Does It Come in Vagina Version?

Opinion

Some may think, oh, must you shave it? Umm, unless you’re fine with having a conservation centre between your legs, you definitely have to find a way to sort things out. And the annoying thing is having to continuously do it – ugh.

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I like hair, hair is cool, versatile. But why the hell does pubic hair even exist?! What honestly is the point of it apart from accumulating and forming some kind of human conservation centre?

Vaginas – honestly, I’ve never felt comfortable with saying the word. I’ve barely said it in my 20 years of living. Now I know there are some ladies who will grip their chests and think of me as some alien for being uncomfortable with the word – but that’s just how it is sis, get over it. If you like, say it’s society, patriarchy and blablabla, I really don’t think it’s by force to love the word vagina – or the organ itself. Let’s not even talk about the alternative words – (shudders).

Anyway, short rant aside. You’re probably wondering what the hell is going on with this post title, as well as the contents of this post. I’m simply here to share my thoughts – my passionate, vagina induced thoughts. Quick introduction to the vag – it’s basically the hallway through which children arrive, and basically the gun used to shoot period bullets each month – or every other month, for some. Oh yes, it’s used for having a good time – whatever that means.

Now, in basic puberty lessons, we learn that at the attainment of puberty,  a lot of things happen to little boys and girls as they get thrust into the ugly world of hormones, acne, wet dreams and periods. We also learn that there’s hair that sprouts from abominable places – jokes, it’s just your armpit and pubic area. Well, for guys it can also be the chest and chin area. Still, there’s hair.

I like hair, hair is cool, versatile. But why the hell does pubic hair even exist?! What honestly is the point of it apart from accumulating and forming some kind of human conservation centre?

A few years ago, I discovered something which I think changed my life forever – Veet. It’s a magical shaving cream that you just put on your legs/underarms and leave for a few minutes, then scrape off with a scraper that comes in the pack. Pretty easy, right? I was so happy, especially considering I was tired of nicking myself in the skin with stubborn shaving sticks just because I wanted to unleash my inner Tyra Banks in warmer temperatures.

There lies my issue – why isn’t there such an invention for pubic hair? Yes yes, it’s a sensitive area and if anything goes wrong your organs will be damaged which can affect your health and everything, but just think about it. Wouldn’t it be amazing? I don’t always want to have to do a tug of war with my pubic region – it is not only painful, but time-consuming with a silly razor stick. I feel my pubic hair probably laughs in a deep voice whenever I attempt. And the most annoying thing is it doesn’t go away permanently. Sigh.

I have a dream. Of a world where I would just douse the silly hair strands with good old shaving cream, then laugh evilly as it penetrates down within minutes, making the strands fall off like it’s no man’s business. It could be like world war 3 with me dropping bombs all over those pesky hairs, but nooo, there’s no vagina version of Veet. I remember once when I slathered the wonderful cream under my long abandoned arms, and revelled in some twisted pleasure as I practically plucked off the clump of hairs with ease.

Some may think, oh, must you shave it? Umm, unless you’re fine with having a conservation centre between your legs, you definitely have to find a way to sort things out. And the annoying thing is having to continuously do it – ugh. If I had superpowers, the first thing I’d do with my laser vision is to blast off every last strand of hair in my nether regions – how is that for a superhero movie opening?

Until this situation improves, I guess I’ll continue to mope about and struggle. And no, I’m not willing to sit down on some contraption while another lady or dude rips hair off my body in the name of waxing – what’s all that about? Abeg!

Responses

  1. emoji
    This is basically a rant about wishing there’s no pubic hair. I’m pretty sure there are ways you can shave without battling with shaving stick.
    P.S: Pubic hair is not vagina hair.
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