Let’s Talk Threesomes

Opinion

I initially was going to write this post under a different name cuz, child of God and whatnot *flips weave* but in honor of Hodor (sorry if you’re not a GOT watcher… wait, what’s wrong with you sef? why aren’t you a GOT watcher?) I decided to be brave, and hold the door…WIDE OPEN. I’ve…

Share

Share
Text size
+

I initially was going to write this post under a different name cuz, child of God and whatnot *flips weave* but in honor of Hodor (sorry if you’re not a GOT watcher… wait, what’s wrong with you sef? why aren’t you a GOT watcher?) I decided to be brave, and hold the door…WIDE OPEN.

I’ve recently been thinking about threesomes (not for me oooooo… *winks*) and how different people react to the idea of it. I suppose here is where I tell you that oddly enough, I’m not exactly opposed to or disturbed by the thought of it. I feel like as long as it is done for the “right reasons” – in other words doing it because it is something that both parties want, as opposed to one party complying merely to please the other – then go for it. However, I keep coming across opinions that seem to suggest that being open to a threesome in a relationship is a recipe for disaster. What seems to be the popular stance is that if you truly love someone, you would not be willing to share them. Many in fact believe that being open to sharing someone you claim to love is indicative of the fact that you do not truly love that individual. Warris love anyway?

But still, I maintain that there are in fact people that love and adore their partners but honestly wouldn’t mind sharing them. Is it crazy that I can understand being so secure in that individual and in that relationship, that the thought of bringing someone else into the mix isn’t exactly terrifying? Or do I (according to popular belief anyway) only feel this way because I’ve never actually been in that situation? I know, I’m disappointed too.

More importantly, is my ability to even imagine it reflective of the fact that I’ve never really loved someone so deeply that I’d rather not share them with anyone else? I know I ask ya’ll a lot of questions but this is the last one, I promise. Ok here goes: are there people out there that truly do not feel jealousy? That can truly, honestly be in love with someone and still be brave/adventurous enough to share?

Again, I’m going to just HOLD THE DOOR wide ass open so that we can start the conversation. Would you engage in a manaj e twiii not Ghanaian translation or not? What are your reasons? You already know what to do.

Goddemn it, guys. Leave your comments! Just leave it. Damn, why do I always gotta tell you guys.

Responses

  1. Olayinka
    I don’t know about threesome. It just doesn’t signify seriousness in that relationship. To me it shows you two are not planning on building a valuable and lasting life together. If you’re playing around maybe it’s cool but when you’re in a serious relationship, I don’t think it’s a good idea.
    1. SeryxMe
      I agree with this! Serious relationships and threesomes do not go together at all. I mean, unless you both agree to a polygamous/polyandrous/polyamorous end to it all. If you intend having a serious monogamous relationship, sampling threesomes will be a very bad idea.
    2. temi niran
      So you don’t believe two people in a serious relationship, who truly love each other can just not be possessive? Like you don’t think bringing a third party in can be a strictly sexual, one (maybe more) off thing?
  2. Cavey
    “the most important rule when considering a threesome; the third person MUST be a stranger” – Brooke Davis (2007)

    That’s all I have to say

      1. Cavey
        *chuckle*
        I can lie to myself that I will. Me, bae and ‘strange girl’ could be feeling adventurous then when I can’t stand sharing bae ‘nymore, goodbye stranger.
        In all honesty, I can’t say if I can or can’t but if it’s ever gonna happen, I’m definitely not obeying Brooke. The other girl would be a trusted friend 😶
        1. Raymond
          See how easy it is to assume “other girl” cos that’s the only reasonable way you can think of it? then just try to switch up and imagine another dude instead. probably her trusted friend cos like you she doesn’t wanna obey brooke. That feeling of revulsion you feel imagining it yea.. what reason do you have to not think she would be similarly revolted with your trusted friend? I know you are not saying you want in but I hope thinking about it this way helps you say whether you can or cant ‘in all honesty’ in the future…
        2. Don Flowers
          Cavey, you seem to have fallen into the Male presumption that threesomes necessarily require two females. It also includes two guys and one woman, so if your Bae wants a threesome, you’d consider obliging and maybe have the dude be a close confidant?
          1. Cavey
            No, it’s not a presumption. I know 2 dudes and a girl also defines a threesome but not in my head. In the eventuality that bae suggests such, I know at some point, if I sense she really wants to try it, I’d fade into the background and let the other guy have all the fun because It’d be torture to watch another take bae to places only I should but it’d be selfish to, because of my jealousy, deny bae an experience she wants to try once.
            I assume it to be another girl because girls are more open to being with their man and another girl than 2 dudes #GoFigure
        1. ERM
          Usually when we go on vacation…a club,on the beach. Usually someone who is hitting on one of us.

          The times in Nigeria have been with ladies in the club. A few drinks and most girls are willing to test their sexual limits (usually first timers), and my partner and I are only happy to oblige.

  3. F
    Well, as a teenager, I had sex with my partner and two of his friends and I was coerced into doing it by my partner who was seriously ‘using’ my head. Looking back, that’s one of the most foolish situations I’ve put myself in . But as an adult now, I can’t even think of doing it and I’m instantly breaking up with any boyfriend that even suggests it. I believe someone that truly loves you won’t think of sharing you with another person. I may be wrong tho.
    1. Od
      Thank God your attitude toward such things have changed. I’m wondering though, is there anybody that you could “blame” for all the right things you do? Why is your ex to blame for the things you did? If he did not physically restrain you and force you to do it, why does he have the responsibility here for the choices you made then?
  4. Twisted
    Menage a trois? (french makes everything sound sexy, Oui?)
    Nope.
    I must admit i had toyed with the idea in my mind but most definitely as the stranger in the mix.
    So in other words, my partner cannot be there. But that’s all in the past, I’m no longer interested abeg.
    Too selfish. too much work. Too much activity…positioning and stuff.
    Besides there’s voyeurism involved. I dont think i have the mind for such.
    Chances are i’ll laugh so hard they’ll be distracted and eventually kick me out.
    1. woyi_oc
      “Chances are i’ll laugh so hard they’ll be distracted and eventually kick me out.”

      🤦 *which kain chick be this?!* <– that's what they'll be thinking. Maybe they'll think you have lost your brain and madess has entered. They might even freak out and run out naked

  5. Od
    Very curious God you have for a father.

    Some years ago, someone told me that they’re not the jealous type. Before the end of that year, I started to see patterns of jealousy starting to emerge. By the next year, it was clear that they hadn’t known human nature very well. You see, they’d gone and fallen in love or something and it messed up everything they thought they knew about human nature. Curiously though, it’s taken years to see any admission of that jealousy that was always there.

    A few months ago, I argued with someone on this site who insisted that she too never experienced jealousy and that there were people like that. I asked her then if she could be sure that it would never happen, that she would never in her life become possessive of someone else’s love and emotional and romantic interest. I don’t remember getting an answer but, of course, I knew that no one can be that sure.

    You see, although by many standards I’m young, it’s not really arrogance when I say that I’ve been around the block. I’ve tasted a lot of life even without appearing to to know many of the things I talk about. We were made with a hunger to possess someone completely who would also be thrilled to possess us in return. This is regardless any sexual ability or desire. We all like to have relationships that we can be sure belong to us alone. Whatever we claim to the contrary, time exposes our lies and ignorance.

    Menàge à trois? The fun lasts only so long then either the first two eject the third wheel or there’s a reconfiguration and one previous member of the couple is replaced. A third possibility is that everything collapses and everyone goes out looking for something new. Things like that do not help humans at all. It destroys their psychology, sometimes irredeemably.

        1. woyi_oc
          Dude….Maaaaaaaaaaaaan. I just got one spoiler for shingeki….The second season…IS GOING TO MELT BRAINS!!! In a good way.
          1. Od
            Whatshisname didn’t die really? Or something? Pray spill, man…Or don’t. Can’t decide. Lol. I still have to catch up though. Just read the last chapter only and decided I liked it. So, I may not even get the spoiler so well.
      1. Od
        Not quite. Sex is rather mysterious. Perversions don’t fade easily. So, chances are one-off may not end up being one-off. And one-time experience could leave lasting damage. That’s kind of the problem with being human. Things stick on/in us.
    1. temi niran
      See, here’s the thing. I honestly believe that people have different experiences and feel differently about different things. The person who told you that she has never experienced jealousy could really be telling the truth. I’ve found myself in situations that the person I was dating would do something that I know maybe other women would mind but I would genuinely not care, whereas there are times that I would. Perhaps having a sexual experience with someone else in the mix is something that actually excites some women, and not scare them. Maybe they just aren’t jealous of that particular aspect. And maybe they’re just generally not jealous people.
      1. Od
        First, I said that she said that she never experienced jealousy, not that she had never experienced it in her past. She believed she was incapable of being jealous. That’s a different thing from never having experienced it before.

        Second, we need only look at permissive societies in our contemporary world to see just how well it works out to be so experimentative with sex. Perhaps those who are excited to try stuff and don’t “feel jealous in that particular aspect” are the way they are because they have not fully committed to their partner. They may still yearn for the right to do as they please without needing to consider how someone else feels about it. It just so happens that with a partner who feels the same way, it’s much easier to be expressive of it. When people are totally given to someone else, they tend to hate every idea of sharing their person.

  6. ERM
    Threesome? Yes…with caveats.

    1. The golden rule- the 3rd person must be a stranger.
    2. I like watching another man with my girl and she loves acting it out for me. I would however not join them but sit on the couch and watch them.
    3. When the 3rd person is female, I definitely join in and we all have fun. After that, we drop off the 3rd wheel and go back home for round 2.

    We generally do not have a lot of threesomes- a couple a year- but we have found that it gives more spice to our relationship, just like the mile-high-club and making love in a cinema does. If you love the person and you are adventurous then you would be willing to take risks with the person…it helps strengthen the bond.

    1. ERM
      Just clarify #2.

      I do not join because I am not into touching another naked man ( I am not homophobic but I am not that free with them). She does not mind getting down on a woman or vice versa hence the 3 in the threesome. So there is no power play- it was a mutual decision.

      1. Kenneth
        In the cinema…if you were one of the 3 people sitting in front…on a Monday morning, at Genesis Deluxe (The Palms), watching ‘Machete’, some years ago…then yes that was me. Hehehehe….
    2. Butterflymind
      Omg!! Aren’t you a friggin peculiar couple 😂
      I can’t unread this dayuuum. It’s the kinna stuff we see in movies, never thought they were real.
      Cool. Sheesh not cool. Ugh! I’m confused.
    3. temi niran
      HI!!!! 🙂 lmao. So tell me more about this number 2. I read this on a blog somewhere, where the woman was attracted to one of her partner’s friends and dude basically joined in. However, it didn’t go down as she had expected, and it wasn’t a great experience for her. Now to my questions: How did she (your woman) feel when you first brought it up? Were you guys always on the same page with regards to sezzual sturvs? And, do you love her?
      1. ERM
        #2? #2 is just me not being comfortable with another man’snaked skin or privates touching my skin or privates. She understands and does not push. She has no qualms with ladies though.

        “the woman was attracted to one of her partner’s friends”? The golden rule of threesomes is the 3rd person must be a stranger. Knowing or having feelings for the 3rd person just brings in the whole complications with jealousy and cheating. Also, it is uncomfortable for all parties seeing the person who you slept with 2 weeks ago everyday (or as often as friends see) when you both know it was just a one-off. When the 3rd person is a stranger you have no feelings to the person and it is over before any feelings develop. So even if I have or she has crushes on our friends, it remains a no go area.

        Who brought it up? Cannot remember. It has been years since that convo.

        Do I love her? Yes. We have been together for 10+ years. So I laugh when I see many comments above about this not being possible in serious relationships or this not being able to work if there is love. I guess it is “To your tents, O Israel!” with what works for you.

          1. ERM
            STDs? Simple. Do not use the same condom you used for the 3rd person on bae. And always have wipes around.
        1. Sapphire
          A few questions
          Will you continue with this “awesome tradition” after marriage?

          I don’t know if you want kids or not.
          But if you want kids will you be willing to pass on this grand tradition to them?

          1. ERM
            After marriage? Do not know if we will continue or stop. I guess it depends on our mood at the time et al. Besides, marriage is just a formality that has lost its original meaning: we have been together for 10+ years as a couple -living and growing together, shared finances, sacrifices, et al- and many “certified married” (I presume this is the reason for marriage, the certificate and the want of social acceptance) couples have been together for less the amount of time.

            Pass the tradition to our kids? We believe everyone has the right to define what rules in life they want to follow. We will set the guidelines to live a fulfilling life, but the kids will choose their own paths in life. Having threesomes is not an essential life skill and does not qualify as something you want to train your kids in. There are more important skills/values to spend family time on. But if they want to have threesomes and we feel they are ready to make such a decision, then they have our full support!

  7. Aisha
    Three- what? Three-who? Three-where? Three-how? Even God the greatest, does not like to share.

    The first question to ask is why? What do you want to achieve? If you can have a threesome then I guess cheating is fine too.

    I don’t even want to hear it sef. Even if you’re bringing Idris Elba into the mix.

  8. xquizit
    I don’t knw hw people see it buh isn’t that lot of work trying to impress 2 people at d same time with much activity? buh unless if for fun though but a serious minded person wouldn’t touch that wit a long pole if u value ur relationship and claim to love the person…to me its jus one of the fetish things people do for sex and not love.
    1. woyi_oc
      🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼🍼 Milk is good for you :p
  9. thetoolsman
    As a young bachelor, one of the things I quickly learned especially in my dealings with members of the opposite sex was not to be quick to define my boundaries. No Im not easily influenced, infact many can attest to my annoying level of discipline but you see, we often underestimate the power of the human mind – the levels to which our curiosity can push us especially when there are no extremely severe consequences to our actions. Considering a threesome after you’ve exchanged vows with another person can be extremely complicated with severe consequences but as a young spinster/bachelor in a relationship which may or may not lead anywhere, you dont exactly have a lot to lose. With that knowledge comes possibilities… Opportunities will always abound but all you need is the right trigger and you just never know…

    From the comments here, Ive seen that jealousy is a major issue in many relationships and that scares me because 3some or not, whats yours is yours and whats not isn’t. Ofcourse it helps not to place your hamster in a lions den too. With respect to 3somes though, I think has pretty much given out all the golden rules and #1 is extremely important from what I’ve come to understand.

  10. MizzD
    Everyone’s talking about jealousy. I’m just selfish. I’m still learning how to enjoy this thing, you’ll now be bringing in 3rd party? No thank you…
    1. Chin chun
      I, I, I do.
      I first rush down to the comments section to read what is given to the first position, smile/laugh and then read one or two comments before reading the main piece. I intentionally delay for few hours so that comments can be substantial.
      Sweet sweet TNC. 😇🤗
  11. snow
    You people have mind!!!!!
    The only threesome or foursome i’ll partake in is if the other person is in the TV, pleasuring herself, then me and bar are on the bed.

    It’s not that i can’t do it. It’s even on my sex bucketlist but i just dont have that strength yet to take two girls at a time. I know how hungry and tired i get after sex, you now want to add another into the mix. I’m not ready for that yet.

    Can i have a threesome when in a serious relationship? I cant say yes or no until i’m presented that situation.

  12. Uche
    Lol. I once had a friend who told me that he felt used after having a 3-some with two ladies. Lol.

    No 3-some for me sha. Can’t imagine another female touching me. No. Thank you.

    (I always want to call you Uncle Toolsman). Some healthy jealousy is good yes? No?

  13. Anon
    A huge, big, fat ‘No’ for me, mehn.. God don’t like ugly.
    Boo will probably not mind when we are married yeah..but I’ll rather pass. Arrrggghhhhh!
  14. Tee boy
    The idea has been nursed. Definitely not with a guy in the mix.
    Still don’t know if I will do it.
    I guess we shall wait and see
  15. SECRECY
    Lemme just try and express myself somewhat.

    I think threesome is a nice dream. Me, my guy and a girl that neither of us are dating, after she has signed a consent form.

    Me and two pre tested ladies and some pills (may or may not involve consent forms).

    Bae will never be involved either way, I’m much too selfish and jealous for that plus my vivid imagination will not stop recreating their romp, not sure I’ll be able to touch Bae afterwards.

    I don’t know how I will handle Bae wanting a threesome

  16. Olushola
    Yes to threesome (it’s one of those items on my secret fantasy list) when its me and 2 chix (hopefully one will be bisexual), and bae must be the one initiating the talks because I dont think i will ever bring up such topic (before someone will come an be nagging and be using it to abuse somebody- hmmm, biko, i fear dem laidat).
    Lmao, threesome with another dude? Lol, please, no. I cant even bear my body touching another guy’s when sleeping talkless of a naked guy with an erection, lmao, NOOOOOOO!!!
    Back to reality, i dont think i have the mental strength for threesome, i mean, thats too many things happening at the same time, no, im not that kind of multi-tasker.

    Posted from TNC Mobile

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

+