Why Gold-digging Should Not Be Restricted To Relationships

So I was on a date with this guy a while back and he asked what my love language is and I said, “Well, I have a few but if I’m to go by the love language test then receiving gifts is first on the list.” He looked at me with this unimpressed expression on…

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So I was on a date with this guy a while back and he asked what my love language is and I said, “Well, I have a few but if I’m to go by the love language test then receiving gifts is first on the list.” He looked at me with this unimpressed expression on his face and said, “But of course, you’re an Igbo woman so it’s only natural that you love receiving gifts”. For the first few minutes I opened my mouth twice and closed it back but no words came out because I wasn’t expecting such reaction from him, I felt really insulted but was determined not to descend to his level; so I launched into my “let me teach him something new and different” mode. I didn’t succeed, he refused to believe that I love to give gifts just as much as I love receiving them, and then he said that he would have been inclined to believe all that I had said but the fact that I’m an Igbo woman kind of made it hard for him because Igbo women love money and material things more than any other group of women in the world. Haa, negodu the Yoruba guy!!

I’m sure that I’m not the only Igbo woman who has been called a gold-digger and I won’t be the last, but the thing is when people talk about the “gold” that is being dug, most times what they mean is money because money means gifts, luxury, comfort, status, fame, etc., so this begs the question, why is gold-digging reserved for relationship and marriage alone?  A gold-digger is defined as:

“A person who is in a romantic relationship in order to get money or gifts from the romantic partner, especially a woman seeking to marry a rich man.”

I’m going to just ignore the “especially a woman” part in that definition and just point out that in my opinion, the entire definition of a gold-digger is flawed. There is nobody who engages in anything in the different works of life, especially in our time and when it has to do with an input of time, energy, and resources without considering how that will fetch him some kind of value, in fact everything is monetised now; from motivational speakers who empowers and trains people, to pastors who are guest preachers (even though it’s called a token of appreciation in their case), to the regular staff who is doing a crappy job she/he hates but won’t quit, and artists who entertains us;  at the end it’s all done because some kind of income is expected from the outcome. If it wasn’t the case, then artists should offer us the gift of their music, words, and plays, and make us sing, laugh, and dance, and escape for a few minutes for free. Preachers should preach the word for free too and we should all sit in our homes and not work for a living. But we can’t all do that now, can we?

I have been digging life’s gold for a while now and even though I haven’t hit my jackpot yet, when I do, it’s going to be…L-E-G-E-N-D-A-R-Y!!!!, so why would anyone reduce my efforts to merely seeking to dig another human’s gold that he’s not even contented with and is still looking to increase when there’s so much the world has to offer me?

Life has a way of humbling the best of us, I know a young woman who married a guy that she had been dating for close to five years, all that history didn’t stop him from treating her poorly and giving her the I’m-doing-you-a-favour by marrying you treatment, she endured it all and eight months after they got married, the young man decided to leave his thriving career and start a business, well the business didn’t turn out as well as he had envisioned and the responsibility of catering to the need of the family fell on the woman, she did it so well and with such dignity that the man doesn’t joke with her anymore. Hers isn’t a one off situation, there are many married women who are carrying the financial responsibilities of their families today and covering their husbands’ shame and no one knows about it, the thing about these kinds of situation is that they didn’t start off being the sole provider in the marriage, life just happened, nothing is ever certain. On the other hand, there are also many single women, igbos and non-igbos, who are working hard every day to make something of their lives and be somebody for themselves, so please can men just get off their horse that isn’t even high at all?

I would like to think that what a woman needs is a man who has an edge over her mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and yes financially, though not entirely in that order. When it’s necessary, I believe there’s power in stooping to conquer but I refuse to stoop if I can’t look up to him and he has no iota of understanding of what it means to truly lead. So guys, what is it going to be? Will you continue to objectify yourselves by your bank account and achievements which are nothing but a bonus really, or ARE THERE MORE TO YOU THAN THAT? Because from where I see it, most times it’s all show but no substance. If a successful man marries a woman who isn’t quite as successful, it’s not so much what he has that makes a difference in her life, not in the areas that matters, it is who he is and vice versa.

Please feel free to say otherwise in the comment section, and ladies, who has had the “you’re a gold-digger” experience and how did you handle it?

Image via Justice Crunch

Responses

      1. Jipiti Jabala
        Wen guys say gold digging igbo etc, i smile outwardly, grimace inwardly n tel my self ds fool dsnt kno hw much value I cn add to hs life.
        Den I feel fr him cos it s hs fellow men dt wl judge who s digging who.
        Some times I let him carry on stereotyping. He isn’t worth the education
  1. nO2_EFX
    “I would like to think that what a woman needs is a man who has an edge over her mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and yes financially, though not entirely in that order. ”

    I think your feminist sisters might disagree with this. 😡

    1. Priscilla Joy
      I understand that a man who knows his role takes the lead or should take the lead in a relationship or marriage, this actually makes it easy for the woman to defer to him if and when the need arises. This doesn’t reduce my support for the feminist cause, at least I don’t think it should.
    2. Jipiti Jabala
      feminists ve problems wit d unearned undeserved inequitable inequalities n entitlements (sense of) that aggrandise e fr jus being male gender in a society built by both genders
      My take,
    3. Jipiti Jabala
      My take s feminist want common sense prevail.
      If u ve d edge, lead. Being of masculine gender s nt dt edge n as such dsnt justify a sense of priviledge
      On a lighter note; If guys menstruate better, dey shd go ahead too. Lol
  2. Optimus Prime
    Feminists want equal rights, Priscilla & others like her want to be led by the man. Which is which really?

    Priscilla, I don’t really get your point. Are you really saying there should be a reward in any venture a woman enters into? In other words, in exchange for sex, a woman should be rewarded with gift, money, perks?

    Do women not enjoy sex at all? The entire act is a sacrifice to please the menfolk? As the world keeps turning round and round, it gets clearer women don’t really know what they want.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

    1. Priscilla Joy
      I never mentioned sex in my post, sex and money should be the least reward if any that 2 people can get from being together. But people focus so much on money and sex that they loose out on the other really important stuff that can add value to both of them as individuals and also add value to their relationship or marriage. I’m not all about the sex I can have with a guy there is more to me than that, neither is he all about the money or gift that he can give me. So I don’t understand what the fuss is about money.
      1. Optimus Prime
        Unfortunately, money & sex are the most prioritised in human relationships. The general consensus is that guys want sex & women want a financial reward for the service rendered.

        In Nigeria, when the woman renders the service without the reward, she screams to all and sundry that she has been “used”. Similarly, when a guy gives so much without getting the sex, he considers himself used too.

        Gold digging is referenced only in romantic relationships because love is meant to be free. However, gold diggers come in all shapes & sizes pretending to love whereas their eyes are only focused on the goldmine.

        With the other crafts you mentioned in your articie, it’s pretty standard to expect a reward for any service rendered. In relationships, it should be different. If I have to pay to fully enjoy my partner in a relationship, that is not love – it’s indirect prostitution.

        Posted from TNC Mobile

      2. nO2_EFX
        Okay…Let me attempt an “Od” and explain what the fuss about money is.

        Lets begin using the whole evolution theory. the cave men were the ones providing for the family while the woman stayed in the home to take care of the offspring. So it is said that one majorly desired trait that women want in men is the ability to provide.
        over time, and all sorts of changes in our the way our society works, the desire is said to still be there.

        Based on that, there’s a school of thought that women want COMMITMENT and men want SEX. Commitment is kind of a blanket word that includes Physical, emotional, and financial commitment/investment on the part of men. Depending on the woman’s…immediate and long term needs, the order in which these three forms of commitment are prioritized varies.

        Now we live in a third world county…developing/underdeveloped. And the bulk of the nations wealth only finds its way to a few citizens while the remnants are left with the rest of the populace. This has created a sort of “survivalist mentality”. So the assumption is that the average Nigerian woman would prioritize financial commitment over others.

        As for the men wanting to dig and being more strategic in their pursuit of women who av money. Going back to the point about the economy being harsh…Men have decided to adapt ( because there’s only 2 ways to survive a harsh change in environment: adapt or migrate. ) hence why men are more likely to be open to the idea of their wives working (or maybe it’s more of being less open to having the woman sitting at home chopping his money) in order to pull resources to take care of the children and/or maintain the home.

    2. Jipiti Jabala
      U r male, I presume.
      U need to read d article with a less parochial mindset
      U seem to have been hurt recently or deeply
      Her point is everyone is hustling one way or the other at work, in family so why s gold digging used only inn reference to romantic relationship when dere r other exploitative nonromantic relatshps which all genders engage in

      As regards feminist n non feminist views. This article s nt abt dt. Also what she expresses s a question, where r stand up men who dnt see deir money as deir only asset of value. N realise dt it cn b replenished easily n wnt carry on abt it cos dt s nt d basis of his self worth.

      1. Optimus Prime
        How can you possibly know if I have been hurt deeply or recently in your plastic armchair. You cannot compare what obtains in day to day hustling to what is expected in relationships. Romantic relationship is not a business venture. That line of argument is flawed.

        As regards to feminist or non feminist, I only picked up a line in her article about letting a man with the edge lead her spiritually, financially, mentally and emotionally. The stand up men who don’t see their money as their only asset of value don’t exist anymore cos chivalry is dead and buried. Equal rights and chivalry cannot coexist.

        Posted from TNC Mobile

      2. nO2_EFX
        “U seem to have been hurt recently or deeply”

        Honestly, i think a lot the lessons we learn in life are as a result of this “hurt”.
        Pain has a way of removing blind optimism/nativity from our eyes and seeing the world for what it really is.
        Too much pain can be blinding, true. But most learning processes are painful.
        But that’s just me.

  3. Femme
    I have never had that experience ooo, maybe the guys i have met know they wont have peace if they ask me. aAbi did you see me digging in your backyard? what is gold? LOL!

    Honestly, there is nothing like a gold digger these days. guys do the digging more now because rship/partnership/marriage for them is so strategic these days. it determines who they date/marry, they girl has to have money. The more gold a lady can bring to the table the better for most!

    1. woyi_oc
      “guys do the digging more now because rship/partnership/marriage for them is so strategic these days.”

      ummmm….

      Pls Explain

      1. Toby
        Guys are becoming more strategic w.r.t relationships and marriage. I know guys who say, “Oh, her parents are wealthy; no matter what happens, her family can still help us financially / help us get jobs if we need them”.

        In summary, men are becoming more adept at looking at women’s education, drive and purchasing power, and using that info to decide whether to pursue a relationship.

          1. Toby
            Finally o. It’s hard out here. Just means that everyone needs to stop throwing the “gold digger” slur about.
  4. Temmie_i
    On this gold digging issue,someone called me a gold digger recently,my ex actually,I was too stunned I just started laughing cos his reasons didn’t even make any sense.I totally agree with the writer by the way.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

  5. Naomi
    Lol…silly man. Simple, when you have a daughter tell her to marry the gateman!

    They are saying gold diggers as if they can date an independent sister without insulting her. They wouldnt know how to treat one anyway!!

  6. Slim
    negodu = jus lookat

    Thank you Priscilla for spelling Igbo correctly and just for the whole article. I could kiss you for a lot of the lines, especially this – “so why would anyone reduce my efforts to merely seeking to dig another human’s gold that he’s not even contented with and is still looking to increase when there’s so much the world has to offer me?”

  7. MissC
    “I would like to think that what a woman needs is a man who has an edge over her mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and yes financially, though not entirely in that order. When it’s necessary, I believe there’s power in stooping to conquer but I refuse to stoop if I can’t look up to him and he has no iota of understanding of what it means to truly lead”.
    Digging for gold is a chore ooo. “Digging”. Mscheeeeew
    When I had an almost similar experience? Because he generalised that all women were gold diggers in some capacity all is asked is “how much are you worth?” That ended the line of conversation
    1. Toby
      Funny how those ones who are afraid of gold diggers don’t even have bronze to be dug. Really, how much is he worth, to be afraid of you coming to siphon his hard-gotten wealth?
      1. woyi_oc
        Real gold diggers are usually only after the money and are involved with people who are way pass the “getting by okay” mark. Or at least they are are involved with someone who’s more financially empowered compared to them. But it all boils down to the money being top priority.

        But I’ve not actually met one so I just speculating.

    1. Uyi
      Err… Are you going to enter a physical contest with him? Of which you know you can’t win. Meanwhile, why do u take pride in not knowing a man alive that would ask you that question.

      I’m not against Ur mindset, but I’m just wondering what you have in Ur table to be so confident, a knife? a gun? A muscled physique? Sigh* just stop plz

      Posted from TNC Mobile

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