….Well, always annoyed.
Pregnancy is such a wonderful feeling that brings so much joy between people who had planned and are ready for it. You can never be prepared for everything but it is an exciting feeling and the thought of nursing a life is sublime. The journey itself is amazing with all its ups and downs, who would have thought, we were never prepared for the emotional break down and the tantrums all in the name of pregnancy.
What the hell? i would ask myself. suddenly the man I love is annoying me so much, I cannot bear seeing him. His body odor is strong, he talks too much, he is too childish/playful, I don’t like his walk, when he smiles I roll my eyes. I don’t even like the way he holds a pen. There is nothing I like yet all these things never used to bother me in fact they were such a turn on. He is so tolerant of me though. It’s like he knew from the onset that we are going to fight and have all those disagreements but still hang in there. Unfortunately, tables would turn on me and he would say I stink and force me to bath. I take care of myself, still wear my perfume and lotion. I would drag myself cursing and sprinkle myself with hot water; stand there enjoy the shower and walk out to dry off.
I remember at some point he asked me to go relax at my parents house so that I can sleep properly and mum would help me around; a different environment to help me breath. It was a kind gesture but I have never been that angry. My heart concluded that he did not want me near him, what is it that he wanted to do in my absence? My parents did not get me pregnant, why am I supposed to visit home now? If I am going home, he is coming with me, I don’t care about a room but he is tagging along? We discussed this matter until he had no words to defend himself. I thought to myself, let me just go home and go rest, I did not need such bad vibes around me and my child. He forcefully drove me to my parents house, along the way i was thinking and thought “ah, well. I will finally be away from him and rest a couple of months and see him after the baba is born.” It’s unbelievable how much I missed him after he dropped me off. It was like he had been away for a very long time. I wanted to ask him to fetch me but i changed my mind, he needed peace in his life.
The conversation I had with my mother made me realize I let emotions ruin the relationship with my partner. “Did you guys fight?” those were her words on the day he dropped me off….so our conversation continued around emotions and controlling the anger. We had not really spoken about pregnancy with mom until these point. she just said to me “it’s the baby but you must control yourself.” So she went on to tell me that the anger will be transferred to the child…yeah right seemingly the baby was transferring its anger to me already. I had to teach myself to be civil and polite not only to my partner but to the people i worked with as they had complain of my attitude and stubbornness. Well, I was sorry but they were not going to hear me say it. I toned it down and would not respond to things that irritated me, I would just stare at people and walk away; it was still rude but better than what was coming hey. It’s amazing how all this emotions could have led to a break up because we failed to handle each other with care only the wise will know what to do and exercise patients.
After the birth of my son, I spoke to him about another baby. He just told me he needed to rest there is no other baby. The one we have is enough, he needed space I was a handful. I apologized, I was feeling a lil’ better. I knew I subjected him to unfair treatment but it was really not my fault. I know I’m not the only one, we are all pregnant and grumpy as a bear.