Our Best Friends Wedding Episode 3: Shayó

“And where do you think you’re going?” She said as I tried to get out of bed. I smiled. That knowing smile, and then replied:

“Babe, we’ve been in bed all day. I need to check my emails.”

“It’s a Saturday EVENING. You’re not working, the only person who needs your attention right now is my kitty and she’s so going to get it.”

Shayo was now sitting on me in bed. Butt naked. Hot as ever. Blood flowed instantly from my centre down to my lingam and as she felt it, she smiled. Her usual wicked sideways grin that meant one thing only.

“Hold that thought.” She jumped off the bed and ran across the room to the dresser where she had flung her bag. She returned moments later with a lighter and a stick of what looked like cigarette but I knew what it was – weed. She lit the wrap, took one puff and stretched it towards me. I hesitated for a few seconds….

“How do you manage to bring out the evil in me…” a few drags later and we were both gone… lost in lust…




Jade: Hey… are you guys there? Hellooo….

Charles: I’m here. Is Kemi here?

Jade: Why on earth couldn’t you meet up with us? You know how I feel about Skype and all this techy stuff.

Kemi: Hold your horses Jade, technology won’t kill you. But really Cha-cha, what’s going on and why do you have those ridiculous shades on?

Jade: What shades?

Jade now manages to switch on her webcam…

Jade: Oooh. I see the shades. Take them off joo. And yes, what happened with Shayo?

Charles: Erm.. well..

Kemi: Well?

Jade: Just take off those shades first; you look like some criminal

Charles: Thanks for pointing out the obvious Jade.

There was an uncomfortable pause while the ladies waited impatiently for Charles to continue. Now knowing that they were all seeing each other made him even more uneasy.

He finally blurted: “We had sex. Twice. In the toilet. At an eatery.”

“Oh no. Not again,” Jade responded looking visibly irritated. “And this is why I wanted sex out of this. How can you make clear judgments if you becloud your thinking with such irrelevant frivolities?”

“Calm down Jade. Let the man tell his story.” Said Kemi.

“Abi o. Sometimes I wonder if you remember just how much older than you I am.” Charles added as if to further irritate Jade.

“And here we go with the age debate again, Cha-cha. Seriously?”

“Will you two just quit it? If we’re going by age then both of you need to shut it and let us focus on why we’re here. It’s late, I’m horny as hell and the Captain is somewhere in the skies flying round the world meaning there’s no hope for me so if you guys don’t want me chipping in my frustrations, you can both hush it and allow us move on!!!” Quite clearly, Kemi was ready to shoot someone.

“Oh wow. I think it’s safe to say everyone’s on edge tonight.” Charles said as he took off his shades.

“Oh shit. Is that a black eye?” Jade moved closer to her web cam as she tried to examine Charles’ eye.

“This chic has never done anything but land you in trouble. How did you get that and how on earth did she even make this list?” Kemi questioned.

“We’re not questioning the list. It’s mine. Like you said, let’s focus on getting me through it. We just got into a small squabble with some idiot, that’s all,” Charles responded.

“And just like back then, there you go defending her!” Jade sighed heavily. “Can we just get to her score then?” She was vividly irritated. Technology had never really been her forte; that coupled with the discovery of Charles’ recent misdemeanour had gotten her angry.

“Fun is good; very important even. With Shayo, I connect with a side of me no other person seems to be able to bring out. She’s hot, she’s spontaneous, the sex is good but she’s not the one,” Charles paused as if waiting for an onslaught.

“I really don’t get this. You just listed a lot of positives and she’s still not the one?” Jade questioned.

“I’m not 21. I did my fair share of weeding and spontaneous sex back then for a reason. I might still want it occasionally but not all the time.”

“You men are just un-fucking-believable.” Kemi muttered. “So you’re saying you put her on the list even though you knew she wouldn’t make it? Charles if this is a bloody waste of our time you better speak up now or God so help me if I don’t smack you from here to heaven if it turns out to be”

“Seconded!” Jade yelled, finally finding her voice again.

“I can understand why you guys might think this is a joke but I promise you it isn’t and Jade you of all people should know this. I need my friends with me on this, not my mother, and definitely not two whiny sex deprived girls.” Charles shrugged and looked away avoiding eye contact with both women.

“Hey, just keep quiet there! Not all of us can play the role of Randy Dandy. Besides, who says I didn’t get some in India?” Jade tried to defend herself but Charles knew her too well.

“Hahaha… you? Sex in India?” Charles continued laughing and then Kemi joined in.

“Come on Jade, we all know you can never be that casual about sex… but enough of that. So Shayo is out. On to the next then.”

“And who’ll that be.” Charles questioned even as he fiddled restlessly with his shades.

“Hmm… I think…” Kemi looked through some sheets of paper she was now holding.

“Yetunde.” Jade interrupted.

“Yetunde?” Kemi and Charles seemed to say at the same time.

“Yes. Yetunde.” Jade affirmed. Kemi’s questioning brows found answers in Jades eyes as she confirmed their choice even as Charles remained silent.

“It’s time to see how one of your exes will fare.” Jade said with mischief written all over her face.

“Do send her our regards,” Kemi’s yawn interrupted Charles’ response. “I guess it’s safe to say good night then. Try to erm.. have fun Cha-cha and please see a doctor about your eye and I don’t mean Yetunde. Work appointments don’t count as dates.”

“Yes ma. Can I go now?” inquired Charles,

“By all means. Good night guys…” Kemi chimed wearily

“Good night,” the others chorused.

Post tags:
  • Spiffy


    June 2, 2011
  • Son1aO


    June 2, 2011
  • kayshawy

    Y'all don't read this stuff before commenting! That's cheating jor!

    June 2, 2011
  • kechilauren

    Karibaa!!my baby made it..now u can be on the toolss hall of fame..just like me and sonia.lool

    June 2, 2011
  • thisgal

    Weed? Really! Hmmm nice inspiratn.lol.

    Bottoms up Tula.wundafluous post

    June 2, 2011
  • N d saga continues…cool…Kemi's my fav…she seems d most grounded of dem all…Jade's jus a kolo…n as for Cha Cha…well…he's a dog…ℓ☺ℓ

    June 2, 2011
  • I like the simple story telling with this. Would be glad to follow the series.

    June 2, 2011
  • zoe

    Yaaayy,m amongst d 1st ten for d 1st time.
    charles rily needs help,I hpe he ll find his woman amongst his ex. Nice post tula as usual,gd delivery.and we wait!!!

    June 2, 2011
  • Glory

    Hmmm, okay…

    June 2, 2011
  • Sandie Pandie

    Yaaay me! Finally found where the "comments" link is x_x (I can be slow like that) excellent read, lovely style of writing. Lovely post! Me like 🙂

    June 2, 2011
  • mabijo

    This post has got me thinking,'what do men really want?'You like her spontaneity,sex is good,she's Hot (even though we don't know if she has a functioning brain) and yet she is not the one? Ok!

    June 2, 2011
  • I try really hard to read this blog and not comment but this one is a winner!!! i need friends like these in my life!!!

    June 2, 2011
  • Men are just as 'confused' as women jo…looking for the 'perfect 10' *sigh*

    June 2, 2011
  • I think i know how this will end. But then again.

    June 2, 2011
  • @deevagal

    He won't marry anyone frm the list, that's for sure!

    June 2, 2011
  • oyinkan

    I still suspect jade nd charles….

    June 2, 2011
    • Radeyo


      June 2, 2011
      • Na wah o.. I wonder what this Jade chic did to all of you…

        June 2, 2011
  • ibetapassmyneighbour

    Arrrgghhhh!!!!!!!………I hate suspense…:)

    I love shayo already…I mean weed, vodka, sex….crazy positions mehnnn…..stuffs d karmasutra can't handle…but no black eyes tho…

    *slaps forehead*…..look at wot toolsman is making me say….mtchew!

    June 2, 2011
  • Didi

    I need to stop reading Shayo as "shayo(alcohol)"!!! that was how i pronounced it throughout.
    Great post toolsman! can't wait to see where cha-cha n yetunde r headed. btw, I have a feeling he'll end up with Kemi or Jade.

    June 2, 2011
  • sundayschild

    This is really good. I have to say you are really good writer. Happened on your blogs last night and read all of them back to back. I have to agree with some people on this one though, I doubt he'll pick anyone on the list. I think he'll end up with Jade.

    June 3, 2011
  • jemjem

    lol…i had dsame ''shayo'' pronunciation issues…im igbo like dat..
    @thetoolsman..d wait is killing me softly…i deliberately read d post late so dat im closer to d nxt than d last..NO FAIR!!!

    June 4, 2011
  • Def the most interesting…

    June 8, 2011
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