It is not every Friday after an extremely busy week that I decide to remain on the island till late at night. I was with a long lost friend and such a relief it was to see her again. After the exchange of pleasantries; we sat down to chat properly and we began to talk about our respective careers and love lives.

Apparently; mine was boring because I was still with the same babe for whom; myself and a married man were on either side of the same fence. My friend told me that she was with a man-friend. Usually; when a lady describes her partner as a man-friend; I assume he is married. So I bluntly asked, is he married? She smiled and said yes.

Now here is a very good friend of mine dating a married man; my on and off girlfriend also has a married man in her life, these two issues led me to the topic. Why exactly do married men cheat?

Considering many people have debated on end about the possible reasons; I have noticed one which I think mirrors other reasons. In the case of my friend and my girlfriend, neither girl has any qualms with the marital status of their partner.  Each of them is fully aware that the guy in their life is married.

My girlfriend even told me that he is having issues with his wife; his wife is in the UK not here, he is caring….the reasons are quite many. My friend on the other hand simply said she liked the guy; he was so caring and intelligent…so she decided to give it a go.

What I find most interesting is that none of the ladies can claim that the guy hid or denied his marital status. They were aware. It’s like choosing to smoke even though the cigarette company clearly warned you against lungs cancer. You decided to do it and risk the consequences.

I have absolutely nothing against ladies dating married men. Sincerely I don’t and never will. I only feel for the “innocent” wife of the married man. However, I think so much ado has been made about men and our lifelong quest for anything in skirt. However, what I think should be questioned is the availability of ladies willing to date men regardless of their marital status.

As an economist, an affair between a lady and a married man can be likened to a perfect competition. The firms are price takers. They cannot determine the market price of the goods. Price is fixed by the market forces of demand and supply. The price to pay in this market is the collateral damage borne by all parties concerned. The man forever loses the trust of his wife even if they eventually make up and keep their marriage. The wife endures neglect often emotional not financial. If she is unlucky, he could bring home to her dividends of promiscuity such as STDs, denial of sex, etc.

Ironically, most times, these cheating husbands still provide finances for household essentials. He still pays for his wife’s annual ritual to Seychelles. Never mind that she has been to London and New York that same year; there is something about Seychelles. The usual perk of being his wife continues till she finds out. The other lady often deludes herself that the affair will continue for as long as she wants. She feels she has the magic honeypot that will keep him going on those “official assignments outside Lagos”. His wife has been told times and again that his company is seeking to expand their retail base through extensive market penetration schemes and setup regional offices around the country.  One weekend in Calabar, another in Abuja….those exquisite dinners, serene lobby of those over priced hotels.

The side chick is also allowed to have a proper boyfriend like other girls her age. The poor dude doesn’t understand why his girlfriend who works in a brokerage firm travels more frequently than an air hostess. She enjoys this lifestyle till someday when the man comes back to his senses, then he goes back to his wife begging only then will  she realize that it’s already 12 o’ clock (pun intended).  Wasted years, inability to maintain such lifestyle, she begins to wonder how time flew by.

Relationships these days are quite complicated. I understand that perfectly. What I don’t understand is why blame the cigarette making company when there is a huge market for their product.

Here is my proposal. If every lady declines to date married men; that won’t guarantee that all married men would quit cheating.  It simply means that all married men who decide to cheat would have to hide/lie about their marital status or they pay for sex with harlots.

What do you think?

Responses

  1. 1Creed__
    A wish at best…not realistic.

    There will always be a steady pool of single girls who would readily accede to date married men till thy kingdom come… so also will there be married men wh0 will never rein in their infidelity cravings..

    I don’t mean to undermine the proposal put forward in the article however…

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    1. Dickson
      Thanks for reading.
      However, u said there would always be a pool of girls willing to date married men.
      On that premise alone, the married men are not to blame completely.
      If I tell u I have a wife and u say “fair game, bring it on”. I cant be accused of deceit or concealing information.
      I am not proposing Married men should stray neither am I putting up a defence for those straying. I am only concerned about the ready availability of honey from the other side.
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      1. 1Creed__
        Thanks for the response.

        I stated two premises with the second being ‘Married men who will never rein in their infidelity cravings (so to speak)…

        I meant to paint a holistic picture with those.. and this would reveal that we can’t have a situation where the girls will cease being ‘readily available’ if for instance you consider that a lot of girls who desire the companionship of marriage can’t get same (for the million and one reasons we know this is so, and would keep being), and so would sort of settle for this ‘available option’..meaning we won’t get to the point where ‘married men would have to hide/lie about their marital status or they pay for sex with harlot’ for that will be an ideal world..and I don’t know that this present order of life will culminate in one. :)

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  2. mide
    Since we are in economics class ….

    Demand vs Supply …
    IMO reduction in supply just leads to increase in price not reduction in demand. Am no economics major sha ..

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    1. Dickson
      Thanks for reading.
      I get ur question. However, the topic above wasn’t chosen by me. It was edited by TNC admin.
      However, the aim of the write up was to suggest that if all ladies choose to say NO to married men, the latter would have to conceal his marital status when he goes on a quest outside his home. Till then, women will keep dating males whose title in their lives will be Man-friend.
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  3. RUTH
    “if every lady declines to date married men” perhaps this can reduce cheating. I believe in life we all have choices to choose from we could either choose to be faithful or choose to cheat.
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  4. Tejflow
    Lol. You can’t stop an achiever from achieving his goals. For as long as there are no following “legal” consequences, there will always be great demand and supply. Take Malaysia or Saudi Arabia for example. Everyone knows when you are caught doing drugs in both countries, you are going straight to the death gallows. No two words. You sell drugs, you die. As a result, it curtails the excesses and it’s not rampant. People still do it in the down-low but it’s very coded. Same thing for gayism in some African countries. We have people indulging in it but it’s very coded and silent. Now back to Nigeria, the reason men still get away beating their spouses or men still get away raping under-aged girls is because there are no known consequences such actions warrant. At the end of the day, the supposed “law” says “abeg make una go home go settle am”. Married men cheat because there are no laws checking for such excesses. A man does not simply gets ostracized because he fell into a woman who is not his wife’s hole.

    For women, such may not be the case. When a married woman cheats, she is practically the spawn of hell. Everyone blacklists her. She will most likely be chased out of her home, her kids taken away from her, even her parents will most likely disown her. At her workplace especially if she was sleeping with the boss, she will most likely get fired while the man will be warned. THAT is why women cheat less or rather are very silent and coded about it. There are consequences for women. There are NONE for men. Whether a man kills or beats his wife or sleeps around like a dog in heat, he will still get a woman to actually fall in love with him. Few men will touch a woman that is known for sleeping around. A man who sleeps around is even considered a catch in some spaces.

    So my people, the long and short of my beautiful nonsense is this: For as long as gender equality does not extend to marriage laws, a lot of married men will cheat because they know they will get away with it and it won’t reduce their charm. Not even for one bit.

    5+
  5. Dickson
    Thanks for reading.
    I like the perspective you brought into the situation but what about those ladies who still agree to date a man even after he tells her he is happily married.???
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    1. couchpotatoe
      I absolutely love Tjflow ‘s comment.

      some married men are very tenacious in their pursuit of extramarital affairs… I don’t condone such ‘situationships’, however, we now find ourselves in a world that has practically lost all morals and in that vein some ladies consider that since the guy wants to cheat in his wife, she might as well gain something out the r/ship they both know isn’t leading anywhere.

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  6. Tejflow
    Everyone has a dream goal. Take companies like GE, Ericsson, Mobil, Shell. Even when they are not recruiting, people still send their HR unit their resumes. You can’t say because you a position is occupied, people should not still express interest. There are no laws governing who or what single people can extend interest. The onus to behave accordingly to your vows rests on the vow taker.
    6+
  7. 007
    Sometimes, you can use supply to create demand.

    For as long as there’s no qualms in dating a married guy, there’s always be a married guy to date… #NotAllMarriedMenCheat

    Posted from TNC Mobile

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  8. Ian
    …As a once “judgist-of-anyone-who-cheats” turned “surprised-i-can-cheat-person(neither party was married tho: no excuse i know)” turned “try-not-to-judge-or-cheat-but-be-careful-henceforth-somborri”, I can honestly say it’s very easy to cheat on both sides (men and women). All it takes is a funny combo of situations and bam! it’s on. I was never caught but I stopped for obvious reasons (the quest for sainthood). My point is…there will always be availability of bad tin if you look for it. When there are no consequences for using this bad tin, why would the people involved stop. Its a matter of control/principles, if you no get am, e don be for you!
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  9. couchpotatoe
    Reasons why a lady would date a married man (disclaimer : this is from different opinions and they are not necessarily valid reasons)

    1. the guy is persistent, has loads of cash to throw around

    2. the guy promised that he was leaving his wife coz of marital problems

    3. lack of single good guys and married men seem to be more caring and concerned

    like I said, not necessarily valid reasons…

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