Dear Men, Please (Don’t) Stare At My Breasts

African American woman holding glass of wine

Hey people, Toolsman here. So after watching the AMVC Awards this weekend, I decided to do a throwback on this subject. See you guys on the flip side.


I went to a homegirl’s birthday party last week. Me and my friend were posted up at the bar when our friend Wendy popped up (and out). As soon as I turned around to greet her, all I could see were her breasts, which where right at eye level and on full display thanks to her buttoned down button-up blouse. Since Wendy is like a sexy stepsister to me—fly as hell but too cool to go there with—I immediately raised my hand to shield the view of her fun bags and demanded she cover them up.

“What are you talking about,” she chuckled. “They’re just titties.”

“Yes, I know, but we don’t need to be looking at your breasts right now,” I replied. “So put them away.”


“I’m not gonna fall into your boobie trap.”

“What the hell is a boobie trap?”

“Those,” I said, pointing at her chest.

A “boobie trap” is what I call a woman’s cleavage when she leaves it exposed. See, men are visual creatures and by nature we’re drawn to shapely women—especially to their, uh, frontal chest region. Maybe it’s something in our genetic makeup or that we’re just horn balls, but men like breasts and we look at them every chance we get. Half the time we don’t even know we’re doing it—it’s just an uncontrollable reflex.

I’ll be the first to confess that I’ve caught myself absentmindedly looking at a woman’s chest. I’ll never leer in a psycho, perverted kinda way, but my eyes tend to get drawn to just about 12 inches below a women’s eye level on a regular bases. I’m not trying to objectify you, degrade you or disrespect you, so when I find myself falling into a boobie trap I try my best to get out of it as soon as possible, like I did with Wendy.

As much as Wendy wants to play innocent, she knew exactly what she was doing when she put that shirt on and decided not to do those last few buttons. Because any woman rockin’ a low-cut blouse with a shiny necklace nestled oh so gently between her soft and supple bosoms (drool) knows that men’s eyes are gonna make a beeline straight to her cleavage. It’s even worst for top-heavy women wearing something revealing, because both men and women are probably gonna sneak a peak. There’s nothing wrong with looking, it’s just a matter of not being too disrespectful. Look but don’t touch. Stare but don’t leer. We mean no harm (well, most of us). One quick glance and we’ll be gone. But it’s like a Lays potato chip, sometimes you can’t have just one…peak. But that’s when you get…

By the boss’ wife (uh-oh)
By your best friend’s sister (sorry)
By the girl across from you on the train/bus/plane, et al. (My bad)
By the practically every damn woman (oops)

Fellas, I know we like to think we’re slick when we try to grab a quick glance, but we will always get caught. Women have some sort of built in radar that let’s them know when we’re looking at their girls. Some will make their disgust quite obvious, while others just ignore it because they’ve become immune to it. But that doesn’t mean that she didn’t catch you, homie. We’re just not as slick as we think we are.

Sometimes guys try to fight the natural instinct to look, which winds up being the most awkward thing in the world. That’s when a guy stares directly into a woman’s eyes as he’s talking to her to let her know his eyes are not wandering. Or, we do the complete opposite and look everywhere but below eye level. We’ll be looking at the top of your head or straight up at the ceiling. By time the conversation is over, we’ll know how many light bulbs are in every room. The goal is to do anything to stop from looking down, but if it’s a long conversation, you’re doomed to fail. The urge to look at a woman’s chest is just too strong. (Yes, it really is). Breasts aren’t going anywhere any time soon (Thank God), and as long as women keep setting their boobie traps, men are gonna get caught looking. Happy hunting, ladies.


Ladies, how often do you catch men looking at your chest? Are you flattered by it or disgusted? Does it depend on who’s falling into your boobie trap? Any women willing to admit to wearing low-cut tops just to get attention? Do some women use their boobie traps to get things out of men? How funny is it when you catch a guy trying not to stare but you know he wants to? Fellas, what joy do you get out of looking at a nice pair of boobies? How awkward is it for you when you try not to stare?

Let’s hear your coments, views, opinions.. use the comment box to express you.


And just after I put down this post, I saw these pictures online… sigh..



  • highlandblue says:


  • highlandblue says:

    Well, I wonder why a lady should be disgusted if someone is checking out the goods she put on display.

    It's awkward for me if the lady is a friend or relative. After the first scope (which is inevitable) I just avoid looking at you entirely. Becomes a phone conversation.

    If it's a stranger I could actually smile at the cleavage and crack a joke about the "elephant in the room". After that, awkwardness is usually far away. I like today's topic lol

  • chuka says:

    Its not any awkward trying not to stare…

    You just do it a little and wouldn’t wanna be caught drooling while at it…

    Its kinda embarassing…

  • kophojomo says:

    lmao…those pics…plus on TV too…Halle Berry is wickid tho….
    As for the questions posted by toolsman, relative to the previous breat-size post and seeing as I'm a B,I don't deal with leers chest-wards but I always have a blast catching my guy-friends in the act…they always look sheepish trying to convince me that they weren't looking…
    Guys don't only have problems staring at breasts but butts too….now that I just ignore…

    • Deee says:

      Lol. The fact that she looks perfectly at ease is what makes it so funny. Like she's gisting with her favorite Uncle.

      I'm a B too, which is why when some forward human being says to me with a disapproving tone – "I can see cleavage" – my first impulse is to ask her what cheap drugs she's on (yeah, it’s women who do this). Really, what are you seeing?

      I like to watch people, and when I catch a guy looking at a girl's boobs, it’s kinda funny. But when I see one staring long and hard, to the point where his pupils dilate and its remaining for him to start swallowing saliva, I'm disgusted. It’s not mine he's staring at but it doesn't make it less disgusting.

  • kophojomo says:


  • niyoola says:

    guys just love boobs! wear bikini, they'll stare, wear potato sack … they'll stare. once there is a bulge at the chest area, they'll stare.

    I rarely put on cleavage revealing clothes; i do it once a while (the most you'll see is an inch of cleavage though). I dont really have issues with the quick glances. (after all, i crotch watch -_-).
    Its when a guy focuses on it for > 3 seconds that gets me.
    i just say "focus, up here ….. the eyes". that elicits either two responses from the guy: a laugh or an embarrassed cringe. I have a good laugh either way.

    • kophojomo says:

      Lmao at "crotch watch". That's another issue sef…

    • Soji says:

      I totally dig the boob-stare…I think its important for a guy to be comfortable doing this 'cos really, cleavage-showing dress or not, guys are most often staring at the curve line beneath a top for most of the day. And I've heard it said that a good boob-stare keeps away heart disease :)
      P.S: crotch-watch: new lingo :D

  • Tiki says:

    I could have sworn I've seen this post before…

    I get a lot of leers and stares, whether I'm covered up or not – I think a lot of men (and some women) are just drawn to sizable boobies. Usually it's flattering, but it gets a bit awkward when it's my boss, or nasty when it's an old man (who should be hooked up to an oxygen tank)!

    Truth be told, I don't really care about looking. I know when cleavage will pass and when it won't – so as long as I'm within the bounds of propriety, I'm good. Anybody who wants to disgrace themselves in public is free to behave like an idiot.

    • chuka says:

      Come on Tiki your last two lines sound like you got axe to grind.

      You made the point already… Whether your boss or some nasty old man,
      For some its just like an innoculation into their psyche…

      • Tiki says:

        lol, I don't have an axe to grind. I just think it's rude to leer, whether you are a man or a woman, and are looking at my lips, by boobs, my legs or anything else. I lose respect for such people, is all.

  • Tip says:

    BREASTS!!! (o_o)/ … I use to stare @ exposed cleavages unapologetically until MILFs got in on the act too … Now, it just wouldn't be nice staring @ your aunt's cleavage or your boss'.
    Get that RayBan, works everytime.

  • Fish says:

    If you put the goods out to be bobbie-shopped, don't get disgusted when a shopper decides to look at the goods.

    As the writer said, some ladies know exactly what they were doing and what effect they would cause not doing those top 2 or 3 buttons or wearing a top that reveals some. So such a gaze (as long as he doesn't fool himself and leer) with a smile since that was a victory for you.

    And yes, guys are naturally wired to see them. Though some have become experts in seeing them even when she is fully clothed

  • Cece says:

    If you have big boobs and you wear a low-cut top, don’t start feigning annoyance when guys stare. If you didn’t want them to look, you would have covered it up. My twenty pasewas

  • Tola says:

    There was once a rumor going around that staring at a woman's breasts for 30 mins is as good as 30 mins of cardio. I think it's since been debunked, but still the logic behind it isn't entirely inaccurate. Toolsman, As you've rightly pointed out, males are highly visual creatures. Seeing a woman's breasts pretty much automatically gets us aroused. Your body's main responses in an aroused state is to increase body temperature and heart rate.

    Yes, it's very awkward try not to stare. Your superego is trying to smack centuries of male evolution into submission. If you're in any sort of situation where it would be unseemly to be caught staring at a woman's upper torso, I would recommend you walk away for a minutes, collect your thoughts, and then come back sit down with a clear(er) mind.

  • @Tshyka says:

    If the boobs look good and its out there (say its just a few inches from seeing the areola) I think it'd be rude not to stare cos that's why it was put out there in the first place

  • spacyzuma says:


    I can't help myself, I gotta look. And if she confronts me, I tell her: "You dressed that way so that men (and women) will look (and admire/lust) at you. If you didn't want me to look, you should have sent me a warning memo." :p

    Even on twitter, I'd rather follow a babe who's avatar shows nice tatas than one showing a big arse.

  • I've had a very unsuccessful run when it comes to Boobs I'm meeting for the first time, esp. the Iceberg ones.
    I usually prefer a heads-up [no pun intended] cuz on a primal level, we blokes are just hardwired to stare.
    Buh after the initial wave of confusion passes, my very good friend 'maturity' kicks in and it's all dapper from there. :D

  • iStalkWriters says:

    I'm a guy, a nice guy, but a guy nonetheless so i have fallen into a few boobie traps. but I get out of it fast and never look back, either that or joke about it and get rid of the awkward. it would help if the traps weren't laid out so often. Can't be carrying out research and then have to go look at the topic again just because a co worker walked by.

  • Terdoh says:

    If you put them out there, don’t complain when I leave my eyes on (where) your nipples (are supposed to be)

    And don’t give me that “Hey, my eyes are up here” shit. If I hold up a signboard that says “don’t look” should I bitch slap you for looking?

    Accomodate the monsters you invite. I wasn’t there when you were dressing up. Don’t blame me.

  • Terdoh says:

    Meanwhile, this boob thing is getting out of hand. I’ve seen T-Shirts become low (and I mean very low) cut blouses when it’s picture time. I mean, 5 minutes ago, there were no tiddies. Where did the tiddies come from?

    I’ve witnessed first hand (and embarassingly so) where chicks taking pictures “for my avatar” squeezed their shoulders together and damn near brought the breast out of the bra in the turtle neck.

    “Ladies, respect yourselves abeg. No decent man is going to marry you because of breast.” – Anon.

  • ebk01 says:

    Crazy but true.. Sometimes u wanna tell dis close frnd but then I can’t

  • Well honestly I don’t blame guys for staring. I’m female and straight as can be but sometimes, even I can’t help staring. I mean some sistas play no games! In my case, I have a big butt and even my girlfriends of many years still stare and make comments. So how can I blame the guys? Just don’t be an idiot about it. Take what your Martian genes require of you and get to stepping.

  • @kene_co says:

    For the most part, I don’t like drawing attention to my chest area but when I do wear something revealing, it’s for me. It’s part of the outfit of the day, what I feel like wearing so though I acknowledge that some girls show cleavage for the mandem, for some of us, it’s just a fashion decision.

    You guys stare at everything. A high-neck t-shirt can draw as many stares as cleavage if the wearer is a C-cup or bigger.

    Don’t stare too long sha. That’s when it gets awkward.

  • damioyedele says:

    I do everything I can to take attention AWAY from my chest area. (You can't tell by my avi though. LOL.) I actually avoid low cut tops, and if I have to wear one, I will wear an 'inner' camisole that matches my outfit. It's very uncomfortable for me when guys stare, and even worse if it's a 'boss' or a much older man. Ewww. Ughhh. But since we're on the topic of staring, I must say I love when the stares are directed at my legs : )

    • FolF says:

      Nice inner camisole you have on in your profile pic…Infact it's really distracting me away from your chest area lmao

  • highlandblue says:

    Please ToolsMan fix our P Setters leader board. Some of us care about these things. I don't understand. Who is the customer care rep for this site?!

  • timiebix says:

    For someone with above average mammary glands, I can understand how it feels when someone stares err scratch that LEERS!
    I'm ok if you stare a bit, I mean they're impressive *flicks hair* but anything longer than two Mississippi is not good broda!

    Contrary to popular belief,not all girls show cleavage (I don't mean the use leaf to cover nipple type o) cos they're setting traps or P(do girls set P sef?)

    Anyways, sometimes and most times (at least for me) it's just cos we love our "girls" and like the way they look on us! Hahaha

    There's also the "I want dudes to stare at my ample bosom" reason and finally the "my breasts are so big that I don't even have to do anything but them girls just pop out" reason

    I hope with these few points of mine I have been able to convince and not confuse you that girls do not always show cleavage as boobie traps.

    *curtsies, drops mic and sits down*

  • kophojomo says:

    would men appreciate women wearing nun habit-like clothes? This one yall are complaining about clothes….the truth is that a woman in a sack would still get leered at

  • emmonfclassic says:

    got stuck in a boobie trap of an older lady colleague today. Guess she was aware and left me embarrased. However there's nothing i can do about it….its natural.

  • @Sirkastiq says:

    You women are the breast.

  • Rezza says:

    I have sadly come to the realisation that men WILL stare at your breasticles, whether you wear a turtle-neck burlap blouse or a buba. Especially if you are slim and carry a D cup. That's the way they're wired. There's just some gps thing in their brains that scream 'breasticles at 3 O'clock' when even fried eggs walk by.

    They're just mounds of flesh abeg, leave my twins alone!

  • ladetawak says:

    lol. I don't think it's about cleavage oh. When you some girls that can't see their feet over their boobs even if they wear turtle neck, you will still look. Some people just have attention grabbing breasts.

    On the matter of exposed cleavages, I think some girls do it on purpose. You cant wear a shirt that dips down to your navel and expect people not to look.

  • lordfiddler says:

    Talking about cleavage and not meaning to hold on to the matter for too long… I will interject that Presentation is key. I am occasionally moved to tell a lady "Thank you for your kindness" whenever I find that the image she served up was quite refreshing to my mind.
    Moderation is crucial as well but just as all fingers are not equal, this is not a luxury that some of our more "gifted" & voluptuous sistehz can afford just by the sheer brazenness of their "gifts".
    That said, some "leerings" are not intentional…some folks just haven't installed the "ode-override" and as such can't help it naturally.

  • Anonymous says:

    Breasts! Oho!! O_O!!! Ilemme see them titties! I WANT TO SUCK YOUR BREAST!!!

  • Anon. says:

    As a skinny girl with big boobs, truthfully, thete are times i dress up with low cut tops and when i catch guys looking i smile to myself, but there are also them guys who stare until the saliva is dripping from their mouths and that usually disgusts me. My boobs are big enough that even in a jalabia, they would be noticed and most times i even have girls asking me what my bra size is, so i understand when i catch boys looking, but all im trying to say is that, as girls, we understand that you'd be drawn to look, but do it with moderations please, thats all we ask.

  • afedziba says:

    how do you joke about boobs you're trying not to look at, doesn't that make it more awkward? anyway, u can stare several times, as long as u want, just do it discreetly and with sense and decorum, and not continuously, that's all.

  • afedziba says:

    anyway guys what's going through your minds when you're staring at ladies' boobs or are you just staring for staring sake?

  • True…. Wonder Why the B's are Major Sha!

  • nijezie says:

    Those Halle berry pictures though. Leno obviously needed some dark shades

  • Ezinne says:

    LOL…. :)

  • sapphire013 says:

    guys will look. Nothing will change that.

  • nu says:

    Woh Everybody enjoys anyone, bookmarked! My partner and i take issue in your own last level. nu

  • @Chinedov says:

    Very few men can withstand staring at those twin towers. Yes, your pastors included.

  • Hopefully, this post will make some people reflect on how much they suck. When I come accross a nice spot abused by pigs, there are many thoughts going through my mind, and they are all evil…

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