Dear Efe, Best Friend to BoyFriend?

Hello Efe, I have this guy I became friends with during NYSC. We went to the same uni but weren’t friends then. During NYSC, we formed a habit of hanging out to avoid being bored out of our minds in Damaturu. Anyway he had a girlfriend and it wasn’t an issue as we were not…

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Hello Efe,

I have this guy I became friends with during NYSC. We went to the same uni but weren’t friends then. During NYSC, we formed a habit of hanging out to avoid being bored out of our minds in Damaturu.

Anyway he had a girlfriend and it wasn’t an issue as we were not having sex, just being casual friends. Somewhere along the line, they broke up (it had nothing to do with me) and we are both back to Lagos after NYSC. Our friendship has become deeper and there is no denying the fact that we are into ourselves.

I’ve developed feelings for him. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I’m 23 and have never really had a ‘boyfriend’. It’s different with him. He’s all I can think about and he makes me feel special and wanted. I have no idea if it would be just sex for him, but the things he says and does make me think he likes me for more.

I’m super awkward and don’t even know where to begin but I owe it to myself to see where things go. We haven’t even kissed but I know it is going to happen soon and then at some point sex will happen.

I am afraid that someone’s going to end up getting hurt, and mostly I don’t want that person to be me. What do I do?

Bibz

 

Hello Bibz,

It seems to me you’ve decided you are going for him regardless and that would be a good move. Love should be sensible but not common sense. There is no room for over analysis nor fear when loving. Just love. Just as death does not stop human beings from having children, same way the possibility of heartbreak should not deny us the pleasure of experiencing love.

Efe

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Hello Efe,

I’m 19 and I’ve never kissed anyone or been in a relationship because I didn’t see the point. But over the past year my best friend who is 24 years old and I have fallen in love. We talk about literally everything, I have come to learn so much from him. The trouble is he’s leaving for his Masters soon and he’ll be gone for about two years.

We have talked about our feelings for each other and don’t think it’s wise to become intimate because, one, we’re both religious and believe in waiting until marriage, and two, he’s leaving. Being separated and rarely able to talk is going to be hard enough.

I want him to at least be my first kiss though, and I want him to be the one who makes the first move. All my friends say, “Just kiss him!” But if he doesn’t want that, I don’t want to be embarrassed, what do I do.

Bunmi

 

Hello Bunmi,

The kiss isn’t the goal. The emotion behind the kiss is. If you force it to occur, it will be a contact of lips, not a kiss. If you script it, it won’t satisfy you. Planning it removes the magic, it should be spontaneous.

If a kiss seals a pact to wait for him for two years, then don’t do it. Making a promise between the two of you at this stage says, we will not explore opportunities with other people we may meet. You can’t do that to him. He can’t do that to you either.

If he doesn’t make the first move, do not worry, it would be only natural to kiss him goodbye.

Efe

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Hello Efe,

I just found out my boyfriend of three years has been cheating. We have talked about getting married and I love him very much. Realizing he has not been honest me has been gut wrenching. To say I am devastated is an understatement. I have told him to give me space to think things over.

Should I let a three year relationship go down the drain or should I tell him we can work it out one last time?

O.O

 

Hello O.o

You don’t have three years invested in this relationship. For the three years your boyfriend was being unfaithful you thought you were in a relationship.

Now that you know what you know, you should ask yourself, do I want a relationship with somebody who can’t be faithful to me?

Note that once you start a relationship with him knowing that he is unfaithful, you would never be able to hold him accountable. He’s not going to care if you catch him again because you took him back once.

He will have proof on his side that you will take him back. You have no proof to offer that you won’t.

My advice is, decide what you can live with and make an honest decision.

Efe

 

Responses

  1. Glow
    Hi Efe…
    Your responses always make plenty of sense.
    Just to add to the response you gave to Bibz, let her sit and have a honest talk with her best friend. She should ask him what they are doing, ask him “are we in a relationship? Are we dating? Do we have a commitment towards each other?”. It may seem awkward but I feel it’s a step in the right direction. She may have all the mushy feelings and he may not. So, asking that question would be bring out the truth (I pray he gives a honest answer). If he doesn’t seem to know the answer, Bibz, please move on.
    #justmythought
  2. Morris
    Lol …it would be only natural to kiss him goodbye.

    Yeah, bibz, please define the relationship if you are worried about being hurt.

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