Dear Olori,

I had reached the point where hearing the “women want to be men” argument one more time would have had me like…

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Yet, here we are, having the same dumb conversation over and over again. This time, we have you to thank for flogging this dead horse. Immediately I saw the Twitter complaints going up like a burnt offering, my eyes rolled all the way to the back of my head. I don’t have anything against you and, like you, I don’t want to cause offence but I really couldn’t be bothered to look up your comments. Honestly, I was over your speech before I even heard it.

I was over it because I am tired of you people. I’m tired of explaining to adults in 2016 that gender equality is not about changing one’s sex. There are too many reasons why this is a daft position. First, it assumes that women are stupid enough not to realise that we have ovaries and men have balls – as if we don’t know that our biological make-up is different. Thanks, Captain Obvious. Why don’t you fly in more often to explain why water is wet and the sun is hot?

Secondly, it stubbornly refuses to grasp the fundamental difference between gender and sex. Yes, gender is often seen to correlate with the sexes – but gender is socially constructed, while sex is biological. If it’s hard to get your head around this, think about the difference between calling something “feminine” and describing a person as “female”. We often ascribe feminine traits to female members of our species but one is a set of behaviours we have categorised in one way, while the other is a biological fact.

This is important because the gender equality conversation is more about gender roles than sex itself. Women and men aren’t treated differently because men have penises and women have vaginas. They are treated differently because of perceptions around acceptable traits, behaviours and competencies each sex should have. We exaggerate the link between these traits and physiological facts in order to insist that these differences are “natural”.

Even worse, we consciously or subconsciously classify one set of traits as superior to the other. Feminine behaviour – being emotional, vain and so on – is distinguished from masculine traits such as being logical. You might think this doesn’t matter because “we are different, and each have our role to play” but if one role is inherently fickle, while the other is more stable, you can see how people start to build rationales against women making important decisions or occupying leadership positions.

Every coin has two sides: this prejudice also affects men. Insisting that women can be one way and not the other forces hyper-masculinity on men, which often translates into fragility. It is because of consistently sexist brainwashing that any little thing can be a slight on someone’s manhood, and any hint of an attack on masculinity can be such a big deal.

It is because of sexist brainwashing that we can mock men for crying at their own wedding, or crying at all, but find it entirely normal for women to express their feelings however they want. A woman breaking down is just being a woman. A man breaking down is… Being a woman. It is because of sexist brainwashing that this can even be an insult.

It is because of sexist brainwashing that we live in a society where men face immense financial pressure. Our vanity and thirst for the finest things continues to rise as the economy continues to decline. Still, boys have to hustle. Bottles have to be popped. With what else will a man buy respect (and babes), if not money?

All of this rhetoric matters because it shapes the limits we place on people. We force men to shrink themselves emotionally, over-extend themselves financially and mask their insecurities. We force women to accept second place in a two-man race. It is wrong. Changing this is what people are fighting for, not some ultimate desire to grow a penis. I really shouldn’t have to explain this to you.

I am tired of explaining to adults in 2016 that gender equality is not about penis envy. It is about the frustration that comes with being told a woman’s place is here or there, being subtly or overtly taught that our value lies in securing male attention, and ultimately being made to feel inferior. “Stick to your lane” is great advice, but we want women to actually choose these lanes for themselves and not be forced to tread paths dictated to them by society. If you still don’t understand this by now, I don’t know what else to tell you. Have a nice day, or whatever.

Yours indifferently,

A fatigued feminist

P.S. GURRRL. You slayed that white-on-white outfit though.

___

If you’ve been living under a rock and aren’t familiar with the comments that sparked this piece, hear from the queen herself. Go forth and carry last no more. 

 

Responses

  1. LincayaD
    Clean, clear and… i agree. I don’t want a penis but i want my voice heard, i love being a woman and the good things that come with the package. Thank you for the clarity tho 🙂
    11+
  2. Seriously...
    Dear OP. I admire you for taking time out to write this. I, like you have gotten very tired of having to explain the obvious to people who really ought to know better. I read the Olori’s statements and just did *mtschew* (in my head) and moved on to other things.

    That is how last week too, we had the whole female football= lesbianism nonsense. SMH.

    I just do me and encourage others to do them and make no apologies.

    2+
  3. Od
    Because I am me…

    First question I must ask (because I’m me nau) is: WETIN COME MAKE AM WRONG NI? Or, in more international parlance, “what coman now make it wrong?” Or, to show off, “what makes it wrong?” Is it just wrong because you or other women (or men, for that matter) dislike it? Or because there is some cogent, reasonable argument for why it doesn’t fit with nature or something?

    Second, this is very reminiscent of some material I came upon recently when I decided to ignore the emotional burden on my thoughts regarding gender and related issues and critically research the subject. Until I began that research a few nights ago, I had never seriously considered gender as a separate thing from sex. So I was interested when I saw that the effort of much of the agitation was to scrap the notion of a sexual identity determined by one’s natural anatomy. There are certain things you learn and you do a double take. This was one of such things for me. I was facing squarely for the first time in my life the idea that people take seriously the thought that one’s physical anatomy had nothing to do with one’s identity. I was very surprised indeed. I admit that I was already on the edge of that realization what with my beginning to seriously connect feminist rhetoric with the rise of homosexuality (I actually read a novel in our family library years ago about Irish feminism set some time in the ’60s, I believe, that wound feminism and lesbianism tightly together. I thought it was very strange indeed and I didn’t think much about it again until now).

    As always, when something surprises me, I attempt to understand it. I am still piecing the information together and I am currently compiling a series of posts on it that may be published on this platform.

    I think that when properly examined, the root of many feminist agitation will be penis envy, regardless what anyone protests to the contrary.

    2+
    1. Darth
      Yeah, because Nkechi that has been passed up for promotion three years running and other women who want a level playing field and acknowledgement of their talents, do it because if penis envy right? Not perceived injustice? Because Funmilayo Ransome Kuti fought for all she did because of penis envy? Yeah ok.
      8+
      1. Od
        I just explained to Olayinka what I think about that.

        Men are sometimes passed over for promotion for long periods at a time. Just as women may make it a feminist issue, such men can make it an ageist issue as well or some other issue that derives from whatever the reason given for the perceived injustice may be.

        Additionally, women in many fields advance quite alright without any hitches. It may be necessary to determine what the difference between one case and another may be.

        I am not therefore saying that women are never discriminated against or denied opportunities because of their sex. I am saying that this fight has gone way beyond justice and fairness for everyone to now become an all-out fight against the idea of a sexual identity. That means that the effort now is to eliminate what perceived advantages or disadvantages that being born with a certain kind of human anatomy either grants or imposes on an individual. And since men were the targets initially, the assumption is that we have all the advantages because of biology and if biology can be invalidated then those advantages would be redistributed “more fairly”.

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        1. Moi
          What are you talking about? Men make ageist claims all the time. One only need to look at Silicon Valley and other startup community continually being pointed out as biased towards old men, and ripe for ageist discrimination lawsuit. Many which actually happen.

          Let me help. When one is ruminating with half-baked ideas, or notions one hasn’t yet thought through, as you indicated, it’s best one keeps those thoughts to themselves until they become sound. So, please go read more, educate yourself more. Only when you’ve understood the complexities should you come talk about them. At that stage, nobody will care how crazy it sounds. It’s just be an hypothesis.

          As for correlation with gender equality with sexual identity, why not go further and blame black in America for fighting for their freedom and constitutional rights for the women’s rights movement.

          4+
          1. Od
            Huh? Who said that men don’t make ageist claims in America?

            I first heard of ageism as a thing during the last election season when Buhari was campaigning. Prior to that I knew that men were losing jobs in America because of their age. It’s no surprise at all that there are ageist claims involved in the whole wahala nau.

            In fact, does this not agree with the argument I made in response to Sonia below that when we invalidate sexual identity, everyone starts pushing every advantage they’ve got? All kinds of “isms” are spilling out from everywhere. I already indicated a possible connection between feminism and homosexualism. Considering the new definitions of feminism, is it weird that we should now have ageism and paternal leaves as actual things now?

            Come, there is nothing wrong with having and making hypotheses. That’s what happens in conversations. People form ideas and go and learn up on them and come back to either promote them or discard them. Sometimes, especially in more intelligent fora, the statement of such hypotheses generates strong discussions that completely eliminate any need to do any further research because all the questions one could have labored in private to find answers to are decisively settled in the ensuing debate.

            Blame blacks…? What are YOU talking about, biko? What does one have to do with the other here?

            2+
    2. Funmi
      I didn’t read your essay because I find your trolling boring, but while skimming comments your last paragraph stood out to me:

      “I think that when properly examined, the root of many feminist agitation will be penis envy, regardless what anyone protests to the contrary.”

      Firstly, this suggests you’ve made up your mind, and even a reasoned explanation will not convince you otherwise (as seen in your use of the word “regardless”).

      Secondly, it’s crazy that you don’t see how arrogant and fundamentally daft it is for you to insist that women do x for y reason, when actual women who are in a better position to explain their motivations have opposing views. You may not realise but the fact that you presume you are right, while ignoring the voices of the actual people you hold this view about makes you a stark raving illogical sexist.

      I actually don’t have a problem with people who embrace their sexism and admit they want women to stay in the kitchen because they like things that way. At least we can spot each other and stay out of each other’s way.

      It’s people like you who try to rationalise your sexism with endless essays that I don’t have time for. Stop making this about logic and admit your prejudice. It won’t kill you.

      Also, please stop using my posts to plug this future book or whatever encyclopaedia you’re compiling. I’m tempted to speak on behalf of other feminist writers and suggest they might not appreciate it either, but hey, I’m not in an arrogant, presumptuous mood. See what I did there?

      32+
      1. Od
        Ok, first, I’m curious how you can respond to anything I say with any accuracy if you don’t even bother to read it. I think it is reasonable to consider that you could be taking a comment out of context when you home in on one part of a text to the exclusion of the rest of it. But, ok, I respect your choices in the matter.

        First, I admit that that is a reasonable way to receive that comment but I did say that “when EXAMINED…” I believe that there should be rigorous examination. I have a hypothesis about what will be found. But the examination will have the last word. So, my mind is not really closed. Besides, I said earlier than that that I am researching it myself. Interestingly, since I started I have revised at least one “negative” view that I held about women. I do try to be reasonable, you see. 🙂

        Second, I don’t ignore the voices of women. Right now, I’m reading a book at a library. It’s titled “Christian Feminism” by one Mary Bader Papa (1981). I thought it would be wise to hear some more what women think of feminism. I chose a Christian woman because I just wanted to know the arguments within my own worldview first. I don’t dismiss women’s own answers to why they want equality I just don’t necessarily believe it unless I can see proof that it is true. I mean, I could tell you that it is not penis jealousy (that is, a guardedness about our maleness) that makes men fight gender equality. Would that then make it true? I may be completely mistaken. Or I may be deliberately lying. We can only know the truth by comparing what is said with what is done and by examining the environment for tell-tale signs of what really is going on.

        But what if I’m really not prejudiced, Funmi? What if this is really about logic? What if I really don’t think women are inferior to men and only good for cooking and washing and making babies? What if I’m really looking to promote a society where people truly love and care for each other and demand no more than is reasonable of themselves and each other? Would that not be a good thing? I know that personally I want my wife to be very happy and my daughters to be very secure and confident in their female-ness. Is it really prejudice that drives me to want to prove that a woman need not be exchangeable for a man to be just as valuable as he is?

        Lol. Wait, was it your post on which I talked about writing a book? Oh my! Anyway, I don’t think I’ll be doing that any longer. I figured out what I needed to about women contributing publicly. I just mentioned the posts to show that I’m intellectually committed to this discussion about gender. Do forgive me though. I’ll try not to offend you like that again. And, er, forgive me now in case I slip and do it again tomorrow. I can be forgetful like that. 😀

        Yeah, I see what you did there. 😀

        4+
        1. woyi_oc
          “I want my wife to be very happy and my daughters to be very secure and confident in their female-ness.”

          I think thw word you’re looking for is “femininity.” Just saying. #Grammer Nazi

          6+
        1. Od
          I’m curious, just curious, I promise: eeeeerrr, shouldn’t there be a clap first before there’s a clapback? Like, who or what did she clap back at?
          1+
          1. NO2_EFX
            If i were a guessing human, i would say “Misogynist Bigotry.”

            you could always just do this 👏👏 and know you literally e-clapped, at least. Just a thought :p

            10+
  4. Darth
    Really can’t be bothered with what she said, she’s the wife of a monarch, what else is she expected to say? Feminism as a movement has been around for centuries now but people always want to air their ignorant views on it and it’s become tiring trying to educate people otherwise( really teachers are the real heroes) every activist movement has radicals and extremists in their membership, that doesn’t still mean fighting for gender equality and female empowerment is a misguided cause. Little steps and persistence, as the old saying goes.
    4+
  5. Glamfairy
    Sincerely heartbreaking to read some comments and even find women who still don’t know what it means. Honestly i do not blame them as some ignorant women calling themselves feminists do not understand what it means and as such have trivialized the who fight for gender equality with some ridiculous statements. gender equality means giving women a choice whether to be a house wife, single mother,entrepreneur,career woman, combination of all, whatever as long as its her choice. its about giving women equal opportunities with their male counterparts. A lot of us women are in debt to the early feminists because its because of them a lot of us are educated today, work in companies, drive cars and earn a living today. please lets educate these women and let them know that being a woman can never hinder you from reaching your goals.
    4+
  6. Olayinka
    “I think that when properly examined, the root of many feminist agitation will be penis envy, regardless what anyone protests to the contrary.”
    Hmm.. Interesting. How did you come to this conclusion Od? How exactly does your penis empower men that women are dying to switch their precious vaginas for which to you equals feminism? I seriously am curious here. Please elucidate.
    8+
    1. Od
      I didn’t claim that the penis empowers men in any way. But I do believe that it may be perceived to empower men in some ways that women may find desirable. That is what I think drives much of the agitation.

      As for some of those ways, inclusive could be economic ability. The male anatomy does predisposed us to certain exertions that female anatomy might not easily accommodate. This might be the reason that first women demand the right to work and then demand for work or jobs to be tailored to suit their female needs and peculiarities.

      While that is only a theory I hold, I have anecdotal evidence for it.

      However, I’d like to clarify that I don’t believe that men are in any way superior to women. I just believe that each is significantly and rightly different from the other.

      1+
      1. Olayinka
        Toh. You have done a good job identifying the theory in your ideas. But why did you present it like you had solid statistics to back up your assertion? How many women have you met who told you they want a penis in exchange for their vaginas? How do you not understand that women just want to be respected as much as men when they put in the same amount of work on the same project? Like when I was in secondary school and a girl came first in J.S.S 1 and a couple of other girls also topped the class, the teachers while handing out awards said something in the line of shaming the boys for allowing girls steal the show from them. Even at Jss1, I was offended because of course I was part of the recipients and I put in so much hard work but never got validated for it. But the boys were scolded for allowing girls to steal the prizes. Now that is why we have feminists. To correct such foolishness. I hope you see that penis envy had nothing to do with this? Likewise most of the causes being championed by feminism. Please you are brilliant but sometimes, you brilliantly shoot off tangent. And you never agree that you could be mistaken. That’s arrogance to me.
        6+
  7. sonia
    That anyone would equate the campaign for gender equality to simple penis envy in spite of all the ‘orisirisi’ women go through as a result of their gender is quite laughable. For a really smart person, Od’s penchant to spew nonsense constantly amazes me but like everyone else, he will be fine.

    In a society where child marriage, lack of education, rape, workplace discrimination and the likes are rife, it galls me that a lot of people are still ignorant and have continued to trivialize the campaign for equality. I recently read about breast ironing currently practiced on pubescent girls in some societies and it made me so sad.

    How many penises have been ironed to prevent rape? How many men’s virginity get tested on the wedding night? Why is the highest level of a woman’s achievement securing a husband, no matter how hard she works? So many basic questions that should be asked by anyone with half a brain and a conscience but let’s chalk up the clamor for the ability to make our own choices to penis envy.

    Once upon a time, women were to be seen and not heard, head down and walking two steps behind the man. Quite ironic that the olori has past feminists to thank for the ability to hold a mic in front of an audience and air her ignorance.

    12+
    1. Od
      Sonia, I thought about apologizing for disappointing you but then I suspect that I might do it again. So, I decided instead to ask you to consider looking at the arguments I make and deliberately assume that they have credit, then rigorously question them to see if they really don’t. It may just seem like nonsense to you because you find it upsetting rather than unreasonable.

      You have asked good questions in your post too but I wonder if you are not mixing up societies. Nobody irons breasts in my village. Somebody might harm you bodily if you tried it. We tend to try to prevent our young girls from running off to be married because they’re too young too. If anyone can afford it too, in my village, we send both girls and boys to school. Sometimes, in very poor homes, boys drop out to help to send their younger ones (I think, especially the girls) to school. It is usually a question of age. So, we should probably examine each society according to its merit, rather than speak as though the same situation applies all over the place. I’ll grant that what happens in my village doesn’t happen everywhere in Nigeria but I haven’t seen that much reason to think that the general Nigerian narrative runs along the lines that some feminists insist on pursuing.

      Really, Sonia, there may be some sense in the stuff I say. Just think about it. 🙂

      2+
      1. sonia
        Rather than speak as if the situation applies all over the place? I think you missed the “in some societies” in my comment, and i never limited anything to Nigeria. Perhaps you should have stated that the penis envy applies to only Nigerian feminists.

        Yes, breast ironing doesn’t happen in your village, i guess that invalidates all the arguments and outrage against it (and the fact that it does happen).The campaign for feminism/gender equality is a movement that cuts across all societies and the message is the same as it affects all women, regardless of the peculiarities. Within and outside Nigeria, women have experienced some sort of gender discrimination at some point in their lives. If you haven’t seen that much reason to take anything seriously, then perhaps you need to leave your village.

        Od, I don’t know what you think is the general Nigerian narrative and i don’t know what lines the feminists you know have insisted on pursuing but i maintain that there is no sense in this one. Try the next one, i’m sure you’ll blow our minds.

        5+
        1. Od
          No, I didn’t miss anything you said.

          You did say, “in a society where…” and I assumed you meant Nigeria. But, of course, you could just as easily have meant an obscure village in Zaire. I just thought that most non-Nigerians posting on this platform would clarify what society they meant to prevent any assumption that they were referring to Nigeria.

          I didn’t invalidate any argument or campaign against breast-ironing. I just mentioned that my village – which incidentally is part of the larger Nigerian society of which you were speaking initially and which I assumed was still the context of your argument – did not condone such things. I should have gone on to point out that we don’t know Western feminism there. At least, not that I know of. But we greatly value our women.

          About leaving my village…

          The message of feminism began here: men and women are both equally human and it is wrong to treat women as though they were less than human.

          Every right-thinking person embraces that. As a matter of fact, that message is a big part of the Christian Gospel. Jesus Christ might even be called a feminist for holding that attitude and bequeathing it to the Church.

          But this message – “male is the same as female and people should not be limited by their natural sex” – does not make sense.

          Because both are conflated in modern feminism, when a person attacks the latter, he is instantly treated as if he attacked the former. That is what I have to keep addressing.

          Of course there are real problems of mistreatment of women in quite a few places around the world but that message of women empowerment that attacks the sanctity of sexual identity does not solve these problems. It actually exacerbates them. The instant you remove sexual identity and insist that anyone can do as they please regardless their natural sex, well, everyone starts pushing all the advantage they’ve got. Men quit being men FOR women and start being men FOR themselves. Women quit being women FOR men and start being women FOR themselves. The end of that is what we see in Western society today: chaos and more abuse all over the place.

          But Sonia, I really believe that you must know. You see, you spoke like you have read me elsewhere “spewing nonsense” as you put it. The fact that you claimed that I have a penchant for doing so proves that this is not the first place you’ve seen me do so. In those other places, my guess is that you must have seen some of those lines I talked about. Whatever the case may be though, I don’t think you are right that there is no sense in what I have said. Of course you are free to persist in your disagreement with me about that. It is your prerogative. But stubbornness about a stance does not therefore make it true, whether for me or for you. 🙂

          1+
          1. sonia
            This epistle simply inspired some more eye rolling but i guess stubbornness doesn’t indeed make a stance true. Fine, if the penis envy makes sense to you. Sorry about the nonsense bit.
            11+
          2. Od
            , a community in Abia. It’s a small enough state to research and find out which communities have been significantly impacted by Western Feminism. So, my answer should suffice.
            0
  8. Optimus Prime
    Interesting comment from Queen Ogunwusi. It has a strong similarity to the one made by the greatest woman that ever lived in human history…..

    “I am most anxious to enlist everyone who can speak or write to join in checking this mad, wicked folly of ‘Women’s Rights,’ with all its attendant horrors, on which her poor feeble sex is bent, forgetting every sense of womanly feelings and propriety.

    Feminists ought to get a good whipping. Were woman to ‘unsex’ themselves by claiming equality with men, they would become the most hateful, heathen and disgusting of beings and would surely perish without male protection.” – Queen Victoria

    4+
    1. Bk
      LOL! and so? Queen Victoria was opposed to feminism, big whoop! She was a queen, not because she married a king but because she inherited a kingdom. A woman, in the 1800s. In so many other parts of the world in this 21st century, this year, women can’t inherit titles or property. Her word was law. How could she have been a victim of patriarchy or sexism the way a regular woman is? Men and women alike bowed to her. She had choices, she didn’t experience discrimination, no one denied her education, no one told that her place was in the kitchen, men served her wine….
      So, Queen Victoria, the greatest woman in history opposing feminism doesn’t mean shit. ✌

      Posted from TNC Mobile

      20+
  9. Glamfairy
    optimus prime take your L. Queen Victoria can say that because she is “queen” just incase you forgot. She doesn’t need to fight for equality because even men bow to her. she ranks above male or female with both sexes at her command. so while you are trying to use such ignorant statement as a come back try again. not a feminist but her daughter is queen while her husband is her unknown partner.
    4+
    1. woyi_oc
      Dude…Do you watch Regular Show? There’s a joke i want to drop but it won’t make sense if you don’t know the show…Ah well.
      0
  10. Chidera
    Interesting piece, as a man myself i must agree with you. Let every individual choose their lane and not the society defining the lane to choose.
    4+
  11. Optimus Prime
    No, you are not smart. You came here foaming in the mouth like a photosensitive epileptic patient devoid of common sense and logic.

    So if the Queen of England can say such cos she’s Queen, why are you getting your knickers in a twist when the Queen of Ife said almost the same thing?

    Ahhhh, you see. Logic flies out of the window when you don’t detect yourself emotionally on a public forum.

    And if you think Queen Victoria – a woman that ruled more than 1/3 of the surface is not the greatest woman that ever lived, then you should demand a refund of your entire formal education from the village school you were tutored.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

    4+
    1. Optimus Prime
      Dang it, typos everywhere.

      *when you don’t detach yourself emotionally

      *ruled more than 1/3 of the earth surface.

      0
    2. CokeBoy
      “You came here foaming in the mouth like a photosensitive epileptic patient devoid of common sense and logic.”

      I actually find this VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY disgusting & offensive.

      2+
    3. Bunmi
      It’s funny how Toolsman and woyi were quick to reprimand Glamfairy when she used abusive words yet ignore Optimus Prime’s insultive words. How nice
      1+
  12. Ray

    This thing is tiring.
    Living in a society where you are considered ‘too much’ when you say you believe in equality is tiring.
    Having arguments with professors over ‘Gender equality or equity or none’ and never having your side heard cos they refuse to move from their archaic way of thinking is tiring.
    Having to explain to people that the man I marry won’t be one who expects doing dishes to be my duty but one who understands that my doing it is out of love for him-Hence,we can both do it out of love for each other- is tiring.
    Trying to make people understand that my stand as a feminist doesn’t mean that I don’t want to have kids or breastfeed but that I hate to be boxed into roles with expectations cos of my gender is tiring.
    Seeing women who call themselves feminists when it suits them, keeping double Standards and preaching the wrong message is tiring.
    Dealing with men who want women to have power silently (as the upholder in the home as she can always twist her husband’s mind), but hate it when women stand up for themselves in public, is tiring.
    Even worse, seeing women who have no clue about what feminism really is and hence beating down other women (case in point, the Queen) for embracing it is tiring.

    Honestly, I used to hate the word ‘feminism’ too. I naturally don’t like tags, so I was a feminist without embracing the name. It’s my nature, it’s how I was brought up. Daddy taught me to be number 1 in class always and not think anyone was better, male or female. Mummy taught me to be strong and not accept disrespect from anyone, male or female. Then Itua explained feminism on tnc and I figured it’s just what I’m about.

    I recently accepted the fact that a lot of people shade feminism because they don’t understand it and/or they are afraid of it.
    It’s just sad to see women refuse to embrace feminism because they are afraid of how society will view them, hence they conform to what the man wants them to be. It reeks of lack of self respect.

    I didn’t expect different from the Olori anyway. I bet she feels like she has a husband to please. It’s just sad she has now misled multitudes of women by further deepening the misconception we already have on ground.
    Dear Queen, get your facts right Feminism doesn’t tell you not to be a good wife to your man or to usurp his role or steal his crown. It teaches you to have enough self-respect and confidence to know that he should respect you just as much as you respect him. Because you are both humans and deserve the same opportunities in life.

    18+
  13. CokeBoy
    “You came here foaming in the mouth like a photosensitive epileptic patient devoid of common sense and logic.”

    This is a VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY disgusting & offensive comment.

    6+
      1. Cokeboy
        So had to use a neurological disease to defend himself? Okay

        I don’t mind you defending yourself but using my & other people’s sickness to attack someone else is very insensitive of you. It’s all jokes when you don’t suffer from it. Bless you.

        11+
  14. Od
    Wait, shebi you people know that penis envy is not just that women wish they had a penis, abi? Because it doesn’t o. It also means that women wish they were men.

    Just pointing that out.

    If you disagree though, you should explain exactly what the whole “gender is a social construct” means and what gender equality really is about. And saying “the freedom to do whatever you please” doesn’t cut it because there are many many things we all please that we cannot do because our biology simply disallows it. That has nothing to do with social construct.

    0
    1. KVNX
      Sex refers to a person’s biological status as male or female. Gender is more of a thing of the mind. Which is why people that don’t identify with the sex of their birth are called transgenders and people that go on and reassign their “follow come” sex to the other are called transexuals. My point is, sex, being male or female is just physical. Gender is more intangible.

      I think what Funmi is saying with “gender is a social construct” is because it’s in man’s nature to try to make sense of his environment by arranging things neatly in little boxes; society, using the predominant traits and behaviours of the sexes, ascribed and subsequently defined certain characteristics as belonging only to a particular sex. Males are defined to have more strength, be more logical, be rough, less emotional and dominate; and females just the opposite. So society has dictated what a male and a female should be and not be.

      Unless you’ve decided to see things in absolutes and you’ve locked yourself up in a room without much wiggle space, you’d understand that these defined gender behaviours is largely not true for every single individual in their respective genders. There are males who do not have a lot of physical strength, are emotional, very vain and some like to wear make-up. There are females who– well, you get the point.

      On a grander scale, having a penis does not inherently, for instance, make a person more qualified to be the president than a person with a vagina. And so if a person with a vagina decide she wants to be the president, then by all means give her a fair and equal platform you’d give a person with a penis and may the best person win. She shouldn’t be looked be looked down on because she has a vagina. I think this is what feminism is trying to establish. One’s sex should not be considered before one’s person.

      Cheers mate.

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  15. Bk
    Hallo @thetoolsman! Pls when will we be able to upload pics and memes as comments using the app? 😟

    Posted from TNC Mobile

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  16. Zaynab
    Sooo true. There’s nothing more irritating than when people say ‘you’re trying to be a man’. Everytime I hear it, it just plain pisss me off. it never even occurred to me until I heard someone say it. And then all I could think was how it was that human beings existed who would come to that kind of conclusion. I’m sure there are people out there that want to be men or women and were not born that way, and more and more of them are acting on it these days . This ain’t that.
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  17. Nimrod
    We live in a society that has been forged by centuries of experience. If the genders just accepted their God-given roles then there would be much peace.
    Feminists to me are like the Biafra agitators who seek what they can’t get. No matter how much more you earn or decide men are equal we all know the real truth deep inside our minds. It is just a rebellious spirit in women that makes them have such a misconstrued twisted interest in equality. To what end would it feed your feminist ego to have associations like National Association of Nigerian Prostitutes where females are showing their own form of feminism. Why don’t you fight to stop young girls from wearing clothes that are provocative? To me feminism is just political lesbianism and a waste of time to even discuss.
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  18. Preshy
    Lool , you sound really educated. PhD yeah? Bravo! I want to marry your intelligent ass already. Come over here you little Einstein. You are so smart. Yous should host talks. Your intelligence should be broadcast worldwide. Beautiful. You’re the shit man.
    2+
  19. Zinny
    I’ll just leave this here. It’s a post I saw on facebook. The author is Asandia.

    Gender equality, also known as sex equality, gender egalitarianism, sexual equality, or equality of the genders, is the view that both men and women should receive equal treatment and not be discriminated against based on their gender.
    “Gender Equality is the process of allocating resources, programs, and decision making fairly to both males and females without any discrimination on the basis of sex…and addressing any imbalances in the benefits available to males and females”.

    Gender equality is a human right. … Gender equality is also a precondition for advancing development and reducing poverty: Empowered women contribute to the health and productivity of whole families and communities, and they improve prospects for the next generation.
    I really wasn’t going to lend my voice to the ongoing social media saga with the Olori and gender equality especially because of the bile and vile responses from other women to her but yesterday I had a man say something to me that made me think again. above are some definitions of gender equality.
    Let me say this first, I don’t consider myself a feminist, at least not this new Nigerian feminism or new fad of feminism in the world that equates to men bashing. However, I have been called a feminist many times – if standing up for women’s rights means I’m a feminist, then so be it.
    The Olori technically didn’t say anything wrong and I actually agree with her. However, what she did do wrong was to be misinformed, and mix up gender roles with gender equality. It is especially annoying because she had a golden opportunity to educate the world on what females in Nigeria go through. I understand women’s anger towards her but I will not curse her out, tempting as it may be because it defeats the purpose. Women, I believe should be compassionate towards each other, teach, show and make other women see and understand the struggle. We need to educate Olori, not curse her out. Everyone can be uneducated about certain topics (yes I agree she should have known her limitations but hey…).
    You see what the Olori claims is gender equality is actually gender roles. No one cares what happens in your home or if you kneel to serve your man food or your man is the one that does all the cooking at home – that is not gender equality. What happens in a marriage/ relationship is absolutely none of anyone’s business as far as its not abuse. What works in one marriage may not work in the next. Gender equality is not what happens in a marriage or how you operate in your home. It is about women’s rights in the world at large, in the work place, in the society, equating it to that poo poos the movement. When a man and woman with the same experience (the woman may be more experienced in most cases) are offered a job and the man is offered a higher pay, for the simple fact that he’s a man, that is where we will scream gender equality. In Nigeria, if my husband is arrested, I as his wife cannot bail him out, for the simple fact that I’m a woman but my gateman who may not be as grounded as I am, who may be at flight risk and may have no ties to that environment will be allowed to bail my husband out, for the simple fact that he’s man. There was a time that women weren’t allowed to vote, simply because they were women. When a female politician is told that she shouldn’t be at a midnight meeting because she ought to be home with her kids and husband. When an actress is asked why she’s on set for 2 weeks without seeing her kids and husband yet the actors that are married with kids aren’t told the same. When a woman is at the airport in Nigeria but is asked for a letter from her husband allowing her travel with their kid/s but the husband travels with the kids and isn’t asked for a letter from his wife allowing him take the kids out of the country. When married women aren’t allowed to join the police force in Nigeria. There are certain hotels that women aren’t allowed to go to their bars without a male. I personally have been on a business trip, a relative told me that it’s not nice that I’m away from my husband for such a long period, never mind that my husband wasn’t even at home (he was on location for about a month!). This relative would not dream of or even think to call my husband too and tell him that “it’s not nice” that he’s away from his wife and kid for such a long period. It is ok for a man to be away for work but not a woman to be away for the same job. These are all examples of gender inequality and there are many but I’m sure you get the gist. It really has nothing with women trying to be men or trying to take any man’s crown. God created us as equals in the world. In marriage, we have different roles but your marriage ends at your home, you do not extend it to the workplace. There is nothing that a male director of finance can do that his female counterpart cannot do. That is what gender equality is about. There is something called White Privilege, there’s also such a thing as male privilege, I ask what about human privilege?
    Women need to differentiate between gender roles and gender equality. No one is against gender roles or whatever works for you in your home. Gender equality is what is allowing you go to work, own a business, get an education etc. Most women agitating for gender equality aren’t trying to be men (heck I love my makeup, hair, heels, bags wayyyyyyy too much to want to be a man). I can never be a husband, I can never be a father and I don’t want to be. I don’t want my king’s crown because I am a Queen, I don’t have to fight my man at home for anything. But I can be the President of a company, of a country or be a housewife, I have the same skills as any man to be the CEO of a company. We as women should have choices and the right to exercise those choices without the status quo telling us what we can and can’t be. We need to speak up against the inequality. The reason political parties like PDP have affirmative action for women is because of gender inequality (I have my reservations about affirmative action but that’s a story for another day). We need to learn to speak up and be firm too. Gender equality is a global problem, ask Venus and Serena Williams, ask Jennifer Lawrence, it isn’t limited to Nigeria alone. Please if you don’t understand gender equality, Google is your friend, stop confusing it with gender roles or marriage / relationships.
    Here are some quotes from some famous women about gender equality:
    Amy Poehler – “I have these meetings with really powerful men and they ask me all the time, ‘Where are your kids? Are your kids here?’ It’s such a weird question. Never in a million years do I ask guys where their kids are. It would be comparable to me going to a guy, ‘Do you feel like you see your kids enough?'”
    Jennifer Lawrence – “I would be lying if I didn’t say there was an element of wanting to be liked that influenced my decision to close the deal without a real fight. I didn’t want to seem ‘difficult’ or ‘spoiled.’ At the time, that seemed like a fine idea, until I saw the payroll on the Internet and realized every man I was working with definitely didn’t worry about being ‘difficult’ or ‘spoiled.'”
    “I’m over trying to find the ‘adorable’ way to state my opinion and still be likable! F*ck that. I don’t think I’ve ever worked for a man in charge who spent time contemplating what angle he should use to have his voice heard. It’s just heard.”
    Meryl Streep – “No one has ever asked an actor, ‘You’re playing a strong-minded man.’ We assume that men are strong-minded, or have opinions. But a strong-minded woman is a different animal.”
    Beyoncé – “You know, equality is a myth, and for some reason, everyone accepts the fact that women don’t make as much money as men do. I don’t understand that. Why do we have to take a backseat?”
    Serena Williams – “It’s disappointing, if I have a daughter who plays tennis and also have a son that plays tennis, I wouldn’t say that my son deserves more because he is a man. If they both started at 3 years old I would say they both deserve the same amount of money.” “I have been playing since the age of 2 and it would be shocking to say my son would deserve more than my daughter. It is irrelevant. Novak is entitled to his opinion but if he has a daughter — I think he has a son right now — he should talk to her and tell her how his son deserves more money because he is a boy,” she said.

    5+
  20. Fyrstartr
    There is a reason women don’t currently rule the world despite the abundance of talent and ability, wealth and Power… yes P-O-W-E-R.

    This has nothing to do with male domination. At least in my opinion and from my armchair research.

    Women need to first love each other and have a united force. There is something they say about a house that is divided right.

    Call the struggle for women’s right anything you want to call it but at least admit it is a necessary struggle.

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