Three Letters

Opinion

#1 Mama I’m sick He told me HIV positive I feel dirty I can’t wash it off me #2 Scrubbing and scrubbing till it hurts Until I turn red, Until I bleed, bleed #3 It’s in my blood now and forever Forever tainted Forever is short, tainted until I’m dead #1 I’m dying Lord please…

Share

Share
Text size
+

#1

Mama I’m sick

He told me HIV positive

I feel dirty

I can’t wash it off me

#2

Scrubbing and scrubbing till it hurts

Until I turn red,

Until I bleed, bleed

#3

It’s in my blood now and forever

Forever tainted

Forever is short, tainted until I’m dead

#1

I’m dying

Lord please save me, I’ll go to church every Sunday

I’ll read the bible every day

Just get it out of me

#2

Lord this can’t be happening

My life can’t just end like this

#3

Daddy how can I say this

I made a big mistake

#2

Daddy my life is over

I’m breathing, still breathing

But that won’t last much longer

#1

Dead, death, I am dying

I’m already dead

#3

My son, your mama’s ill

No don’t worry it’s no big deal

I’ll be fixed with a few pills

#1

Just pray for me

Soon I’ll be healed.

#3

People staring

#1

They know it

#2

Gossip’s been spreading

#1

They know it

#3

People avoiding eye contact

Afraid if they look at me they’d catch it

#1

Friends avoiding physical contact

#2

Like it’s on the tip of my fingers

#3

Mirror Mirror on the wall

That girl inside it is a whore

#1

She’s not a whore, she’s just naive

She was used and deceived

#2

Infected and soon she’ll be dead

#3

Mama I’m sick

He said HIV positive

#2

He said he loved me

#3

The fucking liar just wanted to fuck me

#1

That mother fucker fucked me

#3

Forgot to mention he had HIV

#1

He gladly infected me

So stupid, I was so oblivious

He neglected to tell me the truth

#2

I heard it from other people

I confronted him, he admitted it

I was so afraid, so ashamed

#3

Pulled myself together

Went to the hospital

#1

He said HIV positive

#2

My body stiffened

#3

I was shocked I didn’t want to believe it

#1

He said he loved me

#2

The fucking liar just wanted to fuck me

#3

Daddy I’m dying

He said HIV positive

#1

Tell him he’s wrong

That he’s mistaken me for someone else

#2

Tell him its not me

That I am completely healthy

#3

Tell him he’s a bad doctor

That he should look for another job

#1

That he’s completely wrong

#2

Daddy he’s got it wrong

#3

Tell him he’s wrong

#123

Tell ME he’s wrong

#3

Daddy how can I die?

Leave my son now?

#2

I finally found love

I’m finally happy now

#1

Daddy I’m scared

#2

Mama I’m terrified

#2

Oh Lord…I’m going to die

Act 2

#2

And so she there she was at that local place,

Short red skirt, black heels, she was looking fresh

The girl was hot to death

Standing at the bar, she scanned the place

Boom!

She clocked him and their eyes met,

She liked what she saw,

So she went onto the dance floor

And then the show was on

She danced for him

She performed, invitingly

 

#3

Now you see I’d like to think HIV wasn’t looking for a victim,

He just wanted to be loved…for the night

And there she was looking tight

She was the one who initiated it

And he, only a man simply accepted.

As if the heavens,

Offered him that present,

That woman, a sacrifice

Being a man, he was more than willing

To use her for the night

And destroy the rest of her life

 

#1

Sure that he got the signal

#2

She danced even more than before

She was too busy putting on a show

#3

Never once gave it a second thought

Therefore, really, technically it is her fault

 

#1

I imagined him to be a “What’s your name? What’s your sign?” kind of guy

The “If you’re my girl I’ll give you the world.” Kind of guy

The “Baby you make my heart skip a beat” kind of guy

The “My brother’s friend’s friend’s sister’s friend’s uncle’s step father’s mother’s granddad owns a lot of companies so I am connected” kind of guy

The “You must be from Jamaica coz you Ja-make-a me crazy” kind of guy

The cocky sleaze ball who mistakes sweet talk with deadly cheesy talk kind of guy

 

#2And she could trust him

As that wasn’t their first meeting

#3

You’d never guess where she met him first,

Can you believe she first met him at church?

#1

See her problem was that she easily believed

#2

Too eager, ended up diseased

#3

If only she had known that with that decision she would end up deceased

Epilogue

#1

Do you know what death feels like?

Imagine being in pain and then your body going numb and you don’t know which is better.

Can you imagine how it feels to know that any given moment, you’re going to die.

Knowing that your whole world will disappear…

You know how when you get so cold it hurts?

It hurts and hurts and then it goes numb

Do you know that feeling?

That’s how I imagined she felt.

#2

I can picture the moment when the pain stopped and her body went numb,

The moment when it became real, the fear in her that she must have felt

The moment she realised that she was going to die.

Imagine that, that feeling, that realisation

Her son, he must been around 11. There he was, watching his mother die

The sadness he must have felt, the pain and utter despair he must have felt

#3

Seeing her laying there

#1

Watching her slowly die

#2

Can you imagine his feelings?

#3

Her mother was with her,

Imagine her being helpless as she watched her daughter’s life fade

Watching her child die in front of her eyes

Imagine as she tried to hold back the tears and the pain she felt inside

And trying to false a fake smile

Lying that everything was going to be alright

#2

Imagine her husband, watching the woman he loved suffer

He had accepted every part of her

And now he was going to lose her

#3

We were all going to lose her.

#1

We all died that day.

#3

People tell you things about death but how would they know?

It’s peaceful. They you that.

#1

There’s no pain, they tell you that.

#2

She’s in a better place, they tell you that.

#1

Who told them she wanted to go?

#3

Who told them she wanted to die?

#2

She was there struggling to live.

#3

She wanted to live

#1For herself, her son, her husband, her mom, her dad, her brothers and her sisters

#123

 

 

We all died that day.

Responses

  1. Ijehappiness
    Hmmm…….A quite end to a sweet beginning. #dont wanna think about it.

    Nice write up…hope it’s not a personal experience?

    0
  2. Santie Post author
    Also, incase someone else reads this, it’s not meant to be that spaced out, (Maybe it looks that way as I’m using my phone?) the numbers represent characters and the dialogue is written as part of a script of a play I wrote and am trying to rewrite. I wanted to see how it would work as dialogue a story originally they are three different monologues.
    0

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

+