The Boob Job

bj

Hey people. Toolman here again. Yeah, it’s Men’s Month so you’re going to get tired of reading that at some point. Live with it.

So, BOOBS yeah? Only five days into Men’s month and we are already on this, makes me wonder what we’re going to talk about the other days of the month. Anyway, we have the Awesome SINS OF THE FATHER series starting next week and again I say, trust me, it’s going to be all kinds of amazing so don’t miss it.

Today’s dialogue is a bit of a lot of things. There’s a little bit of a rant, some of my personal opinions, a theory and then the dialogue. So… lets get into it.

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WARNING: Some women may find this post uninteresting.

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A couple of weeks ago, the Internet went crazy with the news of Angeline Jolie-Pitt getting a double mastectomy as a way of preventing breast cancer. News sites, entertainment blogs, health and fitness blogs, sports and event politics blogs all went crazy and put up all kinds of posts/stories on the news. Most of them were off course centred on how brave Mrs. Pitt is while others decided to focus on “Mr. Jolie-Pitt” and how much of a supporting figure he is to his wife and family. Excellent right? I mean, even the Grinch couldn’t rain on that parade. But y’all know me and my erm… “interesting” way of looking at things.

Fret not, I’m not going to attack Mrs. Pitt in any way. All that news just got me thinking and wondering about the average Nigerian man, his love for the female mammary organs and also women’s perception of the Nigerian man’s views on … boobs. I held on to that thought and didn’t really follow up on it until I was catching up with all the weekend action on Big Brother Africa and I came across an “interesting” video of a shower scene of one of female housemates.

Hey, calm your titties.

I’m sure all the guys reading already know the housemate I’m talking about but just incase you are @Otoxic you’ve been living under a rock, the video was that of Annabel, one of the Kenyan housemates. Now for those who haven’t been following BBA, here’s what Annabel looks like.

Screen Shot 2013-06-05 at 8.46.02 AM 

TRUST ME, this picture doesn’t do her boobs justice. I mean, the first day she took off her top to get in the jacuzzi, I think I heard Big Brother himself cough or something.  So, to put things in context, I watched the video and proceeded to tweet:

“Annabella Balloona”

That right there should be her full name but before I stray too far from the point of this post, so I watched this clip and I’m sure regulars here know that I’m not exactly a “boobs-man”. I really don’t know what it is but anytime I see a woman with higher D-class boobs and above all I imagine is a picture of her in ten, fifteen years when her babies would have a daily battle with gravity and her forces (yes I know smaller boobs sag too but we are talking statistics here).  But that’s me and my problem right? Like why can’t I just live in the moment and appreciate the present value of the damn bazoomas.

So, Annabella Balloona got me thinking again about Mrs. Pitt and wondering how many Nigerian men would support what she did. If that ever came up, I imagined this kind of conversation between a married couple:

A: Hey baby, so I’ve been thinking about getting a DOUBLE mastectomy

B: Huh? Why? Is everything ok?

A: LOL. Yes now, but you see we have history of breast cancer in my family so…

B: erm.. so you’ve not been diagnosed of anything abi?

A: No I haven’t but..

B: But nothing, can we go into the room, all this talk about boobs has gotten me erm.. you know :D

Ok, I kid. I kid. But after this, it occurred to me that judging by how much women fuss about boobs and how much they think it controls and influences men, the average Nigerian woman may not even come up with this suggestion in the first place. Sure, she can get a boob job done right after the procedure and it’ll look like nothing happened but I’m pretty sure that if the boob job wont enhance what she already has, chances are she’ll rather live with that risk. But this is me just thinking, that is why I have you guys.

Today I want you to share your thoughts on boobs. Yes, boobs, kegs, jugs, bazoomas, titties, love balloons, courage, breasticles, whatever you call them. For the guys, are boobs really really that important? If you could have a Kim K with A-cups, would you refuse her? And for the ladies, why are y’all boobs crazy? Yes, sometimes, I think women even fuss about boobs more than guys. Finally, in the scenario I painted above, how would you react as Mrs. A or Mr. B? You know the drill; use the comment box to express you. Cheers.

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SSF2

137 Comments

  • Admirablehrt says:

    PREMIER!!!! ¯\\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )..//¯.

  • mskoya says:

    FIRST /-O. Okay, scrolling back up to read now.

  • Tiki says:

    Third!! *accepts bronze medal*

  • Admirablehrt (Adee) says:

    Errrmmm.. Does A-cups have any say in this?. Asking for a friend. *sips apple juice*

  • Dodo says:

    WoW……. a whole post dedicated to boobs, whats not to be happy about.

    Ahem to topic at hand, if I was Mr. B, I am too much of a modern man, If she's truly at risk, Get rid of the mammary glands I say.

  • Aarinolaoluwa says:

    *grabs a seat* *grabs popcorn* *sips Ceres Grape juice* I'd just wait for the guys to comment..

  • spacyzuma says:

    1st things 1st, I clicked the link to that shower scene, and as I watched, my laptop almost fell off my laps. *deep long sigh*

    2nd things 2nd, em….ok, lemme download the video. Bless you, Internet Download Manager!

    3rd things 3rd, em…wait what's this article about?

  • ijebuPrincess says:

    Is there a prize for fourth? Can I just have chocolate cake please? Ok thanks.

  • Tiki says:

    My boobs, like my hips, are a direct physical reflection of my femininity, so YES, they are ultra-important and I pity A-cups! lol

    But seriously if I was in Jolie's shoes, I'd have done the same thing! Health is wealth, prevention is better than cure, and I've always dreamed about what it would be like to go braless in a sheer top with no underwire support…

    • Tola says:

      Bras were originally designed for the sole purpose of sporting. Especially for the endowed women who wanted to take up sports equestrianism, it was rather convenient to wear bras so that the boobs wouldn't go flying in the wind.

      Other than that, bras can restrict proper breathing and lead to underdeveloped chest muscles. Besides, I imagine that for the well endowed ladies of the world, has can be a bit of a nightmare.

      If you're not self conscious about it, try it out. Some women much prefer it. Or at the very least, if you live alone or with people you're comfortable around, try it there and decide for yourself.

      • Tiki says:

        Sweetie, with these F-cup babies, I can't even front, I'm self-conscious about it!

        • Tip says:

          "My boobs, like my hips ……" There's something incomplete about this assessment.

        • Tola says:

          Lol well then what's your number? (Crude guy moment; my apologies)

          But on the real, if you really want to try it, do it when no one is around. Controlled chaos is the name of the game.

          Another option might be to find a bra with a better fit. Most women wear bras that are improperly fitted for their bodies mostly because dreadful information has been passed down for generations. A while ago, some of my female fb friends were going nuts over a post that went viral on reddit. It was basically a step by step guide to picking the right bra. Needless to say, the post might as well have been in Greek because I didn't understand any of it but you might find it helpful.

          • Tiki says:

            lol, I get fitted every year so that's sorted. It aint about the fit, it's about the filling that fills the fit!

            Controlled chaos is definitely the way to go…

    • tommiegal says:

      Oh Tiki, I just knew your post would bring a lot of side comments!

  • ijebuPrincess says:

    Ok so I looooooooove my boobs. I’m a D cup by the way. But if I need to get rid of them then I will. And plastic surgery shld be just as good as the real thing, no?

  • @Sirkastiq says:

    Dear Toolsman,

    Thanks for the link

  • Madam says:

    I’m a female and I’m not even interested in boobs. I’m a C-cup; large enough to provide curves to my chest and small enough to sometimes leave the house without a bra. But hips and bum on the other hand…..*does squats*

    Concerning the scenario you painted above, if I was Mrs. A and Mr. B gave me that kind of response, he’s definitely sleeping in the guest room that night with his Jergens. I remember having a conversation with a guy about Jolie’s masectomy and his response was “I don’t see any reason why anybody should play God with their bodies. It was only a high chance that she might get cancer and not like she already had cancer. I’m pro-life and I don’t subscribe to that.” I just gave him a blank stare till he got uncomfortable and changed the topic.

    Sometimes, pro-life people need to know how to argue.

  • Bimbopee says:

    Wo, pls I luv my boobies but if cancer chance is high, I will remove dem. weda hubby likes it or not, is his problem. msccheeew. U men sef.

  • niyoola says:

    Jolie did the right thing. Living with a very high probability of cancer is no way to live.

    If the she chooses reconstruction/implants, then all's well and good for the guy.
    If the woman chooses not to have implants and wants to show her 'battle scars' …….. well …. -_-

    Men fuss over boobs than women!!!! Women may take time packaging/displaying their boobs, but men love boobs.
    Ask your mothers how easy it was weaning girls compared to guys. Guys never wanna let go, take forever to wean, give their baby sibling evil eye for getting privilege, always hug mother with their head on mum's boobs and well ……. they grow up and biff their son for breastfeeding!!!

  • RILEY says:

    Yo, sup snitches n bitches?

    1st off, tools did a solid 4 d niggas by postin d shower scene. Anabelle got dat good good dat give a nigga real wood. Shiii.
    now, Aint no bitch any good witout dem titties. A-cup bitches aint nothin but lil boys wit pussy n any nigga dat fuck em is a faggot. Brad Pitt jus let his bitch become a man, a nigga, a bro. Dat nigga don turned gay son. Brad gon be fuckin a boy 4 d rest of his life now. How u gon be wit Lara Croft she aint got not titties. How u gon be wit Tomb Raider she aint got no Treasure? Oh Lawd. I mean, how u gon live? Best be letting d cancer take u if u aint got no titties, it aint worth it, namsayin? Nah son, yo bitch tell u dat shit, u need to smack her upside the head n stick yo dick down her throat so she dnt talk shit no mo.

    In summary:
    1) Anabelle got dat good good like a real bitch should
    2) Bitches dat aint got no titties is jus lil boys wit pussy
    3) Angie don turned to a real ass nigga and Brad gone gay as fuck
    4) Better 4 yo bitch 2 die dan live wit no titties

    RILEY OUT.

  • Tola says:

    If would undoubtedly be sad if my hypothetical significant other had to lose her boobs for any reason – especially cancer. That said, I prefer to have her rather than her boobs. I might be able to do a lot of things with/to her boobs, but alas, laughing isn't one of them. Life is just no fun without someone to laugh with.

    While we're on the topic of boobs and mastectomies, fellas, you are not immune from boob cancer. Heaven forbid it sha, but were such a fate to befall you, what would you do?

  • Snypar says:

    Choi!!! The video was a great touch, in 10yrs time *singing Gravity*.

    To other important things, if there is a risk, HACK THOSE BABIES OFF!

  • My last name is D says:

    I love boobies, would like to do things wiv a D cup.. but I think C cups are perfect.. Boobies are over-rated, especially for guys above the age of 21. For me its hips, ass and more ass… :-p

  • intelcentral says:

    Tools, thanx for the distraction!!! I really needed it!!! Kai buh those boobs sha!!!

  • chuka says:

    Jolie couldn’t’ve taken any better decision.

    She was informed and chose right.

    A preventive mastectomy….by the way why do we all sound like she hacked of the ‘mangoes and is living a ‘flat chest life’….

  • walls says:

    *sigh* boobies… Annabella… Annaboobie…

  • walls says:


    Ok, its always a hard choice for a guy to watch his babe go flat where she was once 'hefty'. But if such a situation eva did occur, I'd b grudgingly willing to go along wit it… I only God blesses me wit enuff money to get her silicone…

    • ebi says:

      I doubt she would go flat. I think they just fill the blanks (lool) with silicone immediately. who knows… they could even feel better than the original

  • Stat says:

    Guys take one step back and remove the mental boobs from ur brains. Focus!!! Thank you.

    So, you do realise that no one really had a hand in how they were created, yes? I'm totally ignoring plastic surgery here. Deliberately so, they dont count. So while you are quick to "condemn" Jolie for preventing DEATH (her aunt just died like her mum, from breast cancer) , I'll like you to actually Phink.

    *drops mic*

  • Tip says:

    I'm just here wondering why the Annabel chick has not won Big Brother already? What are they still voting for? :s …. I doubt if any man is selfish enough to let his wife die when a DOUBLE mastectomy can save her life. I also doubt if any man would appreciate his wife being that paranoid -_-

  • timiebix says:

    Mammary glands , source of great controversy!!

    For someone who has to make extra efforts not to "offend" people with the twins, I'd say women do fuss about their mounds. It's not because they want to, it just happens. It could be because of the guy with the A cup girlfriend who stares (one Mississippi longer than normal) at the DD cup girl or the A cup girl wearing padded bras to give the illusion of fullness. Whatever it may be, the obsession with breasts is there and e no dey go :)
    Mrs A baby lets do na but we will still talk about it after we finish *wink* prayer is still an option :)

    *cleans glasses*

  • thirdchief says:

    I guess we now know for sure who wears the pants in the home of the Jolies.

    The woman has money, she could afford a biennial or even annual mammogram if she wanted. Cancer is not malaria, it doesn't kill overnight. If detected early, she could have had her mastectomy and still lived a long healthy life. But you know what they say about men and power.

    The only way Mr Jolie is getting his cojones back is if he chooses the next baby sitter and/or maid. I'm thinking Spanish mamacita with a double D who is too broke to afford a double mastectomy.

  • tommiegal says:

    …and I'm refusing to comment. The issue of breast cancer is painful to talk about.

  • thisboyperforms says:

    The riots boobies cause on #TNC every time. LOL. Steady stay observing.

  • Mz! Hotter-than-fire says:

    Holy cow! A topic that kills me with embarrassment each time. I think you shd do whatever makes u happy, comfortable oe fulfilled. Thanks to Dr 90210, I know say one day Tiki and I shall fulfil our dream in a sheer top -at home of course.

  • spacyzuma says:

    For the guys, are boobs really really that important?
    YES

    If you could have a Kim K with A-cups, would you refuse her?
    Only if she hadn't made that sex tape. Plus she has a great ass to compensate.

    And for the ladies, why are y’all boobs crazy?
    I don' think women are boobs crazy. They may seem so, in order to get attention from men.

    Finally, in the scenario I painted above, how would you react as Mrs. A or Mr. B?
    Personally, as Mr. B, I would support my wife's choice to undergo a mastectomy, for health reasons. Anyway, does having silicon boobs mean they won't ever crash/sag? Am I right?

  • ladetawak says:

    I would have no problem with having a mastectomy. breasts are too much of a hassle especially for D cups and up. you have to be wearing nonsense bras

  • nijezie says:

    Mr. Tula I will give hoots about this post later but thanks for the link especially after you didn't give us Pokella's

  • emmonfclassic says:

    Mehn I love boobs but its gon be a painful thing for my gal to loose them and I don't pray so. I pity Brad, he's got plastic jugs to milk now.

    • Mz! Hotter-than-fire says:

      You mean "thank God Brad will never experience the trauma of a wife with breast cancer at all. *rme*

  • toborex says:

    D-cup and up!
    If it comes down to the titties or the mrs. then they gotta go. Breast cancer is a nasty thing yo.

  • Rezza says:

    My sister in law removed one twin last year, and then after the mastectomy, it was discovered she had no malignant growth or even one single cancer cell. It was just a horrible mistake on the part of the hospital. i don't think she will ever get over it.

    i would only remove my breasticles if the cancer is actually there, not if there is a chance that it might be there, or a chance that it would be there. That's just twisted. I need to have something to throw to my baby when i start "backing" him/her na. After all, what are D cups for if not large quantities of fresh creamy milk?

    • Olowo says:

      Loooool @ “throw to my baby”..
      I’ve always been of the opinion that she could have just waited till she got cancer before getting a masectomy..

  • Olowo says:

    +Spacyzuma is just a major pervert *rme*

  • nijezie says:

    Now the distraction of the video is out of the way. I don't think I will condone mastectomy ever I don't even care if i can see the cancer cells eating your twins, it ain't gon happen.

    I have an aunt who has a cancer scare some time back. She had given birth to 6 kids and was in her mid forties; she wanted to let go of her twins because she felt 'she wasn't needing them', her husband said he wouldn't condone it and swore he would pay anything required to make sure he squeezes those twins healthily. She survived and that was a precious life lesson.

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