Who You Are Isn’t a Fixed State

Opinion

As humans, change is inevitable. No one wants you to pretend, or become an hypocrite. Neither will anyone tell you to sacrifice your happiness at another person’s altar. All they will want from you is just a sincere little effort at trying to change.

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Over the years, there is barely any friend of mine that didn’t complain about a particular aspect of me. Oh, they all agreed I was beautiful, intelligent, and unique. But the one thing they all told me at the end of these exotic words was “Ayo, you are too locked up inside yourself.”

Of course, my response to them always was “This is me. This is who I am. Take me for me.” It always got me angry that they would call me secretive and close-lipped in spite of my many other wonderful traits.

I’m wiser now anyway, and I understand better what they meant. I know now that what I called “this is how I am” was actually a character flaw. I realised how painful it can be when you share all with a person, expecting that person to reciprocate, but the person does not, making the excuse like, “I don’t know how to… It is just not me.”

You see, character flaws can be worked on. You are allowed to work on yourself, to improve yourself. No one is born with a rude, loud mouth. No one is born with a careless attitude. Neither is anyone born with a cold heart.

All these are what we pick up as we grow, for one reason or the other. This is why, they can go. Yes, you can get rid of those character flaws. No matter how loving that friend or lover is, one day they will get fed up of your saucy attitude, arrogance, loud mouth, stinginess, rudeness and the likes.

As humans, change is inevitable. No one wants you to pretend, or become an hypocrite. Neither will anyone tell you to sacrifice your happiness at another person’s altar. All they will want from you is just a sincere little effort at trying to change. You can work on your overly loud voice; you can work on your distrust of others; you can work on anything if you put your mind to it.

To find out if you really have a character flaw, all you need to do is put yourself in the shoes of your loved ones, and see if you would like to be friends with yourself.

Character flaws shouldn’t be passed off as, “This is how I am.” Work on yourself. You can be better. You can grow.

Do you have character flaws that you’ve struggled to overcome? What are the things you’ve done about them?

Responses

  1. CeeCee
    “Who are you
    really?

    You are not a name
    or a height, or a weight
    or a gender
    You are not an age
    and you are not where you are from

    You are your favorite books
    and the songs stuck in your head
    You are your thoughts
    You are your experiences
    Your decisions, emotions
    and what you eat for breakfast
    on Saturday mornings

    You are a thousand things
    but everyone chooses
    to see the million things
    you are not

    You are not
    where you are from
    You are where you are going
    and those ones “that love you, won’t mind
    going there with you too”

  2. Larz
    I totally get the point of the post. However, I didn’t like the example of the flaw you used to highlight your point.

    I think too many people get easily vexed when they think you should open up to them and you don’t. The decision to let ppl in completely and totally into your life is your choice for you to exercise at any point in time. Yours alone and it is not to be coerced or manipulated into being.

    You can be my friend do for several decades and I may only be happy to share certain aspects of my life with you but not others.

    1. Ayo Al
      Hi Larz, I used that particular example because that used to be a particular bad side of me. I mean I had friends who I knew for over decades and I wouldn’t disclose even little things to them. So, to me, it was a flaw….

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