Do Men Lose The Respect Of Women They Treat As Equal Partners?

So there is no general premise for this post but the fact that it caused a small argument between a very good male friend of mine, whose opinion I greatly respect and myself. It was on the topic of equality, unsurprising right? After the argument we were still unable to come to a conclusion and just agreed to disagree, but my curiosity gets the better of me and I really want an answer backed with solid examples and so I’ve come to pose the question to you TNC readers… “Do men lose the respect of women they treat as equal partners?” That’s the simple question, no caveats no further explanation. Well, maybe some further explanation. It’s 2015, women have the right to vote, the inequality between the genders is closing painfully slowly but surely and both women and men believe that no human being is made lesser than the other. Everyone claims to be for equal opportunity but how many really are?

We have been socialized to the point that we THINK we want an equal partner, I wrote a post about the new trophy wife some time ago and I still stand by that opinion. Any man, who is not looking for a woman who will do more than be a pretty little thing on his arm, is losing. However, as I interact with more men and women of varying backgrounds, it’s becoming clear to me that mentally, we are not there yet. We want someone who will treat us as an equal, while at the very same time, wishing for a man that will make us feel “taken care of” or a woman that will make us feel “like a man”.

People are still very comfortable in the more “traditional” roles of men and women and it takes a long time to break this mold. The starting point is admitting that you are a walking contradiction. I am a hypocrite. There, I said it. Feels so much better once it’s out than in. If you know that like me, you want to be equal but still want your man or woman to play some traditional roles then say it with me. I am a hypocrite. Any man who wants to be taken seriously by me will never demand that I enter the kitchen, and I wouldn’t demand that he foots the bill every single time we were out. However, I feel like I would get irritated if her never ever just says “Babe, don’t worry, this one is on me.”

There are studies that show that even though both genders would like a more egalitarian relationship, most time, people fall back into traditional roles when reality sets. So the man is the primary breadwinner and the woman the primary caregiver. This is where that pesky word, respect, comes in… Some men I have spoken to have expressed, by example, ways in which the women that they have tried to treat as equal have lost respect for them. Most of the examples I’ve heard are null and void, in my opinion but I will share them here so as to try and get an answer to the question that is currently keeping me up at night, “Do women lose respect for men who treat them too equally?” to rephrase.

One example I heard was of a young lady who got married to a man who was still up and coming, she was quite well off and had her own apartment and car and so after they got married, her husband moved in to her place and they split the rent equally. After a few months, during a heated argument, the woman screamed at her husband that she should leave “her house”. This is a story we’ve heard so many times but the roles have been reversed. Whenever I narrate this story to people they blame the man for not taking over the rent when he moved in, for not buying a new place even though his fiancé turned wife had a piece of prime real estate and of course, they say the woman doesn’t respect him. I don’t disagree that the woman has shown herself to be lacking in the respect division but was it really because the man treated her too equally? If anything, she was in a position of superiority.

Another example I always hear in different forms is where the man and woman have an argument and the man does not do things to instill fear like threaten to leave the relationship or act aggressive in other ways, apparently this then causes women to not be afraid of them and thus act out. This acting out is seen as a loss of respect but I wonder. Is it really a loss of respect? Or is it simply that the woman is reacting in a way that she would react to an equal but the men want to have their egos stroked and so feel like if she isn’t doing so, then she must lack respect? It’s a vicious cycle, does the man feel like his woman lost respect because she actually did or because he’s been socialized to expect a certain level of fear and dominance when dealing with women?

I’m really struggling here guys, so can anyone point me in the direction of an example where a man and woman being in equal standing with each other has caused said woman to be disrespectful? All I need is one solid example; I’m not even being too picky. And also, does anyone really want true equality? Lay it on me guys, see you in the comments.

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Comments
  • Avatar
    Joe

    I have this neighbor, we are Very close, we do alot of stuffs together even though she has a boyfriend and the boyfriend knows me too.
    She called me this morning and asked if I’m home, I said yes. She asked me to microwave food and bring to her office. I felt disrespected at that point although I’ve done it before. But my excuse was she can never ask her boyfriend to that.
    But on the other side if we were dating properly I wouldn’t have a problem doing that.
    I just feel most of us are not ready mentally for this equal partner thing.

    August 12, 2015
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      Anonymous Aboki

      Lol

      August 12, 2015
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    “…most time, people fall back into traditional roles when reality sets.” I. Am. A. Hypocrite. Gender equality is such a convoluted topic because we want to eat our cake and have it. I’m not ready to split the bill with my man everytime we go out. There is a thin line between disrespect and just simply reacting to a situation that I still struggle with as well

    August 12, 2015
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    Gbolahan

    I think I am a bit of a hypocrite, too.
    Now that that’s out of the way, let me address something else. The issue of women who act out when their men treat them equally. I’m not sure there’s any clear cut, day and night type example I can give but, It’s as clear to me as any other. I faced this same issue with my ex. After we had established our ‘routine’, she’d just say and do things she ordinarily would not. Her making feeble attempts to cook at my place, which she knew I wouldn’t let her do as I considered her my guest, changed into her just, say nudging me with her foot and saying “guy, I dey H”. I asked her once what had changed and she pretty much said I was giving her no reason to ‘fear’ for her relationship status.
    I don’t know whether she just had a thing for abuse and mistreatment but, I tend to be rather cautious about ‘equalizing’ women these days. I cringe inwardly every time I act meaner than I ordinarily would but, on the whole, I feel better, fragile ego intact.

    August 12, 2015
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        Gbolahan

        All she had to do, really, was tell me she was hungry. I’m the host, it was my kitchen, bla, bla, bla. 🙂
        The problem here is that she stopped being polite about it, and refused to indulge me when I complained about it. I wouldn’t ever have gone over to her place and demanded to be fed, ’cause I was a man and it was my right. Hell, if you kick your pet dog at the wrong time, it could bite you. How much more a significant other.

        August 12, 2015
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          Seyi

          Erm you are a man and it is your right? And if she had said, ‘dear lover, I am famished’ will that be polite enough? She should indulge you and put up appearances like she wanted to do the cooking?

          August 12, 2015
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            Gbolahan

            Erm, Seyi, I don’t know if you can tell but I’m obviously being facetious. “Dear lover, I’m famished” is laying it on a little thick, don’t you think?

            August 12, 2015
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            Seyi

            Hahaha so was I

            August 12, 2015
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    Heyo Tula, some of them recent posts are missing..

    August 12, 2015
    • Avatar
      thetoolsman

      Err.. which one? Looks like they’re all here..

      August 12, 2015
      • Avatar
        LarZ

        Mine isnt. I posted a message and then replied to someone else. My original message was never displayed but the reply was

        August 12, 2015
        • Avatar

          Oh sorry about that, it was held up for moderation for some reason. All good now.

          August 13, 2015
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    Krokroach

    You may not get a solid example for this sort of thing because we all have different opinions as to what is and isn’t respectful but I can put forward a personal experience;
    I lived with an ex for a year, footing 80% of the bills and what not.
    She spoke to me in condescending tones, tried to control me with sex, one time she ordered me to cut onions when I asked why she hadn’t made supper by 10pm, she had every intention of letting me go to bed hungry if I didn’t (she’s fat, what did she have to lose?).
    I got into the kitchen and made jollof rice (she didn’t know I’m a decent enough cook), left a little in the pot and went to bed, I woke up the next morning and the pot was empty.
    She wasn’t doing any house chores, she would wake up in the morning and go back to sleep. Her excuse was that she used to clean her mom’s mansion single handedly when she was younger.
    Anytime I complained, she would tear up and claim I was belittling her because I was taking care of her.
    Lol this here is a damn essay and I’ve only recounted one episode. How many guys on here will not have packed her stuff and had a cab waiting for her outside? I’m pretty sure that if I had done the whole macho-African-man-head-of-the-house thing, this would have been a different story.
    Funny enough from the start of the relationship to the end, all I heard was “marriage this” and “marriage that”. That’s right, I’ll give your lazy disrespectful ass an expensive ring and take you to my mom ??. I’m all for gender equality and shit, but I’ve come to the conclusion that if you don’t treat a woman a certain way, she will disrespect you.

    August 12, 2015
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      ok, but did this all happen because you treated her like an equal, or because she treated you like shit and you let her?

      August 12, 2015
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        Krokroach

        Well, if she respected me, she wouldn’t “treat me like shit”, would she?

        August 14, 2015
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      A

      Wrong conclusion. You can’t use one person’s attitude to judge the world. Your ex was just being herself. I don’t think it had anything to do with how you treated her. Even if you had let her do all these things from the beginning, she would have gotten to the point where she would still complain and be a nuisance.

      I think the thing is not everyone is at the same level of understanding of this treating everyone equal thing. You have to understand the people you are relating with and decide how the relationship will go.

      August 12, 2015
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      JADE

      waving hello *hi lover* i still love you honey boo boo, i promise to lose all the weight and cook you edikang ikong and afang and fresh moi moi with Jollof all day erryday. Plus the ring doesnt have to be expensive, anyone u gimme i wee manage. Tenz a lot in anticipation

      August 12, 2015
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      Seyi

      Erm I don’t get how this equates disrespect or has the definition changed? Laziness is different from disrespect. Asides that, going all macho and such isn’t disrespectful to the lady?

      August 12, 2015
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    This article seems to me to be all over the place, primarily because it seems to indicate that respect and equal treatment are mutually exclusive. I beg to differ. Equal treatment pertains to dishing out what you can handle, in fact to dishing out what you expect to get. Respect is earned, not deserved.

    It’s the same silliness over feminism. People think being a feminist means you don’t like makeup, you shouldn’t cook for your boyfriend, and you should find the nearest horse (or podium or whatever) anytime a 50cent video with naked girls comes on.

    I.CALL.BULLSHIT.

    Treating me as an equal should not mean treating me as a buddy. So what if we can split the bill down both ways each time and I can afford it? Once in a while, (boy or girl), pay for something. Not because as the man of the house it is your duty, but because you love me and want to take the burden off of me. I am an independent woman who wants to be treated equally, but I also want my boyfriend to pay for dinner sometimes when we go out. Not because it’s a ‘traditional role’, but because I believe when you love someone, you wanna take care of them, be it of their stomach, their sexual needs, or their financial obligations.

    When a man takes equality to mean that he doesn’t have to impress his partner anymore because she professes to be able to do what he can, he not only loses her respect – he loses her love as well. Dear men, wash plates. Cook food. Feed baby. Sweep house. Pay a few bills. Buy her nice gifts. Treat her right. And then demand that she do the same. Any woman who reacts with disrespect is just badly brought up, period.

    August 12, 2015
    • Avatar
      A

      Thank you!!!!

      August 12, 2015
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      JADE

      Thank you Tiki, you said what i wanted to say only in a much better way!

      August 12, 2015
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      Seyi

      Abi. If a guy asks me out and says I should pay part of it na wahala. Na jeje I dey you cun ask me o. But mutual like we are in the same place and we decided to go catch a bite together you pay separately. I fit pay for you sef. Some guys don’t like that, even t.fare.
      I travelled to Jos to visit a friend, he took me out and when I offered to foot part of the bill he said no that my transport fare is enough expenses. That doesn’t mean that when we got to some zoos and such I didn’t pay for us both. It was a week trip. Some guys are coming to visit me and I’m looking into tourist’s site to take them and ofc I’ll foot the bill. People just have to be considerate. And if you foot the bill most times doesn’t mean you get to treat me like cheat and call it asserting your manhood

      August 12, 2015
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      thetoolsman

      Tiki, I see what you did here but I must say I disagree with you. Why? Because if women do not help the world and come up with a universal definition for this equality agenda they are pushing, you’ll leave us no choice but to use the literal definition. Like @Larz said below, we can’t be selective about this equality. You want to be treated equally but spoilt every now and then because – love? Who defines what “every now and then” is? Too many grey areas please.

      August 13, 2015
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      Slim

      Thank you Tiki! I was going to comment on how wanting equality and slipping into traditional roles are mutually exclusive and DOES NOT A HYPOCRITE MAKE. Love is about giving and because you can’t put a dollar sign on “care-giving” (whatever that means) doesn’t make it less than carrying the financial burden. Both parties do not need to play the same role or share all responsibility to treat each other equally. And yep..respect is earned. If you are checking all the boxes that need to be checked and your SO is still misbehaving then either you’re not on the same page with your expectations/outlook or something is wrong with them. sometimes it is really that simple.

      August 13, 2015
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    Meh

    Can I plead perplexed at this need to fear one’s partner???????????? Even when I was heavily disrespected by an ex I gave him more than the respect he deserved and bid him adieu. But I guess it’s because I just want to treat anyone the way I would like to. But abet, miss me with this fear.

    August 12, 2015
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      Gbolahan

      I don’t get it, either, this ‘fear’. I’ve concluded some women just like abuse and others don’t; just like some guys abuse women and others just don’t. Each to his/her own. I hope she finds what she’s looking for. 😀

      August 12, 2015
  • Avatar

    Well it depends on how defines the terms “equality” and “respect”.

    But the truth is this, Whoever is gonna disrespect you will disrespect you, it doesn’t matter how you treat them. it’s just human nature. What matters is how you handle those times when they do….

    August 12, 2015
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    JADE

    The truth is that women will always want to be taken care and will always want to feel needed, i don’t subscribe to equality as we can never ever be truly equal, i subscribe to fairness to all gender but that is topic for another day. I once had a boyfriend break up with me because I never asked him for money or to buy me stuff, i didn’t also need him to change my light bulb or transfer the fuel from the jerrycan into the generator and to cap it up, i refused to sleep with him hence he felt i was overly independent and was not good enough to marry as i didnt need him for anything. My current boyfriend also complained in the early stages that i dont ask him for stuff, my point is while everybody wants to feel important to their significant other, most men have a special need to feel needed. And no i dont think men disrespect people they treat as equally or vice versa, i just think its mostly an issue of taking one for granted like in Joe’s case above, which most often than not is usually unintended….. ok i will shut up now

    August 12, 2015
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      Anonymous Aboki

      Lol, life & it’s ironies..I am currently in this situationship ’cause of a totally opposite lady – she wants me to do, foot everything!

      I didn’t have an issue initially, shey I was the one pursuing fine woman? No problem. Till one day, she was to come meet me & asked me for cab money. I first paused, processed the request, then hung up.

      She sha found her way to where I was, then proceeded to have this huge row with me – in front of everyone o, at this conference at Eko Hotel. Omo, the embarassment..her point was sha I was disrespectful since I hung up, plus, since I “wanted” her as a man, I should be ready to kill myself..

      Pls note at this point, that said lady & I work in the same organisation, & are in fact on the same level. So, equal pay, however, fat disparity indisposable income. Why? She stays in a house her parents pay for, would just never drive her car, has someone, me foot the bills on all outings etc etc..

      The other day she was too happy, & I was having a bad day. I didn’t like it, so I just asked her, “pls, of what use are you to me?”. Na so another row start, & I just tuned out as she was shouting & was now happy..

      So, I don’t know about respect, a lot of the other commenters have said reasonable stuff on it. However, on equality, a’hoo! In fact, share every gaddem thing down the middle pls. Super, independent women shall inherit the earth..I promise to treat y’all respectfully, & never let you leave..

      & going off topic small, y’all who are always jumping in the same person’s car for rides constantly to & from work or wherever. Abeg once in a while, hand over like 1k for fuel, buy shortbread & power horse for your driver-colleague. Not well done, or thanks every every time..

      August 12, 2015
      • Avatar
        JADE

        Thank you soo much for that off topic, its like a disease o, i used to ferry my friend, her sister and her boyfriend to and fro work everyday for three months, three fucking months!!! never mind that i have to wait an extra hour at closing cos i close at 5 and he closes at 6 and not once did either of them ever say take this #500 for fuel or anything, okay buy cheese balls na war! even when i purposely mention it, like i need to buy fuel or service my car every body pretends to not hear me. well i moved somewhere else and the guy i take to work tries to buy me lunch everyday from the money he would have used for transport although i bring my own lunch. Its the thought that counts

        August 12, 2015
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        Larz

        Naija entitlement mentality aka awoof wey dey purge belle. Na wa oh. It is the same mentality that make you:
        – ask your surbodinate go clean your house, pick up your kids from school, do your kids homework, buy your lunch etc
        -pay and au pair but use her as a housemaid, aupair, gardener, chef etc
        -go to someone’s house at dinner time knowing they would be eating without carrying even a bottle of coke with you
        – attending dinner parties / bbq without offering to bring anything to the table
        – continue to borrow people’s stuff without offering to pay off service and maintainance costs associated. We do need to stop our awoof lifestyle and be more considerate. Life is better if everyone involved can testify that a collective action has improved all of their lifes and not just one party.

        August 12, 2015
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          JADE

          i completely agree, i remember when my sister used to send her P.A to mile 12 market to buy baskets of oranges, grape water melon, pineapple and tomatoes, then the woman will go to her house and peel, cut, juice and bottle all this fruits all by herself. this takes an entire weekend fri-sun and she has to come from hers every day to my sisters and of course monday you must come to work. when i was living in the UK my brother used to join one lady in her car to work, after two weeks and he never gave her any gas money considering she used to save him a lot of stress as per time and comfort, the lady stopped coming to pick him nor bring him back. She still waves hello when she sees him at work or on his way to the bus stop to get to work, its very wrong to take people for granted.

          August 12, 2015
  • Avatar
    Larz

    When we change how we do things, we must expect such change to permeate thru other aspects of life. If we wanna be treated as equal, we cant b selective abt. We r either in or out. Second of all, a society that truly adopt this process myst redefine it performance. For example, when a man threatens a woman to leave, it is not seen as didrespectful, just mean but when a woman does, it is seen as mean. New performance measure should be come gender neutral.
    This means standing up to give a lady a seat makes u a nice person and not a gentle man, pulling back chairs for a woman, cooking for a man and so on. Unfortunately, we need a pure unspoilt generation to implement this properly. A renewal of the mind is needed. A generation socialised to be gender blind. But the question to ask is this question. Do we really want. Do we want a gender neutral society? Are we ready to trade off being a lady so we can be one of the lads? Is that what we really want? If not, there are ways of addressing specific injustices to our gender without denouncing our feminity.

    August 12, 2015
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      Seyi

      That is it. We are not trying to be one of the lads, that isn’t equality. We are trying to be the ladies we are just not treated like a lesser gender, not imposed one. I don’t see how I am endangering my ‘femininity’ by asking not to be treated like shit, by asking to have equal say.

      August 13, 2015
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    babe

    Lmao anon aboki just killed me. Thank u for the last bit always wondered about that. Come to think of it , if I don’t enter ur car won’t u buy fuel.

    August 12, 2015
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      JADE

      if u dont enter my car shebi you will pay transport and still be squeezed? but u will enter my car, chilling inside AC to and fro everyday? I save you 500 per day X 5 days = 2500 X 4weeks = 10k for 3 three months = 30k and you cannot squeeze out a measly 1k? na wa o for you oh. Atleast if i dont carry you i wont have to make stops along the way or adjust my cooling system or stereo to accommodate you and your needs and i can fart and belch as loudly as i want to since i am alone in my car!!!!

      August 12, 2015
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        Seyi

        My brother in-law used to take some people to church, #1 never dropped. That wasn’t even the issue. The couple will delay us, won’t heed is when we tell them to keep their bags in the booth. The wife will put these bags on the seat, sit comfortably without caring that others are squashed. My sister was pregnant then and she sits at the back, no one taught her before she moved to the front seat. Then one day the woman’s husband was not around and we were going to a cousin’s birthday party so we weren’t for home. My brother in-law went to drop her at home taking us out of the way. When my sister complained he said he was doing it for when he won’t be around and he wants people to help her. The next week Sunday he had to be in the office and couldn’t go to church ofc. This lady looked for a means of getting home for herself only without any thought for my sister at all. My sister said that wasn’t the first time they’ve acted like that. Just selfish people. When I was younger we went to her people’s place and if we are late you are on your own. Any parent takes almost all the children to school and we kids ran little errands for them. It was all a team work.

        August 12, 2015
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    Seyi

    When there is a row between married couple and the husband says pack out of my house, where the husband way lay his wife on the road, collects car keys and drive off leaving the wife by the roadside, when the husband shouts ‘is it your money?’ no one calls it disrespect. Now the case is reversed and it is disrespect, why? Disrespect and bad attitude is different. If as a guy you think you want to put fear in me in a relationship because you want your ego boosted you are so wrong. Bye bye to the relationship. Fear is also not respect.

    August 12, 2015
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    Ojuolape

    I can write an epistle on this but I will try to keep it simple.
    I think like you said because of the way we are socialized, it makes equality very difficult to understand, much less achieve.
    I think a ‘bad attitude” is being mistaken for a lack of respect.
    Also there is the entitlement matter,(women and men) expect certain things as a sign that they are ‘loved’. We need to unlearn these societal roles. e.g men paying for stuff is a sign of love, women cooking is a sign of love.

    What if as a woman I don’t like cooking but am happy to pay for anything he wants, does that mean I don’t love or respect him.

    In the end, understand your partner and ensure you have the same definitions of equality.

    August 12, 2015
  • Avatar

    Respect. Is. Reciprocal.

    Reading through all the comments just emphasizes the main issues here. First is that many are conditioned by experiences (direct or indirect) with the opposite sex so they instantly start judging based on those experiences. This is the problem with equality and feminism. Most people who have these arguments still have at the back of their minds the ‘traditional roles’ and are extremely for (men mostly) or against it (women mostly).

    See, just as there is no ‘one size fits all’ solution to having relationships, so also is there no instant solution to all the problems of equality and concerns on the issue of respect. Each individual situation is unique basically because we are all different individuals. The most important thing is knowing the person who you are with at each point in time and trying to handle the situation accordingly.

    Some women do not carry this equality thing on their head and do not mind a guy being ‘the man’ in the relationship. If you find yourself dating such, then I don’t think you have to force her to understand and accept equality. Just ‘be the man’ in the relationship and if that does not work for you, please just walk away. Some other women are bent on being independent and want you to know they can hold their own. If a guy dates such, then he has to be willing to comply. If you cannot accept such a strong-willed women, just move along.

    Same with guys. There are men who understand the concept of equality and totally support (and strongly want) a woman who holds such ground. If you’re a lady who doesn’t care much for this equality thing, you might do well to just let him be. We’re all different and I think it is extreme to try to force equality on everyone because some think it is the right thing to do. Many people are just as comfortable with the ‘traditional roles’ and are doing well with it.

    The most vital end result is that both individuals in a relationship are happy with each other as they are. I guess what I’m saying is that there’s always a tendency to abuse any kind of relationship setup we come up with, whether it is ‘traditional roles’ or gender equality and that is why there will always be sensible arguments for and against both sides. They can both work fine if the parties involved truly love and understand each other. At the end of the day, there has to be some form of compromises for relationships to work so whether it’s a ‘traditional role’ type of relationship or one that dwells on equality, if there is any form of disrespect (and both can generate such) neither will work. Neither type fixes the respect issue because that is just an individual (human) thing.

    If you ask me, all this talk of equality or traditional roles aren’t as important as both of you working out how to comfortably live with each other. If you communicate well, you wouldn’t have too much problems if love and trust have been the foundation. Not everything needs to be fixed all the time. Sometimes all we need to do to make some things work is to fix ourselves.

    August 13, 2015
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      Katniss

      Tula,can this man right here get a column of his?

      August 13, 2015
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        thetoolsman

        lol.. abi.. He’s already a member of the team though..

        August 13, 2015
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        Lol! Katniss, thanks for the vote of confidence but I think I’m more comfortable in the comments section. Those guys that write posts and handle their own columns have my utmost respect. They do extraordinary stuff with these things. I’m still learning. 😀

        August 14, 2015
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    Valerie

    I think the title in itself is problematic since it presupposes that men should have respect from their women. In the first place, not all men deserve respect. If we can all understand and accept this then we’ll realise that there’s no story here. Because, those men who are truly worthy of respect are not likely to lose it because they treat their women as equals. I might be wrong but I feel that those who think that their woman’s respect is ‘conditional’ are people who might not necessarily have earned the respect but somehow believe that they are entitled to it by virtue of being male.

    August 13, 2015
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      Jinjiang

      Hold on, is respecting your man optional?

      August 14, 2015
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        Valerie

        Not at all! However I don’t think that any man deserves respect just by virtue of being a man. You get respect because you have a character worthy of respect.
        And respect shouldn’t be gender specific in a relationship, we women also like the taste of respect too!

        August 15, 2015
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    Valerie

    I don’t think respecting your man should be optional simply because I believe you shouldn’t date someone you can’t respect. If it’s a struggle for you to respect him then you shouldn’t be with him.

    August 15, 2015
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    E

    No it doesn’t. Equality is a really vague term. What happens in one relationship may be seen as unequal in one and equal in another. There is one flaw in the feminist understanding of equality because it will only end up making women second-rate men. The right to vote for women comes without the obligation to die for your country btw.

    And who wants a child as a partner lool.

    August 17, 2015
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    Dibia

    I wish I could post an epistle on here but I’d keep as short as possible.

    Part of being a man as we know it (gender roles) is being responsible for people around you at least financially. Including your partners. And in our Nigerian society our women are used to being on the receiving end of care from men. But this current the concept of equality you people want to employ here is just a Eat-your-cake-and-have-it way of life where you share of the benefits of being a man and retain that of being a woman when indeed you should lose some.
    As around in societies where equality is practised to the letter. See how they have panned out with respect to relationships.
    I am all for gender roles. Maybe adjusted in many areas for fairness but should remain as is. I don’t expect you to wake up in the middle of the night to cook egusi for me.
    Funny as we’d want to sound sane on here. The average Nigerian woman would respond funny to you offering to split the bills on the first date. Cos she feels she is entitled to being cared for. In an equal setting there is nothing like entitlement.

    Maybe the problem is in the term equality.

    And yea. Maybe display of disrespect when the man treats you as equal is indication of poor character. Maybe some women still act right even though they bring as much as the man does. But the respect women ascribe to men the like in our society is usually tied to his ability to care. And when that is not there. Alot changes.

    August 19, 2015
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    Jen

    True equality is not equal and I will represent this with an ancient symbol. The Confucius symbol of yin and yang. Why is that important is equality is not a circle divided exactly in half but rather some give and take.

    Really so what if sometimes the woman pays for dinner next time the man pays. Another thing maybe go shopping for groceries ok so the man lugs In the heavy groceries and the woman cooks or hell even share in the cooking.

    Basically it all boils down to give and take to a respectful degree then you have equality. Maybe Confucius had it right so long ago:)

    The other part of this example is there is two sides and if one is more take then give then that creates inequality and disrespect from either men or women.

    Sorry for being simple and general but does it not really make sense?

    August 15, 2016
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