Our Best Friends Wedding: Episode 12: El Capitano

This was not the expected outcome. Nobody was supposed to get hurt. Not him, not any of the chosen 19.

Especially not Jade.

It had been a month since he’d done the nasty with Jade. The nasty.
How could he even call something so awesome by such a distant misnomer? “The nasty?” he thought. For it had been anything but. Life had to go on though.

Two days after he and Jade had hooked up, he’d gotten a call.
“Hi. Who’s speaking?”
A gruff voice. “It’s me.”
“Who?”
“Me. The Captain as I hear you all like to refer to me…” Charles’ blood paused in mid-flow as he tried to catch his breath.

“Ggggood evening,” Charles stuttered.
“Coward. You hear the voice of a real man and you start stammering.”

Ordinarily, Charles wouldn’t stand for such insults. Especially from someone with whom he’d had relatively little interaction. However, today he offered up no protests. He couldn’t deny to himself that he probably deserved it…

“You’re lucky you didn’t sleep with my wife all those years ago. You’d be missing your penis by now.” Charles eyes widened with fear. Life without a penis would be unthinkable.
“I’d never do that now. Never. What the hell men?”
“Good. Now what is this I hear you’ve done with Jade?” Silence. Very awkward. The Captain sighed loudly. Must be a horrible snorer, thought Charles. The Captain chose to continue:
“I heard about it and I’d like to ask: why?”
Why, Charles thought to himself. He couldn’t bring himself to answer. Why? He spoke up: “I’ve been asking myself the same thing for a while now.”
“And what have you come up with?”
“Nothing worth saying, I assure you.” Again, the Captain sighed.
“You’re a man Charles. At least I hope you are. You have but one mandate: fix this. For all our sakes. Please.” And the line went dead.

Charles dropped the phone and ran his fingers through his hair, cursing under his breath as he did so.

Why? And had it been all worth it?

He brought out his writing pad and wrote at the top of a free page in bold type:

TO THE WOMEN I WRONGED.
He drew a crooked line underneath the words then he paused while staring into the ceiling. He looked down, fighting tears,
and continued to write…

Midway through, he stopped again. He pulled his phone out and began typing a message with a wry smile on his face:
“I think we’re all clear babe. All clear.”
A few moments later, with his eyes glued to the handset the whole time, a notification came up: “Delivered: Eno.” He maintained the wry smile and went back to writing…

********************

It seemed out of the blue, surreal even, when his phone rang and he saw her name on the screen. He held his breath and counted to five before he picked it…
“Hey. Guess you’re all still mad at me…” Her chirpy voice cut him off.
“No, you numbskull! You’re not that important!” That admission stung Charles but the brightness in her voice told him that the ugliness between them might be at an end.
“Alright, Kemi. What’s up?” He sounded drained. Defeated.
“Don’t be such a whiner. Ahn ahn, who stole your cookies? Don’t sound so beaten up jo! Look I have info. Serious info. It’s about Jade.” Charles perked up. The emotional rollercoaster was becoming a bit much for him to handle.
“Go on,” he said.
“Well… It appears you weren’t the only one she screwed or was screwing as it is.”
“Uh huh…” He answered,
“Yeah… Well… Jade’s kinda pregnant right now.”
“Holy Geronimo! Wh-wh-wh-whaat?! How pregnant? Ho-wh-whe…?!”
“The Captain WAS right. You DO stutter under pressure! Hold your horses. It’s not yours. Thankfully.”
“Thankfully,” he repeated. Right then, Charles didn’t know what to feel.
“But that’s only part of the gist o…” She continued. “The guy responsible, Mayowa, is keen and it seems your little mixer with Jade the other day straightened her out. Helped her understand her feelings. Charles are you there?”
“I’m here.” He muttered,
“So the major gist I called to give you is this…” Charles braced himself and sighed.
“What?”

“Our best friend is getting married!!!”

********

Hey people. We’re up to the final episode. You won’t want to miss out next week… If you haven’t been following the series, use this link here to read the previous episodes. OBFW is jointly written by @cikk0 and I and we’d like to say a huge thank you to the guys at Barows 21 for sponsoring it. Now to today’s magazine giveaway.

Which episode did Charles use the following term:  “Fuckiddy  wow!”?  The first person to give the right answer wins. Please remember to comment with an original email address. Also, past winners are not allowed to participate in the competition holding the week after theirs. Good luck.

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thetoolsman

Unrepentant media addict.
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  • Avatar
    Domina

    1st

    August 4, 2011
    • Avatar
      Domina

      Yes!!!!!!!

      August 4, 2011
      • Avatar

        Take ur chilled zobo prize! _/

        August 4, 2011
        • Avatar
          Domina

          Tanx a bunch.. sips Zobo….

          August 4, 2011
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            LOL. Is this the real Domina?

            August 4, 2011
          • Avatar
            Domina

            Which Domina do u knw?

            August 4, 2011
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            it definitely aint me. I'm the DOMINATRIX

            August 4, 2011
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            Cos I bow to only one Domina. I should know who exactly. Thank you Dominatrix. *bows* As you were.

            August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Dolly

    1st?

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar

    Hmmmnnn

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    buga

    nooo

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Sha-Sha

    Nooooo :'(

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    *sigh*

    Y'all are crazy mehn

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    audrey

    5th?

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    @TheRealAdonye

    Wow.. Top 15?

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    dunch

    First ten. Yes!

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    buga

    ode ni bobo tula yi sha, do and pot the last episode jo

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    mizdharmi

    yaahhhhh

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Didi

    Top ten! Yes? No? 🙁

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    'il Cicero&#039

    u guys r just crazy! putting such a spin to it??

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar

    But you people are wicked sha….I thought you said 12 episodes?? 🙁 o well…. Awesome story!!!

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar

    yikesssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Iyamilele

    WOWWWW!!!!!….Shetttttttt!!!!! lol
    This is mad. Very brief, but I like 😀

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    esquire

    top 20…..now going to read post….ive joined the craze:(

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    dunch

    Even tho I dnt knw wat d rush for first is, I shall not b a last carrier. *now going back to read post*

    August 4, 2011
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    Yeee!! Cha cha o! waiting with bated breath- literally- for the final episode

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Lade

    1st 10 ?….
    1st 20?…
    1st 30?…..

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    EiBeeDee

    I must sha comment 2dy.

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Sha-Sha

    Fuckiddy wow….Jade's pregnant for another! Shet!

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Didi

    Chris, Tula, you guys are crazy! I love the twist. Can't wait for next week!

    August 4, 2011
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    Jasmine

    Yaaay!!!!!!! This was the end I predicted…. Woohoo!!!

    August 4, 2011
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    Cleo®

    Oh no!
    Didn't see that one coming!
    *sigh*

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Mobanks

    Our Best Friends Wedding: Episode 4: Yetunde

    August 4, 2011
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    Good twist to the story after-all! Jade has been a bad geh all this time sha, kpanshing Mayowa steady and forming love for Chacha! U go girl NDU!

    But Eno and Charles…hmmmm

    August 4, 2011
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    simmylala

    hahahaha…. I love it! very nice twist… 🙂

    August 4, 2011
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    cupcakemouse

    Oh my fuckiddy gosh… .jade shudnt get married to sumone else na.. No matter how stupid charles is, they belong together… 🙁 so sad..bt I can't wait for the final episode…*dancing windeck*

    August 4, 2011
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    dammydiva

    nice one o…c twisting…lol.. d charles running his hand thru his hair put an image of a white man with long hair in my head….okbye..good one

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    nycegurl

    All i can say is good for charles or is it bad for charles, i get that phrase all mixed up. But this is an eye opener for charles, whatever will dear sissy lover do now?

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    @TheRealAdonye

    Our Best Friend's Wedding: Episode 4 -Yetunde

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    dammydiva

    so the best friend's wedding is actually not about charles, it's Jade right? or dis was a last minute twist….

    August 4, 2011
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    pebbles

    wt wt wtwt wt wt wt :O am in shock..wttttt niceee gud for him..bt tula nw cn turn tngs arnd n she wnt marry agn..

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    foxy

    So I just had a feeling that toolsman won't let it bcum sumfn frm nolly wood *rme* na wa o … Me I sha knw there must b a sequel !

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar

    Shet! Shet!! Shet!!!
    Fuckidy Wow!
    Nice twist.

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Rose_Anne

    nice one

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar

    Hahahahahaha…I love you guys mehn…awesome twist…*wild ecstatic applause* Great stuff…absolutely great…

    August 4, 2011
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    Love the twist, mehn! Thankfully, I don't have to eat my pomo of a shoe now… and once again, I hope I'm not speaking too soon *pulls hood over head*. It'll most defo be sad to see this series end though. Beautiful story. And I'm confident I can say this even with an episode left to 'air'.

    Great job, 'repairman'. Nice one, 'sicko' 😀

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar

    But what d heck is charles doin wiv Eno???? Tula shed some light abeg. Just read d whole series now. Awesome stuff!

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    @eznira

    Let me jst say…..Finally!!! I've been waiting for this post for what seems like months!

    August 4, 2011
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    bimbo

    Gpu tula and cikko for dis twist mehn. Ahn ahn ki loi de gan naaa. U think u can just be playn with us any how??? Wat rubbish! Mscheeew I'm actually angry.

    August 4, 2011
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    @demmylee

    Charles and Jade kinda remind me of Barney Stinson and Robin.

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    @basooh

    yaay ok @toolsman sum1 actually predicted dis outcome And ANYhow dis ends I already know n I wont say it so u wont changeit

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Didi

    TWIST is trending, yeah? -___-

    August 4, 2011
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    audrey

    Woooooow is all I can say so loving this erm first time I tried I got top 10 issokay my report card says good try harder next term

    August 4, 2011
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    taiofierce

    Now I'm happy, this is what I was looking forward to!

    August 4, 2011
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    Sam-Sam

    Asin, I'm pissed. What is wrong with a nollywood story, it gives us all a respite from the realities of this messed up world. Y can't Charles and Jade just end up together???

    August 4, 2011
    • Avatar
      bimbo

      Well said my friend!

      August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Moyo_A

    Our best friend's wedding had better be about charles and jade somehow getting married! >:o

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    @eznira

    Let me jst say…..Finally!!! I've been waiting for this post for what seems like months! And I dunno what y'all are excited abt… really not finding this twist funny! 🙁

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Sam-Sam

    Infact, Tula, u just ruined my day. I know it seems kinda ridiculous but I've gotten attached to Jade and charles. 🙁

    I kinda have a feeling that the Charles/Eno gist is the real shocker of the series though.

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    avocado

    O_O

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    snowman

    Fuckidy, wtf, wat a twist. Thumbs up toolsman.

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Rose Anne

    @toolsman i dont care for this twist that you just added to this series, Charles and Jade had better end up together. #TeamCharles

    August 4, 2011
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    theGeneralsDaughter

    Nice twist. Toobad though, Charles' loss.

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    bimbo

    I hope we all understand y nollywood movies continue to sell. Sumwhere deeeeeeeeeeeeep down in us, we like predictable endings

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    Meyer lansky

    Mayowa is Charles's Yoruba alter Ego

    August 4, 2011
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      kayshawy

      #GBAM!

      August 4, 2011
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    Jasmine

    LOL.. I predicted this twist a while back.. I'm bad like that. 😉
    I'm going to get a lil corny and say: no matter how much love there is between too people, some things just aren't meant to be.

    Yeah, yeah, yeah its just a story but Woohoo!!!! My girl Jade is getting married. 🙂

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar

    Jst read d whole series and I'm like – Wow!
    Great Story (Y)

    August 4, 2011
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    I ve said this before and I ll say it again, great story guys. The denouement is to die for, I hope the climax would be equally awesome. Poor Charles. Sometimes you act so late when you have a friend you really like and you forget that they might have already fallen for someone else. He played way too many games with her. Sometimes its good to be straight up.

    August 4, 2011
  • Avatar
    MsWaspy

    Okay! Fuckiddy wowzerrrrrs! Ogini? Kilode? Menene? Wetin?

    But next thursday's not far again sha, I can't wait to see the fantastic turn that all this shenanigans will take.

    Thumbs u to thetoolsman and cikkO 😉

    August 5, 2011
  • Avatar
    OmeraMo

    Interesting story! Can't wait for episode 13!

    August 5, 2011
  • Avatar
    ad

    1000

    August 8, 2011
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