“I married my wife as a virgin” – words fail me to describe how my ears and mind received that statement. A well-meaning person decided to feed me this information as a form of advice; at least that was the intention. While I sat still, being completely unsure of how to respond, I couldn’t help but notice the glow on his face and the smug that lasted longer. Of course, he was happy and proud that he was the first person to have vaginal-intercourse with his wife; even though he wasn’t a virgin when he got married. This information about his wife’s virginity was meant to encourage me to thread along the same path, in order to land myself the price of a husband who will also boast to another person. Marrying a woman who is a virgin still appeals to a lot of men, but few women share the same sentiments for their choice of a prospective husband. How exactly is that supposed to even out? Don’t we all live in a funny world?
There’s an obvious imbalance in the expectations of both genders. Most men like their package sealed, meanwhile would have unwrapped plenty during their life time. It stirred up questions: how exactly do women survive the imbalance? Who marries the other women? While I was musing on those questions, I typed in google-search ‘regaining virginity’. If Google is not your best-friend yet, you’re on a long-thing; I digress. I noticed that there were different articles, all bringing different ideas and opinions. The most common ones were the Christian views that God sees you as new when you ask for forgiveness. What I found particularly fascinating were the questions people were asking on different websites, concerning this issue.
“I unfortunately lost my virginity with my boyfriend 2 years ago. We had sex more than 20 times. Till then I haven’t done anything like that. Can anyone just suggest what I should do? I am marrying in a very religious family next year”
People were not satisfied with God’s forgiveness. You see the expectations of husband-to-be and his family cannot be cut short! But how about the ones that didn’t have vaginal-sex with a man; they just improvised?
“If a female uses dildo for 8 years but still is a virgin, then decide to stop using dildo after 4 years, can the hymen close back up?”
Our dear sister still believes she is a virgin; after all, no man has had sex with her, right? But you can see, she is worried that she has lost her alibi a.k.a. hymen. So, if husband finds out, yawa don gas (there’s trouble). The very brave ones decided to stick with the lie and enter the marriage. They were not so lucky either. This sister confesses:
“My husband found out I was not a virgin and he wants a divorce….I’m so depressed right now I love my husband so much he asked me if I was a virgin before marriage and I said yes I was because I didn’t want to lose him….”
This virginity issue cuts across countries and continents, and it seems there’s no winning in this situation. Oh wait! There actually is!
As one of the many wonders of life, a woman can remain a virgin –intact hymen or something like that – and still do so many things. So in winning this virginity-tussle, these are some options I discovered:
Anal Intercourse: It surprises me how common this is, in our vocabulary. A few years ago, people couldn’t say this openly without getting that ‘stink-eye’. Intercourse via the anus is a common sexual practice. Since, there’s no hymen in the anus, who is keeping score?
Cunnilingus: This is just a big word for ‘oral sex’. I find this word particularly funny because the first time I heard it, the person explaining was saying this is a way to experience sexual pleasure without losing your virginity. It was like “Hey! There’s a way to eat your cake and have it”.
Hymenoplasty: If medicine can’t fix it, what else can? This is a plastic surgery that recreates the hymen. Since this new hymen doesn’t have blood supply like the one that’s natural, the client could request a blood-like gel to be inserted. This procedure is performed a few days before the intended marriage. The surgery and blood-like gel will properly simulate a virgin-sexual experience. Hubby would be so proud!
Virginity Suppository: Just in case you are a broke or can’t afford plastic surgery, don’t worry! Virginity suppository comes in various forms; it contains a similar blood-looking gel that is inserted shortly before vaginal sexual intercourse. Once again, hubby would be so proud!
Artificial Hymen: I’m sure one smart person saw the need and started this business. This artificial hymen is not expensive. The last time I checked, it was about $29.95 (approx. N6, 000), with an exchange rate of $1 to N200. It is inserted shortly before hubby is ready (a quick pee-break can do this). It comes with fake blood too. The membrane of the fake hymen dissolves; you don’t have to worry about any residue spoiling your show, as long as you’re not afraid of the components of this man-made hymen. Did I mention hubby will be pleased?
Everything else but the penetration: At this point, it all depends on your definition of sex. How liberal are you? If sex is ONLY vaginal intercourse, you have more options because there’s no hymen in other places to gauge mileage.
A woman could be a virgin because she chose to or due to one of these reasons or other tricks I don’t even know. For the men who will choose a wife based on virginity, don’t worry! On behalf of the women, I announce to you, we have solved the problem and restored balance. Women can now avoid the stigma that society created with ‘not-marrying-as-a virgin’. Maybe men and women are on something like a leveled playing ground. So, cheers to shallow people; WE ALL WIN!
For the rest who want real and honest people, who will make decisions about a life-partner or what they choose to do with their bodies, not based on people and societal stereotypes, but based on God and what they believe, life goes on!
Image via Velociriot.org
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