Confession of a “Church Boy”

When in a relationship, because of my faith and desire to be celibate, it’s a struggle that gets the best of me from time to time. I meet a great lady. I put my belief and desire to be celibate upfront. She accepts it and states that although that may or may not be her desire, she will succumb.

But every once in a while the flesh of passion rises and I succumb to my own desire of pleasure. I feel a bit guilty afterward (that’s called conviction). I repent and strive to do better.

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Hi, my name is Dan and I am a “Church Boy”. Well, that’s what I have been called in recent times and I have a confession.

I have been called “Hypocrite” and I have recently realised where the misconception lie.

I happened to have served as a fellowship leader on campus and now there is no Sunday that passes by without me wearing a suit.

So, I get this usual vibe of…

“So, you’re a church boy,”

“No, I’m a Christian who happens to be a man,” my usual response.

I grew up in church all my life. Now I’m fully aware of the stereotype and misconceptions that come with being the “church boy”.

Let me say it as it is. We’re tagged novice and virgins  (even when we are not). We say we go to church. We shout on Sunday mornings, but get us in the bedroom and we have you shouting “thank you Jesus” and speaking in tongues.

Waiting until marriage is a cute theory and the NoSum (No Sex Until Marriage) movement is admirable but let’s be real, who does that these days!?

I think I do! At least that’s my goal and I’m striving daily.

Let me clear the doubts of all ladies out there, just because a man claims to be a Christian but may sleep with you, should not discredit his Christianity or his morals and values, especially when the sex feels good.

Sounds a bit strange or hypocritical? I’m speaking only from my perspective and experience, don’t judge me.

I’m a loving person. I love love and I love to display it through hugs, kisses, etc. Don’t put the blame on me, It’s simply just the way God made me.

When in a relationship, because of my faith and desire to be celibate, it’s a struggle that gets the best of me from time to time. I meet a great lady. I put my belief and desire to be celibate upfront. She accepts it and states that although that may or may not be her desire, she will succumb.

But every once in a while the flesh of passion rises and I succumb to my own desire of pleasure. I feel a bit guilty afterward (that’s called conviction). I repent and strive to do better.

We get to “talk” in which I explain why we can’t do it again and we must set boundaries for the relationship. But then it may happen again from time to time as body “no be firewood”.

I know this drives the lady crazy and she may see me as a boy. And I’ve absolutely realized that it’s not fair to the lady. It’s a roller coaster ride that is fun at first, but then it just gets annoying and makes her sick.

In defense, for those who may be Christians, the struggle between spirit and flesh Is so real, particularly with dating. It’s the same concept between right and wrong. Doing what you know is right and doing what you know will make you feel good for the moment. It’s called being human.

Just because I am a Christian does not negate my desire for intimacy and sex. Sex is great and the ultimate form of intimacy when with the right person.

But understand that the struggle is not just about sex, but what are we really saying about God. How is that being portrayed to the lady I’m dating? Am I giving her a bad view of Christians? Am I drawing her to the church or away from the church? (Like the church doesn’t have a bad reputation already) Not to forget that the struggle is real!?

Speaking of the church. Dating is such an under taught concept that begins and ends with “don’t have sex before marriage.”

But what about the in between?

How do we do the whole dating thing God’s way? Many of us are left to our own interpretations.

Ladies, listen. It’s not my desire to get you all excited and aroused and then leave you hanging with frustration and agitation. It’s not my desire to lead you on or misrepresent Christ.

It is my desire to be in a healthy relationship that pleases God. On behalf of all Christian men who love God but struggle in this area of abstinence, we apologize.

Ladies, “church boys” are actually great men to seek after. We have our struggles like every other man, but if he is truly a Christian man who goes to church and has a relationship with Christ, he will not seek to frustrate you, but build you up and be more of an influence than a hindrance.

Besides, the stereotypes of “church boys” may hold a little truth, and from what I hear, most ladies want a guy in the streets, but a….

Responses

  1. Adebayo omowunmi
    As christains the struggle is real, bt its easier wen both parties agree on being celibate together, so wen one is weak the other can help. And the truth is we walk by faith and not by sight, we should always ask God, d holyspirt to help us, cos based on our flesh its very difficult.
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  2. Bukunola
    I absolutely relate, I had to break off my relationship yesterday because he couldn’t just understand why I wanted to be celibate, I don’t understand it either, I’m just keen about building friendship. I hope this helps me
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  3. Christain
    If u are a victim why dont u rise for even christ fell three times but rose and continued his mission’ why must u be a trap for others by condoning this evil.
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