When You Don’t Remember The Name Of Someone You’ve Slept With

Yesterday, I was playing that really fun game where you count the number of people you’ve slept with. Please don’t judge me because we’ve all done it. Although I’m not sure why because it seems like no matter what your number ends up being, there’s a good chance you’ll feel bad about yourself afterwards. If…

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Yesterday, I was playing that really fun game where you count the number of people you’ve slept with. Please don’t judge me because we’ve all done it. Although I’m not sure why because it seems like no matter what your number ends up being, there’s a good chance you’ll feel bad about yourself afterwards. If it’s too high, you’ll think you’re a slut and if it’s too low, you’ll wonder if you’re an undesirable freak who no one wants to sleep with. (Yeah?)

In my case, however, I felt neither. Apparently I’m like the Goldilocks of sex—my number was just right! I did end up in a shame spiral about something entirely different though. As I was nearing the end of my list, I was reminded of the one-night-stand I had years ago and couldn’t, for the life of me, remember the guy’s name. I thought real hard. “Weird Guy, Cute Dude, My Favourite Mistake, My Ultimate Mistake…” No, none of these names were ringing a bell.

I was in uncharted territory here because I am typically someone of a somewhat prudish nature. Even if I’m hooking up with someone who I don’t particularly like, I have to date them for a few weeks so it feels like I’ve at least tried to turn it into something real. So the thought of being with a random whose name I would later forget seemed unfathomable to me. But here it was, staring back at me. Mr. What Was His Name? I’ll never know. Right now, he might be updating his Facebook status with something like “I love my name. Don’t I have the best name? Thanks Mom and Dad for bestowing me with such a memorable name.” and I will never know because I don’t know who he is.

This discovery raised a lot of questions for me about intimacy. We would like to think (or at least I would) that when you sleep with someone, you gain some sort of connection with them. You see their naked body, you do so-called intimate acts with them that are meant to bond the two of you on some sort of level. But now I’m starting to think that it’s all bullshit. In fact, sleeping with someone you don’t have strong feelings for seems like the quickest way to absolve any chance of intimacy. Sure, I may remember the names of everyone else I slept with and I might even know the general ballpark of their birthdays, but for the most part, I didn’t know them in a way that I know my closest friends. It now seems easier to open your legs for someone than cry on their shoulder on a plane.

This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be, this wasn’t the way I planned it. Sex was supposed to mean intimacy. Sex was supposed to mean; tell me everything about you, I want to know. And for some of the people I was with, it was. But for most, sex ended up meaning “Um, I don’t really understand you and I won’t be vulnerable with you but I will give you a BJ again, I guess! That’s something I can do for you.”

It was naive of me to think that everyone I would have sex with would later serve a greater purpose in my life. That’s just not the way it works. If it did, maybe that would be overload. Everyone is just too different and you can’t spark with every person you bed. Sex is like the appetizer for many relationships and most don’t make it to the entree which is, “Meet my best friends. Tell me about your greatest fear. Clean up my vomit.” I guess I just hoped to have a lot of entrees.

Now that I’m thinking of it, my most intimate moments with someone don’t even involve sex. They involve someone holding my hand or stroking my hair or crying to me in their car. They’ve been with my lovers but the majority of them have also been with my friends.

In the end, it doesn’t matter if I remember someone’s name or not. It’s a technicality. In fact, I might as well not know the names of some of the other boys I’ve been with because it wouldn’t make a difference. I couldn’t connect with them; their names are just the extra fat that’s weighing down my list. Snip snip.

Image via Lessons From Happy Hour

Responses

  1. A Loco Viva Voce
    Guilty! Yeah I must admit I’ve been bad too. And errrm.. the name I can’t even bother cos I know it’s a fail. I battle with the face instead. I can’t even remember the face. That’s just horrible I know but sue me! I can actually replay the entire encounter in my head and probably what led to that particular encounter but my pictorial memory just goes blank for whatever reason.

    SHOULD YOUR HIV STATUS BE KEPT PERSONAL OR MADE PUBLIC? http://alocovivavoce.com/2015/11/18/should-your-hiv-status-be-kept-personal-or-made-public/

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  2. Nosa
    True that. Most intimate moments shouldn’t be from sex, and if it is, well, i kind of feel sorry for you (not saying it’s bad or wrong, but there are just an infinite number of ways to create and maintain intimacy and connections that doesn’t involve sex.

    As for names, well, i seem to have a good memory recalling things about people. Hell, i even remember the name of the hooker i patronized 5 years ago.

    7+
  3. Buchi
    *Exhales in relief* Kindred Spirit. Maybe more than one name forgotten, but thank God there’s others here. Shared Guilt definitely feels ‘less guilty’
    3+
  4. Tiki
    Remember names? Looool. There’s actual encounters i’ve ‘happily’ forgotten. Reason why nobody should ask me to do a body count. Doesn’t matter if you use à polygraph, i’ll say I can’t remember…and i’ll pass!
    4+
  5. JAL
    Hehehehe…talk about deja vu.

    I was just speaking about this with someone yesterday. Out of the blue, it occurred to me that I had slept with a certain missus on a certain trip to a certain country. I remembered her name, but I had totally forgotten the encounter for like..5, 6 years. And that was weird because the sex was something to remember- she made me ejaculate prematurely with the absolute worst sex I had ever had. It made me wonder how many other people I had slept with and could not remember the encounter.

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      1. JAL
        Hehehehehe…I see what happened there.

        The bad experience was not ejaculating prematurely. It was that she nearly removed my dick with the clenching of her vagina. it was a vice like grip. It hurt like hell. Thinking of it now makes cringe again. I ran away after that and was not in the mood to return the favour.

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        1. Bayo
          I can so relate! Met a chick like that last year! It was as though she was gyming down there. Did not know if I was to continue of stop and as if everything was okay.
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  6. JADE
    Ive forgotten encounters and ive forgotten faces, the worst is when you encounter someone you slept with because he was available and you were horny, fast forward 6 years and he’s asking you don’t you remember me? ahn ahn but we hooked up in 2009 now, that night the rain fell so much it almost blew off the roof in TJ’s room!!! and you’re like huh?!

    PS: I don’t think people forget memorable sex tho, when its soo good it still gives you shivers 5 years after…..

    2+
  7. Don Flowers
    That moment when you are wondering why the other members of the community are yet to comment and beefing their jobs and schedule on their behalf.

    Some people are not just good with names and faces although partial prudes like us would marvel at the fact that folks would forget the names of persons they banged. Too much we obviously don’t know.

    Sitting here with my popcorn, La Casera, pen and paper. Where are the teachers?

    NB: shebi there used to be a link for members to send in their articles, ogini happen to it?

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  8. Olushola
    When you can count the number of people you’ve had sex with with fingers on one hand, how do you possibly forget?
    Sex doesn’t mean intimacy for me but there must be some considerable prior knowledge of the other party, some sort of connection. guess that’s why ‘surprise’ sex with strangers or one night stands never worked for me.
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  9. Yeye of Lagos
    Sex is just too serious and intimate for me
    I have been with Just one person…
    And i am not ready to increase my body count, maybe thats why even after break up we still meet up,Although that may end with 2015 but in the meantime I think i should call him now and fix a sunday meeting.
    6+
  10. Ray
    Hmm.
    Well, I can’t say sex is totally intimate for me. But it sure is not something I can do with just any random person or just because I’m horny and he’s available. I have to like the man to a reasonable extent. In fact, my number 1 rule of thumb is no one night stands, no matter what.
    I’ve never forgotten anyone’s name or face, partly cos my memory is too good, partly cos I don’t see the need, even with the worst jerk I had sef with. What I do instead is erase the entire experience from my memory. It’s like a brick wall, I just go blank when I think about it. I can’t recall it means it never happened.
    And if he comes 5 years later to ask if I remember him, “sorry sweetheart, you know how many major things this brain has had to deal with in the past 5 years?”
    4+
  11. whisper
    Welcome back from the dead for me..after going through all the posts way back to 2013. whew!
    Back to the topic, i cant possibly forget the names of those i had sex with..Never!!! weather it was prematurely or awesome…but if the body count is entering a large significant amount..exception can be made…but then you should be the president of the association of body count
    0
  12. Uche
    Lol. I remember the names of every single guy I’ve had sex with. It’s like a mantra. I even remember it in order of events. But you see, only I know that information. Luckily the days of the ‘body count’ boys are over. What you don’t know cannot kill you. Even if you ask sef. Its the first number that comes to my head.
    1+
  13. Frankices
    Look. You own the list. Edit/delete as you wish. Ive slept with Jonny Depp, Djimon Housou(sp?), Will Smith, Jason Momoa and Miss Jolie while maintaining a body count of two. Sue me. (^‿^)

    So wat if u dont remember a name/experience or three?

    DELETE.

    1+
  14. Gio
    Weird but I have never had accindental sex, always play it out a couple times in my head before the actual act, in the end, some good, some,not so good,a few,phenomenal…now that Jade is kinda popular ?
    0
  15. Gabriel Shaze
    Oh mehn! (In Drake’s voice)
    Ok. I haven’t read the post but immediately I saw the topic, my mind jumped back to something that happened 2 years ago.

    I and a couple of friends went to a club on a Friday night and one of us who was killing it on the dance floor got approached by one of the babes in the club he danced and ended up taking his number. By Sunday, 2 of my guys visited her and drove back with the said club babe & her roommie (who wasn’t at the club) whom they met at her crib. One thing led to another and both girls ended up sleeping at the flat 3 of us shared. One of my guys slept with the other roomie chic that night and till today, none of us knows her name.

    Whenever we need to refer to this story, we just call her the “Pink Girl” ‘cos she wore a pink Adidas jumpsuit on a pair of pink slippers that evening ? .

    Ok, lemme go and read the post.

    2+
  16. Jipiti Jabala
    Sometimes I run through the list to tell myself I v bn careless and advice myself to pace things. Sometimes I encourage myself as a single digit.
    Sometimes I wonder whether to include “mr. Almost penetrated bt ddnt ”
    Forget this. I ddnt want a list
    1+
  17. Dumo
    i can vividly remember the girl i slept with 3yrs ago. Had to travel across states to meet this girl i met online and she wasnt looking bad all. but the skills she taught me in bed that night i haven,t met her match till this day. Had to treat body pains for 2wks even till my dying days i can never forget that name. Never underesstimate a benin girl and always go prepared for war.
    1+
  18. LaDolceVita
    I am the Chairlady of the association of Huge and Major Regrets Post Coitus (HMRPC) Nigeria. I always feel guilty after sex even its mind blowing i guess its because of my rigid religious background. Anyways i always practice the “Forgive and Forget” rule; Forgive myself and Forget the sex. So in my mind I’m basically a virgin. I don’t remember ever having sex.
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