of drink for free… *Smiles*

      0
    3. DEE
      Thank you Sexyme, I know it is Seryxme but I I quite prefer the other. It is her choice. Some might see the certificate as extreme, but everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The girl will probably think sleeping with more than 2 men/women in your lifetime is extreme, but y’all think it is normal. In fact some people will claim “almost virgin” sef with just 2 partners.
      1+
  • ronin
    S is entitled to rant about issues that affect her.
    S is not allowed to rant about other people’s personal decisions ESPECIALLY when it DOES NOT affect her

    I *must* be the least religious person on earth. I don’t care about people’s sexual chastity or lack of it but I call Bullshit on this article.
    Why is S so hell bent on tainting her “pureness”.
    Going talmabout on what type of sexual whatever she might have been engaged in?

    She said she is “pure”. Fine for her? Why rant about it?

    She presented a certificate to her father? What is your concern?? Did she present it to you??

    11+
    1. thetoolsman
      How do trends start? Heck, how do people change mindsets, opinions? One at a time. I may or may not have agreed with S on this post all together but I sure as hell do not question her for expressing her views on the topic which is what we all do here every single day, Im just here struggling to understand why this is different.
      2+
      1. Nosa
        Read seryxme’s comment, fourth paragraph. That’s why it’s different. That said, certificate of virginity isn’t a new thing.
        I had an ex who called me up while we were dating, she was in the hospital for routine checkup, she was a pseudo-virgin and said the doctor couldn’t find her hymen. I laughed in her ear until she cut the call. God forgive me but that’s my default response to all things hymen
        5+
          1. Nosa
            It’s a term i coined. It means, folks who still have their hymen intact but are doing every other sexytime acts imaginable.
            I know a pornstar, who only does anal. She says she is keeping her vagina for her husband. Should we call her a virgin then?
            2+
      2. ROnin
        You say “expressing her views on the topic” ??

        She wasn’t giving an opinion on the TOPIC in general.
        She was questioning the GIRL’S motives.
        She was questioning the validity of the girl’s assertions by painting up imagined scenarios on what could and couldn’t have been.

        This was an attack solely on the character of the girl and her dad.

        It is a bullshit article, and a rare one on this site i might add

        12+
  • SeryxMe
    Maybe someone else should have written this post because it is clearly difficult to see past the rant which is a big bulk of the entire article, especially knowing it’s S. It wasn’t half objective and I don’t think she even tried to be.

    If the underlying issue is seeing this as a trend that might start, I sincerely don’t see any issues there. Parents who’ve been generally liberal won’t suddenly wake up and start asking for certificates. Those who might already have other ways to demand this sort of verification and the children know this, so the same thing will happen – there will be rebellion from some and there’ll be obedience from others. That aside, this ‘trend’, if it will really kick on, has our generation to contend with. I’d say that’s simply DOA.

    Again, a more objective post will be looking at how and why the young lady must have accepted to get a certificate. Was she forced? Did she actually want to do it? Did she even sell the idea to her father? As for me, it really is a non-issue at the end of the day.

    8+
  • Ray
    I missed you, S.
    Now Back to the post, I think it’s no issue at all if a girl decides to keep her hymen intact till her husband takes her virginity, after all, it’s her body and she can decide what to do with it.
    I, however, think it’s an issue when people like that regard that as the ‘Right’ way to live, undermining women who choose to give it up before marriage.
    It’s also an issue when people like that decide to rub the intact state of their hymens in other people’s faces, is there really need for such? Hence, was there really need for a ‘Certificate of bla bla’?
    It’s also an issue when parents think it’s ok to ask their children to promise to ‘keep’ themselves. If a child is old enough to date and decide to get married, why can’t the child decide if he/she wants to have pre-marital sex or not?

    Now, the major issue I see in the scenario in the post is how people think being ‘hymenally intact’ is pure. I know virgins who have the naughtiest thoughts about sex but remain virgins because they don’t want to be painted ‘slut’ by a guy or society, or just because the mother expects them not to be like the ‘other useless girls in the neighborhood who are having sex and cannot be trusted’. There are cases where virgins have become pregnant even with intact hymens. So, what I think we should actually correct is this stupid mentality that if a girl is a virgin, then she’s virtuous and pure.

    3+
    1. ROnin
      “It’s also an issue when people like that decide to rub the intact state of their hymens in other people’s faces, is there really need for such”

      How is it rubbing it in your face ??
      Is it actually paining you ?
      That an adult gave a meaningless paper to her dad?

      You feel she is rubbing it in your face??

      Is this the crux of the issue?

      8+
      1. Ray
        Lmao are we going personal now? Oga, take a chill pill abeg.
        Why in the world would I think she was rubbing it in my face, do you even know how ridiculous that sounds? Btw, I was making a point from a general point of view about virgins who like to show it off like it is the ‘Right’ way to leave. Maybe, if you had taken time to read, assimilate and understand without jumping to conclusions, you wouldn’t have attacked me the way you just did.
        As far as you also agree the the certificate is meaningless, then, We can conclude there was no need for it.
        I stated four things I have issues with and you singled out only one as the ‘crux of the issue’ *sighs*. Wow. Just Wow.
        1+
    2. Miz B
      this is a reaction to “It’s also an issue when people like that decide to rub the intact state of their hymens in other people’s faces, is there really need for such?Hence, was there really need for a ‘Certificate of bla bla”

      Just yesterday, I was talking with a friend and she recounted an experience she had in University hostel. she was the only non-sexually active in her room, and her roommates always talked about their sexcapades and had silly competitions over who did what most, who did what better,etc IN HER PRESENCE; do we describe this as ‘rubbing their sexual activity in my friend’s face’?

      on this same very public page, people express themselves freely, talk about their sexual activity and stuff, will this also be classified under the heading of ‘rubbing it in the face’ of a particular demographic?

      in THIS scenario, a girl presented HER father with a certificate on HER wedding (yes in public), please, only if your replies to my previous questions are YES should this also be said to be ‘rubbing it in people’s faces’… of course, except there was a “you all should endeavor to be like me, if I can do it, you also can do it” kinda speech during the presentation.

      4+
  • DEJIDOPE
    I really dont understand why some people are actually supporting s, olayinka will support s regardless of what she says because she is her online bff, its really pathetic,
    I dont support the giving of a certificate of her virginity to her father or anybody for that matter and why didnt the man have to aslo give a certificate, abi did GOD say it’s only women that should keep themselves?, is that even possible? who will the men now be having sex with? the whole certificate thing doesn’t make sense, i agree, but someone like s cannot be attacking her, this is the same woman that thinks prostituition should be lagalised…

    GOD designed sex to be between a man and his wife, which means they are both to keep themselves
    Hebrews 13:4 – Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for GOD will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

    7+
    1. E
      Mr. Dejidope grab any NON-ALCOHOLIC drink from any store closest to u now,i will pay sir.

      Seriously i lyk the way u preach this my fate(Christianity) here. You are a great balance to this blog site. Some people here are just hypocrites,they want to sound trendy here while they know that’s not what they profess in their day to day dealings.

      Ads: more Christian & Muslim faithfuls needed in nakedconvos.com.

      Hello am “E” and i believe i speak for the whole nakedconvos family… Lolx

      4+
      1. thetoolsman
        Hi E.. As the oldest member of this family, I’m sorry but I know you don’t speak for all of us. Why? Because we already have the christian and muslim faithfuls you speak of here. Because we are religious does not mean we do not all have things we struggle with daily, if God knew we were perfect and would never sin, would we be where we are now? Let’s be real please, there is sin in the world and it’s not only atheists and members of other religions who commit the sins, christians and muslims also contribute, after all, wasn’t it the GO of a large church in Lagos who recently confessed to having an affair in church? Even Deji has spoken about his struggles in the past and we all came together to discuss and share ideas like a family. Thats what this platform is all about.

        Now that I’ve said that, the major part of your comment I want to address is this “people here are just hypocrites, they want to sound trendy here while they know that’s not what they profess in their day to day dealings.”

        While I cant speak for everyone here, I like to think a major part of the last 5 years of this site has been spent trying to change such mindsets. I don’t want to mention names but I understand this is the norm on several other online communities in Nigeria but even though you have the power of anonymity here, it doesn’t just give people the right to say things for whatever reason. If you comment a certain well just to “disrupt” you can only do it for so long before people call you to order. S is a good example who started out commenting before becoming a member of the team. Some made similar comments about her views back then but even before some members of the community got to meet her in person, we all go to know her and accept her for her views and opinions. Deji is another and it’s gotten so good that we all look for his opinions on certain posts. Long and short is everyone is welcome here christian, muslim and others but everyone needs to be the same out there and on here.

        13+
        1. SeryxMe
          Anyone who reads through the comments should please not skip this one up here. It is important to actually understand why we’re here. It’s too easy to get carried away. Please read the comment above.
          1+
        2. E
          Well said ,love your reply sir but i tink you didn’t copy me well on the “Ads” stuff;not like we don’t hav Christians,Muslim&atheist here,we do and that’s 1 reason i love TNC -the mixed multitude-
          am a Christian but i don’t,can’t,won’t use my religious mind to judge in public matters and i think thats same wit some people here. the type of religious faithful i was talking about has nothing to do with Sin, Religious faithful am talking about are the fanatics(everybody sin,even the religious fanatic sin, i know!)
          1+
    2. Ray
      Hi Deji. I’m someone like S. I’m a sinner as I’m quite sure you still are. I love pre-marital sex. I love God but I’m not as committed to Him as I know I should be. Will He forgive me and accept me when I come to Him to commit? The Bible says so. Do I have a right to my own opinions whether they suit you or not? Common sense and Human Rights laws say so. Do you have the right to judge me and cast me down because of these opinions I have? I believe the Bible said not to. Am I less human because I’m probably not as Christian as you are? I doubt that.
      All that aside sef, Christians like you are part of the reason some of us don’t key too much into religion. My brother is just like you are, forceful with his faith. You people look down on others who don’t share your level d Christianity, you think they are not worthy of the Grace because they don’t ‘work’ for it as you do, have you forgotten He loved us all even before we knew a thing and that It will never stop? Is this how you judge and belittle the souls you are supposed to save? Even Jesus saved the adulterer, whose example are you following by deeming ‘Someone like S’ unworthy of the right to have an opinion and share them?
      This makes me wonder what you would do if you encounter atheists.
      You don’t have to like everyone’s opinions, but you sure as hell have to respect them.
      7+
      1. DEJIDOPE
        Because GOD accepts and welcomes people as they are doesn’t mean we should use HIS Grace as an excuse to continue to live in sin, Romans 6:1 – What shall we say then? shall we continue to sin and let grace abound? Because He forgives is not an excuse to continue to sin and am not a sinner, am not perfect, nobody is, but i(we) have been given the gift of salvation through JESUS Christ (story for another day)
        I also don’t look down on anybody( i used to), JESUS came to die for the sins of everybody, christians, muslims, atheists, everybody, so we Christians don’t condemn and look down on anybody cause we know GOD loves us all. Maybe my statement came out wrongly, i apologise, we can all the agree that the certificate is kind of unnecessary and kind of weird, but if her husband is not complaining, then why is it even an issue?
        9+
    3. S Post author
      Hi Deji, first i’d like to say LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
      I would have been sorry that my existence causes you to be so pressed and uncomfortable but i’m not.

      As expected, I knew a bunch of readers would have my neck for this POST most especially you. I wasn’t going to comment on this post but instead sit back and laugh at how the point was completely missed But your attack on Olayinka was unnecesary and quite rude. This is supposed to be a safe and mature place but you seem to miss it ALOT of the time.

      The funny thing is, despite how hard youu want to antagonize me, you see my point, you said so yourself, the certifiate is unnecessary. Did i at any point in the post condemn virgins? DID I? What can I possibly have against virgins? Are they not humans? Do they not deserve to breathe air or drink water? If anything, i respect them, to be able to fight oof sexual urges for several years, that’s something indeed but i daresay i makes them better than sexually active people. I’m too tired to explain myself in a way that is clearer to you

      If we are giving certificates for staying virgins we might as well have certificates for random other shit.

      4+
      1. SeryxMe
        “…but instead sit back and laugh at how the point was completely missed…”

        I’m glad Dejidope commented, even if it’s because his comment made you appear on here.

        First, I’d say you actually set up this post for the point to be missed with the ‘rant action’ so no complaints there. That said, even after seeing through the rants (which Tula actually had a hand in clearing up), some of us still see no point in the case being made.

        Let’s look at this well and see why many see this as an opportunity to attack you (which I DO NOT support btw)…

        “Girl presents certificate of virginity to father…” Total BS…
        “Man goes through major operation to become woman…” *many different points about his happiness and other stuff*

        It’s weird to some of us that the first issue deserves much more criticism than the second. In both cases:
        – people involved are adults.
        – nobody was hurt (maybe the lady during the test, but still…)
        – it is their life and personal decisions.
        – they’re probably both happy with the decision. (for the “happiness is all that matters” people)
        – none is forcing anyone else to follow in their steps
        – both were publicly advertised (one with more deliberation than the other)

        Again, S, I (and some others) fail to see your point or what could have irked you about someone given recognition to their virginity in whichever they choose (which probably makes them happy).

        And to those who keep hammering on the girl being a “daddy’s girl” or the husband recognising who has priority in her life, well, who’s to say he didn’t even encourage her to do the certificate sef? How do you know she won’t place more priority on her husband than her father now that she’s married? There are too many unknowns in the story to just up and start calling BS or saying all sorts. Let’s be real. It’s just a freaking certificate (which will not even be recognized beyond the confines of her father’s house.) Unless there’s something else someone is not telling, in which case, I rest my case.

        13+
    4. Olayinka
      As much as it may pain you my dear, S usually expresses my opinion on many issues. Sue me for always supporting her. And Oga sir, I have my own mind even if it looks like S’ mind is a clone of my mind. Why that has got to be pathetic is what beats me o. Anyway, I’m sha glad you agreed with me that the husband should also have presented a certificate to balance things. So you wee not clap for me now for saying something you agree with abi? Ees only to be tackling me and S you know.
      Oh, you know S could be someone like your sister or even your mother ba? Just saying. And you really need to stop thinking everyone must operate by your moral code.
      Love you. Kisses.
      1+
  • Uche
    Sorry my second cmoment wasn’t a reply.There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. I admire your discipline.
    It however becomes a problem when you throw it in everyone’s faces and when you’re making it look like you’re a virgin just to prove a point. This is what I feel every time I think of the certificate ish. Are you doing it to satisfy your daddy? Your husband? Or God? If it’s not for God then please just start having sex or properly align your thoughts. Thank you.
    0
  • Miz
    Ummmm….ok….BS called and heard! Well done!

    My major problem is the idea that most people here are assuming she did it ‘publicly’ and to prove a point! The poor girl simply gave her Pastor dad a piece of paper to show that the promise she made to him when she was young has been kept! It is NOT her fault that the whole world decided not to mind their business! She didn’t call the press, she didn’t start a blog about it, she didn’t tweet ‘Watch Me Give My Dad A Chastity Certificate’ or create an event on facebook! She was simply minding her business and the world was bored and now we have to listen to everyone give their frankly irrelevant opinion on a matter that doesn’t concern them!

    She wasn’t trying to prove a point to you, no vex! She didn’t voice any opinion on people who aren’t virgins, calm down and she’s on her honeymoon making sure that certificate doesn’t count anymore: MOVE ON!

    24+
    1. The N
      Thank you o…. The girl didn’t actually make it as public as it’s being made out I be… If anything I blame the photographers at her wedding…. And the guests….. And the maids of honor..and even the groom’s men.. And EVERYBODY WHO MADE IT PUBLIC….but well said btw 🙂
      1+
    2. Tiki
      Wait, you mean she gave it to her dad in the privacy of his bedroom at home, and the dad announced it in church and called photographers?

      Gosh, that’s mean!!

      9+
      1. Miz
        Lol, well, she gave it to her dad at her wedding where her family and friends were…people who actually know her! Not in front of the rest of us who should be worrying about more important things….like why the food we order always gets delivered to the wrong address even though we order from the same place everyday! (Sorry, I’m waiting for my food and I got distracted for a minute)

        And of course, at any wedding there are photographers…unless you know weddings where there are no pictures taken, which I would love to attend cause I always end up with the worst pictures at any wedding I attend!

        8+
    3. The N
      All I’m trying to say is… The people who made the certificate public were people who do not include the bride, her husband and her father…. The End.
      0
  • The N
    What I don’t get is why all other options are being provided to fit the said 22 year old girl into the sexually active group… It’s very easy to say that people should have open minds… But you seem to not have an open mind about a 22 year old actually being a virgin by choice…. That’s the first thing I noticed… Now about this certificate business, IN MY OWN OPINION *i put it in caps so it’s clear that its MY opinion* the certificate is embarrassing and well….probably unnecessary, if there was a certain kind of trust, I believe that the father should be able to believe his daughter when she says she’s a virgin (complete virgin or secondary virgin), but since we’re open to considering possibilities…. What if there’s a history of hoe-ism in the family and the dad was just afraid of his daughter being a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am kinda girl…. What if there’s something he was actually genuinely afraid of, and that’s why he needed to see a certificate…. We can all judge this certificate business but really, the people that understand it are the man and his daughter.
    As for the husband…. Well, he married a daddy’s girl, what did he expect…. The same thing happens to women that marry mommy’s boys…. The men seem to regard their mothers more than their wives… Before you begin to call BS and throw a bile party…TRY TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND… Even about the certificate of purity (forged or original), don’t worry ehn, you see this world we live in, someone will still do something crazier than this… The best you can do is… Have an open mind.
    6+
  • petite
    Was waiting for the right time before commenting on this site before. But after reading this,i was just like ‘hell no, ve gotta comment’. I have no issues with what the lady did, biko. In the olden days, yorubas used to do ‘ ibale’ the bride will sleep with her hubby whilst all the well-wishers will be outside, waiting for the groom to come out and show all and sundry the stained white bed sheet.
    Call me prude or whatever, i feel the lady in question did nothing out of this world. Atleast, hers was a cert, i just feel she could have given it to her father and hubby without letting the world know. I’m sure she and her father must have had an agreement before now.
    Pseudo-virgin, secondary virgin, over -smooched element-yet -a – virgin, whatever category she belongs to, na she sabi.let’s move on to something else abeg.
    8+
  • yettie
    loooooool…..I think this is child’s play compared to the one I saw on IG…CAPTIONED” I GOT THE RING AND I DIDN’T GIVE UP MY TING”…lmaooooooo!
    1+
  • U2
    *sigh*
    There’s a reason its called a ‘rant’
    Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
    Your sexuality, to some extent should be private, I think.
    That’s all…
    3+
    1. SeryxMe
      Opinions are a dime a dozen. We can all agree on the expected privacy of sexuality but the real hypocrisy here is that this opinion is not consistent. Many of us follow and sing praises of people (celebrities) who throw sexuality in our faces everywhere, almost urging us to be like them and we’re okay with it. We even hear things like, “she’s comfortable with her body” when some of them show off too much skin. Why does she have to go nude so that I can know she’s comfortable with her body? That is really none of my business so I just unlook and focus on other things. But one person celebrates ‘purity’ and there’s fire on the mountain now because of what again? So she can’t be comfortable with her purity to show it off?

      To me, after reading all of the comments here, the fight seems more like the ‘celebration of purity’ is looking like denying some people of ‘sexual freedom’. It is just pointless and needless. If you argue that presenting a certificate of purity is extreme, then you should also accept that there are more extremities on the sexual activity side of things (which many complaining here are simply ok with). There are people throwing their sexual activity in our faces everyday that it’s becoming normal (or the ‘in’ thing). Let’s just be consistent. If no one needs to know of your sexual purity then no one needs to know about your sexual activity too.

      16+
      1. D.K
        God bless you for this. I’m here giving you a high five. Every line you wrote here Sexyme, I totally agree with. Let’s be consistent abeg. If we are gonna preach about open mind and freedom to live as we like as long as we are happy, then me thinks it should cut across every individual.
        4+
  • mojo
    Ok, I kinda agree with S ’emphasis on kinda’
    Those pple disagreeing with S because she doesn’t know the girl’s motives “do you?”
    Pls Dejidove pls everyone has a right to feel a certain emotion due to the things happening around them and if S is angry so be it. Being a Christian and being saved by His Grace doesn’t put u in d position do say who is worthy to feel what.
    1+
  • Tola
    For the record: THERE IS NO MEDICALLY APPROVED TEST FOR VIRGINITY. Hymens break and reform multiple times over the course of a woman’s life. The membrane is a really flimsy one. It can break from riding bikes and horses, or even other kinds of sports.

    It can also grow back, although, this doesn’t always happen for everyone. Furthermore, now there are surgical options for hymenoplasties (plastic surgery for your hymen). The hymen is not a useful assessment for a woman’s virginity.

    Read my pomo lips: Nobody can certify your virginity, except you. So stop with all this virgin and pseudo-virgin nonsense.

    2+
  • U3
    1. What if the moment was memorable to them?
    2. How do you know that it wasn’t a memorable moment to them?
    3. What is wrong with her making a promise to her dad to abstain from sex? And why should she wait till she’s 30?
    4. Did her husband complain? Was he there when she made the agreement with her dad?

    If you have something against what they did you can tweet at her or place a comment on Instagram like others have done. And it looks like you didn’t look up this story before writing this rant because her mother is alive.

    And why should only women talk about sex with their daughters? In this generation we live in?

    A hymen exists and if a female has one and is being checked by a doctor he can see it. After all its not an invisible film.

    We should not attack people out of anger for what they’ve done and just because you can’t or won’t do something does not mean other people should not do it. We’ve all said it, its a ‘flimsy’ certificate and she’s proud of it.

    NEXT!!!

    7+
  • Stephanie
    Okay I’m sorry S but I couldn’t even get past the first paragraph.
    This is perhaps the most judgemental post I’ve ever read here. I felt like I was reading comments on Linda Ikeji.

    Why is it okay to own your sexuality but not your purity??Just because you or I are not inclined to see ‘saving yourself’ as something to be proud of does not mean we should scoff at the people that do. She values the fact that she kept her word to her father, her. word. to.her. father. The man who raised her to be the woman she is today…suddenly because she’s getting married he’s no longer relevant?? And i don’t even understand how marrying early means you’re weak and horny….I mean seriously?!!

    If we are so pained because the girl felt pride in her self keeping her word and not bowing to peer pressure, then make your own certificate. There’s all types on PowerPoint.

    #MyOwnRant

    15+
    1. SeryxMe
      See ehn, Stephanie, I don’t know how else I want to explain these points you made. Thank you!

      I’m just shaking my head for this our generation. The challenges those of us that will be having kids will face ehn, e no go get part 2. I still don’t understand why someone who decides to be obedient to the parents till he/she is an adult is now the weird one. She is now the one that the husband will have problem with because she did what her father asked of her. Some people still personally and consciously make the decision to do what their parent asks because they realized they were told ‘the right thing’.

      7+
  • Fiyin
    This here is probably the biggest pile of crap I’ve had the misfortune of reading on this here Internet, and I’ll tell you for free; I’ve read a few.

    This “article” might as well have been taken off Sugabelly’s twitter verbatim.
    Disappointing because I stumbled on this blog through an awesome think-piece in 2012, and stayed for the consistent mental orgasms your posts gave. Guess it’s a dry pool out there right now for this to make it past screening. But then again, you have no moral obligation to put up thought provoking posts — with aunty Linlin bugaing everyone and all — the daily views S’ trolling posts bring in must suffice instead.

    Peace and harribos.

    3+
    1. thetoolsman
      You drop a comment like this and refer to someone else as a “troll”? No addition to the debate but you managed to bring someone all the way from Twitter into it? Sigh. You should read my comment below.
      4+
  • T
    First time here. Anyway, I don’t think the problem is if the girl is a virgin or not. It’s the rationale behind having to present a certificate to her dad proving she remained a virgin till she got married. Why why why? Was it really so pressing that they had to call a doctor to confirm and corroborate the girl’s story? Why did she need to prove anything ? I think that’s something that should be between you and God (and eventually your husband). Otherwise, it just reeks of hypocrisy like the Pharisees that Jesus condemned for their public demonstrations of piety and faith…..ain’t nobody care really. Leave somethings between people and their maker. I call BS as well, maybe not as strongly and maybe for slightly different reasons. Not that it matters though, but I’m a Christian lol
    2+
  • Nosa
    I can see so much anger in the comments sha.
    But honestly, i see no reason why anybody should be angry or happy sef. Can’t y’all unlook the matter? Is it your body?
    She gave the certificate to her dad (not yours) at her wedding (not yours). Whether the certificate is valid or not, we don’t care.
    It’s just a statement of her sexual proclivity (if i can call it that), i dont see it as any different from those sexually active people who “express” theirs.
    Her piece of paper is her way of showing hers, don’t we all do it? One subtle way or another?
    I actually feel sad when we now try to undermine the motives for the action or the action itself.
    4+
    1. thetoolsman
      Why do we discuss Kim K or Kanye or GEJ or Denrele, heck even Zora from Twitter? It’s simple. Once you put your business in the public space, it becomes fair game. If she didn’t want people talking about her, she could have “secretly” presented this certificate to her dad. Even if she did it at her wedding and didn’t want it to get out, she could have made sure but I find it surprising that some came here to attack the writer for giving her views on something that was put in the public space and something which could infact end up affecting ALL of us if it catches on. It’s funny how everyone who attacked the writer agrees that the entire certificate thing is bullcrap but then they still went ahead to attack the writer? I’m really confused.
      3+
      1. Nosa
        “Catches on”? Lol, but this isn’t a new thing na. It has been happening since na.

        And i don’t see the comments as “attacks”. S called the whole certificate thing bullshit, they called her post bullshit. I just feel it’s fair game.
        And where i felt the need to push (not attacking) S was because she tried to undermine the motives for the action (however immature the action may be)

        4+
        1. thetoolsman
          It isn’t a new thing? Really? Please point me in the right direction.
          As for attacks/bullshit, it’s definitely a fair game, if you can dish it, you have to be ready to take it.
          1+
          1. Nosa
            for real though, i remember growing up. i hate of a man who lived down our street who took his daughter occasionally for “virginity” tests. this stuff happens more than we even know about
            0
      2. Dami
        Pretty sure the writer is getting called out on her crap because she justifies her popular opinions by saying (writing?) something along the lines of “A is an adult, his actions don’t affect you, move on, c’est la vie”, but somehow exempts this scenario from her all-encompassing umbrella.

        Post might well have been better received if penned by another. Or not. Guess we’ll never know.

        3+
        1. SeryxMe
          This is exactly my own point, if we take away the rant and look at the main issue. This is my position on it. I really wish some of those who support this post can explain this.
          1+
      3. SeryxMe
        “Once you put your business in the public space, it becomes fair game.”

        You just solved the confusion yourself. I think S’s ‘rant’ should’ve been more private and a more objective piece should have been written by her. Once the ‘rant’ is put up here, I don’t know why it couldn’t be ‘fair game’. Does it (the ‘rant’) deserve exclusivity? She has a right to feel the way she felt, just as the lady in question has a right to do her certificate thingy. But many of us have a problem with her putting her feelings across this way just as she has a problem with the lady putting her certificate out there. See, as much as we are pushing being real and being true to who you are on this platform (and trying to take away the judgment factor), the fact is that not everyone agrees with who you are. We just expect everyone to respect every other person’s individuality and accept there are differing perspectives. The way S put this rant out sounds like she’s judging the lady (even the other people) in the story. Or how could one say:
        “What even struck me was the smile on the girl and her father’s face, like “OMG! This is such a memorable moment in our lives”, I wish I could tell them that it really isn’t.”

        I don’t think it’s right for anyone to tell anyone what is or isn’t memorable in their lives. It’s just not fair. And if that’s acceptable. I don’t know why it’s not for people to tell her that her ‘rant’ is unnecessary, considering the issue at hand. There are far worse things in this world. She didn’t pass the point across well at all and if anyone wanted a meaningful debate, how you relate the main issue matters as much as the issue itself. Like I said before, I’ve never read S this aggressive before. I hope this is just a one-off.

        7+
      4. D.K
        Toolsman, I’m calling you out. S has written quite a number of posts here, some I agree with some I don’t but this post ‘sounds’ very judgmental and not objective. She has a few points but I (and some other people here) couldn’t get past her rant. S is allowed to attack and others are not? Please go back to this post, read every line and tell me in all honesty that no statement she made came off as that. My point is, if you are gonna preach about expressing our opinions without judging and attacking, then you should depict same in your posts. I’m surprised you find no attack in this post yet you find in some comments here. Let’s be consistent please.
        4+
        1. thetoolsman
          lol… Calm down and read my comments again. Objectivity on such subjects is very relative and the variety of opinions in the comments section proves this. If S is allowed to “attack” and others are not allowed to “attack” her in return, do you think a lot of the comments here would have made it on to the site? From my comments, you’ll notice that I was one of the first to point out the fact that Im not a fan of the rant approach to things and I later said she was probably a bit emotional with her writing which is something a lot of writers have been guilty of at one point or the other in their careers. All this aside, what I’ve also said and which you also agreed with in your comment is that there are valid points in the piece and that maybe justifies why you got to read it. You can’t possibly like everything posted on the site – I don’t agree with opinions here too, and just like you, I speak out when I don’t but I do it respectfully which is what I hope we’ll all learn to do.
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  • U3
    T (first time commenter) you brought out just what I was thinking, if the writer had written from that perspective that they were being hypocritical then arguments would be about that. But this post stinks of anger at her ‘claiming to be a virgin’ as we see it. And T you asked why? From what I read its a family tradition, and she wanted to do it.

    That’s another issue I have, no facts to put the rant together with just anger at her and her worthless piece of paper.

    We live in a world where people call what they don’t like BULLSHIT, why can’t I do something that pleases me. I don’t see her crying in the photo with her dad after all. And this post, its BULLSHIT!!!

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  • thetoolsman
    It’s been interesting reading the comments here so far and as a senior editor here, I feel the need to address a few things that came up in the thread, especially for the benefit of first time visitors.

    1. We encourage expression here, yes, all kinds but I think going forward, we need to add that we do this with caution. We receive tonnes and tonnes of submissions and very few make it on to the site for several reasons such as quality, objectivity, lack of validity etc. Even posts from the in-house columnists are vetted before being published. And although we don’t directly moderate comments, we have strict community rules which guide our interaction.

    2. Personally, I try not to be too vocal on such posts so it doesn’t come off as defending the team members but on this post, I feel the need to point out some things:

    – When something is put in the public space, it becomes fair game. We as members of the media can talk about it, and members of the public can comment.
    – People will have different opinions on such things. In this case, the writer had hers which several people supported in the comments section and others didn’t.
    – As a writer, sometimes you put a little too much of your emotions in your writing. For me, on this particular piece, the main point of the writeup is in the penultimate paragraph:

    “I enjoy a great sexy time, I really do, the average person does because we are wired to but then being sexually inactive to prove a point doesn’t make you a better person. By my standards (and quite a number of people out there – thanks to TNC polls), virgins are not better than sexually active people and vice versa. Her being ‘pure’ isn’t going to make her a better wife or daughter or mother. He cannot say that if she had become sexually active before her wedding he would love her less, so…. basically, bullshit.”

    Maybe many didnt make it to this paragraph because of the writer’s chosen style of writing but based on this paragraph, I see the need for us to talk about this.

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    1. D.K
      You receive tonnes and tonnes of submissions and very few make it on to the site for several reasons such as quality, objectivity, lack of validity etc. Yet, this post made it here.
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  • Nosa
    *sigh* to be honest, i never really read this post but i just i did and i have to say that i still don’t see the issue.
    The whole post is based on “Supposed” premises
    – that she made a promise to her father
    – that she was sexually inactive just to prove a point.

    I can then only guess that the promise was “to remain ‘pure’ till marriage”. Even if the promise was to prove a point, i believe the point is being proven to whoever the promise was made i.e her father. So i don’t see how making that promise translates to her trying to prove that she is ‘better’ than others. She didnt remain pure because it may make her a better wife or daughter, she did it TO KEEP HER WORD TO HER FATHER.
    I, for the life of me, do not understand how sexually active people come to the conclusion that a person choosing to be be a ‘virgin’ is a statement of acclaim to being the better person. How is that so? And if it is, shouldn’t we look on such person with pity?

    And then saying she should have instead made that kind of promise to her mother is also undermining her relationship with her dad.

    “If I ever decide to have a kid and it’s a girl, personally, I do not think it’s her father’s place to talk to her about sex-related stuff simply because no one understands the female body more than a woman does.”
    Is it a case of who understands the body more? What if she has a better and closer relationship with her father? Because she’s a girl doesn’t mean she automatically best buds with mummy.
    What if, despite your train of thought that it isn’t the father’s place to talk about such stuffs, she chooses to do so? Will you then enforce your thought train on her?

    And then, saying she should have kept herself till 30 is extremely redundant. The “promise” was till she got married, whether at 20 or 40.

    And then this;
    “. By my standards (and quite a number of people out there – thanks to TNC polls), virgins are not better than sexually active people and vice versa.”
    There are an infinite number of perspectives by which we, irrelevantly, judge who is a better person, so incase i missed that poll, i would like to know from which perspective the poll was carried out. Because except someone spells it out, i don’t get how we then see their actions as a statement of being better

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    1. thetoolsman
      I recently engaged a friend in an argument. He’s proudly homophobic and his reason is simple – “Gay people rub their sexuality in his face” .. When asked why/howcome, he says its because they are everywhere, on the news, on his favourite blogs and now on his tv shows.

      I made him realize two things: 1. those in the minority will always come across as being aggressive even when they are not trying to push their agenda – look at the Niger Deltans in Nigeria, the LGBTq community globally etc. 2. When something is in the public space, that’s exactly what it is, public business. You have to work extra hard to isolate yourself from it.

      You said you do not understand why sexually active people come to the conclusion that a person choosing to be be a ‘virgin’ is a statement of acclaim – well, I hope those two points help you out a bit.

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  • Zara
    Stephanie and Seryxme have said it all and I can’t say I’m shocked by the kind of things people will attack and support.People will support the worst things and give reasons for it and attack the things which do not even affect them.Nobody even thinks that what she did may have inspired many others to keep themselves too? I’m a Christian and my opinion is that you should keep yourself not even because of your husband or wife but because your body is God’s temple.She made her dad a promise and brought evidence to back it up(whether it’s genuine or not we’ll never know).Please let’s just live and let live.
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  • Sisi P
    To be honest isn’t this ‘woke’ world about freedom to do whatever you want? Why is everyone so upset with her? I thought we live in a free world where anyone can do whatever they want? What happened to ‘my vagina my choice?’ Lol. Aunty decided to wait and it’s tighting people’s chest like this? Did she say you’re a bad person for not waiting? Smh for the hypocrisy here sha
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