I was having a very mushy, loving, soaking-with-cheese conversation with my boyfriend one morning; the kind where we’re both being completely open about how we feel, our fears and worries, our insecurities e.t.c. We talked fondly about how we met and about when we each realized that we were in love with the other and how we worry sometimes that it’s all too good to be true, you know, all of that very nice, warm and mushy stuff. And then I asked him what if he woke up one morning and ‘snapped out of’ this loving tins that we are feeling? His answer was “You’ve got to be crazy! You’re a wonderful woman. And I’m not going anywhere!”
I must admit that it felt very nice to hear that, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of Deja-vu. I could have sworn that someone else had said that to me during the course of our relationship. But I guess life has a way of making fun of us and the things we say. Cos that someone obviously left. So I started to cast my mind back to my previous relationships, started to think about my ex-boyfriends (and I mean the ones with whom I had real relationships, not the occasional fling). I imagined them lined up like at a police station for a suspect viewing and I imagined them all being asked one after the other to describe me.
In retrospect, and not that I’m trying to toot my own horn, I think they would all say that I am an amazing woman, like current boyfriend said. And I think it would be with a wistful or knowing or beaming or fond smile on their faces.
But that wouldn’t be all.
I know at least one who would say I could be a real bitch sometimes. And one (or two) who would say that I’m very proud.
All of them would say that I’m strong, except one; he would say that I’m strong-headed and that I behave like a man. As if being strong was reserved only for men.
At least two of them would say that I’m stubborn. And they would be correct. They would say that I’m uncompromising and principled. But I’m not sure they would say it fondly.
I know they would all agree that I’m smart, intelligent; but there’s at least one who would say it with a slight tinge of resentment. That one always struggled with the fact that I was better at some things than he was.
Without a doubt, they would all say that I’m hot-headed; “O ti kan’ra ju!” current boyfriend says all the time, sometimes with a smile on his face.
They would call me passionate, and maybe even go so far as to say that I’m sexy (even though I never believed them); and they all certainly would comment on my beautiful smile; I can light up the whole of Africa; Ok maybe just a room sha. But a big room.
At least two of them would tell you that I am a jealous one, and one of those two would warn you never to cheat on me and get caught. Lol. I will leave that to your imagination.
I would also probably be described as bossy, which is fair because I’m the eldest of five children. It comes with the territory.
You might hear that I like to help people; but in the same breath, one of them would say that I’m wicked. Hahahaha. He didn’t even see wicked.
Someone would probably talk about my ass. Or maybe two of them – both Yoruba boys. They have a thing… And they would also talk about my thighs; but not just the Yoruba boys this time. And if they were asked what I was like in bed, you might hear words like ‘machine’ or ‘tigress’ or even ‘Ferrari’; and one may even gloat about being my first instead of answering the question. But there would be one who would say nothing, because he wouldn’t really know – we never had sex.
When I think about it, I’m not afraid what any of them would say. I believe I treated them all well enough and according to how they treated me; sometimes even better. I also believe that I was myself, not pretending, not lying so they each saw me for who I really am, though to varying degrees depending on how close/intimate we got and how much we let each other in.
And if current boyfriend and I don’t quite work out, I don’t think I would be worried about anything he would have to say about me. Someone once said to me on this platform “Go and be a good person…” just because I deigned to ask for the man I want. Well, wherever you are, I am a good person. And I’m not afraid of what any of my exes would say about me.
What about the rest of you? What would your exes say about you? Would they say good things or bad? Tell us using the comments section.