I still don’t understand how people can watch reality shows. It makes almost no sense to me, especially as most of them are not really even ‘reality’ so I’ve never been piqued by the Keeping Up/Big Brother/America’s Next Top Model etc franchise plus, the deliciously juicy parts are all over my twitter timeline so I…
I still don’t understand how people can watch reality shows. It makes almost no sense to me, especially as most of them are not really even ‘reality’ so I’ve never been piqued by the Keeping Up/Big Brother/America’s Next Top Model etc franchise plus, the deliciously juicy parts are all over my twitter timeline so I have no reason to watch but I was making lunch today and a few friends came over (yes, all women) so of course, goodbye SuperSports, hello whatever channel airs BBNaija. *sigh*. Anyway there I was, amused at how excited my friends were and uncommittedly watching the show, bemused at what was going on when someone got disqualified. That definitely piqued my interest. So I watched some more to understa-
Why am I trying to build a background story? Y’all already know what I’m talking about so I’m just going to skip all the feri feri and get right to it. Yes, I mean the Tboss and Kemen fiasco…
As we grow, we realize that Black & White situations are almost non-existent but that’s the thing: ‘almost’ not ‘definitely’. There are so many shades of grey that people forget that at the end of the day, grey only exists BECAUSE black and white exist. What I mean by that is that yes we would forever have the Messi v Ronaldo, Fried rice v Jollof Rice, Ghanians v Nigerians arguments but some things are never as complicated as we like to make them out to be; they are simply either black or white.
I have seen so many misguided tweets as regards consent that it worries me that there are actually people in 2017 who think that “a woman can’t be raped by her husband because they are married” or that “women still have patience/energy to play the “sometimes no means yes” game” or “women sometimes like to play hard to get” or “they don’t know they want to be touched, you have to show them that they do” or the one that always leaves a bad taste in my mouth “if she didn’t want to have sex, why did she come over/wear that dress?”. Really?! Do you need to take a dildo up your ass to know you don’t want one there? Worse are the posts I see that have been defending what Kemen did to TBoss and how about the speaker who defended him and called it a “mistake because he’s in the spotlight“? A F**KING SPEAKER! Urgh!!!
Let’s do English Language 101: word definition.
permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.
How much more crystal can it get?
So maybe sometimes, there are very murky waters that lead to the point where it’s is forgivable – not ‘okay’ or ‘acceptable’- to assume that consent has been given like that post that was on here sometime ago but like the writer of that post realized, as long as express consent was not given, it’s NOT OKAY to touch/have sex with whomever. Funny thing is, consent can be given and it would still be rape. I believe it’s called (emotional) blackmail but that’s topic for another day by someone better suited to talk about it.
Guys, if you can’t read body language and be able to tell when it’s okay to fondle a woman, it’s WAAAYYYYYYYYY better for her to text you later “why didn’t you try to kiss/touch me? I wanted you to” and know that next time, you should shoot your shot than for you to just assume that because she looked at you suggestively, it’s okay to whip your junk out and shove it down her throat. You don’t even have to wait for her to tell you; the way she responds to a soft touch on her lower back or intertwined fingers or lightly brushing that imaginary strand of hair that always falls or sultry behavior is enough information to go with and EVEN THEN, consent on her part is STILL VERY key. You don’t get a tennis match if your opponent doesn’t return your serves do you? That’s how consent works!
So that I don’t keep ranting and to open the floor for comments, lemme just conclude with this:
Fam, so she didn’t say no right? Did she say yes?