I’ve always wondered about platonic friendships between a single person and the opposite sex who is either married or in a serious relationship, where does the boundary begin or end? At what point does the friendship become more? Are these kinds of friendships always completely innocent? At what point does the person who is married or in a relationship begin to rely too much on the emotional needs the single person fulfils and vice versa? How much is too much when it comes to the emotional consumption between the two?
I used to be friends with this guy I met in my office building, he’s so easy-going, nice, easy to talk to, very funny – most times he made me laugh so much my tummy hurt, an extrovert, and he knew just how to draw me out of my shell, but he was in a relationship. I didn’t know that initially but he came clean a month later when he found out that I wasn’t going to play around with him and we remained friends. Ours was the kind of friendship where everyone thought that we were dating, we were so close and we knew each other so well, but I knew in my heart that there could never be anything between us because even though he adored his girlfriend, he was a serial cheat and he flirted a lot , the kind of guy that preserves his girlfriend’s virginity for the wedding night while other unsuspecting women were fair game and we often quarrelled about that and the way he sees women, so I drew the line and made sure he stayed within the boundary even though it was hard for him to.
But as months turned into a year and some months, the friendship became increasingly uncomfortable; I became a sounding board for his relationship troubles which I didn’t really mind initially until I discovered that my voice had become louder than his girlfriend’s, my presence was craved and appreciated more, I had become a yardstick for measuring and comparisons, and he started becoming a little handsy (probably to test the waters), I felt really guilty even though I did nothing to encourage him, but I knew that as emotionally invested in me as he was, he was barely giving anything to his girlfriend, plus the way I see life is if you’re being unkind or mean to my neighbour, it’s just a matter of time and you’ll do the same to me. So I took the chance immediately I saw one, ended the friendship and cut him off.
I also have a friend who is married, I was so attracted to him the first time I met him which taught me that because someone is married and in love with his or her spouse doesn’t mean that they won’t be attracted to someone of the opposite sex at some point in their lives, to say that he’s brainy is an understatement, he accomplished a lot at a very young age and is still doing big things, he’s so very mature and intellectual, and adding the fact that he’s such a hawty, in fact he’s one person I know who is living my life. But because of my principles and the fact that he’s a stand-up guy, it never went past that initial euphoria of meeting someone new who is totally awesome in every way. We’re still good friends and I chat him up once in a while if I have anything serious to talk about or just want to pick his brain.
Technically, all friendships make emotional deposits in our lives and we can’t be everything to one person. But is it possible for the affection, intimate conversations, recreational companionship, honesty and openness, physical attractiveness of our “person” to be enough? Is it even possible to place high value on our marriages and relationships over friendships outside of it in our present generation? At what point does it go from an honest intention of having a good friend to a selfish one of having an affair or cheating? Even sometimes the two may not realize they’re having nor doing it. Where does friendship end and more begin? Please use the comment box to express you.