The Unsexy Side of Filmed Sex

For starters, I usually don’t do posts that are not safe for work, but for the record, if you’re in a cubicle where people can sneak up behind you, that might not be the best place to read this post. *********************************************** So, you’ve just seen this incredibly hot and steamy scene in a film. Like…

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For starters, I usually don’t do posts that are not safe for work, but for the record, if you’re in a cubicle where people can sneak up behind you, that might not be the best place to read this post.

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So, you’ve just seen this incredibly hot and steamy scene in a film. Like wow, these guys must all be pros. That’s why they get paid the big bucks, right? And then the thought crosses your mind. What exactly happens on the set where they’re filming the magic happen?

I hate to be the harbinger of bad news, but sadly, most of the the sex scenes that you see in films aren’t real to begin with. Okay, that’s not always true. The famous Halle Berry scene in Monster’s Ball, and every sex scene that Shia LaBeouf did for Nymphomaniac were definitely real, but those are the exception rather than the rule.

If you’ve ever been involved in any filming project, then you know that the set can get very crowded very quickly. Even in Hollywood, it’s really hard to be sexy when there are like 30 pairs of eyes watching you, sticking cameras in your face, trying to get the microphones closer to you, moving lights so that they can see you better, etc. That’s a lot of pressure.

A few years back, a video clip from the film, Stretch, surfaced and it showed behind the scenes footage of how the sex scene between Brooklyn Decker and Patrick Wilson was filmed. In the clip, you can hear a lot of noise from the set as people talk to each other, trying to get into position, giving directions, and spraying the actors with fake sweat. Yes, exactly, the sweat that shines so beautifully in the movies is fake. All of that can definitely be distracting and probably isn’t the least bit helpful if they were really trying to get it on.

Then there’s the thing about the actual bodies involved. A lot of times, no real insertion takes place. Filmmakers are remarkably good at using creative camera angles, tying down body parts, using prosthetics, and in some cases, using body doubles. When you take all of that into account, perhaps the only real thing that happens in sex scene is the kissing, and sometimes there are prosthetics for that as well.

But wait, what about porn? Those folks aren’t faking it are they?

Well, yes, the sex in porn is real most of the time. Nobody is arguing about that. However, the scenarios they portray and the orgasms involved might have some “creative liberties” associated with them. The thing you have to remember is remember is that porn is a fantasy. I can’t stress that enough. These people are getting paid to job. They don’t always like the people that they’re working with and some of them would never ever sleep with each other were it not for the paycheck that comes from a day of shooting.

Aside: For more on Great Sexpectations, you really have check out Summer’s post here.

Everyday folks have horror stories about the unsexy things that happen when they’re between the sheets. But sex looks and feels very different when it’s your job and it’s on camera. Porn videos only show can you so much about what’s really happening. A lot of porn stars actually have particular scenes and positions that they’re not terribly fond of shooting. For example, a lot of male porn stars don’t like blowjobs all that much.

Much like in any other film project, shooting a scene properly in porn requires multiple takes and a lot of time. So that five minute blowjob you just finished fantasizing over might have taken an hour to shoot. During that time, the male actor has to be able maintain an erection (see rule of 8). Not just that, but his partner’s jaw might have gotten tired part of the way through, which is definitely not fun for her. It also means that both of them have been maneuvering for the last 20 mins to make sure that she doesn’t end up biting his penis accidentally.

That’s not even the tip of the iceberg. There’s a web series called Ask A Pornstar. One of their most recent episodes features some of the most hilarious downright disgusting things that happen on the set of porn shoots. For the record, there’s no nudity or sex going on in the video; it’s just pornstars talking about their jobs. That said, I might still wait until I’m off the clock to watch it. If you’re curious enough, here you go:

I really can’t describe any of the things in the video with a straight face.

Question time: What’s the most unsexy thing to happen to you during sexy time? Remember kids, this is TNC, you can comment anonymously and for good measure,  tell the truth and let the devil be ashamed. 

Image via news.com.au

Responses

  1. Pingback: The Unsexy Side of Filmed Sex | Newsroom Demo

      1. EbI
        CORRECT!!
        A lil bit of both
        Just cos i’m amazing like that.
        I kissed someone once and that was the last time i ever saw or took his calls.
        I mean slobbing all over my face and biting off my toungue in the name of kissing. is just all shades of wrong!
  2. Nosa
    I can see all the puns and innuendos in this post. Nice one Tola

    But first, thanks for ruining every sex scene i will ever watch in this life. Prothestics? Really? You didn’t have to say that na. We sometimes enjoy these dodo they give us.

    “That’s not even the tip of the iceberg.” Nice. Good one.

    As for pornstars, i know one who only does anal, she says she is keeping the vagina for the hubby. I’m like da fuq?
    And please, those 10″ and above rods, please tell me that’s just special effects.

    As for most unsexy thing to happen during sexytime, mehn *in wizkid’s voice* i can’t explainnnnnn,
    But i’ll drop two,
    1. My first doggy ever, i mistakenly hit the asshole with the D hard, she screamed like i was weilding a soldering iron.

    2. Teeth clashing while kissing. That sound kills mood faster that anything i know fam.

    1. Olayinka
      Nosa you have no idea the pain that comes from that so called “mistake”. Shit! IT FREAKING HURTS! Like a fucking burning rod was stuck in you. The first time it happened to me, we didn’t finish o. He was begging me for the next 10 minutes.
    2. Omotola Ajibade Post author
      LOl!!! You’re killing me man!

      But seriously. Male porn stars have penises that a few standard deviations outside the norm. I take it you didn’t “See rule of 8.” It’s a popular notion in porn, that as a male talent, your penis has to be at least 8 inches long (presumably to make it easier to see on camera), you have to be able to last around 88 mins (because they don’t want to have to keep “fluffing” you in between takes), and you have to have an 831 area code as the first three digits of your phone number. The 831 area code presumably corresponds to a specific part of California where a lot of porn films are made.

      There’s a lot of prep work that goes into sex generally, let alone when you plan to shoot it. Anal is something that a lot of people have to mentally and physically prepare themselves for. There’s a reflex called an anal wink. When the skin near the anus gets touched, the sphincter contracts and relaxes very quickly….like a wink. Occasionally neurologists use it as a physical finding to check for neurological damage in the sacral portions of the spinal cord.

      I agree with you about the teeth clashing thing. #notthemove

        1. Omotola Ajibade Post author
          Depends on which one you’re talking about. If we’re talking specifically about the rule of 8, well in that case, the first time I heard it was when I stumbled onto a show called MANSWERS. The show basically gives you answers to questions you never thought to ask and didn’t know people had researched, all the while showing your video clips and pictures of really hot girls. Since then, I’ve seen the rule pop up in a few other places as well.
  3. Tiki
    Two minutes into the 12.21 minute vidéo, and i wanna barf. Vagina smelling like a rotting corpse???!!!??? Oh lawd

    Lemme finish. I’ll be back with a Proper comment

  4. Olayinka
    So that was how I was doing serious jangilofa on my bobo’s thing last week and next thing I just felt a bending curve in the feel of the eggplant accompanied with a quick shove and an agonizing look on my man. I was so afraid that I had broken his P. I think I almost did actually. But trust men, 5 minutes later, we were back at it and I was holding back so much but he kept trying to loosen me up. Alakoba. I once read a story on the internet and saw the picture of a broken penis. Awful story.
    1. Omotola Ajibade Post author
      A lot of people say the scene was real. In interviews, Billy Bob says it “felt real,” but he doesn’t ever come right out and say that it was. He does, however describe it as very intimate and emotionally powerful experience that featured very minimal involvement from the crew. Lee Daniels, the producer of the film, has said it wasn’t but that hasn’t stopped people from speculating that it likely was real.

      Even if it wasn’t, it still doesn’t negate my larger point that most filmed sex in mainstream movies is simulated.

      1. Blaqlotus
        It’s a normal and common thing. This is from the Cosmopolitan “This gassy sound, sometimes referred to as a queef, is merely air escaping from your vagina, and it’s quite common. During sex, the in-and-out action of your guy’s penis forces air into you, which fills the space in the inner part of your vagina that has expanded during arousal. An especially deep thrust or shift in your body position can cause the air to be released in a noisy emission. Or it might occur after orgasm, when the air is expelled as the vagina returns to its prearoused state.”
  5. Jipiti Jabala
    Bfr a guy thinks a girl has agreed to anal (sthg he suspects she wnt do bt he really wants to….he accepts non response as acquiescence) he shd obtain written informed consent.

    Wen u tell someone “I hope you are not trying anal?” do you need further explanation.
    But noooo, nigga tried to go dere. At d only small nudge I howled louder dn pushing thru constipation, I cldnt even vex. I was in pain. Silly fellow ltr says bt we….den I figured I wasn’t d only one

    D worst was ving my den bf panting n sweating away . In my mind I m lik “all ds effort, wen will it b through, is ds it?, he looks so dumb, ds munchkin , all ds sweat..yuck” n den ving stayed lik a statue, he grunts n I ask innocent lik “u r done?” all d while sighing in relief. No need to fake orgasm, dts lik paying a compliment

  6. Jipiti Jabala
    By d way I like johhny sins, he seems quite d attentive lover. Hes my fave.
    I respect madison ivy bt I kno i wld prolly never reach dose filmed heights, I m too aware that I wld break off to pee. I figure dt hAppens wen I’m closest to orgasm bt no piss, no peace
  7. Blaqlotus
    I don’t understand how people watch porns, it actually turns me off. Most unsexy thing for me was this guy who kept sticking his tongue in my nose. Flick it in, lick and flick in again. I totally lost it, there was no way sex was happening.
    1. Omotola Ajibade Post author
      People have been writing and showing sexy stuff since possibly the dawn of time. Arguably, the world’s oldest pornographic magazine is a scroll that dates back to ancient Egypt. It shows people performing various sex acts including sex in a chariot, which when you think about it is no different than sex in a car today. Depicting sex is wired into just as much as actually having sex is.

      LOL!!! WoW!! nose licking?? LOL!! I definitely wasn’t that bad at kissing. But if you wanted him to kiss you differently, why did you just tell him? Some guys need all the help they can get.

  8. La Dolce Vita

    How is this for nasty my sister’s hubby likes it when she pees on him………. She didn’t tell me personally but she told my mum and mum couldn’t hold it in so she told me.
    1. Tola
      LOL. And now the whole world knows.

      Sex is nasty all the way around. You’re exchanging all kinds of body substances. Peeing on your partner during sex (urolagnia) is something that some people enjoy *cough* R. Kelly *cough, cough.* Some people love to get shat on during sex (coprolagnia) as well. The bottom line is everyone has things that they like to do between the sheets that someone else regards as utterly disgusting

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