Should You Have A Close Relationship With Your Friend’s Ex?

Last week we asked the ladies if they can use pregnancy as a bait to get a man to propose and 56% said no. We asked the men if they can marry their pregnant girlfriend even if they are not ready for marriage and 36% said no. Yall are so modern and all.. Good stuff..-_-…

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Last week we asked the ladies if they can use pregnancy as a bait to get a man to propose and 56% said no. We asked the men if they can marry their pregnant girlfriend even if they are not ready for marriage and 36% said no. Yall are so modern and all.. Good stuff..-_-

*****

Are you tired of being cheated on? I am pretty sure no one was born a demon and there must be an underlying issue behind all these demonic acts of men. Women have tried to read the minds of men and penetrate their psyche to decipher some things they do but because men are very skilled in ‘tighting’ things to their chest and coating that chest with cement so it won’t leak, we women are left guessing and labelled angry black women. If you are in Lagos, come through to Terra Kulture later today and tomorrow to find answers. These men have decided to talk and who knows, we might find the answers we are looking for. The line up is filled with lots of eye candy too. My goons and I will be in that front row seat ogling away because it is our right!!! Also, do y’all realise Ambode’s Helicopters haven’t arrived? You don’t want to be stuck in that traffic with your heart in your mouth fam. Come through, don’t be told!!!

colourmeman_sm_FA2

Let’s move on shall we?

Some weeks ago, I hooked up with some of my best girls for brunch because this life is too short not to take a day out of a month to splurge and misbehave. We talked about everything from our careers, to demons, and basically life in general. The devil decided to take control and we delved into gossip. We have a friend of a friend who has a weird disorder. We called it disorder because what she is guilty of hasn’t happened just once or twice but a lot of times. She has this habit of becoming really chummy with exes of her friends.

Now what I mean by chummy isn’t the random checking up and all. It’s the constant hook ups (friendly of course -_-), sometimes friendly crashing at his place because you know how PHCN can misbehave etc. The catch is that most times, her friends and their exes are not even on good terms. I tried to see things from her point of view being the objective Obiageli that I think I am and concluded that she’s just trying to propagate the word of God and win souls for Christ which is okay to be honest. Any reason other than that shouldn’t be acceptable but what do I know?

It is a bit confusing because she is right by her friend’s side, cussing the guy out and next thing she is hanging out with the guy. One would think, she’d be in a relationship with at least one of them but that never happens. There are so many ways to analyze this issue. So many angles. I understand that if you and the guy became good friends in the course of his relationship with your friend, then it is still okay to be friends but from a distance please. I feel it might be disrespectful to your friend to become best friends with that ex. Keep it civil or keep it moving.

One of my friends argued that in this life you don’t know the way your husband will be presented to you, so you gotta kick loyalty to friend in the butt and seize the bae. First off, why are people obsessed with marriage that they will go through any length to get that boo? I believe if a man/woman belongs to you, he/she will find you. I mean haven’t y’all ever attended MFM where they pray some strategic prayers about your future bae not having any rest or peace of mind till he/she locates you? My point is, you don’t have to hurt someone because you are trying to seize bae. Your future boo might be grinding some chic at Quilox but if/when he gets called forth by greater powers, he will find his way to you!

How did I even get here?

To today’s poll, should you remain chummy with a friend’s ex especially if the break up was a nasty one? Do you play the loyalty card and stick to your friend or are you going to adhere to the Holy book and love thy neighbour as yourself? I really really really want to understand the logic behind staying close friends with your friend’s ex but I can’t. It is probably because I’m a fiercely loyal person and it just doesn’t feel right. Maybe when I turn sixteen and my maturity is properly set up, I will have a change of heart. But till then, deuces baby!

This is my opinion though, what is yours?

Responses

  1. A Loco Viva Voce
    I believe there is something called friendship loyalty ethics. Also, whatever you do, remember to put yourself in the person’s shoes. If it were done to you, would you mind?

    Personally, I wouldn’t but I’ve come to realize that a lot of people would and you can’t force them not to but if he hurt me ti ori ti ese and you remain friends with him, then I’m happy you at least have a replacement for me when I stop being friends with you :). Simply put, the friend of my enemy is my enemy.

    Read today’s Feature Friday story
    HE SAYS HE WANTS ME BUT HE NEVER KEEPS IN TOUCH. HELP!
    http://alocovivavoce.com/2015/11/06/he-says-he-wants-to-be-with-me-but-never-keeps-in-touch-help/

    1. Einsteinette
      I think life is short to dislike people because of other people. He hurt my friend not me plus my friend had a role to pay. If we all decided to dislike people because they hurt our friends, the world would be a chaotic zone. *sips maltina*
  2. MIA
    I believe this song the more we are together the happier we shall be cos your friends are my friends and your enemies are my enemies……. its Friday we can as well start drinking now…. a lil brandy in my tea please…. thank you
    1. Larz
      Oh- i love this song. Good memories when I think about this song.

      I am happy to be friends / acquintance with your friends but I dont want your enemy oh

  3. Larz
    It really depends.

    If I became friendly with them then we can stay friends. Sometimes, good ppl sucks at rships and break other ppls heart.

    If your friend broke up with their bf in a very nasty way, should you stop being friends with you friend?

  4. Larz
    It really depends.

    If I became friendly with them then we can stay friends. Sometimes, good ppl sucks at rships and break other ppls heart.

    If your friend broke up with their bf in a very nasty way, should you stop being friends with you friend?

    I personally think you should see what works but should be transparent and try to do what sits right with you

  5. Gracey
    Like my friend Tunde would say, ‘you never know where or how ull meet your spouse’..

    My question is, did the friend meet the now ex bf thru the ex gf? Well all I’ll add is she shouldn’t be cussing the guy out n then being all chummy with him. Pick a side already lol. Let’s move on already

  6. Nosa

    I don’t see what the big deal is.
    For someone like me who is loyal to my friends, the only way i will cut the ex of a friend off is if she is the one in the wrong, if she caused the breakup by cheating or some other shady shit, then no ties.

    But otherwise i ain’t gonna stop being friends with an ex i’m already friends with just because………i wont even try to be civil if i was never that with her.

    That said, as for dating exes of friends? Errrrm, two words; FAIR GAME

  7. Ranishah
    I stayed friends with the ex bf of a friend and boy did she almost kill me for it ! But how many enemies can one make , especially since ex bf became a really good friend?

    Ex bf started making moves and even almost asked me to marry him , but I said ‘no’ couldn’t betray my friend like that!

    So ex bf is now married, but I still have no regrets and I’m still friends with both of them.

    I never discuss one with the other, Never !

  8. Tiki
    I voted undecided because there are conditions eg, if I knew the guy before my girl, even though my girl and I are closer. Or if I have aby dirt of relationship with the guy independent of his relationship with my girl.

    Now to the crux of the matter. I think your friend is suffering from inferiority ( ir superiority) complex, if she does this systematically. She’s basically trying to prove that she can succeed where y’all have failed, and keep a guy around on her terms. Whatever her reason is, that doesn’t seem to me like a healthy friendship Btw you girls, or between her and the guys.

      1. Nosa
        *sigh* you ladies sha
        What if the ex was your brother or cousin?
        What if you were the one who introduced the ex to the friend in the first place?
        What if……what if…….
          1. Ray
            Lmao really?
            I assume you can’t date your friend’s brother or cousin also, even if you loved him/her to death.
      2. woyi_oc
        =)) I used to think just like you, man. till 3 things happened.

        1) My guys said something along the lines of “she’s always going to be our friend so get used to it.”

        2) One of my friends started dating my “ex” barely 3 months after she ended things.

        3) A friend who was pissed about how things ended said he’d cut her off, but a year later they’re WAAAAAAAAY closer than they were before she and i started chillin’ together

        The harsh truth of life is that there is virtually no bro code.

  9. Northern Princess
    First of all, the lady in the post has serious issues. Why is she becoming everyone’s ex friend? And even sleeping over?! That MFM prayer you talked? You should consider taking her there cuz she needs it.

    If the guy and I were friends before they started dating, there’s no way i’m going to end my friendship with him because you fell out. If we weren’t and there are no other ties connecting us(business, other friends etc) then i’ll definitely keep my distance

  10. Ray
    How about staying loyal to both of them?

    Boy and Girl are in a relationship, I’m friends with B and G.
    B and G break up, if I don’t have any personal issue with each of them, I definitely won’t stop being friends with any of them.
    Their relationship wasn’t my business when they were in it, so why should their decision to break up affect my relationship with each of them?

    I have 2 friends i should be loyal to, not one. I deal with them in different ways, I have them as friends for different reasons, so why can’t I keep them both.
    If I can stay friends with my ex, why can’t I stay friends with my friend’s ex?
    It’s not like I expect my friends to stop being friends with my ex just cos we broke up.

    1. A
      “If I can stay friends with my ex, why can’t I stay friends with my friend’s ex?”

      This angle got me hooked.

      Well, for me…errrrr… I don’t think my boys are even that comfortable with me being friends with their girls…lol

      I’m also too lazy to pick sides, think I’ll just use this line to defend myself.

      1. Ray
        ‘Well, for me…errrrr… I don’t think my boys are even that comfortable with me being friends with their girls…lol’

        Lol.
        Well, I was talking about friendship with no strings attached.

    2. Debloww Post author
      If the tables were turned, will you be comfortable with your friend being close friends with your ex? whether you were the one that scattered the relationship or not, will you honestly like it? No one is saying don’t say hi when you see or randomly check up but will you invite said ex to your sister’s naming ceremony because friendship and all?
      1. Ray
        I honestly wouldn’t have a problem with it. It’s something I’ve been through before. They are old and mature enough to decide who they want to be and remain friends with and I can’t stand in the way of that just because my heart got broken.
  11. Nosa
    *sigh* you ladies sha
    What if the ex was your brother or cousin?
    What if you were the one who introduced the ex to the friend in the first place?
    What if……what if….
  12. Iggy_wiggy
    There are 3 different scenarios behind a decision in this situation:

    Scenario un: if I was friends with both parties before they started dating then I will be friends with both parties after their break up, whether horrible break up or not… Their relationship was not my business, their break-up is not my business!

    Scenario deux: if I became friends with the ex during their relationship then I will still be friends but friends at arms length.. You know those friends you text once in a month to check up on them and see how they are doing but they will be the last person you will tell about things happening in your life?!

    Scenario trois: if I wasn’t friends with the friends ex (friends in the sense of our only convo was hey, hey, you alright, yeah you? ) before or during the relationship then we ain’t friends after.

    Merci

  13. Iggy_wiggy
    There are 3 different scenarios behind a decision in this situation:

    Scenario un: if I was friends with both parties before they started dating then I will be friends with both parties after their break up, whether horrible break up or not… Their relationship was not my business, their break-up is not my business!

    Scenario deux: if I became friends with the ex during their relationship then I will still be friends but friends at arms length.. You know those friends you text once in a month to check up on them and see how they are doing but they will be the last person you will tell about things happening in your life?!

    Scenario trois: if I wasn’t friends with the friends ex (friends in the sense of our only convo was hey, hey, you alright, yeah you? ) before or during the relationship then we ain’t friends after.

    Merci ?

  14. Ngozika
    I have a guy friend…that not only is friends with his ex’s entire circle, but is also best friends (or close to it) with the guy who introduced the ex to the person she ended up cheating on him with and leaving him for (whom is also now her fiance and father of her newborn). I’ve even said i don’t understand why any of them are friends with each other. People sha do weird things.
  15. Olushola
    Voted ‘it’s no big deal’
    We could have met without you.
    Yet to read that dating and relationship handbook which makes a friend’s ex off limits. So many dos and don’ts. Whoever wrote it.
    It all bears on respect. Its okay to be friends while you’re dating but not acceptable when you’re broken up? Respect my choice at least while we both try to find a common ground for our selfishness.
    Good friends don’t put one another in difficult situations, why should I choose between you and your ex? Both of you are my friends, and ‘loyalty’ says I remain on either’s side.
    I don’t know much about dating but from my understanding of friendship, it means sticking it through and remaining matured in dealing with both parties.
    Excuse my ignorance but IMO, how maturedly all 3 parties handle the break-up relatively to the history before and during them dating determines whether you can become intimate, just good friends or great enemies with the ex after the break-up.
  16. GB
    If you weren’t friends before they started dating and you’re not related, what’s there to think about?!
    You pick one side and stick to it, basically.
  17. S. I Ohumu
    You may have been friends with said ex before your friend dated him. Remaining friends with him after their relationship ends is a no brainer in my opinion. No reason why you shouldn’t. Especially if there is no sexual tension between the both of you.
  18. Nelo
    I have heard of Exs who came back together again. So what happens to one who breaks off just because her friend broke off. I think it is safer to remain hello -hi friends, nasty break up or not.That way, no one finds herself in an awkward situation when MFM re – unites the separated lovers.
  19. Hamydarh
    But the issue here isnt “just being friends”, she said sleeping over kinda friendship and dats a big fat NO. Whether or not we were friends, I can never be that close to my friends’ exes
  20. Omali
    Every situation is unique that’s why I chose undecided. I don’t believe that u can never be your best friend’a ex or even date your best friends ex. It all in the approach. But if my best friend used the excuse “you may never know where you may find your husband” when she dated my ex while we were together, that’s some desperate move. Her approach was wrong. In this case the ends doesn’t justify the means.
  21. Thetoolsman
    Black women and absolutes.. Smh.. I keep saying y’all don’t hear me out here.

    Anyways, my current best friend has been and “is” still good friends with my ex. No we weren’t best friends before I met this ex, in fact the ex introduced us. We ( I and the best friend) tried the whole distance thing when I was with ex but ex made sure we all stayed close because she benefitted from our friendship. She always had another female who wasn’t my mom or sister to talk to about me.

    I know it’s kinda unique because in most cases the guy would have probably hooked up with the friend but in my case, there was a clear line drawn and it was never crossed.

    Long story short, you just never know. Living with an open mind will help you sleep better at night.

  22. Air
    I picked undecided cos it depends on my relationship with the ex….if he was my frnd b4 dey started dating or so, den I culd still b friends with him….
  23. glamkeys
    Big no for me, I broke up with my ex part of the reason was cause he was telling my supposed best friend everything about our relationships even before I did, anyways after the breakup they became super close visiting each other and all she even hooked up my ex with one of her friends, long story short we not friends anymore and it’s not even because of the ex BS anyway it’s not acceptable I don’t like it, I don’t even become close friends with my friend’s bf, know where to draw the freaking line
  24. Aisha
    I think if they were friends before I came into the picture, then that’s fine, they can be chummy away from me. But if they met through me, then our break up is their break up. They should not let me catch them together.
  25. Butterflymind
    I always maintain a decent relationship with everyone I meet– unless dude was callous with my friend while the relationship lasted, then we ain’t friends; we ain’t enemies either. We’re just nothing.

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