I want to be here, for Vanessa at least but I know that whatever we have between us might just be temporary. For a minute, I want to be alive. I want to breathe air, I want to look at someone and have my heart palpitate, and I want to see my mother smile again. The thought of the afterlife being unending darkness frightens me even further and makes me contemplate my decision. Finally, I gather enough courage and decide that this is it.