If you’re an Internet junkie like me, you’ll probably have seen or heard about what’s pretty much become this year’s first viral video online. Shit Girls Say. Click the link to check out the video and the hundreds of spinoffs it has inspired. The first time I saw the video, I instantly thought of a Nigerian angle but I almost promised myself not to go through with it (thank God I didn’t) well, just cause I didn’t want an onslaught so early into the year but after mulling over it and also taking some recent events in my life into consideration, I thought wtf… let’s do this.

So, here’s my list of Shit Nigerian Girls Say.

All men cheat.

This is classic. Regulars here probably know my views on it so I won’t dwell on it too much but how many times have you gotten into a relationship themed conversation with women and it someway somehow leads to this statement? Yeah, like I said, classic.

You’ve changed.

If you’re not cheating or gay, and they can’t place any other thing on you, this is always a good one. It has variants too… “You’re just somehow”… “There’s just something different about you”… What is different? “Err… I just can’t place my fingers on it… but I sha know you’ve changed”. (-______-)

Ahn ahn now, I didn’t fashi you jor.

To the guys reading… we’ve all been there even celebs get this one. You know when you move from main squeeze to side guy aka backup plan? This statement always goes before the common: “I changed my phone and lost my contacts” … Really? It’s fine, I’m a man, I can take the truth you know.

These shoes are killing me… who sent me?

Yes. WHO SENT YOU? Not me. And certainly not any of the other guys reading. No one ever said looking pretty/hawt/Beyonce or whatever synonym you choose to use, is easy. Like you don’t see guys bitching about how uncomfortable their gonads get when wearing those skinny things y’all make them wear in the name of looking metro-sexy (ok that was total BS but you get my point). Point is, we know. It probably hurts, but it did its job, you caught me so stop complaining.

Oh, I like your hair, where did you make it?

It’s funny how women always say it’s so easy for us guys to bond; all we have to do is start talking about football right? Well, dunno about y’all but I’ve seen women become best friends by hooking each other with hairdressers and nail people and even digits of those women that do things my fingers can’t type in Yaba and Alhaja’s store…

Bras are from hell.

Another classic. Just wondering if women aren’t over due for some sort of global summit, you know, like the ones the ho’s have yearly, where they can all maybe just agree to ‘discontinue’ the use of bras? That would help people like aunty NOI loosen us a bit. *athink*..

I have giiiiiiiiist …… it’s a liiieeeeeeeeee!!!!

Actually, the second one should be “IZ A LIE!!!” and I’m very scared of the first one. When those three words are put together like that, it sure can lead to a whole lot of trouble.

BBM Status: I want icecream/cake/pizza/bbq chicken/Idris Elba.

You know what? I also want a daily *ahem* job from Sofia Vergara but you don’t see me putting that up as my status do you? But then again, I don’t expect this to change since words like mugu/maga etc still exist.

Does my ass look bigger in these jeans?

No. No. No. Yes, I know I said yes but I’m saying no now even though I know I’ll still say yes later but you get the frigging point. No matter how long you stand in front of the mirror or talk about your breast and ass, they still won’t get bigger if you don’t actually do something about them so stuff fussing or asking us if they’re bigger. You know we’ll just keep saying yes. (Wait, maybe that’s the point afterall… oh well)

I’m starting my diet tomorrow/Who knows a good gym around…..?

We all procrastinate. I mean, ask the guy beside you about that HIV test he’s been planning to take for three years now. Yes, we all do it but I’ve learnt to accept my shortcomings and try not to be overly vocal about them.

This movie on Africa Magic Yoruba is so retarded?

Then why in Gods name are you still watching it? Or let’s even say you were curious to see how it ends. Fine. Why then do I catch you saying the exact same thing three days later? It’s a question I’m hoping to get answers to.

I hate football.

This used to really tick me off but nowadays there’s a variant that’s almost worse. You know when she gets in a relationship and starts supporting her ‘boo’s’ team for whatever reason? Well, we all know why you’re doing it so why not say only the safe stuff and not embarrass your yourself and ‘The boo’ by saying stuff like: “Arsenal players are so hawt… especially David Beckam *swoon*”

I need to fix long ‘weave on’ next week

Please correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t weaves just weaves? Why do y’all call it ‘weave-on’? Or is that like some brand of weaves?

Guess who came to my house yesterday? Ah… noooo we didn’t do anything.

Well I always find this one amusing because we men somehow encourage it so I won’t really say much here too. J

**************

So there you go. I know I’ve covered quite a lot but I know there’s still stuff I missed out. To the ladies reading, you know we love y’all regardless :D.  Show us some love by helping out with the list. And I’m sure I don’t need to prompt the female writers, I can already see one of y’all doing a response to this one. Cheers.

PS: Yes, I did generalize on my list, I obviously dont know every Nigerian girl. Thank you. You can now move on to the next excuse. 

Also, I think this is my best spinoff video Shit Girls Dont Say.

Responses

  1. Doyin
    ok dis was not as funny as i thought it wud be,it still made me smile tho.I think i've said all of these things at one point in my life,except the david becham bit.Girls only call it weave-on cos dat's like a naija thing.It's like wen we say 'attachment' instead of 'hair extensions'.
    18+
  2. AOT2
    Nice one. You forgot to add another classic line "he is not fine joor. I don't get what she sees in him. I can't date him like seriously". Yeah right.
    10+
  3. kankey
    Hahahahahaha. Toolsman is just plain silly for this

    But seriously

    *all men cheat- I mean this is a lie from hell

    *movie on Afmag being retarded- ma dahun, iro na la ba nbe.

    *bbm status- annoys me crazy, if u won't icecream then get it yourself

    Legendary IT'S a LIE–lool deal with it, it's not going anywhere

    Shoes killing us- *err* scratches head* I'm guilty

    And who is going to help with Shit Nigerian Guys Say

    2+
  4. tosin
    lol…….most are actually true.

    dunno where that weave on came from but i've been guilty of it! i'm just learning to call it weave.

    and sometimes guys do change na

    1+
  5. whrantie
    Lol,good job toolsman tho, i quite agree wiv ibukun on d bum looking bigger in some jeans part. Ladies,we shld do a lil som'n abt d guys too!
    0
  6. Hayeslikeissac
    The 'ho's have a yearly summit abi…..Tools kindly forward an observer IV for the next one….I believe theyve sent your own! Ashawo!

    too funny mate…

    now do one for shit Nigerian guys say…you know my fav one "So Whats Up" has to be the headliner.

    4+
    1. Arthur Bizkit
      Honestly, I can so like to say "So What's up" 50 times in 1 convo. Esp non-verbal ones. *shrugs*. I thought them broads got nuttin on us.
      1+
  7. bukiola
    Lmao…..Kim K is so fake but I cnt stop watchin keepin up wt d kardashian… My weave has seen better days, its high time I visited the salon. *r u for real, wn is he gonna propose? Seriously, we have ish lol
    1+
  8. @fizweet
    haha toolsman has being tru some tough times with the ladies.lol. But Ladies Just Say it How it Is…u missed 1 tho. the first time was with my ex. You are the second and final.
    0
  9. Bimbo
    Hehehe…. I av heard those comments so many times. Some gurls are just too dishonest with themselves; while most of them carry about fake Personalities, Ciao.
    0
    1. Wye Wye
      'LOL'?

      Seriously? o_O

      You think this is Twitter or your freaking BBm chat?

      If you've got nothing to add to the conversation, please just stay out of it instead of acting like a bimbo

      1+
      1. t3niola
        excuse you, what is your problem? LOL is what the lady wanted to write, na your hand she use type am?

        How does that make her a bimbo?

        2+
  10. no1chick
    *rolling my eyes*

    'You’ve changed' 'Ahn ahn now, I didn’t fashi you jor.'<<<< Guys say these too.

    Dont get me started with Shit guys say too ranging from

    'i'm not like other guys'

    'I've shagged some of the prettiest girls'

    'I know some people'

    'She came onto me'

    Bla Bla Bla…….

    6+
    1. hayeslikeissac
      But seriously….YOU HAVE CHANGED!

      besides Im really not like other guys…

      the girls were the prettiest when I shagged them

      and truth be told she did come on to me!

      So there!

      PS: a man doesnt lie,….he just says the things a girl wants to hear…*wink*

      2+
    1. Wye Wye
      Seriously?

      Get over yourself…."bimbo" is an English word

      As per dragging my parents into this conversation, I will ignore you lest I get confused as being an air head just like yourself……

      0
    2. Xoxo
      You just ‘played’ yourself girl!
      This is what happens when you think every conversation is about you. ‘bimbo’ is actually an English word. Ask questions next time. #Girlbye
      0
  11. Bubba
    Isuspse he ws refern 2 'Bimbo' as in blonde female, olodo sumbdy.. Fine bt notin dey fo head. Nt bimbo as in abimbola frm Ogun state.

    africa magic yoruba disciples ..

    Sigh..

    4+
  12. Iyamilele
    So guilty of the 'you've changed' one…and even when I don't say it, I think it.

    Our hormones have a way with playing with our imaginations.

    0
  13. t3niola
    Please who are the women that complain about bras??? mine are perfectly fine, I barely remember that I'm wearing one.

    I'm totally guilty of the heels one sha x_x

    1+
  14. Riley
    Nah. Fuck all this PG13 horsefuck. Let git to it.

    Riley Presents:

    SHIT BITCHES SAY

    1. I don't usually fuck on the first date –

    Yeah, I'm getting you bitch. Now bend over and let a nigga hit that pussy doggy style.

    2. I'm pregnant –

    Well…that yo own damn fault na innit? You aint kno what a pill is? Can't use google maps to find yo way ta d abortion doctor? Bitch please. Get rid a that bastard an send me a bill when its done.

    3. I don't like anal sex-

    Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why my dick feel like it be floating up in the grand canyon when I pup it up yo ass huh? Slut! shut up.

    4. He's too rude and dirtyy for me-

    Fuck all y'all bitches. Y'all kno y'all want some riley dick. Ya kno y* love us dirty, rude and fucked up. Bad boys get good pussy is all so stop talking and get ta fuckin

    5. Oh God! What have I done? (Usually said after a 1 night stand) –

    Well bitch, lemme remind ya. First u sucked my dick. Then I sucked on yo titties. Then yo sucked my dick some mo. Then I fucked ur pussy and came in that motherfucker. Then I fucked yo ass too and came in that motherfucker too. You clear now? Or u wanna see the video I made when T-boy came in the room and fucked you too?

    Yeah.

    Yeah that's more like it.

    In summary:

    1. Bitches say shit.

    2. Bitch niggas say shit.

    3. Stop saying shit and get fuckin

    Riley out.

    1+
  15. chisom
    No biggie in the term 'weave-on'. Its a nigerian thing. Same way Nigerians don't say 'corn-rows' but say 'weaving'. Me I shaa call all em darling yaki hair 'weave-on', brazilian hair and its likes on the other hand……'Hair'
    0
  16. @Hauwa_B
    I totally agree with this…

    Most Nigerian girls need to stop being so typical…

    Anyways a counter post would be interesting to read,

    Twould probably be some guilty girl getting all touchy about it!

    But pls I encourage y'all to stop with the petty excuses and be real with yourselves…

    But what do I know…

    I'm only a little girl still

    Ciao!

    0
  17. Tori
    Weave-on is just a 9ja thing, aint nuffin to it. We know its called weave.

    I'm guilty of d "my heels r killing me" those things hurt!

    Riley again, LOL!

    Ur comments r funny. But you know only gay niccuhs do anal ryt?

    It'll be fun to read the guys version.

    0
  18. Miz N
    I'm guilty of this 98% of the time! Lol! This post really cracked me up, there's no one like a Niaja girl!! Abeg Riley, I think your too raw, pls carry your porn to another site. And I saw weave-on, I dnt think its razz 😉
    1+
  19. NeNey
    I actually am guilty of the craving part. You may crave things at a time there aren't within reach. So hey, excuse us. Lool.

    Umm Riley, u sound really bougie and as tho u force your deameanor. #ImjustSaying. Things can't surely be that serious for the way you cuss and all.

    * bows out*

    0
  20. theigboweyrey
    one word for y'all. CALM DOWN FOR JESUS.

    You obviously say all of em and thats why they're on ere in the 1st place. Frankly though that's why we love y'all. ISSUES. By the way, girls who don't say these are guaranteed agents of boredom (sure as harmattan in december).

    , I'm totally getting you bawss [even though all of those are excerpts from your wildest wet dreams]. Bless.

    0
  21. Bigg
    Nice one toolz…here's sum more shit dat 9ja girls say..

    "ahn ahn! ordinary *fill space* naira! stinjo!"

    "You dnt want 2 invite me 2 ur haus abi?"

    "yelz!"

    "ur a dawrlling"

    "Shay?" wasnt asking..its part of shit dey say shay? lol..

    2+
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  23. V oduah
    ‘The boo’ by saying stuff like: “Arsenal players are so hawt… especially David Beckam *swoon*” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
    0
  24. flavian
    Write a response…loooool we are still on d one dat happened and anoda one is happening….what makes u feel ur ass gets bigger in some jeans? hw is it possible? SMH
    0
  25. Vivian
    The only thing I say on this list is the where did you make your hair, but I start with “your hair is so nice”. The rest I cant relate with… I LOVE FOOTBALL!!!!
    0

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