Moving On


SCORE: children || david darling It’s funny how things can change in an instant and still remain the same after the longest of times; on one hand, all it takes is one second, one wrong move, one moment for everything you know to change. On the other hand, even after an eternity, some things still…


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SCORE: children || david darling

It’s funny how things can change in an instant and still remain the same after the longest of times; on one hand, all it takes is one second, one wrong move, one moment for everything you know to change. On the other hand, even after an eternity, some things still remain the same. Time is a funny thing.

A year has passed since everything went wrong. 372 days since we marked our anniversary and I was the happiest man on the planet because I succeeded, for the first time, in completely keeping my plans from you and I enjoyed watching you blush and smile as my carefully laid plans unfolded until you couldn’t stop smiling and I could see in your eyes, how much you loved me. If I had known that would be the last time I got to see you look at me like the way you did, I would have reveled in those moments a minute longer. I would have made you smile more, albeit how impossible that was seeing as you couldn’t have smiled anymore without Athena, deeming you more of a threat than even Helen of Troy. By the gods, you’re beautiful! I wish I’d told you more. Not just because you’re even cuter when you blush but just because you are. 7 days after, 365 days from today, my worst nightmare begun. Not necessarily the worst day of my life but even Dante’s descent to hell didn’t start that terribly either


Did I ever tell you? I still have no recollection of the 9 weeks that followed. It’s all just…blank up until the day you texted me that you missed me on the evening I was at the RED awards. That was also the day you somehow, stumbled across Words I’d Never Get To Say and you cried unabashedly over the phone and in between sniffles, repeated our promise to each other to me “always and forever…always and forever”. I guess ‘forever’ is a lot shorter than I’d dreamed.


Forgive me. That’s not fair. I know the end of us hurt you too. I know it broke you when you said those words to me and even though I still don’t understand why, I loved you enough to let you let go of me. But I’d always wonder why. Why did you let go? Why wasn’t what we had enough to see us through? Why wasn’t our love enough? Don’t worry. I understand that not all questions are ever answered. And that’s okay. I’m grateful for the time we spent together and blessed that you showed me a love that words fail to adequately describe.

I was finally able to pack up all the stuff you ever gave me in a box. The shirts, the watch, even the notes we exchanged. They were gentle reminders of how much of me I bared to you and how much you saw me in all my imperfection and loved me nonetheless. You didn’t judge me or try to change me but somehow, I was the best version of me that I could possibly be. You always told me my writing was amazing and my scoring was beautiful. I finally put my writing out there and now, amongst other gigs, I write for a blog, TheNakedConvos and I’ve gotten a few “I love you, Cavey” comments so I think it’s safe to say that the TNC community kinda like my work. Thank you for believing in me.

I’m writing this, not because I know I’d never send it but because I’ve tried healing. I’ve tried moving on. And a week ago, I’d have said I was moving on just fine but I don’t know anymore. In the past year, I’ve had loads of opportunities to move on, met amazing women, even started a couple of things. But along the way, something happens. I either just lose interest or she ends things because of something I did or said that makes me wonder if I’m chasing them off unconsciously. Maybe I’m permanently damaged. Maybe it’s because today takes me back to last year and I’m all up in my emotions. Maybe it’s because Ekiti is wreaking havoc on my skin and yesterday, I found myself missing the body inspection you would have given me when I return home next week; you’d have inspected every inch of me and said softly “oh my baby, look what that place did to you”. Maybe by tomorrow, in hindsight, I’d wonder what was wrong with me right now. Maybe.

I love you but it’s time for me to move on.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that if a year after, the pain of losing you hasn’t dulled. But I will find a way. I have to.

Thank you for loving me and for letting me love you.

Always and forever,



  1. Jade
    Awwww I have tears in my eyes, i wish to experience love like this but i can let myself feel soo deeply.

    P:S what happened now?please get Aunty back. I LOVE YOU CAVEY *(

  2. Snow
    Oga had started again.

    Now watch the ladies come out and propose.

    The Baba that is doing it for you will also do it for me one day

    1. Cavey
      They think I’m crazy at the office because of the way this comment made me laugh! biko I have no baba but the Baba in heaven! And see how no one is proposing? That article was a one of ????
    2. D.K
      Hahaha! I was just about to write something similar to your comment and I’m a woman.
      Lover man, move on already now!
    1. ashabi
      Sooo I was at this point of my life… Hell, I’m currently at that point!!! I know what it feels like to have that once in a lifetime love and how eaaaaasy those kind of love are… And then to have it taken away. You know for sure its never going to be like that again… With anyone else. If you’ve ever experienced that all consuming love that’s just as easy as breathing (this doesn’t hold for those with respiratory probsss, but oh well you get it) then you know in your heart of hearts that that’s just as its gonna get!! Not a curse but its reality!!! I feel ya bruh… All the best
  3. Miz
    …..Maybe it’s because they all somehow stumble upon TNC and realize that the guy they’re ‘dating’ is that Cavey guy who is still obsessed with his ex, constantly finding a way to refer to her in at least one post every quarter and that he has basically made it clear that he’ll never love anyone like her……

    …..Maybe it’s because everyone has this weird feeling that though you say you’re moving on, sometime in the next three months there’ll be a post like ‘Things I Almost Said But Couldn’t As I Tried To Move On’……

    ……Maybe it’s because you’re not really ready to move on……Maybe! 🙂

    1. Cavey
      Ouch. I guess I deserve that. And it does kinda ring true. I guess I’d think so too if I weren’t me. I realized that too, that I was unconsciously clinging on to ghosts and false hope but no more. It took a kick up my ass by an amazing person I met on TNC to snap me out of my haze…and her truth hurt. But it was what I needed. This piece was my ‘closure’. Yes I might refer to some lesson about love/life I learned while with ‘Hera’ but that doesn’t mean I’m not moving on or healing, dearest . It just means I learned a lesson I want to share, that’s it.
      Thank you for this comment. It’s another kick I need. ????
  4. oluwabunmi
    awww cavey,I almost had tears in my eyes, Biko even if I would break up with a guy,he should be able to write this for me lol,really beautiful
  5. Exclusive

    If you love someone, you should be willing to let them go. Check.

    How about if you love someone, you do your darnedest to hold on to them?

    I don’t know, someday in the future, you’ll probably decide to spend your life with someone else and the thought that she won’t have all of you just makes me sad.

      1. Ify
        i agree with the next person will not have all of you because you already gave that to someone else. yes its possible to have more than one true love but its never the same no matter how hard you try.
  6. Cherone
    My chest.. This post has me all in my feels ????????????????????. I hope one day I’m able to say I loved someone like this. Best of luck bro
  7. Ray
    Ugh! You are not going to move on. You and I know You don’t want to move on. You are still asking why she let go, you still push other women away. Can you even say you are making an effort to move on?

    It’s been one year and you’ve not even started entangling your heart from her. You just tell yourself these stories for a few days and go right back to wanting her.

    Make up your mind, do you want her back or do you really want to let go? Decide and actually make a move.

    Quit this moan-try to let go-come right back cycle you keep doing.

  8. Butterflymind
    !!! Chill bebe ????. needs to get a bae coz he’s obviously trying (and possibly failing) to let go. Who says letting go is easy anyway.

    I’m still contemplating whether to read this. This one others are using weepy emoji everywhere, I cannot come and cry for you plix. ????

    P.S I’m opening a ‘lovey posts’ tab for you… for the day you’ll deny you write stuff like this.
    Consider this no.1

    1. Butterflymind
      Aite I read it. I wasn’t weepy after all. I can relate. Not entirely though.
      Moving on is really about your ‘will’. She loved you back so I guess that’ll be harder than it’ll be for someone getting out of a bad relationship. But you’ll be fine, darling. There are people who love you dearly and more who will. And there are people you can talk to and new faces tripping for you to meet everyday… if you want everyday ????.
      More important is that you will love someone again– not the same way… you never get to love the same way, but you will love. And it will be different, better perhaps.
      So get out there and live. Silence the voices in your head, your heart that dares to compare the potential in one woman with your ex. Let your past go and embrace the uncertainty (I hear it’s exciting) of your future 🙂
      You have God, so I’m certain it will be all right.

      (((Hugs))) Love ya.

      1. I'm eclectic
        my thoughts exactly. I’ve loved twice in my life but they weren’t the same way. The person you’re loving determines the kind of love you share. You’ll be fine . You just might find someone who’d make you question the love you once had

        Posted from TNC Mobile

  9. Snow
    Lmaoo. The piece is not closure anything. Let’s be honest here abeg, based on your words, for as long as you walk this earth, you’ll never forget her or how she made you feel. Hell, you will never even love another as much as you do this one (dont argue).

    It is clear that you are yet to accept the status quo right now, contrary to what you may say. You gotta accept that Life doesn’t make sense and it’s the ones you love the most that cut the most. And you gotta accept your scars and just live.

    But gonna be honest with you, i see you dwelling in singledom 5 years from now if you keep walking this path. Face it, you’re never gonna love another how you loved this one. You gotta find new ways to love. You gotta…..who am i kidding? I suck at this

    But i want you to know this, some wounds never heal. You just gotta accept that and just live. Do not think about moving on, Just live. One day at a time

    P.S if you ever make me type an epistle on one of your posts, i’m gonna find this “Hera” and tell her how you feel. Show her all your posts

    1. Cavey
      Threat noted.
      PS: If I recall, you’re the one basking in the sun of Singledom and it’s the what? Third year now? Yes Fam, I had to. You threatened me! ????
      1. Snow
        Ordinary 3 years. ????????i wonder how you want Arsenal fans to feel if i’m supposwd to be sad????????????

        I have sha said my own. Finding Hera shouldnt be too hard????????
        It’s not a threat bro, i’m doing it for your sanity

        As for my residency in singledom; i repeat, the baba that did it for you will also do it for me

        Posted from TNC Mobile

  10. Larz

    One day, you will find someone that will make you thank your stars that it didnt work out with your ex. It is definitely worth waiting for. Make sure you dont settle for anyone else!
  11. Bubbles
    This post made me smile my monalisa-esque smile. Although my story lacks the flowers and chocolates yours carry, I’ve been blessed enough to know that kind of love and the hurt of losing it. Luckily enough I got mine back 10 months later. Trust me I did alot of faux moving on in those months but I just couldn’t. I met new guys but they all came across as boring. You know that feeling after a flash in a dimly lit room? Nothing just feels the same after. I don’t think we are ever able to let go, to erase the memories and forget the subject, I think we just accept that these things, the feelings, the hurt, will always be a part of us. Accepting that we would never again have that which we had and consoled with the thought that we can still have different, or even better. I think that’s what moving on really is.
  12. Olumide
    I really wanted comment on everyone’s comment…

    Anyway, the saying that when you love someone you should be able to let them go… It’s a kind of paradoxical interpretation of love. Does that mean that one should allow someone one loves make wrong decisions one is very much aware of could make them suffer, for example. I just think that, if looked into deeply, it is that perfect excuse that people who never or no longer love one use to get out of one’s life for either the right reasons or wrong ones. People deserve to live the life they want independent of other people though, but not one that causes intentional harm to others.

    So, to the author, please, move on. Your next partner has the right to use this post as an excuse to leave you, if you’re not careful. You can keep doing this only if you are convinced you can still get your ex back, despite her leaving.

  13. Bae's baby
    if Hera isn’t married, please try to get her back. You’re still in love with her and probably always will so it’s worth a try if she’s still single o. It would be nice to know why the break up happened, just to get some perspective. I hope she knew how much you loved her.
      1. James A
        Dude no homo, but u make a nigga wanna say I love u. Dang! Being that I’m new here, I had to follow d link above to get a better knowledge of d effect “Hera” had on u, or still do. The way u make words sound like music, omg, I nor be woman but God knows this is bitter, but beautiful at d same time. First, I must say with d way u write, and seeing ur comment on a different post how to “do d do”, I can almost bet she must definitely be missing u.Not that it matters anymore, considering u’ve decided to close that chapter for good. The thing abt closing is that u gonna have to stick to it, cos God forbid she comes begging for another shot u might find yourself back to where u ended up in d first or even worse.
        They say, “In one lifetime u’ll love many times. But one love will burn ur soul forever.” I’m guessing it’s this one, but u’ve to chin up and take it as it is. Wetin wan be, don be. Shit happens to d very best of us. I just wan hail, u’ve almost turned me into a groupie lol, great job!
  14. Abi
    Just so you know, I had a big smile on my face knowing it was you that wrote again. * I am a fan*

    Aww this is sad and beautiful at the same time. moving on can be so tough especially when you know for sure in your heart that, that person loved you (too) . You sometimes wish the person did something terrible like cheat on you or something so it’s easier (sigh). I totally get it. but like someone said, it is about accepting the fact that the future you had both planned and imagined will never be.

    One question tho, is there a chance that this girl still loves you, loves you in that way? I think you should take a bold step to ask if she would want to try this out again. This might be a way of getting closure .

    She might say no, and honestly why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you anymore? The whole thing won’t be same. Just move on with the beautiful memories and make even better memories with someone else

    And she might say yes ! Yay! Y’all should go make rainbows and get married ????????????

    But you must be prepared for either answer.

    you gonna ask ? ????

    1. Cavey
      The truth is, I don’t want to know if she still does. That knowledge would flare hope up and I’m all but done with that. Selfish, maybe, but if she does, she knows where to find me but I can’t keep waiting so no, dear , I’m not going to ask, for my sake and hers.
      Thank you for being a fan. How ’bout we become friends?
      1. Abi Sanni
        , I guess what is done is done? then, if you really do not want to know, you have to keep moving on and not subconsciously let her steal a part of you that should be with someone else, I agree with everyone else that said this. However, it gets better with time, everyday you wake up, you might need to remind yourself why the relationship with the ex would not work out. It does get better however long it takes. Just try to deal with this before going into another relationship ( I don’t believe rebounds work, I think it complicates things).

        Oh, for sure, we can be friends. I wrote something similar that I am thinking about sharing with u, so if you want, you could send your email addy. 🙂

  15. ForTheLols
    To leave a comment or not…?

    I can’t even get into my feels anymore, a year as well, he’s with someone else but we both know it’s not as good as us. Do we want to get back though? Question for the gods.

    I’ve had my faux moving on moments and then i wake up from some dream where i see him in and i have this faux laugh about who the heck i think i’m kidding. But move on, i should. I must. Forget all those “how to get over bla bla bla”. One day at a time, you’ll get there.

  16. llama
    Hi, shouldn’t carvey stop brooding the fact that his love left him but should rather ask the y(s) seeing he rapsodized the love they both had or still do.

    The question is what happened? Did she meet someone else? wants something else? cos vision do change…

    You’ll def find love again, just keep ur heart open & don’t keep visitn ur memory lane to compare the new bae with ex each time someone shows interest.

  17. Everest
    the lover-boy. Your post as usual did not disappoint, ever thought of writing a book about this love? I know a publisher that can help. Am not the best person to give love advice, but think about making money out of this experience. Well written.
    1. Cavey
      ???????????? the guy who knows a guy. I’d definitely give it some thought afterall, what better way to get over someone than to travel everywhere and for that, money is needed ????
      Thank you for reading
  18. Exclusive
    Why do I think she won’t have all of you, @Cavey? It’s simple; because even you don’t have all of you. And how can you give something you don’t have?
  19. Olayinka
    Cavey baby you really need to make a conscious effort to let her go. I was once in this situation and he dragged me along for almost 7 years until I decided he was a lost cause for me. He was just never ready to be with me. I had to be harsh about it and I started devoting myself wholly to the other guys I dated and I can tell you that right now I’m with the most unlikely person I ever thought I would be with and I have never been happier in my life. I’m still friends with the other guy but I have moved on from him. Completely and I am very happy.
    My story may not fit yours or work for you but the bottomline is that you need to make a conscious effort to let go if you truly want to. But if you want her back, then try. Reminiscing will only rob you of the happiness you can have with another person. Life is short bro. Live and be happy.
    1. Cavey
      I’m glad to hear that you’re happy, dear . Hopefully, the fates deem me worthy enough of such happiness ????
      Thank you, for the advice. I’m working on it ????
  20. chioma
    , Boo, its ok to love, its ok to remember and write about it, it might not seem so, but its a step in letting go. U and hera loved each other and it was beautiful and it ddnt last, it happens. Continue letting her go, continue taking a break, and one day u will realise that u haven’t thought of her in some hours and that u find urself not comparing her to someone else. A year sometimes isn’t enough, take ur time and one day u would find urself more open and attuned to the world and other ppl.
    As said about not giving ur all to someone else, its possible cos subconsciously, u will not want to undergo the kind of pain u are experiencing, but with time sha, it will dull, the pain that is.
    Great piece by the way.
    1. Cavey
      Thank you, for reminding me that it’s one step at a time, day by day and one day, it’d no longer hurt.
      Oh and thank you for liking the article too ????
  21. Phykshun!
    Probably one morning we will wake up on TN to see “Hera’s” own side of the story. Am waiting for that kinda epic twist…. Until then, may the force be with us all.
  22. Redhot
    Not again!!!… Anyway, what i’d really like to know is how large was this curveball that life threw at you that makes it impossible for you to be together???
  23. Morris
    I miss you “Cavey :). I don’t however accet living with the scars and not finding a better love. That’s just sad. I believe if he/she is the right person, you would have them
  24. igee
    I wish I could go with the crowd on this one and tell you to move on but honestly i’m in ur shoes ryt now. I’ve been telling myself these two words and so far no progress. I don’t think as much tho and the space doesn’t seem as vast but I’m still somewhere in d middle,hoping but preparing to find another ‘one’. It’s d corniest of stories and ppl most times don’t get it. I hope ‘move on’ works for u tho,keeping my fingers crossed for me & u
  25. ME
    Wow…@Cavey…I have been in your shoes, for 10 years!…And I still haven’t moved on, not bcos I haven’t tried, I jst failed at it so many times that I stopped trying after I realised that, I JUST CANT! …The truth is that any one who has experienced the love of their life time like you and I have, some where in your heart, you just know that it will never be the same with someone else. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the truth is that you will never move on even when you with someone else. Moving on is not about getting something started, it’s about getting something finished!…and you so are not ‘finished’ with ur ‘hera’, so don’t compound issues by getting involved with someone else whom you will never be able to give your all to no matter how hard you try or how much you want to (I’ve been there). I hope you can work things out with your hera and have your own ‘happily ever after’. Plus I don’t know what happened with your mum that makes it ‘impossible’ for you to be with your one true love but if you both think what you had (or still have) is worth fighting for, then fight u should. I tell you bro, u don’t wana know what it feels like living d rest of your life thinking what life coulda been like if you didn’t let go…#bear hug#…u gona be ok bro, just go get hera back bf it’s too late but if it’s already too late ( and u made d greatest mistake of d milenium by watching her get married to someone else) , then d Lord is your strength.
  26. Petite
    Awwwwwnnn…[email protected] has done it again…
    Gosh,I’m hopelessly romantic,so those words…..sighs*
    But if you guys were this tight, why wass your mom’s force enough to pull you y’all apart???…and I hope you don’t hate your mom for this….

    I want this this kinda consuming-kindda thing but I can’t stand the “What-if” scenarios like this mehn..You’re strong to have started this in the first place (I don’t know when I’d have that liver),I want you to get in touch with that same strength and do the needful but stop dangling in the middle.

    Soft kisses on your nose just for this pain you’re going through… Hang in there bro.

    PS: Hi

  27. Aggie
    With so much free time on my hands, I decided to read everything you have ever wrote @cavey. I’m only halfway through your writings but I can sincerely say I love you and you write beautifully. I have tears in my eyes but I won’t let them fall.

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