Hello Efe,

I am writing because I need advice…more advice than my friends have shared…or just better advice than my friends have given me.

Sometime in November I ran into an old school friend and he offered me a ride home. Instead we went for lunch and by the end of lunch he asked me to see a movie and we did.

Long story short, we got to know each other very quickly, and although it was out of the blue, I quickly realized that I enjoyed his company tremendously. We spent all our time together for the following two weeks.

I hate to sound cliché and say we just clicked, but the truth is, we did. I’ve never clicked with anyone that quickly, and I’ve had my share of guys. We quickly became and were seemingly very into each other.

After two weeks something changed in his attitude toward me and I confronted him. We had a very open talk about how we both became comfortable with each other very quickly. He confessed he had just broken up with someone and was not completely over her.

We decided we would start over, be friends and see if it took us back to each other. He seemed genuine when he said he still wanted to hang out. I was upset about everything but I figured we still had a chance. I have only seen or heard from him once since.

It has been like a month now and he is still acting up. At this point I just want to be friends, perhaps with the hope maybe something will rekindle. I miss his company.

Should I put myself and call him? Is there any way I can get him back in my life in any way?

F

 

Hello F,

You thought you guys clicked. The click you thought you heard was like finding the other shoe of a pair but was it really that or the same pair you always had?

You didn’t really know him. You talked about everything but he didn’t tell you about the girlfriend he just broke up with. After two magical weeks your prince charming pulled the slipper off your foot. The magic was mostly on your end. After a two week whirlwind romance, or a yearlong relationship, when a guy says “let’s be friends,” the relationship is over.

Things happened too quickly with a guy you didn’t really know, though you are reluctant to admit you didn’t really know him. Why? Because, “I might not have done what I did had I known more.”

You need to let him go and move on with your life.

Efe

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Hello Efe,

Thank you for the work you are doing. You give a lot of good advice that I have learnt from God bless you.

 This is my first letter to you and here is my problem.

During a break up (at that time, I thought we had broken up for good), I slept with someone I quite liked. It did not work out however, and my boyfriend and I got back together again. I told him that I slept with someone, because honesty is very important to me. He accepted it, and we moved on from there. He however, never told me that he slept with anyone. The other day, I was going through his phone looking at pictures ( he knew I was doing this) I stumbled upon a picture with him and another girl, the way she was holding him, it was clear they were intimate. I immediately asked him and he confessed she was a girl he dated briefly while we were broken up. I was very upset, not because he did the same thing as what I did, but because he kept it from me, and I had to confront him for him to tell me.

 What I need to know, is if he is in the wrong or not? I feel that he should have told me at the time-as I did as well. If we were going to restart our relationship, at least it should not be based on lies because then what is the point right? He has many issues with lying, and I often discover one lie after the other. I am in a position where I feel like I have to doubt everything this guy is saying to me or not saying. We have been together for over 3 months now since we got back together.

Please answer honestly.

Agbome

 

Hello Agbome,

While your boyfriend did not cheat on you in this instance, he lied to you by omission. Lying by omission is when a person lets another person ‘a truth’ knowing fully well that the said truth isn’t actually true. You showed him honesty as an act of love and faith in your relationship. He choose not to share with you deliberately. Lying by omission makes him a liar even though he did not commit the act of lying.

Growing up, I was told liars tend to steal and in my experience, this is true. People who lie are very likely to cheat others, steal and demonstrate other vices to their own selfish appeasement. In a relationship, a lying partner is very likely to be a cheating partner. People who cheat, lie a lot about to get away with their infidelity. If you have caught this guy in several lies in the past, it is worth looking into his faithfulness to you.

Efe

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Responses

  1. Larz
    If you are in a relationship with someone who lies to you so much you don’t believe him anymore, then I don’t think it is worth staying in that relationship esp if you are the kind of person that places a high value on honesty.
    1+
  2. casper the friendly ghost
    Non disclosure is not the same thing as lying. No doubt, it is an offense on its own but it should not be equated to lying.
    1+

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