Oga, Please Don’t Take Me For Granted!

Opinion

I love you. You know I do. I know you know I do. It means I will do anything for you. Well, almost… It means I will put up with your faults and your flaws and your inadequacies, because to love someone is to accept them the way they are. And I accept you the…

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I love you. You know I do. I know you know I do. It means I will do anything for you. Well, almost…

It means I will put up with your faults and your flaws and your inadequacies, because to love someone is to accept them the way they are. And I accept you the way you are. I may not always like you, but I always love you. Because you’re good for me. And you’re good to me.

But don’t for one second think that just because I love you, you can get away with anything. I will probably let a lot of things go, not because I don’t want to fight them, but because I understand that I need to be able to make compromises.

Do not take my silence for approval. Do not assume that I’m okay with it just because I say nothing. Do not exploit the fact that I love and respect you. Please, do not take me for granted.

It’s not okay to keep me waiting when we’ve agreed on a time to meet, just because you know I’ll wait. You have to value my time just as I value yours.

It’s not okay to call me whenever you like and expect me to drop everything just because you want to see me. You may be the centre of my world, but I’m in that centre too.

It’s not okay to tease me without end about past relationships just because I told you about them and how they affected me. If I did that to you, you probably wouldn’t talk to me about anything.

It’s not okay to wake me up late at night with a phone call every night just because you know I’ll talk to you anyway; As much as I love talking to you, I do need to get some sleep to be at my best. Besides, if you chose to talk to other people during the time you knew I would be awake, then calling when I’m asleep doesn’t count.

It’s not okay to not read my chat messages (or respond) when I send them to you; and then complain when I stop sending them. I’m not in the habit of having conversations with a phone screen, so be present.

It’s not okay to stop calling me in the morning for our usual morning catch up and then get angry when I stop calling you to say good night. You enjoy the affection I show you. So just reciprocate.

It’s not okay to drop me off at home early so that you can go and hang out with some other girl and then query me for going to see a movie with a friend. I can understand that you might want some space to be you without me, but I also know how to want that space too.

It’s not okay to expect me not to get upset about this other girl and then act all jealous when you hear me talking on the phone to someone else. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Nuff said.

I may not comment on the fact that you chose to go on your last trip without me. It doesn’t mean that I don’t know that you went with someone else. I’m neither dumb, deaf nor blind. Just patient.

I may let you have my whole day on Saturday and then on Sunday. It doesn’t mean I don’t have other things to do with my time. So don’t act like you’re doing me a favour when you decide to spend time with me.

Don’t assume that just because I come to see you every day after work, I don’t have other places that I could be. My favourite place to be after a work day is still my home. Any other place is just a detour.

Just because I like to be with you doesn’t mean that I don’t know how to be alone. I love my own company too, and I can do so many things by myself.

Don’t take me for a fool just because I turn a blind eye to your excesses. I see them; I know them; I just don’t fight them because I can’t change you.

And if I accept you, warts and all, then you better accept me as well. I haven’t asked you to change. So don’t demand it from me.

If you love the way I love you, then love me in return. Otherwise, don’t complain when I stop. I’m not a machine with infinite capacity.

To take me for granted is to disrespect me; it’s a sign that you don’t really care about me. Now, I can understand that you might get carried away because I’m so easy and uncomplicated, and not very demanding. I get it if you feel like I’m that girlfriend who’s cool with everything. But dude, don’t push your luck. Don’t assume that I won’t leave you.

I can walk away. I can cut my losses, write you off as a bad debt and walk away. I may cry; I may pine; I might even crawl into a hole and die. But I will go if I have to.

So, please do not take me for granted…

Responses

  1. Morris
    Lol write you off like a bad debt. Morning!
    “….and I can do so many things by myself”, I so agree, so many things even if I am at home all week. The last part tho, where you describe yourself as “easy and uncomplicated”, I am begining to think the ‘Uncomplicated’ part is not a girl thing, or maybe i just haven’t seen a guy who will agree with it.
  2. Miz
    Easy and uncomplicated, and not very demanding…lol! You’re kidding right? Babe!

    First, it’s like you’re pushing him away and saying you don’t want him all around you – “It’s not okay to wake me up late at night with a phone call every night …I may let you have my whole day on Saturday and then on Sunday. It doesn’t mean I don’t have other things to do with my time…Don’t assume that just because I come to see you every day after work, I don’t have other places that I could be….” (even though it could be that he can’t sleep without talking to you, he misses you so much he wants to be around you all the time).

    Then when Oga is getting used to you keeping him at arm’s length you’re like – “It’s not okay to drop me off at home early so that you can go and hang out with some other girl…I may not comment on the fact that you chose to go on your last trip without me. It doesn’t mean that I don’t know that you went with someone else…Don’t take me for a fool just because I turn a blind eye to your excesses…” (but you said you have other things to do with your time and there are other places you could be).

    Anyways, at least you’ve said what’s on your mind now, right? Cause if you’ve been on a “Do not take my silence for approval. Do not assume that I’m okay with it just because I say nothing” level then all you’re asking for is to be taken for granted!

    1. Abinibi Jones
      Lol, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus… This reply got me nodding like that favorite Deathrow track from that ’95-96 G-Dawg era.
      Just say what you want, mean, think, feel! Emote in real time, in 3D….. FOR GOD’S SAKE!!! FOR AFRICA’S SAKE!! FOR THE STARVING KIDS IN HAITI….Emote NOW!
      Doing “Do not take my silence for approval. Do not assume that I’m okay with it just because I say nothing” IS NOT COOL!!! Doesnt make for sustainable relationship policy… Quit that TODAY!!!!
      My two cents…
      Shout out to Dubbylene!
  3. thetoolsman
    Really good stuff MissO.
    Just thought to point out that as much as this is a major issue in many relationships nowadays, a lot of this can be traced down to the basics like communication. In this post alone, I noticed a few opportunities for engagement which were not used.

    “Don’t take me for a fool just because I turn a blind eye to your excesses. I see them; I know them; I just don’t fight them because I can’t change you.”

    Why did you turn the blind eye?

    “Do not take my silence for approval. Do not assume that I’m okay with it just because I say nothing.”

    Why don’t you say something?

    Dude is not a wizard and probably doesn’t read minds. I know we all don’t like being confrontational but if it’s love in the first place, bringing up such things wont come across as confrontation.

  4. detoun
    You are writing this post right now so you are so not being silent rather you are being passive.I’d rather you faced him and let him know exactly how you feel about his excesses.
  5. QT
    I can really relate with this post because my ex (mentally broke up with him yesterday because he isn’t even worth a proper break up anymore) has taken me for granted. And not because I was silent but because he refused to listen or communicate.
    1. bkd
      Of course,the guy is always to blame. Never the gurl. Do you haave any idea how many times he’s tolerated your bs? Just because he doesn’t complain or confront you, you assume you perfect?
      This is nothing but a man-bashing forum and it ain’t fair.
    2. Abinibi Jones
      “Mentally”… Nice touch. That’s that community chest-get out of jail card you slipped into your back pocket there… #Big-ups
  6. Miss YA
    In all of this I did not see the “victim” take responsibility. If he makes you want for more than 30 mins – get up and go home. If he wants you to see him everyday and he is not appreciating it then cut it down to twice a week. I believe men understand action more. How about not letting him take you for granted and not taking yourself for granted. Cut back!
  7. Jojo
    Does he ever listen! Boys dont listen now no matter how many languages you say it in. No matter how many times you “communicate” your reserves to them they somehow turn tables round and try to make you look like the victim or complaint commissioner. Abeg!
  8. Buchi
    There’s a question I always like to ask because I’m honestly baffled. Every day there’s a rant, everyday there’s an ex who is, as is described, terrible.
    Please which guys are you people meeting?
    And if you only meet such guys, look in a mirror perhaps?

    If it sounds harsh, sorry.

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