Can You Tell If A Woman Is Faking An Orgasm?

{DISCLAIMER: This post is aimed at the men but women would might be able to learn a thing a two to pass across. No knowledge is wasted, right?} The need to remind people about orgasms is always at the tip of my tongue. I recently had a conversation with a friend who is almost thirty-two,…


Text size

{DISCLAIMER: This post is aimed at the men but women would might be able to learn a thing a two to pass across. No knowledge is wasted, right?}

The need to remind people about orgasms is always at the tip of my tongue. I recently had a conversation with a friend who is almost thirty-two, has been married for six years and has never had an orgasm. At first she wanted to defend herself and said, “Maybe I have had one and I just don’t know.” Lol. No honey, if you have had an orgasm before, you would know. I have been doing a lot of research and practice with her, I think we are making progress (so fingers crossed). I’m not a professional sex therapist just a damn good friend. I think I am an experienced friend, yeah. I don’t even know what that means, I’m digressing.

As a self-proclaimed Orgasm Activist, I feel like I should be doing more activism through my writing since I can’t reach every single person on the planet and what is more Naked than a Conversation about orgasm(see what I did there?) I hate to start this off with disappointment, but it is important to note that you will never be one hundred percent sure. I don’t care how many women you have been with, you can never know. There will be times when you are nagged by that recurring voice, asking yourself over and over if she really enjoyed it as much as you did, telling yourself that she didn’t. It is just unavoidable. But there are certain signs ~ and important behaviours on your part ~ that will guarantee a better betting average, and less-frequent bouts of uncertainty.

First of all, you must ask yourself what an orgasm for her is. Do you know that there are at least two kinds, and that they can often combine? Do you know that it is rare for a woman to orgasm through intercourse alone, but that many young girls have been encouraged (through porn and the misguided advice of friends) to present a loud, convincing orgasm wrapped up in a silky bow at the end of a few minutes of good thrusting? Do you know that, in most cases, a woman faking an orgasm is seen as living up to what she is expected to do (and what she may resent herself for not being able to achieve)? Once you are more versed in what a female orgasm is ~ and how society insists on viewing it ~ chances are better that you’ll be able to create them.

It is imperative during sex (but especially for a woman who wants to let herself go into as many orgasms as possible) that all parties feel comfortable and desired. No one wants to feel as though there are expectations or hopes that are not being met, and there is no reason to leave someone constantly afraid of letting their bodies do their natural thing because they don’t want to risk a brief moment of unsexiness. Orgasms can involve strange faces, more fluid than one is used to, or odd noises. If a woman feels comfortable making all three, it is much more likely that she is really cumming.

Because an orgasm is rarely cute and contained. There are the wilting theater style climaxes, and they can be lovely, but many more are loud, proud, and kind of awkward-looking. When a woman’s stomach is fluttering, her thighs are clenching, her face is completely contorted, and she sounds like a Pentecostal church-goer speaking in tongues, she is not worried about looking like the reserved-for-the-male-gaze-sex-object that we have come to know from porn. She is actually enjoying herself, despite what it may look like to an outside viewer.

And in order to achieve these real, wonderful orgasms, we cannot be afraid of anything. We should never turn our noses up on something that feels good. Lubricants, toys, vibrators, multiple kinds of simultaneous stimulation ~ these are all our friends. And the more afraid we are of making sex break outside of its perfectly-acceptable missionary box, the less the chance that a woman will really enjoy herself. Her path to orgasm is not a straight line, and all pathways are just as good. We should be constantly breaking new ground in what makes her feel good, and what can get her so out of herself that she no longer cares one iota about what her sexuality makes her do in bed.

Ultimately, the best way to encourage real orgasms is to stop pressuring a woman to have them(SIDE NOTE to guys who boast about making women squirt, STFU!!! In fact, I will address this squirting issue another time). LADIES, an orgasm is not something that you give to someone else as a thank you for a job well done, it is something that manifests deeply in all of our bodies and blossoms outwards within us, reaching up towards our skin. It is something that our partner can draw pleasure from, but it is nothing we owe someone. And the way to guarantee that many of a woman’s endings will be faked is to make her feel as though, if she doesn’t give them up, she has somehow failed you and her expectations as a woman.

Orgasms should be a noble goal, but one that does not nullify the journey if not attained. Because, at the end of the day, we should all just be happy having some good sex. An orgasm is simply the icing on the cake.

Ladies, I hope I did us justice. Did I miss anything out?


  1. Afrohippie
    I don’t see why I should fake an orgasm. At the end I’m still the one loosing so I might as well cum. If he isn’t doing the right things to make my body sing best believe I’ll tell him and show him the way. In as much as I love giving pleasure, I also enjoy being on the receiving end.

    PS. I love you Erotica blog. If you don’t know the right way to cum, plenty tips are there to pick from

    1. Oms
      Checking it out ASAP. I hate that sex has now become a chore for me. My husband has been under a lot of stress lately so I just cant say no to him. I just lay there and count to 100. It just kills me because I hate to be like that
  2. Ifeduyi
    ” I have been doing a lot of research and ‘practice’ with her, I think we are making progress (so fingers crossed).” Ummm….
  3. Loelah
    My dear…. another thing guys shld knw is that dere is the clitoral orgasm and the gspot orgasm. For those who do not knw, the clit is the little man inmthe boat….. u play wif it and you are on the right path. D g spot is somewhere in tbe vagina…. toward the roof (easily accessed via doggy, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl and modified missionary positions).
    Most women have clitoral orgasms…… very intense ,however, it is d gspot orgasm that scatters somebody’s destiny….it has no chill. You feel it from ur scalp to the pad of your toes…… while a clitoral orgasm is AMAZING….. d gspot orgasm is AMAZING ON STERIODS.
    DEAR MEN, allow ur ladies to feel free and loosen up wif u. Most of us care too much abt how we look, if we r doing it right, what we say etc , we r so much in our heads dat we r unable to enjoy the wonder of sex.

    Plus guys….. it is not by thrusting soo hard u almost fracture our pelvis or by whining ur penis in the vagina like u r turning ogbono….. learn ur woman…. sex is not one size fits all. Therefor cos Titi likes it doesnt mean Bola should.
    COMMUNICATION cannot be overemphasized.
    What is the point of having sex if there will be no orgasm(just watching a sweaty hyperventilating man stab you abi invade your body with his penis)

    1. Cavey
      Yes yes yes!!! (No, that was just me agreeing with @loelah). Communication can NOT be overemphasized and niggas, don’t assume you know the tune her body dances to; let her guide you and then you can build on that. If she’s sure you’ve got her, well let’s just you’re in for a treat.
      1. Woyi_Oc

        Okay. So the G-spot is supposed to be this “extra spongy” or “rough” part of the vagina. The size of the area varies between women so some are easier to find than others. It can be stimulated with the hands (as shown in the diagram) with a “come here”-motion with the fingers. There’s also sex positions to help stimulate this position.

        Watch video for further instructions :

        ✌ Enjoy

    2. Untamed.
      LOL. The Scattering somebody’s destiny part was just too hilarious. Choked on the water I was drinking. Una no go kill me for here.
  4. Tete
    I’ll be trying some things out when oga gets back. Haba! 31 and I still don’t know what an orgasm feels like, don’t want to die without knowing oh! Biko, does anyone here who was circumcised have any tips on reaching the big ‘O’?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *