Dear Nigerian Women,
Ever since my early teens, I have always known myself to be a hardcore romantic – the idea of a relationship where I go out of my way to do the sweetest, most creative things for someone I love is one I have always been enamored with. Dinner dates, spend on gifts, go on walks in a garden, park a car by a small lake and spend hours talking and looking into each other’s eyes – I could go on and on. For me, being a partner to my woman was all this and being her rock, her encouragement, her push to help her achieve her dreams, the first person she talks to in her moments of distress and shares her moments of joys with. Interestingly enough, I hardly ever considered if my partner will do the same for me.
And it was with these expectations I have of me that I entered into my first relationship and I received quite the rude shocker – it actually does suck if you are the only one doing it in a relationship. It drains you when all the effort comes from only one direction.
I came to realize that a lot of Nigerian women do expect that the guy does all the doing in a relationship – the communication, the calls, the paying of bills, playing the supportive partner, doing the romantic stuff and all else that is necessary to keep the spark of the relationship.
I feel that too many of you are content with playing second fiddle, and being the willing passenger in a relationship, to be dragged hither and thither as the driver, the man, so wishes. I have lost count of the number of lost relationships I have seen or heard of because the man dropped the ball he has been carrying for so long, and you did not pick it up.
Of course, often, you feel that in return, all you need to do is to perform tasks such as show up at his place and cook for him, or wash his clothes, or even worse, make love-making which you both ought to share as something you are giving him as your duty in the relationship. It is why it is quite common to hear a lady complain that “I even slept with him” when complaining of a relationship that went south.
You see, many of us want way more than this – we want to be in relationships where we know our partners will meet us halfway. When we don’t call, they will call. When they feel something is wrong, they will speak up and not sulk in silence, expecting that we magically know something is wrong and fix it.
We want partners that will not just exist in the relationship or be dormant partners – you are as much a driver in this as we are. Why don’t you also seize the initiative on what you think we should do or where the relationship should be going?
We want partners that we can talk about our issues and share our problems with, and get more than just boilerplate answers and cliché advice like, “God is in control” and “Don’t worry, it will be fine” in response. We are with you for many more reasons than just your beauty – it is also because we find you smart and we believe you can bring those smarts to the fore and give us quality advice and insight. How else are we going to achieve our dreams of building those empires when we feel we are practically dragging you along?
There are times we will feel low; after all, we are only human. We want you to also be there for us to give us strength and encourage us, and to lift us up when we are down. We want to be able to run our ideas by you, to sit with you and plan world domination together, to be that power couple that we so fantasize about because we know it is possible.
Understandably, your laid-back nature in the relationship largely comes as a result of our patriarchal society where the man is expected to take the lead in everything. But times have changed and times are changing and many more men desire partners, not appendages. They desire that you build them up as much as they build you up. They desire to receive from you as much as they give you – love, affection, friendship, and yes, financially too.
There is only so much we can continue to give without reciprocity from you, and it does get exhausting and takes its toll on us.
More than anything, we want you to be our partners and not leech on us.
Your partner,
Mark.
Latest posts by Mark Amaza (see all)
- Buhari And The Gang - December 18, 2016
- Dear Nigerian Women: Partner, Not Leech - October 17, 2015
- Must Your Husband Wear His Wedding Ring? - February 26, 2015
Mr. Brightside
First?
ADEE
Enjoy 🙂
Asma
First?!!!! I really like this.
ADEE
Four minutes late… I am in a good mood today. Enjoy 🙂
Elohor
Best so far.
Aghumiele
Enjoyed this too…seems to me tho’ like more the idealistic than realistic situation.
How many men REALLY want women that can challenge and push and help them fight; and not feel threatened…most times guys would rather talk to friends than run ideas by their women…
Also, what about when its the lady who ‘does the doing?’, who plans world domination and the guy is all laid back like so?
Cavey
I would love to speak on behalf of most men. Unfortunately some men actually want a ‘log’ as a partner who feeds the flames of their ego by giving them credit for everything. “My man got me this”, “my boo has 6 dom accounts”, “my boyfriend gat this”. Mbok. Is he Clark Kent?! Even Clark needed Lois Lane when he hit rock bottom AND WHEN HE DIDN’T.
Personally, I think men would fill up with giddy joy to be able to count on their women as sure as they can count on Arsenal finishing 3rd/4th. Yes its inbuilt that we feel like we’re your ‘protector’ and we need to be counted on but the woman who makes our ‘duty’ less of a burden by meeting us halfway truly is BAE.
Nice one Mark.???
Chinedov
LOOOOOL.
But, seriously, what has Arsenal got to do with all this, eh?
Deji
You just had to bring Arsenal into this ehn.
Olushola
“How many men REALLY want women that can challenge and push and help them fight; and not feel threatened…”
I do, and so many do too. Some of us are in constant search for this kind of woman.
About the man being ‘laid back’ while the lady ‘does the doing’, this is where maturity comes in. She’s the brain, she will figure something out.
Need I indicate that even when two people match on many levels, it’s not a guarantee they won’t have issues. Doesn’t mean they are meant for each other. Expecting them be ‘Mr and Mrs perfect’ because they are intelligent is… (can’t find the right word).
Miss Thang
I love this. Very insightful. The true definition of who a partner is.
Dea
Lovely article!
I don’t agree with it though. Coz in my past relationships, I’ve been the romantic one and the guys are always like ‘you know I’m not romantic’ or ‘teach me how to be romantic now’ and stuff like that
butterflymind
“We want to be able to run our ideas by you, to sit with you and plan world domination together, to be that power couple that we so fantasize about because we know it is possible.”
Can I be the Pinky to your Brain? 🙂
Olushola
You can be to mine.
mimsy
Interesting write up, but it doesn’t apply to more than30% of men. I’ve been in and heard about situations where it’s the woman who’s more giving(in more ways than one, like stated) and the man is just laid back with excuses of ” I’ll learn” maybe after a few days trial, he’ll fall back to his old ways. Truth is most men don’t deserve our women (NW), women are taught from birth to be loving, submissive and all what not to their men, but just a handful of men actually know about what it takes to understand women. We’re not so difficult. I love me a man that can do all the above mentioned and more, it brings out the best in me. For some others, it might be the T&C for being a maga. And it’s not just a trait in Nigerian women.
Cavey
Not that I agree that the percentage is as low as 30% but let’s even say you’re right and most men remain “laid back” while the woman gives. Said woman should communicate with her man and put her foot down (lovingly but firmly). She is the way she is because she was ‘taught from birth’. That’s the difference. You can’t ‘teach’ a man these things; he has to realize them on his own but you could speed up this realization by telling him. Example: Gabrielle Union and her man in ‘Think Like a Man’
A Loco Viva Voce
Hmmm.. be careful what you wish for. When you get such women, you might flee from their domineering nature. It’s best when they caress your ego whilst subtly throwing in a little idea here or there. Almost making you seem like you were the one that brought the idea in the first place.
Read this article on HAJJ DISASTER: THINGS WE’VE LEARNT http://alocovivavoce.com/2015/10/17/hajj-disaster-things-weve-learnt/
Ray
Lol. You are wrong about such women though.
A woman can be all the things Mark wants in his post without being domineering.
She knows how to give ideas and encourage him, how to make business plans with him without belittling him for needing her help.
She’s knows how to be his support, confidante and best friend without being overbearing.
She knows how to be her smart, creative self without being smug about it.
seryxme
Ray, you’re a superwoman, you know that? Thank you for this!
Ray
Hahaha yeah, I know ?
You’re welcome.
Funk
Ray is awesome. She gets it.
Olayinka
Funny thing is that your comment was exactly the position of a friend of mine while having a conversation about taking decisions together as partners inna marriage or relationship. She had this same opinion about allowing a man to believe an idea was his when you were the one who sold it to him subtly. And she got that nugget from her mother. I also see it in my parent’s relationship too.
The question then is whether we can still say then that the decision was jointly made in that situation? Why must we always treat men like King Kongs? Allow them to have their way all the time so as not to feel like we’re emasculating them. Any man who cannot have a simple conversation with a woman without feeling emasculated needs help.
Partnership isn’t about repressing our feelings to accommodate our partner’s ego. It’s about the meeting of two mature minds.
I’m wondering though, is this line of thought a matter of experience? Selling your ideas to men and letting them think it was their original thought?
Ade
As seen on twitter:
Got to deconstruct this notion of men as sole providers.
Not your ATM card.
Not your bank account.
Not your Father Christmas.
Your partner.
Kofoworola
Been a while…
Been taking notes from the DNW series…
sagachristos
Well said. Even though there are a number of exceptions but it’s still true for majority of the Nigerian women. And like you said I think it’s a result of the patriarchal nature of our society. Ladies have been taught from childhood to play second fiddle to the man,even in relationships.
A good example is Valentine’s day. It baffles me to no end the way ladies treat it like it’s their birthday and they should be the only ones getting the gifts and the cakes. I’ve gone on to ask many of my female friends what they got their man on Val’s day and sadly many of their answers were the same…’nothing’. And I’m like huh?? Are you the only ones that need to be loved? But sadly that’s just the reality of many relationships out there. Hopefully things change soon.
Nelo
Wait! You did all those things – lakeside visit, shopping,looking into her eyes – expecting reciprocity? If it had come from your heart, you wouldn’t count. And when did our patriarchal society change?(humour me)
You acknowledge we even try with ‘mere’ cooking and washing . I don’t know how many Nigerian men you spoke for here. But it must be a paltry percentage.
seryxme
If it came from the heart, he wouldn’t count? Oh, it’s supposed to just wash off his memory and reset after the fact? I’m amazed at this thought process.
There’s no harm in expecting reciprocity because it’s only fair. Many people (men and women inclusive) have come to be hardhearted and uncharitable because they have often being taken advantage of by people who would not reciprocate what they give. It’s not irrational or selfish. And it definitely does not mean it doesn’t come from the heart. Is this person the only one with a heart in the relationship? If you give love, you deserve love in return because we’re all humans and none of us has super powers.
This is the definition of an ideal relationship in this letter whether patriarchal society or no. I don’t know why you women will be hiding behind this finger and be complaining. There are many men out there open to this relationship setup than you can imagine. If you desire this, then you don’t settle for anything less. It is because many relationships these days are too shallow that we think these things are impossible. When you do not take the time to really get to know who you’re entering a relationship with and really discuss the way you expect the relationship to go, if you have similar directions, then you can’t complain too much.
I’ll admit, though, that this letter is for both men and women. We all need to understand that relationships are partnerships. The people involved will then have to decide what role each plays in the partnership to build on each other’s strengths and compensate for weaknesses. That’s where it gets dynamic, in my opinion.
Ray
Ever since my early teens, I have always known myself to be a hardcore romantic – the idea of a relationship where I go out of my way to do the sweetest, most creative things for someone I love is one I have always been enamored with. Dinner dates, spend on gifts, go on walks in a garden, park a car by a small lake and spend hours talking and looking into each other’s eyes – I could go on and on. For me, being a partner to my woman was all this and being her rock, her encouragement, her push to help her achieve her dreams, the first person she talks to in her moments of distress and shares her moments of joys with. Interestingly enough, I hardly ever considered if my partner will do the same for me.
And it was with these expectations I have of me that I entered into my first relationship and I received quite the rude shocker – it actually does suck if you are the only one doing it in a relationship. It drains you when all the effort comes from only one direction.
Ray
“For me, being a partner to my woman was all this and being her rock, her encouragement, her push to help her achieve her dreams, the first person she talks to in her moments of distress and shares her moments of joys with. Interestingly enough, I hardly ever considered if my partner will do the same for me.
And it was with these expectations I have of me that I entered into my first relationship…”
I think you should calm down and read the post properly. He already said he never considered if she would reciprocate, meaning before he even got into a relationship with anyone, he built his mind to give. It was his nature. It wasn’t about an expectation of something from whoever the woman he got with would be.
As for the patriarchal society, it might not totally have changed but seeing as a lot of us women are keying into feminist and girl power idea and agenda nowadays, maybe we should also review how that should apply to our relationships.
And that cooking and washing thing, don’t even get me started on it. Cos many women do it to look like the ‘good wife material’ girl who doesn’t mind chores. Since when did washing become a romantic thing to do for your partner?
Omal8
I hope I’m not an appendage! Nice article. . Meeting half way doesn’t work. U will get in messy back forth situation where one partner feels that he/she won’t or shouldn’t do something because the other person is not doing it. Equality should not be the sole goal of a relationship rather fairness. So as a guy consider his needs, he consider his women needs and that of their relationship and the same goes for the women. Therefore it all agreement w/o resentment or nonchalance, everyone is doing for each other with the ultimate goal of keeping the relationship.
Sharon
I like what you said. But I have a question for you. How many men really want the kind of woman you described? Most likely as few as the number of ladies that are like this.
In my interaction with men so far, I’ve noticed that men may say they want a woman like that, but when they meet her, they have no idea what to do with her.
A lot of times, when a woman does some TLC, especially if she initiates it, the guy gets comfortable and stops wooing her, since she obviously is a ‘sure thing’. I know from personal experience. Talk about casting pearls before swine.
Another thing is, men seem to be terrified of smart women. I can’t count how many ladies have dumbed down so as not to scare guys they liked away.
If your dreams are as big as your bae’s, a lot of times he starts to get insecure and worry that you’ll meet someone better, or worse, you achieve them, and he starts to chip away at your self confidence, till he establishes himself once again at the fictional top in the relationship. As if it’s a competition.
The one that kills me is when the guy begins to act like he’s doing you a favour by dating you. Uncle, wasn’t I on my own before you came to toast?
You guys finally start dating and all the qualities that attacted him begin to make him lose his self confidence.
You’re smart turns to, you think you’re smarter than me. You work out turns to, you’re keeping fit for another man. You buy him an expensive gift means you’re trying to embarrass him in front of his boys.
You guys should decide what you want please.
A lot of Nigerian men love the kind of woman you first described, but like to pretend otherwise. Please tell them it’s okay to like that kind of woman. What is not okay is to find the second kind of woman and try to turn her into the first, just so you can justifiably say all NW are like so.
Bottom line for me, a lot of NM do not know what to do with the type of woman they say they want. This is why I’m single and will continue to remain happily so till further notice.
Bunmi
God bless you Sharon. I love and agree with your analysis. Bless you, Sister.
Olushola
Funny thing. This piece is just the gentleman version of a piece I drafted written with the hopes of been published. I was brash in my approach but this has a soft twist to it. The message is the same. Now contemplating pulling it down after reading this.
Mark, I duff my hat. This spoke my mind and in a better way.
cha_lenses
Awwww… Mr Amingles I’ve been following the series and this my best so far.?
Revs
Dear Nigerian men,
Partner, not leech.
Jay
First of all, are you from this planet? ok ok…..are you from Nigeria??? What do you even want from women sef?? First, she talks too much, then she is too quiet, now she doesn’t build you.
Whatever happened to the part where you guys called us fish brains????
Yes! you expect toooo much too. We are humans as you are and not robots or some alien.
If you ever want your relationship to blossom then COMMUNICATE! I’m sure you did not give her room to BUILD you because you didn’t trust her enough to confide in her. Women have always been help meet to spouses who talks to them and not some egocentric people who think they can handle the world on their own or better still, with a fellow egocentric leech.
Then she’s proud her man got her stuff that’s why she blew your trumpet because i am sure the next one you’ll write is Dear Nigerian Women; appreciate your man
kemi
So guys like this exist in Nigeria? Where to meet them tho?
Oluwapo
I disagree with this article. Most NM are lazy, women do a lot for men these days: buy gifts, give them money when they are broke, encourage them, cook for them without even asking for money. You say men are looking for women who are intellectuals, that’s actually funny, cos at the end of the day, the man would make the woman feel she is a fool for being smart. Few men can handle intelligent women.
deedee
I feel like one of the men you are talking about and I am female.
Have you ever heard a man say “I didn’t think you needed anything; you act like you can do anything. If I have a gf who needs help, I’ll step up” after making demands that made me pause, shout ole and run!!
When you are not getting the love you are giving, you get drained till you are in the negatives. You try to communicate your concerns and your partner insists you are trying to change him and calls u a nag cos issues keep resurfacing. You visit, drive in lagos traffic to deliver medicines to the Ill bf and at the end of your ‘tenure’ ur report card reads “clingy nag” lol
Biko, I have decided to just stay in 1 corner and observe others.
On a serious note though, some parts of you never recover; try as u might not to change.
Please who are these sensitive, communicating, never cheating, loving men?? Where can I get 1???
seryxme
Lol. I feel your pain. I think women don’t ditch these kinda guys early enough. When you discover you’re giving everything and he’s not responding in kind, I think you should leave before you get drained (because you eventually will). Maybe if guys like this get dumped enough they get to know the standard has changed. Not as easy as it sounds though. This pot of beans life sef.
But I will tell you this though, there’s a man out there who truly deserve what you have to give and will respond in kind. Please do not change or settle for anything less. Thank you.
Revs
Boss!!
Ray
Lol if you are caring for a man and he tags you ‘clingy nag’ without you actually being that, he doesn’t deserve to be cared for. Dump him and run!
Btw, I have a feeling ‘Sexy me’ up there has some of those great qualities you are looking for.
Bunmi
Loool Seryxme certainly does have those qualities.
seryxme
Loool. Ray! This SexyMe you and Debs are starting is not accepted o. You are allowed to copy and paste. Thenz! ?
Ray
Lol. Sexy You.
Miss James
I thought I was the one who automatically edited it to sexyme.
Ray
This is a very good one.
The truth is women who don’t think they should do any work but the regular exist. But those of us who take it on ourselves to be Partners exist too.
Men who can’t handle strong, powerful, secure women exist but so do those who love, want those kind of women and won’t settle for less. They even work to make her stronger by making her believe she can rule the world in those few weak moments when she falters.
I think falling into any of those categories depends on many things. Part of them are the person’s Upbringing, View of Relationships, Perception of self-worth, etc.
Some of us were raised to be Women who can stand on our own feet, save their own days, love and support their men while not being afraid to be smart, speak our minds and see ourselves as equals to the men. Hence, we love them, buy them stuff but are not afraid to hone business ideas, argue about politics and intellectual stuff. We understand that cooking, cleaning and sex are not duties for the female gender alone, hence it cannot be a reward for when our men treat us right.
Luckily, some of us who fall in that category find men who appreciate us and love what we do. Sadly, some are not so lucky and are tagged ‘too much of a man to need a man’.
Then, there are women who were taught that a man’s duty is to be the provider in the relationship while the woman does the chores and enjoys the harvest her man brings home. He should pay the bills, make the decisions and she should keep her opinions to herself. Hence, the man takes care of the monetary part- input and output- while the woman does her part by cooking, cleaning and maybe viewing sex as a reward too.
While we all grow up, some women from both categories change, modify their ideologies thanks to exposure and experiences. Same happens to the men.
Problems arise when a woman from one category gets with a woman from a contradicting category. You cannot stick a square peg in a round hole.
I.e find the type of woman/man you are and the type that suits you and please stick with that type. If you have to seek the other type, then know that you’ll have to adjust some way if you want it to last. If the adjustment won’t suit your person however, don’t waste your time, cos you will get tired of trying to be what you are not, and also your partner’s different ideology.
Really though, Dear Nigerian Women, buying your man a gift -no matter how little-,taking him out on a date, fueling his car sometimes, are not so bad. Sharing his business ideas and taking the check are not either.
Dear Nigerian Men, a smart, Strong, independent woman will not necessarily disregard you or make you feel like less of a man. Getting comfortable with having one and not feeling intimidated by her is not a bad thing. Do us a favor and let us be who we are without feeling like we are making you feel inferior.
Pedolski
Forgot to add, lovely article by the way
Harbbey
I am of the opinion that not all Men can be this romantic. Speaking for myself, i think i am romantic, but the misconceptions ladies get is expecting guys to be romantic all the time considering the stress of work and traffic everyday.
Love is worrk in progress. It takes the effort of both parties to make it work.
mimsy
It’s not about being romantic all the time, you can’t always be in a romantic mood, but acknowledging when you got a good thing going. @Nosa, just schooled us.
Nosa
I love the post but i ave to say it’s not all about being romantic. you can date someone who isn’t romantic and they will find a way to meet you “halfway”.
it’s not about equality, it’s about balance. At any point in time in a relationship, it will never be a 50-50 thing. somedays will be 60-40, some will be 80-20, and some will be 92-8. either way, it goes back and forth. 50-50 is a myth. but you have to make your part count.
i really want to date a smart, stubborn and crazy lady. Yup, crazy and smart. Someone who is not afraid to tease me and be extremely sarcastic, someone i can trade banter with back and forth.
I want to be able to bring up Russia’s airstrike in Syria, or Netanyahu’s petition that U.S congress not sign a deal with Iran and she will talk about it with me like it’s nothing. we can argue who is sexier between Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lawrence. Who is a better batman between George Clooney and Christian Bale, or the best James Bond’s Movie. I want to be able to see an article on techcrunch or Mashable of Huffington or Vogue and share that link with you and you will read and we can talk about it. I want to be able to argue whether that goal was offside or what LVG’s philosophy actually. I want to argue perspectives and talk about any and everything.
Not everytime, ‘Ok’, ‘Ok’, Sometimes talk, argue.
i don’t just want a lady who can put her foot down, I want a lady who can her foot down. I want a lady who can put her foot on mine and step on it if it will make me listen to her. fucking challenge me, if i roar, don’t meow, roar back at me, I may get angry or upset if i don’t get my way but Heaven forbid i resent you for it.
mimsy
This comment by Nosa by far beat sums it up. Someone who is not afraid to tease me and be extremely sarcastic and trade banters with”. Words to live by.
Ray
This. This.
Nee
Hellooooo……I think it’s me you’re looking fooorrrr….hahaha. Jokes aside, I get this. You think it’s only girls who have an unhealthy obsession with celebrities and social media? It’s getting harder and harder to find a guy who is stimulating (other than in a sexual way). I,fortunately, did not grow up thinking my sole purpose is to pander to men. I barely cook and wash for my own parents let alone some sorry excuse for a man who thinks its a good way to showcase my ‘wifely attributes’.
A lot of the ‘men’ I meet feel threatened by my so-called Janded mentality just because I refuse to be submissive or lower myself to please the male ego. I love sports, driving fast and *gasp* being handy around the house but I also love to cook and look after kids. I don’t mind driving you around if you don’t have a car or spending a chunk of my salary making sure your birthday is one to remember. I’ll write you poems and sing you songs and even pretend that Chelsea have a chance finishing in the top 4 this season (lol).
Honestly though, so far i’ve either been taken advantage of or drained completely until there’s nothing left of myself for even me to enjoy. No-one as of yet has been able to handle me in all my glory, so Mr Mark I appreciate the write up and believe that maybe there are some Nigerian Men like you out there, but to me they’ve been a myth.
Ray
Hi Nee.
You sound like a very interesting person and I know a Nigerian man like Mr Mark who would love to know more about you if you are open to it.
Can you kindly drop your email address?
Asking for the friend.
Thank you.
Mr. Mark
LOOL. Someone is setting P on my behalf. Very what? Very interesting
Meh
Nee you and I are entirely in the same situation. My problem is that my father raised me to be myself. I couldn’t conform if I tried. I am witty, well informed and open to new ideas. Dating in Nigeria has been an unmitigated disaster. So I’m not bothering anymore. I’ll just be me and who knows, I may meet someone (who actually has hobbies and a personality that isn’t necessarily football).
Nosa
“I’ll write you poems and sing you songs”
Hello Nee.
I want to know you
Miss James
When I finally move to VI and buy my own piano, finally stop bruising myself from that guitar and get away from this Lagos traffic situation then I can think of writing poems and singing him songs..let’s just stick to going to the movies and the beach at night. You try.
ADEE
I just came here to take notes.. Exam is coming soon.
Olamide
“Partners not appendages”✌?️????
ugo
OK, let’s get it straight. The woman that will give you all of ‘these’ is rare. First of all, she’s not in the body you want and she doesn’t have their at face you’d even want to look at before looking at her beautiful soul. Most times, men are busy looking at the container that they forget the content. I’d say men shouldn’t focus on physical beauty rather look into she whose soul is beautiful cos only she and she alone can give you the fulfilment you desire. #enuffsaid
Avril
There are even “rarer” women who have it all. Beautiful soul, beautiful face, beautiful body.
The part that baffles me is when a lot of other men appreciate the blessing a woman is and her man starts getting insecure and accusatory, instead of stepping up and showing the world why she chose him.
Can somebody please explain the rationale behind this, ’cause I just don’t understand?!
Laurel
Gush this pill is better, but must be swallowed. Thanks for sharing! Loved it!
Cupcakes
Its a good piece, kudos to the writer. This case is sadly very common, and as such, is not exclusive to a gender. I had to break up with the love of my life early last year because i was ‘TIRED’. Yes, that was the reason i gave when he asked me why i wanted to bail. I was basically tired of doing EVERYTHING. From arranging dates to the parts where i dont wanna talk about. Being the only driver is EXHAUSTING and it feels a little too much like you are forcing yourself on the spouse.
Miss James
When you meet the right person, you can’t help but want to give ‘the’ best so run from anyone who tries to give you that “teach me to be romantic” line. Humans are naturally made to love and want it in return so you don’t teach someone to love; everyone knows giving comes with love anyways and i’m guessing that’s what we call “romance”.
kaychee
Okay I’v never commented, preferring to just read…but this just seemed apt!
Elle belle
Hello all. I hope I’m not too late to joint this conversation. I’m a very nurturing and caring person and I give me all when in a rship. I’m very giving esp with gifts and emotions. That’s on one had and on the other hand I love being a partner. No waiting for him first, heck if I want to talk to you I will call you. Abi is it not my credit? I also try to be as involved as possible, I listen to his work issues or business plans and all that. Basically I don’t act like a princess who waits for a man to send me recharge card or to always pay for stuff….
.I offer almost always when we go out to eat and I put in equal measure if I’m required to. .. But what I’ve noticed is that by doing all this I never quite get anything back. If I travel to see my man I end up paying for my to and fro flight without him even offering. I never get gifts (even on birthdays) talkless of on regular days. I’m all for surprise random gifts. If I see something he likes I get it as long as it’s not going to break the bank. If I go on holiday I buy him something. But I have never ever received any nice gestures. I once heard my man say he used to fuel his ex gfs car, but he never offered to fuel mine. Another ex said he used to pay his exes monthly dstv, no offer of that from him either… I don’t think I have ever received a gift on vals day from a lover. .I’m not saying I thrive off material things and gifts but it will be nice to have someone with an open and giving mind as I do.
.. I have been this way with all my exes and I have now vowed to change. No more partnership, and no more random surprise gifts. No more independent woman. I will be the girl who waits for him to call and who acts like a dumb blonde when we are out. No more offers to split the bill. Sometimes guys criticise girls for being too much of a partner and yet when they find one they don’t know how to handle her. Instead they would rather shower the girl that has nothing to say and acts like she is trapped in a desert and needs him to save her. ..