same sex school

Does Same Sex School Influence Sexual Orientation?

I know it is said that most gay people were born that way and all that. I am only taking it from one angle I feel has influenced people’s sexual orientation.

I was in the junior class of an all-girls sec. school at the time and I remember not going out for one of those Saturday sanitation activities as I wasn’t feeling so well. My friend stayed back to look after me while I felt lucky to have a friend that cared so much for me. Imagine my surprise when I woke up from a light nap and someone was touching me in a funny way, I was so still because to me, the best way I could handle it was to pretend I was asleep. So, I stretched and changed body position like a ball and wrapped the duvet around me. Till date, she does not know that I know and I never brought it up. That was the first time I realized some people like the same sex but I did not understand it.

Fast forward another 3 years, my parents changed my school to another all-girls school but now I was in the senior section. It was so rampant in this school, I saw all sorts, from barging in on girls giving each other head, to walking in on someone snoozing with a candle stuck in their vagina because they were using it to masturbate and then dozed off.  It was hard for me to understand why a lot of people were sexually active at that age in secondary school so you can imagine my confusion when a friend simply blamed all the lesbian escapades on ‘konji’ saying the girls were now lesbians due to non-availability of boys to do the needful.

Speaking of lesbians, this write up won’t be complete if I don’t digress a little and tell you about a girl I will call Nkechi.

Nkechi was the most obvious and very open lesbian in school. This girl was the tomboy of all tomboys, she was tall and big boned, and her uniform was made bulky and not made to fit any female form – not saying this is what made her sexual orientation obvious. Her gait, haircut and shoes were all manly! The best part was the way she spoilt the girls she liked and was in a relationship with. She was from a wealthy home so she kind of got away with a lot of things in school by settling the right people; this was why she could cover up her corner in the hostel with some bedsheets for privacy. Although, this was not allowed, it was overlooked by everyone.  I remember when she was leaving school, she gave all her girlfriends (Yea, she had more than one and they all knew each other and were okay with it) different gifts from massive stereo sets to a box full of lingerie, shoes and dresses . . . oh! This was the one time a lot of us wished we were her bae right before our ‘doxologies & scented letters’ boyfriends wrote us via the post office and we got our senses back.

By the way, this was in the early 2000’s so it was still a new thing then but Nkechi is still as she was back them because I saw her 5 years after leaving school and she was still the same!!

Back to my secondary school experience. While most people indulged in girl-on-girl action, my little girl circle and I all looked forward to letters from our boyfriend and were not having any of it. You can imagine my shock when I was in my final year there, and we went for the notorious ‘extension’ in preparation for WAEC. School schedule was free; hostels were empty so all you will find were clusters of friends in different rooms within the hostels and being prefects, we picked the best spots and privacy was key when making these choices.

Well, it was in one of those days, most people had gone to read and I was busy sleeping in my private corner when someone started going in on my breast, nothing forceful but just enough to wake me up, I laid there, feeling it and wondering why this was cool and why I should follow the trend but when she reached down….ah! I sat up straight and I just knew if I crossed that line and liked it, wahala go dey!!. Our friendship of 3 years was never the same but we made it through school sane and well, she never tried it again.

Now, several years later, I know of two that are still full blown lesbians but some that were so active are now married and I just have to wonder if a lot of people are with the opposite sex for society sake. If I go by what I know, I will say, a lot of people are married to partners that are yet to come out of the closet.

I am sure, most, if not all, have been approached by the same sex at different times. You hear a lot of guys say they will slap, knock or break the jaw of anyone who tried anything funny with them. Well, for me, on these two occasions, the two of them were very good friends and I was more worried about covering the act up and pretending it never happened than even reacting in a harsh way. My brother was approached once in a club in Lagos and he was more confused than angry saying ‘Sis, does my ripped and skinny jeans make me look gay?’, I laughed so hard but he handled it well by politely saying ‘No’ and moved on. Another was a friend who decided to help another friend having accommodation problem but is now the one sleeping on the couch because her new roommate’s palm have a way of landing on her breast and her thighs going in-between hers at 1.00am. After two nights of struggles and trying to decipher if the lady just liked cuddles, or was heading for her vagina, she decided the couch was safer.

So, I have always wondered, does going to same-sex school affect/influence one’s sexual orientation? Is it possible for someone who experimented with someone of the same sex while in school end up being attracted to only people of same sex even after school?

Help us answer these questions:

  • When was the first time someone of the same sex approached you?
  • What will you do if you were approached by someone of the opposite sex?
  • What will you do if you found out your partner was/is gay but hiding it?
  • Do you think you may explore same sex relationship if Naija was open to it?
  • Are you in the closet?

Let’s hear from you.

Image via YALI

Comments
  • Adiaha

    When I was about 10, my friend asked me to lie on her and I did. My cousin walked in on us. That was the 1st and last time I touched a female like me
    2. If I’m approached, I’ll politely and firmly say ‘no’
    3. I dated someone I think is gay and I ran away. You will not use me to hide yourself. Even with his long d**k, he can’t do nothing. And when his bestie is close by, he feels scared to touch me. Even if we were kissing and his bestie makes a noise in d next room, he’ll shiver and ask him, r u OK?
    4. I don’t think I would. I’m not attracted to women
    5. I’m not.
    Whew! Answered all. Every girls’school has such stories. I know a couple of lesbians courtesy of being in the same sec school with them. Most have gotten married and I often wonder if that is what they really want.

    May 27, 2016
    • vanilla

      A nice SOB for the first comment!
      I honestly think a lot of us have seen them or have been approached by one! Unfortunately, you can hardly tell what some of the married ones want because some will die before they admit it as it can ruin a lot of things at that stage.

      But then again, a gay guy can marry a lesbian so they can both consciously continue on the side…sounds fair! A community of those will have awesome swingers party!

      May 27, 2016
      • Mr X

        lol @ swingers parties.

        May 27, 2016
      • Sapphire

        I have heard of a similar story. A gay guy getting married to a lesbian. I hate deceit. So my question to them will be why bother?

        May 27, 2016
        • Mr X

          To keep up with society?

          May 27, 2016
        • Tola

          Lavender weddings (the term for what you just described) are an important tool of self preservation for homosexuals in who live in cultures that are very opposed to any kind of non-heteronormative gender and sexual identities. Think about it. There is enormous pressure in Nigerian society to get married. People will look down on you as an incomplete human for not doing it. It’s even worse if you decide to be openly gay or bisexual in Nigeria because that is a crime punishable by up to 14 years in prison or if you’re in an area where Sharia Law is practiced, then it could warrant being to stoned to death. Under those circumstances, why wouldn’t you have a lavender marriage if you could? To me, it’s perfectly reasonable to do so. After all, Marriage is about coming together to take on the challenges of life. That said, lavender weddings wouldn’t have to exist if we all just let everybody be themselves.

          May 28, 2016
          • Vanilla

            Yea, once there is a law, pple will always find a way to work around it!

            May 28, 2016
  • Uchay

    Honestly, I’ve had this same thought.
    Well, I think as humans, a major source of influence is environment. The place and people we find around us have very strong tendencies to cause a ‘paradigm shift’ from our default setting…. ishh.

    In response to your questions..
    I have a friend that’s gay ishh and honestly he is a cool person to hang out with. But, if Nigeria ever accepts it, there’d be more harm than good.

    May 27, 2016
  • Mr X

    My view: I think curiosity more than anything is what you’ll find at the secondary school stage. Most of these young boys and girls at that stage have raging hormones and ridiculously high level of curiosity. They want to find out how it feels to orgasm, sensitive spots etc. Not to leave out peer pressure in terms of who has and hasn’t done what.

    While i think most eventually outgrow it and leave it at that, some continue on that course for one of several reasons.

    I don’t think there is a better when you pit mixed schools against same single sex ones. They both have their advantages and disadvantages. The onous is on parents to embrace their responsibility to spend the time educating their kids on what is right/expected of them or otherwise. If they don’t, there is only one possible outcome: kids will always be kids and remain curious enough to find answers to questions either way. is this really worth leaving to chance? I don’t think so.

    May 27, 2016
    • Larz

      I agree with Mr X.

      Posted from TNC Mobile

      May 27, 2016
  • I do not believe homesexuals are born that way. I believe when growing up, we pick things up. Little things that seem stupid to adults matter to children. A girl sees her father abuse her mother and concludes, ‘Oh, marrying a man won’t be so cool.’ So, she meets a girl and the chemistry begins and because that abuse scene is still in her head, she ignores any male attraction and becomes a full time lesbian.
    Schools affect orientation too. However, I do not think it’s right to blame same-sex relationships on schools.

    May 27, 2016
    • Twisted

      Hi there!
      i really love your name. Please what does it mean?

      May 27, 2016
  • Sapphire

    Homosexuals are not born gay just the way Christians are not born saved.
    1. I think I was in Primary 5 when I had the first encounter with the same sex. I don’t remember the details though.
    2. I will firmly say ‘no’
    3. Hehehe. If I found out my partner was gay, I will jejely pack my bag and run for my dear life.
    4. NO
    5. NO NO NO NO
    I think same sex schools exposes one to the homosexual lifestyle. However, some people take it too far. I went to two myself. Like someone said above, curiosity is want leads most people to experiment and some people take it too far.

    May 27, 2016
  • vanilla

    Yes, i have to agree with you. curiosity is mostly what lead people down that part. The problem is trying it and loving it…cue in Katy Perry’s ‘i kissed a girl and i like it……………………..!’

    May 27, 2016
  • B

    1. I may have done funny stuff with my female best friend when we were about 5 or 6 years old (can’t really remember).

    2. I will politely decline.

    3. We will have to end things. We both deserve peace and happiness.

    4. I don’t think I’ll explore a same sex relationship. Scratch that. I will not explore a same sex relationship.

    5. I’m not hiding in the closet. Straight is my middle name.

    May 27, 2016
  • A

    I think same sex schools contribute a lot to sexual orientation and same sex halls of residence. Some teenagers misinterpret friendly advances and because of hormones and self-discovery they want to explore and they make do with the gender that is available. A lot of these teenagers/young people are actually bi-sexual because once school is over they go ahead to marry the opposite gender and i am very sure they have sex

    1. My high school was a same sex school so i got lots of invites from girls and i was even a tomboy. They all wanted to hug and kiss me.
    2. Well i always turned down their advances by changing the subject and generally being friendly and i never stayed in a place where anything could happen, which is still the same thing i would do now.
    3. Oh well i won’t judge, just end the relationship, wish him goodluck and move on
    4. Nopes
    5. Lol which closet, closet ko wardrobe ni

    May 27, 2016
  • Benard

    Was in pry schl when a an effeminate neighbour a few yrs older tried it with me during a game of ‘mommy n daddy’. Nothing heady, just bump n grind. Especially when playing hide n seek. Then a few kisses, clothes off (I was not yet 10). Attempted to give me head once which I liked but I quickly stopped him. Usually he’d get himself off in front of me afterwards but I never felt much pleasure from it. Maybe a little but not like that. He later revealed that our very cool older neighbour (used to dance and chase girls) used to do it with him.

    I entered a single sex school at 9/10 and I remember he once asked if I had someone I did it with. No..never even crossed my mind. There was one guy my set that I heard seniors used to sleep with. Nice kid, rich not effeminate and ever even spoke of it. (May have been lies) He was the only one I felt a tiny inkling for but nothing. In second year there was another who one afternoon tried a bump n grind but didn’t continue. He was later expelled. Once in a while there was someone with a feature or two I’d like but asides playful ‘tapping current’ nothing happened. Was a thin line I admit. I finished with honors and no incidents. I always loved girls mind you, even in primary school so I won’t say I discovered girls in Jss 3. They’ve always been there but few opportunities. Since I left secondary school, I have never felt anything at all for a guy. Tried to imagine it but no…nothing. Just the ladies, endowed or not, tall or short, plump or slim.

    I strongly believe that secondary school (even primary) are very impressionable years for kids especially when they start discovering physical pleasure and anyone and anything will do. Especially big brotherly figures we call ‘school fathers’ who protect the kids, give them food, chat with them and help wash their clothes. This can translate to something close to feelings. Especially if it’s that senior who is cool but quiet, very neat and popular. The kids want to be like him and are flattered by his attention. Prefects like Senior Prefect etc are perfect examples. Or the rich, devil may care ones like the Social Prefect. There is this Superstar/fan type of relationship which could lead to something else. I hated the school father/son thing. It was like toasting a girl complete with gifts. In my Jss3 old age one dude wanted me to be his school son!

    I digress.

    Impressionable age, close contact with each other, discovery of masturbation, very high youthful libido and no outlet for it often leads to these youthful experiments usually among seniors and juniors but also among classmates. Some like it and it becomes part of them like an acquired taste for beer, cigarettes or oysters. Most outgrow it once they leave the confined and closely regulated boarding/secondary school environment. I also know a number of rumored guys who went on to have hot campus babes and are married now. Are they in the closet? Maybe they developed a taste for it, maybe not.

    Your school was gangster though. Imagine all the open orgies happening all around you. In mine it was a taboo. Even masturbation was a taboo not to talk of open gay sex! It was always coded that’s why nobody was allowed in the dorms during classes or in classes during siesta time. Yes many even tried doing it with unsuspecting sleeping people. If you suddenly start having a pleasant dream, wake up! Mosquito nets were a MUST cos they believed it helped ward away unwanted bed-mates. Sleeping face up was strongly discouraged too. (LOL)

    I will end with this though, whether is inborn or its acquired is something I cannot say, but the dude from my very fist incident is the first son of a military man. And ever since we were kids he always behaved like a lady. He never attended boarding school, was even home schooled for a while and had no older female influence. So where did it come from? I don’t know.

    May 27, 2016
    • vanilla

      wow! thanks for the comment! enjoyed reading it too.
      You played with fire there for a while.
      My school was gangster no doubt!

      i literally LOL’ed at “If you suddenly start having a pleasant dream, wake up!”

      May 27, 2016
  • Leila

    1. Same sex secondary school, age 12/13. I walked on out on her (a senior and a prefect by the way lol). This girl started getting close to me the previous year, and she let it all out one evening during night prep. Mehn, forget o same sex schools are “randy, randier, randiest”.
    However, I knew I liked my fellow girls, and during my first year in university I acted on it. Been tortuous 8 yrs down the line, because although I stopped practicing (lol), the temptation in my place of work na die.
    2. At this stage I will waka pass (I cannot endure another heartbreak from a girl)
    3. Straight up I’ll bounce.
    4. Still confused.
    5. Very dark closet.

    May 27, 2016
    • Vanilla

      Wow! Very dark closet I dare say. A lot of pple are there in this very naija!

      May 28, 2016
  • G B

    I remember one of my seniors in secondary school had a Wank-spot out back. He thought he was alone with his tool but I was always watching him do it. I found it very arousing, yeah, but at that point, I’d never even masturbated before and had no idea what he was doing. I did not understand my own thrill. So, when someone grabbed my pubescent penis one day, before I protested, I had this momentary jolt of excitement. I remember I spent hours over the next few months thinking about whether I was “a gay”. There were a lot of awkward grinding sessions with my equally confused roommates (though we never reached open-orgy levels

    May 28, 2016
  • G B

    I found it very arousing, yeah, but at that point, I’d never even masturbated before and had no idea what he was doing. I did not understand my own thrill. So, when someone grabbed my pubescent penis one day, before I protested, I had this momentary jolt of excitement. I remember I spent hours over the next few months thinking about whether I was “a gay”. There were a lot of awkward grinding sessions with my equally confused roommates (though we never reached open-orgy levels). Almost two decades down the line, I know now that I wasn’t, am not and I’ll never be gay. It was all just physical reactions. I had to come to grips with reality (pun intended). Genitals don’t have a gender scanner. If there was some glory hole and you were promised exquisite beauties on the other side, you wouldn’t be able to tell who was ministering to you orally. Same way I think if a woman were blindfolded and a dog licked her vagina, she’d probably like the feeling. Doesn’t mean she’s into bestiality. Kids will be kids, jare.

    One guy I know who was expelled from his school for being gay back then, his (female) conquests must number in the hundreds right now. He just came to terms with his sexuality early, however ‘wrong’ the path he took was.

    May 28, 2016
  • A girl I met on whatsapp came on to me, but when I told her I don’t do girls she said you’d never know until you try.

    But that’s the problem, I don’t want to try. I’m not going to say that we’re naturally created to desire only men. We desire what we desire. Period. And this might be an aberration of the ‘original design’ but it’s still there.
    My brother says that women are natural lesbians but some don’t give into the urge– I think a lot of that stems from the ease with which women can let go of inhibitions and express emotions.

    I think I’d like girls if I bothered to try. But then it would make me bisexual because I like guys too.

    I think that same sex schools, like the one I attended, sometimes helps with that loosening of inhibitions for women (and maybe men).

    I think that people need to set moral boundaries. We are incapable of doing anything, even the things we consider evil. We only simply have a moral compass that reads stronger for most than it does for others, and holding oneself accountable to something/someone higher helps with tat sense of moral responsibility.

    I think that what we call freedom isn’t exactly freedom in a real sense. Freedom does not remove all your inhibitions, it gives you the power to place them. But if we live in a world that says it’s okay to ‘let go’ of it all when it seems convenient, should we call that freedom or some more potent form of bondage?

    You’ve asked too many questions lol and they’ve only succeeded in arousing more questions from me 🙂

    May 28, 2016
    • That should have read “we are not incapable of doing anything, even the things we consider evil.”

      **sometimes my brain is faster than my fingers.**

      May 28, 2016
      • Vanilla

        I like this ” Freedom does not remove all your inhibitions, it gives you the power to place them”. I think that’s just what it is!

        Don’t mind me with the many questions, just trying to place everyone somewhere because most pple like u are confused abt these things! Lol

        May 28, 2016
    • nO2_EFX

      “Freedom is the prison we all desire to live in where we are tormented by the immeasurable number of choices placed before us yet have very little or no control over the outcome of said choices….because everyone is free to help or harm your choice and there is noting you can do about it”

      “Slaves and servants might have it hard in the eyes of some but their lives are actually simpler. Not burdened by so many choices. They know the things they need to do everyday they know their…’purpose’ is to serve. “

      May 31, 2016
  • Og

    Although those growth years are impressionable, I doubt same set schools should be blamed. Many people went there and came our unscathed. I for one went to a same sex secondary school and had no lesbo personal encounters. In mixed schools, homosexuality also thrives, so how can we explain it.

    I think the view should be that it’s a curious stage and people are bound to experiment. Whoever, it’s your choice. There are also cases in sane sex schools where students have things to do with teachers of the opposite sex. There, you have it.

    1) never been approached but I had an encounter with an older cousin. I think I was in junior secondary school or primary school then.
    2. I’ll decline
    3. I’m leaving o
    4. I think of this possibility sometimes but I’d lack the will. Would want to see how it feels like.
    5. Lol. Nah

    May 28, 2016
  • Afroflare

    1) In js3 was sleeping dude comes from behind starts touching my penis while playing with his in his other hand, I woke up immediately like wtf, he begs not to cause any commotion and he leaves immediately.
    2) Decline the offer, if I’m with any of my gay/bisexual friends redirect the approach towards them.
    3) No use staying in a relationship where you’re not wanted.
    4) Past the curious stage so no.
    5) No

    Posted from TNC Mobile

    May 28, 2016
  • I find this piece to be quite problematic on sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many levels.

    It sounds a lot like you’re blaming the fact that you and your friends were in a homosocial educational environment on the fact that some of them turned out to be gay. If your argument holds true, then all the kids who went to coeducational institutions would all be heterosexuals and we both know that is certainly not the case.

    I don’t doubt that people in single sex/gendered schools have a great deal opportunity to test out the waters on any homoerotic urges that they might have. Your friends who turned out to be gay might have been gay before they got to the school. Your other friends who tested the waters (albeit by sexually assaulting you, which is a whole separate issue) might have been doing just that. During adolescence, people’s bodies change in remarkable way. You feel things that you didn’t know were possible. People are naturally curious about what stimulates pleasure and arousal under those circumstances. They might experiment with different people and situations to find that. In this case, being in an all girls school puts them in consistent close proximity to people who may share their curiosities.

    The school itself isn’t what made them gay or bisexual or bicurious or whatever. They all likely had whatever tendencies they exhibited before they got to the school. If these situations, didn’t happen at school, they might have happened elsewhere, like at a sleep over or a party. In the world of statistics, they have a saying “correlation does not equal causation.” That seems to be the cardinal sin to which you have succumbed.

    May 28, 2016
    • Vanilla

      In simple terms, you do not think same- sex school influence anyone’s sexual orientation. Can’t argue with you on that, I just saw a lot of people experimented in school, discussed it with friends lately and found out most of them had such encounters in their school. That got me thinking and what better place to discuss it than TNC!

      I get u tho, same sex school may not make u gay but some pple did find out their attraction for the same sex at such schools.

      May 28, 2016
  • Precious

    I think same sex schools affects orientation although not entirely . Puberty stage comes with raging hormones and curiosity. It is this “curiosity ” that makes kids /teenagers “experiment ”
    1) Primary 5, my seatmate used to touch me in some funny ways, I couldn’t understand but I liked it then.
    2) Redirect the person somewhere else
    3) Pack and go
    4) Nope. I’m straighttttt
    5) No

    May 28, 2016
  • moji

    The first time I was approached was in jss3 by my neighbor well we were age mates and we play together, she and her siblings come to my house and I go to theirs too.so that day she walked up to me and was like she liked how I walked and my body, I was confused and told her I don’t understand she then told me she would like to have a relationship with me, I said no and stopped going to her house, never told my mum but my mum kept asking why I wasn’t playing with my friends again. Fast forward to ss3 I and this friend that comes to sleep on my bed over night ( I went to a mixed sch) first she touches my boobs then the fingering started, truth be told I liked it but I told her we had to stop which we did. We graduated and didn’t see her until years later and when we did we did make out which include boobs n fingering too. Well the truth is we are kinda attracted to each other but I don’t want to go down that road, I try to avoid her and I think she knows. Plus I’m totally into guys

    May 29, 2016
  • Morticia

    1. Can’t remember but there was this girl. IDK who approached who, I might have made the first move. It was hot steamy kisses & grabbing & shit. Passion. That was I knew I liked it rough. Sadly we lost touch after primary school.
    2. I’m bi so if I like them I’m good to go.
    3. I’d bounce; not into gay men sorry.
    4. I’m already doing me; but if Nigeria was more open to same-sex relationships I’d take it to the max. NGL I’m randy as hell sometimes.????
    5. Yes.

    December 9, 2016
    • Morticia

      & I went to mixed schools all my life so IDK what’s up with the attraction

      December 9, 2016
Post a Comment