Dealing With Changes In New Relationships


When someone is in a new relationship, there is usually a lot of ‘first times’. Some of them can be so weird that it takes some time to adjust while others leave you saying ‘I didn’t see that coming!’ I will try to state some of them and let’s see if one or two people…


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When someone is in a new relationship, there is usually a lot of ‘first times’. Some of them can be so weird that it takes some time to adjust while others leave you saying ‘I didn’t see that coming!’ I will try to state some of them and let’s see if one or two people here can relate.

So the first girl you dated was extremely light; possibly even a Caucasian but now you have fallen for a dark girl. There is nothing wrong with that but I want to take it from the body shock aspect. My friend had schooled abroad and the first encounter she had with a penis was with her white boyfriend but fast forward 5 years later, she is back is Nigeria and dating a black boy. She is actually one of these really light skinned people herself so the contrast was a shock at first and she literally turned his penis to a tourist site as she kept staring at. I just imagined a guy in this position looking down at black nipples and vagina. It does not matter how many videos you may have seen, the physical thing in front of you can still jolt you.

Then on lips, people have thin/thick lips, so making that transition from having a mouthful when you kiss someone to someone with thin lips may take some adjusting to (only reason I can explain why some people kiss like they are eating ponmo). While on the subject of lips, let us take it further by talking about the lips that really don’t speak; vulvas.  Let us say the first vulva you saw was thin and barely there, then, you end up with someone with the extra-large lips that just hang there (there is nothing wrong with any size by the way). It will take some 10 secs for you to adjust but I am sure the difference in sizes/look came as a shock to you. Let’s even go further to talk about a woman’s smell; the variation is so much that the change can make you dizzy I think….seeing as I have never gone as far as smelling any other besides mine but I am sure guys find themselves in this position more and can tell us out here?

Then you date a guy with an average joe only to meet another with the very big joe. That adjustment may take a while but that initial shock never goes away. Well, first you are excited about all the hype on big joes until sex hurts and you start wondering if it is worth it.  What if it was the other way around? You left the big brother for the small or average brother.  First you think maybe there was some partiality applied during this person’s creation but you love this person so you just manage or leave? Let’s just say, going from big to small is harder in this instance because you fear the balls of smallie might follow the penis when going in considering the damage the biggy has done.

What of when you have always had an active sex life with all your partners then you meet someone you really love who is celibate? I know you will accept it if you love the person but I have to ask how you made the adjustment and were able to cope at the beginning.  Please if you accept this position from a partner but were having it outside while staying away from your partner, you will not be able to relate.

How about going from a B cup to a double DD? Let’s say you got used to handling the small breasts and can even consider yourself a pro on how to handle breast until you encountered that HUGE one that was spilling over. Did you find yourself struggling to handle them? What if it was the other way around? Did you go from big to small and found yourself handling the small ones with disrespect (you know… that one-palm cupping). Which did you prefer?. Well, if you are hopping between the two and handling it well, what is it? Are you trying out for some kind of Olympics?

What if you went from a tall fella where you had to tippy toe to kiss him to a short one where you now go down low to kiss them? Or you went from a guy with six packs to a pot belly and now have to lean back to accommodate the belly. Or did you leave a pot belly for six packs and now found out that you can actually have sex facing each other?. Was your last girlfriend slim  and you could lift her against a wall, spin her and all that but now you tried it with your new love who happens to be orobo and you almost had pile when you lifted her and are learning new ways to go about it?.

There are so many instances and I am hoping you can share some wake up moments when you moved from one relationship to the other. I know people can adjust to these things over time; I am more interested in your first experience/thought when you were intimate with a new partner.

Please do tell, you may just help someone build shock absorbers when they are transitioning into a new relationship.


  1. IRepAbbi
    “you fear d balls of smallie might follow d penis when going in considering d damage d biggy has done” LMAO, that’s funny as hell.
    Personally, considering most of d changes u talk abt are physical, I’m not sure I’ve ever been shocked, cos d eyes sends d msg to d brain, while d brain relays d msg to every other parts of d body that’s gonna be needed for whatever action to get prepared. All these can be done in a matter of secs. It’s very unlike someone’s thought process; getting to know someone u never see it coming, it just hits u in d face.
    As for d olympic question, yes, one is being a triathlete – gotta master a few variations 🙂
    I do gbadun us sense of humor. This one I’m d first commenter, that’s if by chance soneone doesnt beat me to it after typing this epistle lol, TNC has turned me into an addict. I find myself coming back here for more.
  2. Tee boy
    Change can be startling. Even if I choose not to make it obvious; somewhere at the back of my mind I am digesting it all while feigning indifference.
  3. Olumide
    Hey, Vanilla. You’ve been amazing doing what you do here. Your writeups are wonderful and I guess they have been helping the ladies a lot. I, even being a guy, have learned a lot from you too. This is the kind of sex education and exposure we adults need to follow up on. Keep up with the great work.
  4. Evra
    I laughed so loud while reading this..nice job.
    However; I have been stunned by my ex’s boobs. they were so big, I couldn’t wait to lay my mouth on it.
    I love to suck nipples in a tender manner….you can imagine my shock when I found out she had inverted nipples…she graciously explained to me that it was genetic and that the nipples won’t appear till pregnancy….
    That has been my only shock till date
  5. QueenBee
    Smell for me is sooo important…. So I like a guy who smells nice always…I can’t stand it- one time I liked dis guy nd we hung out nd I caught a saint whiff of a smell dt was not fresh. That was the end…there was no point anymore!

    I love smelling fabulous, any guy I am with has to smell good too!


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