There’s Something About Bobriskyyy…

I like to believe Nigeria has a special corner of the internet. Kinda like our own little compound in cyberspace. In this wonderful compound, there’s a huge shed that houses all things wedding-related and a fertile garden that grows all things gossip, which is diligently watered by Linda and Stella. There’s also a stall right…

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I like to believe Nigeria has a special corner of the internet. Kinda like our own little compound in cyberspace. In this wonderful compound, there’s a huge shed that houses all things wedding-related and a fertile garden that grows all things gossip, which is diligently watered by Linda and Stella. There’s also a stall right next door that caters to all your penis, boob and ass enlargement creams.

One fluorescent young man has strolled into this compound and adamantly stamped his name all over it. Idris Okuneye woke up one day and decided, “Nah, you people must know me. Na by force.” And so Bobrisky was born. Exactly how many Ys must be attached to this great man’s name – well, that’s up for debate. Whichever spelling you go for, if you don’t know Boda Bob, you’re on the longest thing.

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Bobrisky’s performance art is best enjoyed on Snapchat, which I personally believe was made for him. His stories are an endless reel of eyelid-batting, waist-twirling, hater-mocking clips. They are testament to what can be achieved once admittance to TeamLaiskin has been secured – albeit via chemical assistance. Above all, Bobrisky’s raison d’être can be summed up as such:

“In Bae We Trust.”

Why? Baecause Baebrisky’s baelling baegins and ends with bae. This omni-funding, anonymous sponsor is responsible for the flashy brilliance we see all over Bobrisky’s snapchat and his sugar son never fails to let us know how grateful he is for the angel investor who changed his life. Understandably, bae is never available to receive these thanks in person since it is difficult to juggle a boyfriend with the demands of marriage. All the same, bae lurks in the shadows with a bottomless purse and Snapchat will never be the same without him.

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Bobrisky’s rising popularity raises many ethical questions. Can an Alhaja truly be an Alhaja if her Eid ram is funded by her grandson’s married bae? Is a bae truly a bae if you only see each other after sunset? Can your fleek truly be complete without cream and haters? I don’t have the answers. All I know is that I am typing this with a three-week old manicure that redefines ratchet, while Bobrisky’s nails are fleeking within an inch of their lives. I also know I thoroughly enjoy watching a queer Nigerian man throw all fucks to the wind.

Maybe it’s the way he sprinkles the letter R all over his words like salt. Or his intermittent Yoruba ad-libs pondering whether “ori re buru ni?”. Whatever it is, there’s something about Bobrisky that has taken social media by storm. Next step, TV show?

Responses

  1. Jeanne
    Lol!

    I’ve been hearing about this guy for weeks now. He took social media by storm.

    Funny enough, he doesn’t intrigue me in any way. I’ve never even gone near his IG nor Snapchat handles.

    He looks like an interesting person though.

    Whatever rocks one boat maynne. 😀

    1. Jeanne
      one’s *

      And yeah, he’s helped some others like him, stop hiding in the shadows.

      Hopefully, soon they’ll all come out and embrace whom they are, so that when people are going into relationships, they won’t be in for any surprises.

      1. Anonymous Aboki
        ..stop hiding in the shadows? soon they’ll all come out?

        where are you commenting from pls? better not be Nigeria Sir/Ma’am, ’cause I’m sure you realize the potential harm of these your statements, yes?

        1. Jeanne
          Ermm, please, what are you on about?

          Those statements were borne out of reading of two other guys like him on Instablog9ja, who said that they were thankful to him, for being bold enough to live his life as he pleases, that is, dressing and behaving like females. According to them, they’d been scared of what people would say, but now, they aren’t.

          When did it become a crime to dress as one pleases in Nigeria?
          I’ll suggest that if you don’t understand something, you ask questions, instead of jumping to conclusions. Don’t go reading meanings into stuff, when they aren’t there.
          It makes one look silly. Thanks.

          1. Anonymous Aboki
            you’re aggravated, lol..

            I asked 2 simple questions and you wrote back what includes an entire paragraph advising me to ask questions, and not jump into conclusions?

            Aye, aye Cap’n Obvious..

            I’ll ignore your ad hominem dig, wasn’t very subtle..

            In answer to your question, no, its not a crime to dress as one pleases, but you and I know what the reality in Nigeria is, yes?

            or maybe not sha. I sabi, make I lay am out for you..

            if you dress as you like in Nigeria, you’ll get harassed – either by people thinking they’re suddenly entitled to your body, or those who feel your body is the temple of God..different motives, different results, one victim = you..

            you (should) know this..

            that said, here’s what I am on about..

            folks who recognize as LGBTQ (what you called ‘dressing and behaving like females’, lol) aren’t regarded as humans in Nigeria, shey you know?

            I don’t think so..

            they’re stoned in the deep North under Sharia Law, and face at least 14 years in jail everywhere else in Nigeria. I’m sure you knew that..

            Haha, no you didn’t..

            Here’s more. They also have to deal with people from an unenlightened, largely religious, homophobic nation..

            see, folks are picked up daily for stuff they say on social media, policemen illegally go through folks’ phones under ‘stop and search’..

            Did you know all these Jeanne, ehn?

            So, all these people you are asking to come out, to stop hiding in the shadows, what plans do you have for them oh – you want to kill ‘em, abi fight for their rights?

            You must tell me today..

            Haha, I was kidding..

            Seriously now, have you seen the potential harm in your statements, or you were just commenting?

            Thanks

        2. Jeanne
          Lwkmd!

          Seriously, I was getting more pissed as I read your reply, especially, after accusing me of writing paragraphs, then going ahead to write me a book.

          Till, I got towards the end.

          Oh well, I wasn’t talking about LGBTQ per se, that is, him or the others I saw, being gay. There’s no proof. I just choose to see them as people who chose to be different in the way they DRESS, not their sexual preferences. That one no concern me.

          But honestly, I’ll rather they come out. Even if it means just saying they like dressing as the opposite of their sex. A lot of us can’t deal with their ‘closeted’ surprises.. lol!

          Anyway, like I said at first, whatever rocks their boats. As long as they are not obviously going against the law. Even if their private lives say otherwise. And that is, if there’s evidence.

          Abeg, no write me another novel. Maybe I was just commenting…lol!

          1. Anonymous Aboki
            Ah Jeanne, you kill me – pls, where did I accuse you of writing paragraphs? You now used this false premise to accuse me *sighs*

            That said, I’m glad we’re having a conversation now :)..

            I am not going to split hairs with you; I see your points, & all these talk of proof and evidence, what are you, a barrister lawyer?

            Is this flash fiction, short enough? lol..

            PS. Oh great! I should stay away from you, if I know what’s good for me..

          2. Teminiran
            I’m actually not understanding. Bobriskyy is clearly gay. His “bae” is indeed a man, and while I don’t want to sit here and generalize, I’d bet those other dudes “coming out” are gay as well. You also said “whatever rocks their boat as long as they aren’t going against the law”- please explain.

            Aboki is right in that they will be harassed (at best), but ok. Lets allow them to come out so that the rest of us won’t have to deal with their “closeted” surprises.

        3. Jeanne
          Lwkmd! Aboki, please don’t die o. I
          can’t have the murderer tag attached
          to my person, in addition to a
          thousand and one other not- so –
          beautiful tags…lol!
          I’m not a gentleman of the bar, no.
          PS: No na. Of course not. 😀
          Teminiran, he’s gay, and he has not
          been hounded by whomever is
          responsible (the law) by now?
          See, understand what I’m trying to
          say, please. You can’t confidently beat
          your chest and accuse him of being
          gay.
          If he sues you for defamation of
          character, he’ll win.
          We don’t know if there’s actually any
          bae. It may just be PR stunt to stay
          popular. Or the bae may even be a
          rich female who is very freaky. You’ve
          never seen them, I mean, forget
          hearsay.
          I can’t say that he’s gay, neither can I
          say that he’s not. All I know is that
          he’s different from the average male.
          By saying, ‘whatever rocks their boats
          as long as they aren’t going against
          the law ‘, I mean that, as long as they
          keep it to cross dressing (or whatever)
          and talking about their ‘baes’ whom
          we don’t know. That’s not illegal, no?
          Yeah, they should totally keep coming
          out. I’ve heard a lot of cringe worthy ‘I
          married him to find out that he was
          gay’, stories, to last me a lifetime…lol!
          I hope it’s clear enough? 😀
  2. Jeanne
    Lwkmd! Aboki, please don’t die o. I can’t have the murderer tag attached to my person, in addition to a thousand and one other not- so -beautiful tags…lol!
    I’m not a gentleman of the bar, no.

    PS: No na. Of course not. 😀

    Teminiran, he’s gay, and he has not been hounded by whomever is responsible (the law) by now?
    See, understand what I’m trying to say, please. You can’t confidently beat your chest and accuse him of being gay.
    If he sues you for defamation of character, he’ll win.
    We don’t know if there’s actually any bae. It may just be PR stunt to stay popular. Or the bae may even be a rich female who is very freaky. You’ve never seen them, I mean, forget hearsay.

    I can’t say that he’s gay, neither can I say that he’s not. All I know is that he’s different from the average male.

    By saying, ‘whatever rocks their boats as long as they aren’t going against the law ‘, I mean that, as long as they keep it to cross dressing (or whatever) and talking about their ‘baes’ whom we don’t know. That’s not illegal, no?

    Yeah, they should totally keep coming out. I’ve heard a lot of cringe worthy ‘I married him to find out that he was gay’, stories, to last me a lifetime…lol!

    I hope it’s clear enough? 😀

  3. Truth hurts
    I find it funny that the writer is behaving like a learner. In Nigeria, it is almost a norm for a young sexually active lady to have a married bae. I don’t see why bobrisky having a married bae is a point of discussion. Regardless, I yawned.
    Yawn

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