Why is it Impossible for me to Love You?

Opinion

Dear Morenike, Many people get married to the wrong person. They marry the person they do because that is who they were with when it’s time. When they’ve reached marriage age. I am a victim of this. My family pressured me when I reached my late 20’s to find someone and settle down. That’s when…

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Dear Morenike,

Many people get married to the wrong person. They marry the person they do because that is who they were with when it’s time. When they’ve reached marriage age. I am a victim of this. My family pressured me when I reached my late 20’s to find someone and settle down. That’s when I met my current wife. She wasn’t perfect, but then again, nobody is. She ticked all the important boxes and shared similar interests with me. Our relationship started with only one intention, could we get married to each other. There was no time to develop a friendship which I have come to understand is vital in a marriage.

The advice I received from people varied from your wife is not your best friend to your wife is the mother of your children.

Both true but I look back at this advice as severely hypocritical. Even at the time, half their marriages were loveless, or they were separated and in some extreme cases, violent. They were also subject to getting married when the time was right, and not when the partner was right. I let their yearning for an occasion to celebrate me cloud my judgment and in turn, shape the rest of my life.

Now I have met you.

I have met someone I get along with in a way that doesn’t wear me out. Someone who listens as much as speaks. Someone I can hold engaging conversations with about anything and everything. Long discussions that don’t turn into arguments. When you lead Praise and Worship, I find myself listening instead of singing along. Your voice is truly amazing and speaks to me in a way I cannot put into words. I had never heard of love languages until it came up in conversation recently. It was then I understood why your voice had that effect on me. You sing in a language I understand. I realised you were singing at the frequency my heart and soul received love.

I know this is probably coming as a shock to you, and I also don’t expect you to fully understand. I am very confused and find myself repeatedly asking how could I fall in love with someone else? I’m married and I love her, but in a different way. Why had I not met you earlier? Where were you a few years ago when I was being pressured to settle down? Why didn’t anyone introduce me to you or, you I? You are that person I would have wanted to settle down with. Someone that understands me as much as I them. Someone who speaks a language I understand.

I can’t blame you if you don’t take me seriously… after all, I am “happily” married. Happily married and coming to you, a single girl, about being entirely in love with you. Society has created such a resistance to finding love after marriage that it is nearly unheard of. It can only be an intimate or loveless affair. A short term thing. Not something that can be genuinely valued.

I’m not allowed to be in love with someone else because I’m married. She is the only one I’m supposed to be in love with. But, why is it impossible for me to love you? I feel things for you I have never felt before. Things that make me feel joy like no other.

So for what is right by God, I cannot bring myself to leave my wife unless one of us is unfaithful. Meaning, I would have to cheat. I would basically cause our separation and bear that sin for the rest of my life. Or, I could hope for my wife to have an affair. Which, as I’m sure you can imagine, is a pretty twisted wish.

The reason I’ve taken the time out to write this letter is to say goodbye. We are moving away to the West Coast. I put in for a transfer this morning and it got accepted. My wife has also found a hospital close by that requires a few nurses. I am extremely happy I got to meet you and thankful to God that I got to spend at least some time with you. However, I feel if our associations continue much longer, I am bound to break my vows and promises to both God and my wife.

I hope you find someone that speaks your language.

 

Jimi

Responses

  1. Mama Okija
    Plot twist, you marry this so called lady you seem to be madly in love with and few years down the line, it all fades away and you start to detest her like you do your wife right now. I don’t think love is so important to make a marriage work. Ask your parents how they made theirs work and you’ll see if they would rank love as one of the top factors. Please focus on how to make yours work with your wife, learn to love her, stop allowing your mind wander. There’s no such thing as a one true soulmate!

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