Love so Toxic, Love so Amazing

Opinion

A story of a brief experience love filled with its highs and lows. Of giving and receiving affection, and watching it all blown away as quickly as it started.

Share

Share
Text size
+

For five years I had been very careful with my heart. Consciously not giving it out to anyone because I didn’t think I was capable of loving anyone anymore and also, because my heart was still waiting on the one who shattered it into pieces in 2011. I was waiting because I loved him terribly, so I thought he would come around and we would make up inasmuch as he hurt me and still dumped me.

February 2016, he told me about his introduction to his already knocked fiancée. I wasn’t hurt at all. I just knew that it was finally time to move on, and that’s exactly what I did.

Fast forward to about two months after, an anonymous account followed me on twitter and I followed back—weird. That began a journey of playful exchange of tweets. He even sent me breakfast once. I knew I liked him. I knew we were going to happen.

We kept exchanging tweets, then direct messages. He asked for my number and told me not to worry. That day was a Friday. I gave him my number and insisted that I was going to buy him a drink. We met that evening. He was tall and dark, nothing like my spec. (Well, I don’t believe I have a spec, but my friends think I do). We clicked immediately. Our mutual friends couldn’t even believe we were meeting for the first time that night. I knew I loved him.

The next day, we went for lunch and drinks. He drank like me; I loved that. In a drunk moment, I told him I loved him when he accompanied me to the rest room. He said he loved me too. We spent that weekend hanging out, holding hands and being drunk. Sunday, it was official. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. I knew I wasn’t going to forget that weekend in a hurry. 2016 closed with a bang.

We texted daily, exchanging emails in between work, talking on the phone, hanging out after work, PDAing everytime we were together. Then it started crumbling. Little by little, the love was crashing. From texting other girls, to hurtful words, to lending him money and him never paying back, and accusing me of being wicked and manipulative—that was his specialty. We would have a little issue and he would talk about me on twitter in a demeaning manner. He missed my birthday. His friends had bad opinions of me and he always came back with something someone had said about me, yet never protected me.

A lot happened from the beginning of 2017, till the end of June. The details of all that went wrong still hurt. I couldn’t take it anymore. I built my world around him. I let myself go. I gave my all but it wasn’t enough. I was so heartbroken but I knew it was time to pull the plug. This amazing love we shared was so toxic most nights I cried myself to sleep. I loved him so much.

Responses

  1. Jude
    This is so sweet yet so painful, I have this experience which makes me begin wonder what people really want in relationship, my 2016 ended with a bang and I told her I wanted to start something with her cus she made me feel responsible. Not like I wasn’t but with her it was difficult fast forward to March, the most hurtful words I have heard “I thought I could love you but I met another dude” I hope you forgive me for this.. So there it is, move on dear, from the way you write, you’re strong.. You will be fine and as I like saying, drink plenty water.
  2. Jude
    This is so sweet yet so painful, I have this experience which makes me begin wonder what people really want in relationship, my 2016 ended with a bang and I told her I wanted to start something with her cus she made me feel responsible. Not like I wasn’t but with her it was different fast forward to March, the most hurtful words I have heard “I thought I could love you but I met another dude” I hope you forgive me for this.. So there it is, move on dear, from the way you write, you’re strong.. You will be fine and as I like saying, drink plenty water.
  3. Anons
    I think it’s amazing how people you think you knew just suddenly switch up on you, but you’ll be fine, allow yourself to feel the pain, hurt, cry…then move on without looking back.
    P.S Don’t become what hurt you.
    Cheers.
  4. fillz adebayo
    i think wat really got me was this “His friends had bad opinions of me and he always came back with something someone had said about me, yet never protected me.”. mehn that hurts all the time . you’ll feel so open and unprotected, and from my little exprience everybody wants to be supported…. eeyyah, it’ll only get better. https://www.jeelda.com/close-loved-ones/ …… am sure this will shed more light on what i mean…. toodles
  5. Wizzlyn
    The year should end with a bang if only you literally bang….lol (that was on a lighter note).
    I think we give the love we think we deserve. With relationship, nothing is scripted. Everything is hinged on hope…..hope that everything good will come.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

+