Rounds Week 48: On the Libya Slave Trade, The Royal Engagement, The Barest Minimum, and more…

Rounds

Did you know there was a slave trade going on right now?? I know right?

Find out all about it and more in this week’s episode.

Enjoy!!

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Good morning people!

And welcome to yet another episode of ROUNDS.

Are you even ready for the outlandishness that’s about to drop this week?

I don’t think so..

We should get right to it then.

Right. Before we go into the show fully, can I just say something?

Like you won’t if I say no.

For real tho, what manner of scum are you to screenshot a video a married man posts innocently, freeze the frame where his wife comes into focus, increase the brightness and then post on Social media?

Lower than the scum of the earth.

And to think some were writing epistles about how Banky & Adesua should keep their marriage off SM?

Like! I don’t get it, how is what adults do with their own life your business? Did they tell you they can’t make their decisions?

How about facing the lowlife who felt the need to drop an “exclusive?”

I was sick to my stomach fam.

Baad belle people in this country are really too much.

All they achieved with their bitterness was showing what a beautiful bottom Adesua has.

And it just makes Banky more of a winner.

Haters chew on that!

 

 

The Headlines

The bare minimum

FG finally ready to wage war against poverty?

 

Slave Trade In Libya

Abraham Lincoln didn’t slay vampires for this.

 

A Royal Engagement

The Prince has finally chosen a woman who Suits him

Details below

 

Man Arrested Over Smelly Socks

Yes, people. It’s that serious.

 

***

The Bare Minimum

After 18 years of democratic rule, we are still using 18k as minimum wage, no wonder people think corpers are rich.

Lol I swear. But our mai shai, sorry Messiah, Buhari has decided to hear our cries and work on increasing the minimum wage. According to him:

”During the deliberations of the technical committee, which comprised government and organised labour, the need for the review of the National Minimum Wage was highlighted and recommendation to set up a committee to look into the level of minimum wage was made accordingly. I am glad that the recommendation is being acted upon today and we can all acknowledge that this is in line with our democratic process. I wish to thank all those who participated in that exercise,” he said.

Mighty suspect how he’s working on it now… so close to election time.

This is injury time, gats rack up 2019 votes and sway the fickle minds uno…but we the wise virgins aren’t falling for that.

In recent times I’ve come to accept all lies as the only way we can move forward in this country, you, wise and virgin in the same sentence?

LMAO! Just like the relationship between you and common sense, I’ll ignore that.

Here’s hoping they effect some real change though. People out here be having it hard in this recession.

Even though the motive may not be totally pure, that raise will really help alleviate a lot of suffering. 56k issa lot of improvement.

Issa whole lot fam. That’s if the rumours about the proposed new minimum wage are true. But aren’t we jumping into this a little fast, do we even have money to pay the common 18k wage? I mean states still owe workers.

Well Bubu has ordered all governors to pay all outstanding salaries before Christmas and they seem to have agreed to do so but I wouldn’t be keeping my fingers crossed.

Me neither.

Let’s just hope we’re wrong and that unlike other APC promises, this will be fulfilled. Although it seems someone is already skeptical…

Yes. Atiku just recently left his former party APC for PDP because get this, they didn’t bring the change they proposed to us to get out votes.

LOL. This guy is just a comedian. Didn’t he also leave PDP for APC few years ago? Anything to get that presidential ticket. Smh

They’re so eager to get it, they’ll do anything but when it matters most (when they get there), they let everyone down

Like an arrived danfo. See yeah, at this point I think Bobrisky and Jacob will make better presidential candidates than all these clowns we have.

I’m with you on this. Oshey Baddest 2019.

We move!

 

***

Slave Trade in Libya

So did you people know that there is a slave trade going on right now in Libya?

In 2017??

Yes, bruh. Like as we speak, men, women and children are being sold as slaves out of Libya.

Earlier this week a video of men appearing to be sold at auction in Libya for $400 popped up and shocked the whole world.

Didn’t even know slaves still existed.

Kanye has been trying to tell us about new slaves since YEEZUS.

I’m sure you’re all wondering how a slave trade can actually thrive in this day and age.

Okay so as you all know, since Muammar Gaddafi left, Libya has been a failed state.

As a result of that, living in Libya is actually trash now. The masses are doing all they can to bounce.

And the slave traders are taking full advantage of it.

Libya is the main gateway port for people trying to enter Europe by sea.

Most of them have fled war, poverty and unemployment from their various countries and are seeking greener pastures in the abroad…

Only to be caught at the port and packaged like sardines to be sold as slaves…

“Does anybody need a digger? This is a digger, a big strong man, he’ll dig,”

  • said an auctioneer in the video.

Bruh, I’m actually afraid. In this day and age????

It’s genuinely shocking, tbh.

LOL! Bubu was so upset when he heard about this development. You mean my compatriots are being treated like goats?? Word?

Mans sprung into action immediately and brought back 242 Nigerians.

That was batch one. Batch two brought back another 153 Nigerians.

Buhari is working.

Modern day slavery is actually widespread today. But what makes this situation so critical is the fact that…

…just like Nigerian policemen collecting egunje, they’re doing it in the open.

#StopSlaveTradeToday…

 

***

A Royal Engagement

Another wedding coming up?

Yass! And this isn’t just any wedding, issa royal wedding baby. We’re talking HUGE. Like, Kensington Palace huge. Like Buckingham palace huge.

Hugh Jackman?

What?

Hugh Grant?

Are you sure you’re really ok like this?

I’m not.  These people just keep reminding us of our singleness. Someone cannot even find a normal man. This girl got royalty! My father! My father.

Well, she got a name and a blistering career before she got the man. What do you have?

A job as a physiotherapist and a spot as co-anchor on Rounds. How bah dah?

That’s why it’s men like Terdoo that will keep toasting you.

Wow! Wait! What?

Hahaha. Terdoo slander, I’m here for this.

Hey guys, not your segment. Be gone please.

Thanks Toolzy. Anyway, it came to our attention that Prince Harry, the second grandson of the Queen is now engaged to his girlfriend, actress Meghan Markle.

In case the name sounds strange, she plays the role of Rachael in Suits. And let’s act like they’ve not been engaged since. They just decided it was time to let you peasants know.

I find this quite strange though considering she’s not British, is a divorcee and older than Harry.

Lol. Like, you can’t come up with a supposedly more unqualified candidate but look at God. The Shiloh prayers work wonders guys, don’t give up.

Lmao. Ode. We heard Harry avoided all the razzmatazz and got down on one knee while they were at home roasting some chicken.

Privacy goals mehn. Surprised the sexists didn’t pick that up like “DID YOU SEE THAT THEY WERE ROASTING THE CHICKEN TOGETHER, EHN NIGERIAN MEN??”

Hahahaha. But can you even kill chicken?

I don’t understand, what did the chicken do? Why do I have to kill it?

Mtcheeeew. Anyway, this just makes me think. Rich people tend to do things low key. Like harry could have rented out the whole of Zimbabwe for the engagement but the broke ones? Empty barrel stuff I guess.

Haha…you know this. I’m no prophet guys but I have a feeling the colour for aso ebi will be purple and royal blue.

From all indications, it seems the wedding will be in Spring of 2018. I guess it’s time to start reaching out to my Nigerian tailor before the cloth won’t be ready till after the wedding.

HAHAHA…she say her cloth.

Be there doubting me. You don’t know there’s power in my tongue.

Oh is there now?

Ugh! Not to worry guys, come 2018 we’ll be reporting the royal wedding live God willing so stay tuned.

Because me I cannot report live abi?

 

***

Man Arrested over Smelly Socks

These headlines getting weirder and weirder.

So India took the capital L in weird news this week.

Well, India does start with a  small letter “L” so it’s expected.

Earlier this week, Indian police arrested a man whose socks stank up the place and caused a full blown showdown as his fellow passengers took to the streets to protest.

Okay, that’s an exaggeration. There wasn’t no mass protest or anything…

But there should have been.

The passengers did protest though.

Here’s the gist: The man took off his socks while on a bus going from the Himalayan state of Himachal Pradesh to New Delhi and put them near the aisle.

Couldn’t put them somewhere else abi? He couldn’t have stuffed them in his bag?

Or his pocket?

Or down his throat?

I mean these were all suggestions that the passengers put to him but the man refused. Sparking a..

Blunt?

No. That would have been way cooler. A heated conversation which forced the bus driver to stop at a police station.

Stop snitching!! But also, stop terrorism.

How will your socks cause an uproar and lead to the driver dragging you and all the other passengers to the police?

All your ancestors have no shame.

You know I’m worried we won’t find a moral to this story.

I already did, though.

Do share…

Well… If your socks stink, keep them on.

You didn’t hear that the man was insisting that he can’t smell anything.

Wait, what?

Yep. You know they arrested him when he got to the station, right?

“He was arrested on charges of causing public nuisance and later released on bail,”

– Una police chief Sanjeev Gandhi told AFP

Well, not wanting tone left out of all the fun of filing complaints, he also counter-sued the passengers and the bus crew for harassment, all the while insisting that their claims were bogus.

“MY SOCKS DON’T STINK!!”, he said, most likely.

People of God, smelly socks are a problem. A stigma. A natural disaster. Some people have never washed their socks before but every Saturday morning they wear that same pair and go play football.

And some of you take your socks off and every living thing in a 12 mile radius just shuts down for the day.

Please stop it. Stop it at once!

A word is enough for the wise…

…and the smellos.

Give yourself braim. Have some…

 

***

Morals

So what lessons do we have for you this week?

Were there any morals to glean from this post?

Certainly! First we learnt that ₦18,000 is not enough as minimum wage.

Best believe we been knew!!

PREACH!

It’s after you’ve passed out that they thought of increasing minimum wage sha.

No love in these streets.

Thank God they’ve given themselves brain sha.

Right.

Next we learnt that empty barrels make the loudest noise and the wealthy folks keep things low key.

And also that marriage is still the best way to conquer an old territory.

Also we learnt that smelly socks is a generational stigma.

Don’t disgrace your unborn children, wash your feet.

PSA on your ass.

Finally we learnt that when you promise your people change and nothing has changed, go further and make more promises very close to election time even if the country cannot afford it.

And that when you’re desperate and your old plans aren’t working, it’s okay to jump ship into the same ship that you initially jumped from into the ship from which you just jumped.

Bruhhh

Na as the matter take confuse me I talk am so.

Alright have a blissful week guys.

It’s goodbye from us. See ya same time same place.

Till then it’s peace, love and laughter!

Later y’all.

 

 

***

Culled from:

  • today.ng
  • time.com
  • aljazeera.com

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