Kissing Friends

There was probably something wrong with my network service, or maybe Instagram had become faulty. Or, wait… it was probably the malaria medications I had taken. The doctor warned that hallucinations were a common side effect. That could not be him in that picture on one knee proposing to another lady. Thinking of it in…

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There was probably something wrong with my network service, or maybe Instagram had become faulty. Or, wait… it was probably the malaria medications I had taken. The doctor warned that hallucinations were a common side effect.

That could not be him in that picture on one knee proposing to another lady.

Thinking of it in retrospect now, I should have sensed the Universe warning me when the lyrics to the famed song blared on the radio while we were stuck in traffic four months ago.

“I’m only gonna break break your, break break your heart…” it said. And ‘break, break’ my heart he did.

Could I be blamed for being deceived by those delicious kisses of his? That day, in traffic when we kissed, I could swear the air suddenly smelled better; the exhaust smoke of the truck before us seemed to me as fairy dust. Only that it was uncharacteristically black, but that was pardonable. Anything was pardonable; I was in love.

All those dates and outings, the late night rendezvous (no sex, mind you) and visits to his family’s home swarmed through my mind in an endless torment. I mean, we obviously had something going on, even though he never really asked me to be his girlfriend… right? I kind of sensed he would, eventually. Everyone said we were quite the couple and that we thought alike. I guess not.

My heart tugged with regret at the realization that I had been a fool. Damn! It hurt. How could this be? I still wore the dress he gave me two days ago as my birthday gift. I kept staring at the picture (thanks to Instagram, I wouldn’t have known). What was I to do? Call and cuss him out in Real Housewives of Atlanta fashion…No!!! I  was going to be matured about it  and so I sent him a congratulatory message as the “friend zoned lady” while still trying to wrap my head around the events of the past months. So, guys and ladies get in here…ladies also get friend zoned.

Ladies, out there, if you feel something strong for a guy and you are super sure he feels the same way and y’all have been touchy feely, plix h’axe him what his intentions are. Who waiting in silence don epp? Definitely not me.

Do not allow him get all the benefits that would naturally go with relationships– a serious, intentional relationship. If not he gets all the goodies, which will make committing a bore since he has gotten them anyways.

I know it might seem too forward and direct but for your emotional and psychological welfare ask him. There are numerous ways to go about it (ask me for tips) because if the “issue” is not discussed both of you are just kissing friends, that’s all.

Responses

  1. Hephie Brown
    All of it, except he finally asked. the way I screamed you would have thought he asked me to be his wife but it was demmmmn overdue!! Our friends were tired! One of my friends who was hoping I will be the one for him even fought me and thought I was lying when I said I was technically single. It’s so annoying how in the african setting the man has the onus to decide if you’re worthy of being the “one” or not.. Left to me I would be married tey tey..walk up to the guy, ask him to marry me! full stop. He says no, I move on. Instead of waiting..
    Waiting..the curse of the African woman.
    1. Princess Rolee Post author
      I feel you girl. You had every right to scream o. I can imagine the wait, kai.
      I believe it’s a mindset that has been passed down through generations. Women are the ones waiting to be “picked” while men are the “pickers”. We no dey wait again…no more silence.
  2. Aggie
    This post is just for me, exactly what I need to get my head out of the clouds. But I can’t ask him what he wants cos I was the one to put the kissing friends label on us.
  3. T
    Story of my life. Only that I am a guy. Some still don’t believe we aren’t dating. She even lived with me at some point. Did I ask? Yes I did but the answer was NO. 😢😢😢.
    Haven’t loved anyone like I loved her.
    1. Cyrus Victor
      Oops…Looks like a picture from a romance novel! The girl, though is the hard-to-get type….so much thrill in chasing her tho’!
  4. Andronicus
    Back in Uni, the night I found out Kanny was ‘running things’ with someone else this song coincidentally was playing on the defunct Cosmo FM:

    “Everybody plays the fool, sometime
    There’s no exception to the rule, listen baby
    It may be factual, it may be cruel, I ain’t lying
    Everybody plays the fool”

    However, we hate that question,’What are we? What are we doing? Where are we going with this?’ It has a way of bringing an end to a delicious dream. Killing the moment and revealing the harsh reality of the future.

    Mature me agrees that its better you tell a lady straight up at the beginning that you want a love relationship or casual sex relationship so that things end at once or proceed. A lady told me that telling them at the beginning sometimes makes little difference because if they are into a guy, a big eternal spring of hope will flow through making them believe that sooner or later casual sex will change to love relationship.

    That being said, I love kissing. I don’t mind kissing my friends on the lips even though we have no romantic inclinations simply because it feels good mutually. I am a kisser.

    1. Princess Rolee Post author
      no matter how much the “what are we” questions are avoided, it’s best you put a definition to what y’all are doing.
      I totally agree with the mature you, tell ’em straight up and please, who doesn’t like kissing?
        1. Slim
          Learned that from a recent experience and it was quite the shocker cos I am a kisser. Not even a prologue sef..he just wasn’t into it.
          1. Woyi_Oc
            Yeah. Feels like something is missing when you meet someone like that. From what ive heard a guy who isnt really into kissing..isnt that uncommon. But when it’s a lady….I just sad. Like, I really sad.
      1. Andronicus
        I met some one back in 2014…has one of the cutest lips ever. Full, with perfectly shaped cupids bow slightly fuller than the lower. Lips that evokes thoughts of impulsive kisses or marathon kisses. I took numerous pics of just her lips.

        She does not like kissing. A beautiful waste. It didn’t work out between us.

        1. Woyi_Oc
          “She does not like kissing. A beautiful waste. It didn’t work out between us.”

          See what I mean. Even ladies don’t like kissing. Or just see it as “okay we’ve kissed, next tRACK pls”. So sad. Ah well

    2. Joe
      “That being said, I love kissing. I don’t mind kissing my friends on the lips even though we have no romantic inclinations simply because it feels good mutually. I am a kisser.”

      Y’all that don’t know how to kiss without touching bress.

      1. Andronicus
        Oh yes! If there was something like a Kissathlon, I’ll be the gold medalist. First thing I notice in a lady are her lips.

        Anyway, ladies do ask straight up. If he does not give a direct answer walk away. Unless you don’t mind having a casual affair. Most times feelings get caught and someone gets hurt.

    1. OluGt
      Sorry, I know you called on , but me being a guy, I can also epp your mission.

      Should you choose to accept this mission…

      Just ask him.

      That’s it. Be direct. I’m a feminist, so if a guy can just be direct, you too, be direct. In fact y’all ladies should start doing this. I sometimes imagine how a woman allows her entire future, even of her unborn children to be decided by the “silence” syndrome, to be decided by a random guy asking you to be a wife out of the multitude of choices you possibly had. Does it not scare you?

      BTW, before you go on this mission, convert to being a feminist (i.e. for equality) if you haven’t, be sure he’s for equality too (although, his response will finally let you know where he belongs), make sure you genuinely understand what equality means (because you can’t be dependent on a man and want to execute this mission on him. Ko le werk, as that’s not equality), and arm yourself with other equality-related stuff.

      Your mission shall yield you fruitful possibilities, as you can be sure there are many men who now embrace equality, but you may not know if you don’t execute this mission.

      You may now begin mission execution…
      *Mission Impossible movie sound track plays… JAN JAN JAN JAN JAN 🎶*

  5. OluGt
    Great post, but with some oversights.

    Check out what I had to say at my main comment (i.e. my response to @aggie)…
    Search for the comment with this time-stamp “October 7, 2016 at 1:48 pm”, or use this quoted I-hope-it-works link (thenakedconvos.com/kissing-friends/#comment-327762) to navigate to the comment.

  6. Sassy Bahristah
    I have been there. I eventually had to just put a stop to it all as the “not-knowing” was messing with my sanity. He didn’t come after me, and there, I had my answer: 1. He wasn’t that into me. 2. He’s a jerk. End of story.
  7. Emmy
    Life’s too short to wait to be asked… U go even miss oda potential opportunities, all in the name of ‘i believe we’ll spend eternity together ‘. A good relationship is when the intentions of both parties are known an understood.
    Sometimes too, the guys can the scared of losing the ladies too when she answers otherwise…
  8. Angy
    So true.. this is sort of like the ” friends with benefits” kind of situation. Most often than not, one party always balks. Lord, help our eyes be open to the signs oh
  9. Omotawler
    It’s best to define whatever relationship you have with any guy. Saves you a lot of thinking and heartbreak.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

  10. Miebi
    This hit home. I’ve been the guy that avoided defining things quite a couple of times. This post makes me realize (not for the first time) how that can be construed as jerk-behaviour, especially when someone gets hurt, eventually.
    Thank you, , for sharing your story.
  11. Bomboy
    Hmmmm… I can so relate to this. Only that the result of a little hesitation was the widening gap in our friendship. Things just turned from lush spring to autumn brown..
    I guess that’s life.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

  12. Libra
    lol coincidence? I think not…I’m actually in a similar situation right now. i don’t know what we are and I’m kind of scared to ask maybe because the answer might not be what i want but then again its better to know than assume
  13. Sophie
    Wow. In my own case he was my crush and we started talking a few months ago. Now we’re ‘kissing friends’. We spend so much time together and now the crush has developed to feelings. I’m lost. What do I do? Because I need to find out if I’m in this alone

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