A lot of people say that you should look at all your failed relationships as a sort of experience, a way for you to discover what you truly want in your life partner, and what you wouldn’t tolerate. But I feel like I’ve gained enough experience already! I’m tired of experience. Can I just have the love of my life now?
If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I’m a completely hopeless romantic, even though sometimes I try to deny it. Unfortunately, although I love love, love doesn’t seem to care much for me, and I’ve found myself in quite a number of questionable relationships that have left me doubting if I’ll ever find the one who will make me be able to relate to Beyoncé’s ‘1+1′.
A lot of people say you should look at all your failed relationships as a sort of experience, a way for you to discover what you truly want in your life partner, and what you wouldn’t tolerate. But I feel like I’ve gained enough experience already! I’m tired of experience. Can I just have the love of my life now?
As time passes, my impatience grows, and sadly, so does my fear. My fear of settling, of ending up with someone that doesn’t make my heart skip a beat, of waking up everyday next to someone that I can barely stand. And this fear, for me, is crippling. Because it seems like recently, a lot of people get into relationships based off the wrong reasons: be it money, status, or which partner would attract the most Instagram likes. Even desperation.
I don’t want to be one of these people. I want to be in a relationship with, and eventually marry someone because I want to. Because I genuinely enjoy his company. Because he’s smart, and I learn new things from him. Because he’s funny, and considerate, thoughtful, and loves me. And because I love him. Because he’s the one.
The one. Hmm. I’ve ended a number of relationships simply because something in me knew the person wasn’t the one. Or because I felt he wasn’t the one. I’m not quite sure which one, but I’m sure I knew it didn’t feel right. A very reckless reason to end relationships. I know.
Another thing that you should know about me is that I can be quite sceptical. While the romantic part of me longs to find true love, “the one”, the sceptic in me questions the existence of this one person who will make me finally get why there are so many damn love songs. (A romantic sceptic? Not a good combination; trust me).
Is this whole concept of “the one” even logical? Realistic? Is it even backed up by any kind of research or proof whatsoever? Or am I just wasting my time looking for someone who doesn’t exist, while I let good enough people pass me by? These are the thoughts that run through my head most days. It’s almost an obsession really.
But then I look at my best friend, my annoying, hilarious, fish-head of a best friend, and I see the way he looks at his girlfriend. The way she looks at him. I hear the way they speak about each other and speak to each other. The way they have inside jokes, and the way that even though they always seem to be on the phone with each other, neither ever gets tired of the other. And I want that. Long for it, crave it even. They’re the reason I still hold out hope for this crazy thing that is true love. The reason I’m going to wait to find this very inconveniently slow one that I’m going to build a life with.
Babe, if you’re reading this, please hurry up.