We’ve got a really tough question before us today. I think it’s similar to the question a chic asks after she dates a guy for years and they break up only for the same guy to propose to another chic in a matter of months. I’ve taken a shot at answering the latter and now, we are hopefully going to solve this mystery too.
Back in uni, from my late teens to early twenties, I must say that every single relationship/situationship I got myself into, was primarily driven by lust. Forget friendship, companionship, personality, wit, humour and all those other qualities; back then it was all about the TFA (tits, face and ass). My definition of long-term back then was probably the end of the next semester or maybe the end of Uni so there wasn’t much to bother about. If I could find a chic who looked good enough to ‘meet my physical requirements’ and she complimented this with above-average to freak level bedroom skills, that for me was the definition of perfection.
I got my fair share of TFA but as I grew older, my checklist for a potential partner expanded beyond three body parts. I had grown older, explored the world a bit, suffered heartbreak, received cold unfriendly slaps from adulthood and generally experienced a lot more things in life to make me realize that I needed to seek out prospects with more depth. Some of the things I started looking out for went beyond the logical to the emotional axis and so, I’ll just sum them up with one word – love.
In summary, as I transitioned from a teenager to a younger adult and then a full grown man, my requirements for a potential partner went from only lust to lust and love. For those who don’t understand the difference, lets just say lust in this context is all the physical attributes, which attracts a man to a woman (remember TFA). Of course this also extends to how she uses these attributes. On the other side, love in this context is the non-physical stuff like her level of intelligence (s/o to the sapios), humour, faith in God, her home-making skills, etc etc.
At this point, I’m going to write out two equations to help us understand this better.
S = Lu
W = Lu + Lo
The first simply means sex equals lust and the second means wife equals lust plus love.
The moment a guy sees a girl, even before she opens her mouth to say a word to him, he can pretty much conclude on the lust part of these equations. Even though lust as represented here can be further broken down into sub components, it’s probably one of the easiest and quickest checklists to run though for guys. Take the following checklist for instance:
- Larger than A-cup – check
- Light skin – check
- Nice smile – meh
- No potbelly – check
- Phat ass – check check
And just like that, a guy can quickly arrive at a lust value for a chic. In the example above, we can say her lust value is 4 or 80% if you will.
On the flip side, grading the love element for a chic is far from easy especially for us guys. If we liken it to an exam, it’s not one with multiple choice questions where you just tick off right or wrong answers. It’s also not like a theory exam where the student has to explain their answer. The best way I would describe it is like one of those silly chemistry lab experiments they made us do in secondary school where you would have a range of answers for one experiment and marks were given for procedure etc. What I’m trying to say is, judging anyone on Love is tough. And I guess this is why there’s the natural expectation that there’ll be some
significant time difference between the point where you meet someone and when you ascertain your value of love for them (sorry all you love at first sight advocates).
And so, going back to the title of this post and the question at hand, if you believe a guy thinks you’re good enough to sleep with but not wife, chances are, you are right. You tick all the boxes for someone he’d sleep with but you’re either not quite there for someone he’ll love or he’s still evaluating you. Yes, it’s harsh but it’s the truth. What you need to understand is that it’s not always done with evil intentions – we all want what we want. This theory isn’t restricted to men because women do it too but in their case, the equation is slightly more complicated seeing as they are special beings.
Now before you come at me and ask how long this “evaluation process” takes, the answer is – I have no idea. This is a very personal process, which every guy runs at his own pace. However, what you should understand is that most guys are not half as discerning as women due to our constantly suppressed emotions and so, it probably takes us longer to discover things the average chic notices at first glance.
The next question will probably be why some guys don’t come out to just say the truth after they grade you for both love and lust. Well, that for me is just evil and it’s another topic on its own. I’m not sure I can come up with any excuse for guys who do this but whether our women are ready to hear the truth is also another angle to explore.
I have presented my equation, it’s time to read your thoughts. Have you ever been in this situation where you felt a guy only wanted you for sex? How did you deal with it? Do you just think all men are scum? For the guys, is there anything we can do to help women understand this theory better? Please use the comment box to share your views.