A Valentine’s Day Recap: The Nigerian Man’s Headache

Ladies in the house, if you got a boo and you had a great Valentine’s Day let me here you scream “Go Zaddy!!!”… *and they all scream “GO ZADDYYYYYYY!!!”* Alright fellas, if you got a boo and you had a great Valentine’s Day, let me hear you say “Love Is A Beautiful Thing!!!”… *cricket sounds* I’m sure…

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Ladies in the house, if you got a boo and you had a great Valentine’s Day let me here you scream “Go Zaddy!!!”…

*and they all scream “GO ZADDYYYYYYY!!!”*

Alright fellas, if you got a boo and you had a great Valentine’s Day, let me hear you say “Love Is A Beautiful Thing!!!”…

*cricket sounds*

I’m sure if you go to any random gathering of couples in Nigeria and you try to play out this exact scenario, your results won’t be very far from this. It is known fact that it is easier to find a talking unicorn than to find a Nigerian guy who is ever excited about Valentine’s Day and the reason is simple, Nigerian girls think the day is all about them and have consequently made it all about them.

Valentine’s day was so named in commemoration of some Catholic priests named Valentine/Valentinus who showed many exemplary gestures of love during their lifetime but has, over time has evolved into the celebration of romantic love as we see today. Over the years while growing up we were taught, I believe, that, this day is supposed to be a day for couples to celebrate their love.

However, a closer look at the Nigerian date-o-sphere suggests that this is far from the reality here. It has almost exclusively become a day for Nigerian women to ‘legally’ request for and pile up gifts and treats, which almost always goes unreciprocated. Even when seemingly reciprocated, it is a massive hand-fall. I’m sure before yesterday, many guys had been saving and scouring countless websites in search of the perfect Val’s day gift while the ladies just went to the nearest supermarket to buy yet another pack of boxers (because it’s underwear men came to wear in this world. Smh).

Yes, that was an exaggeration but you get my point. I remember a while back when I asked a group of my female friends about what they got their boyfriends on Valentine’s day and the question just seemed so strange to them, like I was asking them the circumference of Aso Rock. To say that I was shocked is an understatement but sadly, that’s how most ladies think.

I believe no relationship is one-sided(except in the friend zone) and therefore any celebration of love should involve equal effort and participation by both parties in the relationship. There’s no reason why ladies get shoes, bags and other expensive gifts on Valentine’s day while the guys get text messages or even nothing at all for all their hard work (and no, ladies, sex isn’t a Valentine’s day gift or even a gift at all but that’s a discussion for another day).

I know many ladies will want to rise in defence and say such ladies are broke-asses or not all girls are like that…blah blah blah…but abeg Ctrl+S it. If you can all happily generalize that Nigerian men are scum, I think you all should humbly take this L and accept that Nigerian women suck at celebrating Val’s Day too and y’all really need to step up and do better. 

I even don’t see the reason why celebrating love must always involve giving expensive gifts (especially in this Buhari-cession). Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t think romance must involve money. There are a lot of creative ways to be romantic and show your partner they mean the world to you without breaking bank but I’ve realized it’s safer to jump into a lagoon with a stone tied around your legs than to suggest that to a Nigerian girl because, in the end, boyfriend that can’t buy you expensive gifts to show off to other ladies on Valentine’s day, is that one boyfriend? 

It’s almost as if Valentine’s day is just another birthday for Nigerian ladies or a My-Boo-Is-Better-Than-Yours-Day, and as a “loving boyfriend”, you won’t want your babe to carry last now, would you? But it’s not a surprise to see why most guys are rarely excited about the day or why most guys aren’t interested in relationships till they hammer. As far as I’m concerned Valentine’s Day is supposed to be romantic and not necessarily expensive but, either way, whatever happens should be well reciprocated and not just be the guy’s headache. 

So, with all that being said, if you’re a lady reading this and you ordered for the boxer pack online for your boyfriend, kindly repent. Even though we’re scum, we’re your scum and there’s nowhere you can kuku throw us, you must love us like that noni.

Meanwhile, fellas, did any lady wow you on Val’s Day? In fact, has any lady ever wowed you or are you now a Calvin Klein ambassador? Also ladies, what did you get your special guy yesterday? Have you ever wowed your guy before on Val’s Day? Feel free to share all and bare all in the comments section.

Responses

  1. Morris
    Lol, this article be funny. I enjoyed every bit of it, the Nigerian man’s headache indeed.

    Never been wow’d, and i have never wow’d.

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  2. Sandra
    I thought it was just one Priest oh. Lol + S????????????. I spent Valentine’s day working on a project.No cake, gift nothing! I think my laptop is my new found love. Practically need it these days. But my brother did a sweet thing for me. He cooked the jollof rice I was to cook after coming back from work????????. I was so tired and was really grateful for the help.
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  3. Ihome
    Calvin Klein is expensive now uno ????. But really I understand what you’re talking about. It’s not even just a Nigerian thing it’s everywhere. Valentine’s Day was once in celebration of St. Valentine’s good work but now it’s like a gift giving contest, ‘the Nigerian Man’s headache’ as you put it.
    For Valentine’s Day I went to my classes and read my books ????
    Awesome article!
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  4. Mo
    Saga my friend, always delivering funny insightful pieces.
    I think just like ladies generalize most men I suppose men also are permitted to generalize ladies. For me, I’d much rather have a guy that is thoughtful and loving throughout the year than an expensive Valentine showdown. This valentine, my fam showed great love. My dad bought us all awesome take outs and my sis made awesome cupcakes. I couldn’t have asked for a better day.
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