Happy New Year People!
It’s been over a year since I wrote on TNC, and how I miss this platform. You know, sometimes I wish the real world can be like TNC: a non judgmental and less duplicitous place to truly be yourself and find the happiness in wholeheartedly being You. The world is so hypocritical that we all become delusional about ourselves, at the detriment of true happiness. An ideal living space should allow you to be happy doing the things you truly desire. Unfortunately, the place we all live in encumbers all with unrealistic demands and mirrors to us a pseudo-ideal that keeps us in constant struggle to attain some kind of fulfillment. Oops! Enough of philosophizing.
Let’s get to what I really want to talk about.
So, I am watching this series about a successful cable news anchor who is talented and loves what she does. To thousands of black Americans who watch her read the news and champion her cause, she is a hero. She is not wanting in appearance, and has money and great taste to maintain her pretty face. She has a closet packed with designer clothes and shoes, a beautiful home, a nice car, and, I must add, regular sex from a variety of high class, gorgeous men. What more could a girl really want?
Now, here’s the down side: in all her affluence and comfortable life, she wants more. In this more lie all her misery and unhappiness.
This got me thinking: many (just not to generalize) successful women are never happy (and never find true happiness) because they struggle so hard to fit into the stereotype that marks a woman as successful only when she has a husband and children. They work hard to secure a table at the top but fail to let loose and enjoy the view from the mountain top. The African woman is conditioned to think she can only be fulfilled when she earns the ‘Mrs’ title and help further the lineage of a man.
It does not stop there. A successful African woman does not want just any man for a husband; she wants an equally successful man. In many cases, she wants a man more successful than her. In my opinion, this is where women get it wrong.
An ambitious man would readily find himself a woman who is comfortable with looking pretty. She might be ambitious, but not at the detriment of staying home to raise the kids, prepare hot meals for her husband and always get ready for the cutie time. So, in the ‘eye of the world’, he has it all—money, fame, and great family.
But on the flip side, women do not want a man who is comfortable with just staying at home and raising the kids. She wants the bragging rights of telling the world the accomplishment of her husband. Until women learn to be content with their accomplishments without holding themselves to some unattainable social standard, true happiness will continue to elude them.
The bitter truth is, you cannot have it all. You have to know what you’re willing to sacrifice to get what you really want. I am not oblivion of the fact that some ambitious women end up with equally ambitious men and also have great families but they are exceptions.
If your career path would not accommodate a family, why burden yourself with what you cannot support? If marriage and a home is all you want to build, by all means do it and find happiness in it.
The bottom line is finding happiness in what you desire to do and not allowing the world steal your happiness. I have seen ladies who hate kids, but would rather make themselves uncomfortable with the stress of nursing crying tiny humans whom they eventually grow to hate, than enjoy the only baby making process they enjoy.
Your fulfillment should not be defined by societal standards that no one can meet up to. Define your life, live it as you desire and find happiness in it.