ROUND5: 2017 In Review – Politics


Join the ‘award winning’ ROUND5 team as they summarise 2017 in politics.


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Hey people!!

Happy New Year!!

Welcome to 2018 guys! New year, new you, new body count, same brain.

Lmao. Why you gotta say it like that?

Is it a lie though? 2017 sure had a lot of news for us in the political scene.

From heads of organizations not knowing how money went amiss to the Buharis saying they don’t know how they put money into Aso Rock clinic and it is still under stocked. They were asking us, imagine.

We also had senators giving us comedy skits and fake certificates and governors giving us statues.

Almost forgot that Rochas that made his sister Minister for Purpose Fulfillment and Happiness. Fam they’ve stopped hiding to steal, it’s now before our very eyes.

They’re even openly acquitting the ones we know stole money.

Saraki sub?

Who else?

Same one who tried to mastermind an impeachment of the acting President while Bubu was away and make himself President.

But the same God that denied OBJ third term intervened on our behalf because he looked on us and saw that our suffering was great.

Like! Everybody is tired, but we keep pushing it as it’s our country.

Yet despite the hardship our leaders are planning to use $1bn to fight Boko Haram.

Which is very unfortunate considering how much people are suffering. Annoyingly though, with all the corruption mantra and bla bla isn’t that still how Maina that was once fired and declared wanted by the police slipped through the cracks to become a director in the civil service??

And then everyone was saying ‘wasn’t me’ like Shaggy.

The presidency was there forming heads must roll. Till now only Rounds been rolling all year.

Same presidency was even fingered as being in on the conspiracy?

Say God!

You didn’t hear? Maina said he was aware of the whole thing.

I’m shookened! In all though we learnt this year that African leaders have decided to embrace democracy.

Ah yes. See African leaders handing over power seamlessly in 2017 like a baton in a relay race. Very amaze.

By seamlessly you mean with much persuasion and sometimes force?

In Africa isn’t it the same?

Touche! Such was the case in Gambia when following the conclusion of their elections a new president, Adama Barrow, was elected but the incumbent President, Yaya Jammeh, decided to do a 360 and refuse to give up power after conceding defeat initially.

Was probably planning to hatch a plan to wheel Barrow out of office but thank God common sense and multiple threats from the international community prevailed.

He sprayed some of that sense on Mugabe I think, who after 37 years in office finally resigned.

Although only after a lot bit of military tenshing but it’s the action that matters not the motive yeah?

Our military can learn a thing or two from theirs though.

Like how to use your firepower properly instead of ‘mistakenly’ blowing up IDP camps.

And I hope our president here can also  see how you can still be booted off after 37 freaking years sha.

He doesn’t even need to. 2019 is here already.

Just one more year of misery to go! Can’t say the same for our white friends though, they’ll be stuck with that orange-head President for quite a long time.

That’s if they live that long sef. Mans has been trying his best to start a nuclear war with North Korea and Kimmy looks too eager to give him one.

They should try not to involve us, cos you know how we like forming troop donations.

As long as they donate the troops far away from Nigeria where the bomb can touch us, we good.

You know that was how he also pulled the USA out of the Paris Climate Change Agreement.

Someone that was staring straight at the sun during a solar eclipse, you think that one believes in global warming?

Sigh! Let’s just ignore him like the first lady of Japan did.

Ahhh. I nearly forgot that epic curve. When Trump walked up to her like ‘Eskiss me ma, I’m a big fan. Can I have a selfie?’

And she was like ‘Ping Pong Yamaha Toshiba’.

Which translates to ‘I don’t speak English Motherfucker’. And then when President Twitter Fingers went on to twitter to lament the situation…

He got the shocker of his life when someone tweeted a video showing the first lady speaking English.

Lmao. As in not like ‘Hi! Hello!’ kind of English o…like a full keynote address…in English!

Hahaha. What a legend!

More of that in 2018 please.

And that my friends, is 2017’s political year.

Whew! Watta year. Can’t wait to see what 2018 has to serve up.

Hopefully less lies and cover ups.

Wouldn’t bet on it.

But you can bet on another episode of Rounds tomorrow.

Ayeee. Same time.

Same site.

Same loonies. See ya!

Later guys.


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