So I was on a date with this guy a while back and he asked what my love language is and I said, “Well, I have a few but if I’m to go by the love language test then receiving gifts is first on the list.” He looked at me with this unimpressed expression on his face and said, “But of course, you’re an Igbo woman so it’s only natural that you love receiving gifts”. For the first few minutes I opened my mouth twice and closed it back but no words came out because I wasn’t expecting such reaction from him, I felt really insulted but was determined not to descend to his level; so I launched into my “let me teach him something new and different” mode. I didn’t succeed, he refused to believe that I love to give gifts just as much as I love receiving them, and then he said that he would have been inclined to believe all that I had said but the fact that I’m an Igbo woman kind of made it hard for him because Igbo women love money and material things more than any other group of women in the world. Haa, negodu the Yoruba guy!!
I’m sure that I’m not the only Igbo woman who has been called a gold-digger and I won’t be the last, but the thing is when people talk about the “gold” that is being dug, most times what they mean is money because money means gifts, luxury, comfort, status, fame, etc., so this begs the question, why is gold-digging reserved for relationship and marriage alone? A gold-digger is defined as:
“A person who is in a romantic relationship in order to get money or gifts from the romantic partner, especially a woman seeking to marry a rich man.”
I’m going to just ignore the “especially a woman” part in that definition and just point out that in my opinion, the entire definition of a gold-digger is flawed. There is nobody who engages in anything in the different works of life, especially in our time and when it has to do with an input of time, energy, and resources without considering how that will fetch him some kind of value, in fact everything is monetised now; from motivational speakers who empowers and trains people, to pastors who are guest preachers (even though it’s called a token of appreciation in their case), to the regular staff who is doing a crappy job she/he hates but won’t quit, and artists who entertains us; at the end it’s all done because some kind of income is expected from the outcome. If it wasn’t the case, then artists should offer us the gift of their music, words, and plays, and make us sing, laugh, and dance, and escape for a few minutes for free. Preachers should preach the word for free too and we should all sit in our homes and not work for a living. But we can’t all do that now, can we?
I have been digging life’s gold for a while now and even though I haven’t hit my jackpot yet, when I do, it’s going to be…L-E-G-E-N-D-A-R-Y!!!!, so why would anyone reduce my efforts to merely seeking to dig another human’s gold that he’s not even contented with and is still looking to increase when there’s so much the world has to offer me?
Life has a way of humbling the best of us, I know a young woman who married a guy that she had been dating for close to five years, all that history didn’t stop him from treating her poorly and giving her the I’m-doing-you-a-favour by marrying you treatment, she endured it all and eight months after they got married, the young man decided to leave his thriving career and start a business, well the business didn’t turn out as well as he had envisioned and the responsibility of catering to the need of the family fell on the woman, she did it so well and with such dignity that the man doesn’t joke with her anymore. Hers isn’t a one off situation, there are many married women who are carrying the financial responsibilities of their families today and covering their husbands’ shame and no one knows about it, the thing about these kinds of situation is that they didn’t start off being the sole provider in the marriage, life just happened, nothing is ever certain. On the other hand, there are also many single women, igbos and non-igbos, who are working hard every day to make something of their lives and be somebody for themselves, so please can men just get off their horse that isn’t even high at all?
I would like to think that what a woman needs is a man who has an edge over her mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and yes financially, though not entirely in that order. When it’s necessary, I believe there’s power in stooping to conquer but I refuse to stoop if I can’t look up to him and he has no iota of understanding of what it means to truly lead. So guys, what is it going to be? Will you continue to objectify yourselves by your bank account and achievements which are nothing but a bonus really, or ARE THERE MORE TO YOU THAN THAT? Because from where I see it, most times it’s all show but no substance. If a successful man marries a woman who isn’t quite as successful, it’s not so much what he has that makes a difference in her life, not in the areas that matters, it is who he is and vice versa.
Please feel free to say otherwise in the comment section, and ladies, who has had the “you’re a gold-digger” experience and how did you handle it?
Image via Justice Crunch