It is not every Friday after an extremely busy week that I decide to remain on the island till late at night. I was with a long lost friend and such a relief it was to see her again. After the exchange of pleasantries; we sat down to chat properly and we began to talk about our respective careers and love lives.
Apparently; mine was boring because I was still with the same babe for whom; myself and a married man were on either side of the same fence. My friend told me that she was with a man-friend. Usually; when a lady describes her partner as a man-friend; I assume he is married. So I bluntly asked, is he married? She smiled and said yes.
Now here is a very good friend of mine dating a married man; my on and off girlfriend also has a married man in her life, these two issues led me to the topic. Why exactly do married men cheat?
Considering many people have debated on end about the possible reasons; I have noticed one which I think mirrors other reasons. In the case of my friend and my girlfriend, neither girl has any qualms with the marital status of their partner. Each of them is fully aware that the guy in their life is married.
My girlfriend even told me that he is having issues with his wife; his wife is in the UK not here, he is caring….the reasons are quite many. My friend on the other hand simply said she liked the guy; he was so caring and intelligent…so she decided to give it a go.
What I find most interesting is that none of the ladies can claim that the guy hid or denied his marital status. They were aware. It’s like choosing to smoke even though the cigarette company clearly warned you against lungs cancer. You decided to do it and risk the consequences.
I have absolutely nothing against ladies dating married men. Sincerely I don’t and never will. I only feel for the “innocent” wife of the married man. However, I think so much ado has been made about men and our lifelong quest for anything in skirt. However, what I think should be questioned is the availability of ladies willing to date men regardless of their marital status.
As an economist, an affair between a lady and a married man can be likened to a perfect competition. The firms are price takers. They cannot determine the market price of the goods. Price is fixed by the market forces of demand and supply. The price to pay in this market is the collateral damage borne by all parties concerned. The man forever loses the trust of his wife even if they eventually make up and keep their marriage. The wife endures neglect often emotional not financial. If she is unlucky, he could bring home to her dividends of promiscuity such as STDs, denial of sex, etc.
Ironically, most times, these cheating husbands still provide finances for household essentials. He still pays for his wife’s annual ritual to Seychelles. Never mind that she has been to London and New York that same year; there is something about Seychelles. The usual perk of being his wife continues till she finds out. The other lady often deludes herself that the affair will continue for as long as she wants. She feels she has the magic honeypot that will keep him going on those “official assignments outside Lagos”. His wife has been told times and again that his company is seeking to expand their retail base through extensive market penetration schemes and setup regional offices around the country. One weekend in Calabar, another in Abuja….those exquisite dinners, serene lobby of those over priced hotels.
The side chick is also allowed to have a proper boyfriend like other girls her age. The poor dude doesn’t understand why his girlfriend who works in a brokerage firm travels more frequently than an air hostess. She enjoys this lifestyle till someday when the man comes back to his senses, then he goes back to his wife begging only then will she realize that it’s already 12 o’ clock (pun intended). Wasted years, inability to maintain such lifestyle, she begins to wonder how time flew by.
Relationships these days are quite complicated. I understand that perfectly. What I don’t understand is why blame the cigarette making company when there is a huge market for their product.
Here is my proposal. If every lady declines to date married men; that won’t guarantee that all married men would quit cheating. It simply means that all married men who decide to cheat would have to hide/lie about their marital status or they pay for sex with harlots.
What do you think?