For five years I had been very careful with my heart. Consciously not giving it out to anyone because I didn’t think I was capable of loving anyone anymore and also, because my heart was still waiting on the one who shattered it into pieces in 2011. I was waiting because I loved him terribly, so I thought he would come around and we would make up inasmuch as he hurt me and still dumped me.
February 2016, he told me about his introduction to his already knocked fiancée. I wasn’t hurt at all. I just knew that it was finally time to move on, and that’s exactly what I did.
Fast forward to about two months after, an anonymous account followed me on twitter and I followed back—weird. That began a journey of playful exchange of tweets. He even sent me breakfast once. I knew I liked him. I knew we were going to happen.
We kept exchanging tweets, then direct messages. He asked for my number and told me not to worry. That day was a Friday. I gave him my number and insisted that I was going to buy him a drink. We met that evening. He was tall and dark, nothing like my spec. (Well, I don’t believe I have a spec, but my friends think I do). We clicked immediately. Our mutual friends couldn’t even believe we were meeting for the first time that night. I knew I loved him.
The next day, we went for lunch and drinks. He drank like me; I loved that. In a drunk moment, I told him I loved him when he accompanied me to the rest room. He said he loved me too. We spent that weekend hanging out, holding hands and being drunk. Sunday, it was official. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. I knew I wasn’t going to forget that weekend in a hurry. 2016 closed with a bang.
We texted daily, exchanging emails in between work, talking on the phone, hanging out after work, PDAing everytime we were together. Then it started crumbling. Little by little, the love was crashing. From texting other girls, to hurtful words, to lending him money and him never paying back, and accusing me of being wicked and manipulative—that was his specialty. We would have a little issue and he would talk about me on twitter in a demeaning manner. He missed my birthday. His friends had bad opinions of me and he always came back with something someone had said about me, yet never protected me.
A lot happened from the beginning of 2017, till the end of June. The details of all that went wrong still hurt. I couldn’t take it anymore. I built my world around him. I let myself go. I gave my all but it wasn’t enough. I was so heartbroken but I knew it was time to pull the plug. This amazing love we shared was so toxic most nights I cried myself to sleep. I loved him so much.