Regaining Virginity – Addressing The Imbalance In The Expectations of Men And Women

“I married my wife as a virgin” – words fail me to describe how my ears and mind received that statement. A well-meaning person decided to feed me this information as a form of advice; at least that was the intention. While I sat still, being completely unsure of how to respond, I couldn’t help but notice the glow on his face and the smug that lasted longer. Of course, he was happy and proud that he was the first person to have vaginal-intercourse with his wife; even though he wasn’t a virgin when he got married. This information about his wife’s virginity was meant to encourage me to thread along the same path, in order to land myself the price of a husband who will also boast to another person. Marrying a woman who is a virgin still appeals to a lot of men, but few women share the same sentiments for their choice of a prospective husband. How exactly is that supposed to even out?  Don’t we all live in a funny world?

There’s an obvious imbalance in the expectations of both genders. Most men like their package sealed, meanwhile would have unwrapped plenty during their life time. It stirred up questions: how exactly do women survive the imbalance? Who marries the other women? While I was musing on those questions, I typed in google-search ‘regaining virginity’.  If Google is not your best-friend yet, you’re on a long-thing; I digress. I noticed that there were different articles, all bringing different ideas and opinions. The most common ones were the Christian views that God sees you as new when you ask for forgiveness. What I found particularly fascinating were the questions people were asking on different websites, concerning this issue.

I unfortunately lost my virginity with my boyfriend 2 years ago. We had sex more than 20 times. Till then I haven’t done anything like that. Can anyone just suggest what I should do? I am marrying in a very religious family next year

People were not satisfied with God’s forgiveness. You see the expectations of husband-to-be and his family cannot be cut short! But how about the ones that didn’t have vaginal-sex with a man; they just improvised?

If a female uses dildo for 8 years but still is a virgin, then decide to stop using dildo after 4 years, can the hymen close back up?”

Our dear sister still believes she is a virgin; after all, no man has had sex with her, right? But you can see, she is worried that she has lost her alibi a.k.a. hymen. So, if husband finds out, yawa don gas (there’s trouble). The very brave ones decided to stick with the lie and enter the marriage. They were not so lucky either. This sister confesses:

“My husband found out I was not a virgin and he wants a divorce….I’m so depressed right now I love my husband so much he asked me if I was a virgin before marriage and I said yes I was because I didn’t  want to lose him….

This virginity issue cuts across countries and continents, and it seems there’s no winning in this situation. Oh wait! There actually is!

As one of the many wonders of life, a woman can remain a virgin –intact hymen or something like that – and still do so many things. So in winning this virginity-tussle, these are some options I discovered:

Anal Intercourse: It surprises me how common this is, in our vocabulary. A few years ago, people couldn’t say this openly without getting that ‘stink-eye’. Intercourse via the anus is a common sexual practice. Since, there’s no hymen in the anus, who is keeping score?

Cunnilingus: This is just a big word for ‘oral sex’. I find this word particularly funny because the first time I heard it, the person explaining was saying this is a way to experience sexual pleasure without losing your virginity. It was like “Hey! There’s a way to eat your cake and have it”.

Hymenoplasty: If medicine can’t fix it, what else can?  This is a plastic surgery that recreates the hymen. Since this new hymen doesn’t have blood supply like the one that’s natural, the client could request a blood-like gel to be inserted. This procedure is performed a few days before the intended marriage. The surgery and blood-like gel will properly simulate a virgin-sexual experience. Hubby would be so proud!

Virginity Suppository:  Just in case you are a broke or can’t afford plastic surgery, don’t worry!  Virginity suppository comes in various forms; it contains a similar blood-looking gel that is inserted shortly before vaginal sexual intercourse. Once again, hubby would be so proud!

Artificial Hymen: I’m sure one smart person saw the need and started this business. This artificial hymen is not expensive. The last time I checked, it was about $29.95 (approx. N6, 000), with an exchange rate of $1 to N200. It is inserted shortly before hubby is ready (a quick pee-break can do this). It comes with fake blood too. The membrane of the fake hymen dissolves; you don’t have to worry about any residue spoiling your show, as long as you’re not afraid of the components of this man-made hymen.  Did I mention hubby will be pleased?

Everything else but the penetration: At this point, it all depends on your definition of sex. How liberal are you? If sex is ONLY vaginal intercourse, you have more options because there’s no hymen in other places to gauge mileage.

A woman could be a virgin because she chose to or due to one of these reasons or other tricks I don’t even know. For the men who will choose a wife based on virginity, don’t worry! On behalf of the women, I announce to you, we have solved the problem and restored balance. Women can now avoid the stigma that society created with ‘not-marrying-as-a virgin’. Maybe men and women are on something like a leveled playing ground. So, cheers to shallow people; WE ALL WIN!

For the rest who want real and honest people, who will make decisions about a life-partner or what they choose to do with their bodies, not based on people and societal stereotypes, but based on God and what they believe, life goes on!

Image via Velociriot.org

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Comments
  • Avatar

    I swear this article is funny at best. Funny in a good way though. These pressure people are forced to bear, we put it on ourselves.
    Honestly, i see this virginity/hymen as a non-issue. It’s just hymen (and blood). It’s not like they are going to frame it up on a wall, hymen bursts, blood comes out, you go through the stress of washing or changing sheets. Life goes on.

    August 7, 2015
  • Avatar
    Ganjaman

    first thing first, i hope…

    August 7, 2015
  • Avatar
    JADE

    LOL, all these trouble for hymen? what about the women like me who dont/didnt have hymen? does it mean i wasnt a virgin even the first time i had sex? people just like to give themselves unnecessary wahala for nothing. I always find it laughable when men say they married their wives as virgins, i mean its all good and fine but how exactly is that my business? i also think its foolhardy to lie and say you are virgin when you arent. A hymen does not a good woman make

    August 7, 2015
  • Avatar

    Yaaaaaay, i’ve learned something today!! It’ll be fun to freak my boyfriend out with this.

    Loved this article, humor and information is always à good combo.

    August 7, 2015
  • Avatar
    Ray

    Oh! Didn’t you hear? Being a virgin till marriage guarantees you a faithful husband and an amazing family, even if you don’t put work into it. Being a virgin till marriage means you’ve bought yourself eternal life at the right side of Jesus Christ :d
    Looool I kid.
    This is a really nice piece. I particularly like the fact that you did some research into how virginity can be ‘regained’.
    On a serious note though, I think a man in this age who is still bothered about a woman’s virginity and believes a ‘non-virgin’ is not ‘wife material’ is immature and delusional.
    A woman who also lies about her virginity *sighs*, that has to be the most stupid decision ever.

    August 7, 2015
  • Avatar
    djenyva

    Funny enough all the guys I meet never want virgins as wives. A lot of people have moved on from it. And the girls who lie, I just feel sad and wonder about their mental health.
    That said a lot of guys respect you once you say you still have your V card. I think it has to do with the fact that they wonder about your ability to resist temptation. Kinda like someone that went through a drought.

    August 7, 2015
  • Avatar
    Aaron

    This virginity buhahaha sha…
    Am in support of being a virgin till marrige,buh i know we ladies are the most cheated. After banging “God knows how many girls” they now want a virgin wife…. Why wont we decieve them.

    But wait o,will this artificial hymen make the virgina thick and firm like new,as in make it hard to penetrate… You know its not just about the blood.. Will it make the way narrow to enter or… #Courious
    Waiting for answers

    August 7, 2015
    • Avatar
      JADE

      LOL, i dont know why this cracked me up but it did.

      August 7, 2015
  • Avatar
    bilqis

    OK, this is one funny piece but I like it. On this virginity issue I’d say do whatever works best for you, no pressure. A man who is ready for you will love whether you are a virgin or not. Virginity doesn’t define you as a woman and its certainly not what you have going on for you as woman.

    August 7, 2015
  • Avatar
    Gbemi

    Lol this topic. ‘virgin’. I hate the word even though I’m one (at least ‘hymenically’,although it’s not like I’ve done much of the other stuff). Anyway,apart from the usual religious/moral reasons,my reasons are personal. I just haven’t been able to get that far with any of the guys I’ve dated (2 of them). Another thing is,I’d hate to have to compare which lover is/was better or anything like that. I’d just rather be with one man in that sense. (It’s okay to call me naïve ?)

    August 7, 2015
  • Avatar
    Rare_rey

    I love the way you write, Winnie Adebayo. I’ll definitely look out for more from you.

    August 7, 2015
  • Avatar
    OT

    This thing is over rated jare, I just believe having sex in any form should be a personal decision not because someone,religion or culture says.
    Ladies are becoming desperate about regaining virginity due to religious and cultural pressure. But our male counterparts are allowed to scratch as many cards as possible before getting married.It’s an Ego thing they’d say. But what’s good for the goose is good for the gander na.
    To all the Sis that has been fooled with ” i’ll just put the tip”,this is ur opportunity to get that bloody flesh back.

    August 7, 2015
  • Avatar

    Ahhhh…Thank you my people!

    August 7, 2015
    • Avatar
      thetoolsman

      Really really enjoyed this one. I love the humour and sarcasm all rolled up in one post.. We want more.. more… 🙂

      August 7, 2015
      • Avatar
        Ojuolape

        Winnie, Toolsman commented on your post!!!

        Rapture is about to happen. lol……

        August 7, 2015
  • Avatar
    KELS

    Lmao and they say igbo folks are crazy industrious. Whoever thought up producing/selling the fake hymen as a business deserves a Nobel prize abeg. Genius! It may just be the next best invention for women after the tampon.

    August 7, 2015
  • Avatar
    BLAQLOTUS

    There’s always this pride that comes from knowing you hit it first… it happens with women too, when a guy tells you he’s a virgin or inexperienced you instantly feel you have to be his teacher.

    August 8, 2015
  • Avatar

    Wow! Shocked at the fake human and blood pills. Its unfortunate that it is expected for women to be virgins but not the men, double standards

    http://Www.memoirsofayorubagirl.wordpress.com

    May 1, 2016
  • Avatar
    Bruce Anna

    hello viewers my name Bruce Anna i am from USA i loved a guy and he promised me that he we marry me,i trusted him in that but he came out to be using me.he had all his fun with me i love him so much not knowing that he just want me in bed i was thinking our relationship will last for ever not knowing that he have met another girlfriend out side so he broke up with me with a little argument that do not oncal anything so after 1 yr i meet another guy that want to get marry but i m not able to tell him about what has happens to me..but i dont wana marry him like that.i waned to be a virgin again so i dissed to go online for help when soon some post that DR OLU the herbal herbs spell caster how he have be helping some guy for there penis enlargement so i just wana give it a try if he can help me regain my virginity back but now he did it for me everything work out for me with his herbal herbs medicine so if you are in need of his help contact him on his email address
    droluharbalhome@gmail.com or you can whatsapp him on him
    number:+2348060259313

    September 28, 2016
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